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Topic : 06/05 Conception Deception

Number of Replies: 706
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Created on : Tuesday, November 22, 2005, 03:23:42 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 11/28/05) What if your husband tricked you into getting pregnant? What if your wife lied to you and got pregnant? First, Stacy didn't tell Derek she went off birth control until after she got pregnant. He thought he was doing the right thing by marrying her but now feels trapped. When Stacy reveals the real reason she went off birth control, will Derek decide to stay in the marriage, or is it over? Next, Steve got Mary pregnant so that she would marry him. Since they've had more than one unplanned child, how does he keep getting her pregnant, and is he trying to trap her? Share your thoughts.


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November 27, 2005, 9:51 am CST

“trying to do the right thing”

Wow,

  

 

This is as bad as “trying to do the right thing” and marry someone because they become pregnant, which I guess is honorable thinking but logically how can you base a relationship on an unborn child or that being the foundation of the relationship.

  

 

Example; OMG your pregnant…..ok well let’s get married….. I feel for the men and women on this show regarding this matter but mostly I feel for the children, and the price they are paying in the long run for their parents choices.

  

 

But being married already and being deceitful, trying to keep someone through a baby, I don’t really understand this,your married already!  

I am not trying to be cold about it just trying to think of the logic, trying to understand this.

  

 

How does a person think they can hold another person through a child? You are the Childs parent married or not…Being a real parent has noting to do with a marriage license…they can still carry your last name too…if that would be a worry, one thing you can never change is biology….married or not…if you’re a parent be a parent to your child and be a great parent…!

  

 

And please tell me why would a woman want a man to marry her because she is pregnant? I am not judging; this has happened in my family and to friends many times through the years and I still fail to understand the logic in this and none of the relationships to date have lasted and the children have paid the price of their bitterness, and that breaks my heart!

  

 

I personally would not want to be wondering my whole life or married life it that person married me because they were truly in love with me or if they married me because I was pregnant and trying to make it work, would they not constantly have that in the back of their mind, how could they not, I certainly would.

  

 

What are the statistics on a pregnancy being the foundation of the marriage taking place to begin with and it lasting?

  

 

  

 

Regards, Judeelynn

  

 

 
November 27, 2005, 3:37 pm CST

Wake up Ladies...

Staying in a disfunctional relationship for the sake of the children is just plain wrong! It doesn't do the kids any favors. Why some women feel they have to use their children as bait....I will never know. It seems so desperate! Don't these women realize that if their man stays for the sake of the children, it will never work? He is there for the wrong reasons...and I can bet he won't stay too long.  

  

The same goes for women getting pregnant to keep their men around. Wrong Wrong Wrong!!! You are heading for disaster!  

  

Wake up ladies! Get some strength and self esteem! If you don't, you will end up with a baby or two and no father around to help raise them.   

 
November 27, 2005, 5:39 pm CST

11/28 Conception Deception

Quote From: judeelynn

Wow,

  

 

This is as bad as “trying to do the right thing” and marry someone because they become pregnant, which I guess is honorable thinking but logically how can you base a relationship on an unborn child or that being the foundation of the relationship.

  

 

Example; OMG your pregnant…..ok well let’s get married….. I feel for the men and women on this show regarding this matter but mostly I feel for the children, and the price they are paying in the long run for their parents choices.

  

 

But being married already and being deceitful, trying to keep someone through a baby, I don’t really understand this,your married already!  

I am not trying to be cold about it just trying to think of the logic, trying to understand this.

  

 

How does a person think they can hold another person through a child? You are the Childs parent married or not…Being a real parent has noting to do with a marriage license…they can still carry your last name too…if that would be a worry, one thing you can never change is biology….married or not…if you’re a parent be a parent to your child and be a great parent…!

  

 

And please tell me why would a woman want a man to marry her because she is pregnant? I am not judging; this has happened in my family and to friends many times through the years and I still fail to understand the logic in this and none of the relationships to date have lasted and the children have paid the price of their bitterness, and that breaks my heart!

  

 

I personally would not want to be wondering my whole life or married life it that person married me because they were truly in love with me or if they married me because I was pregnant and trying to make it work, would they not constantly have that in the back of their mind, how could they not, I certainly would.

  

 

What are the statistics on a pregnancy being the foundation of the marriage taking place to begin with and it lasting?

  

 

  

 

Regards, Judeelynn

  

 

"What are the statistics on a pregnancy being the foundation of the marriage taking place to begin with and it lasting? " 

 

I think they suck either way something like half of all marriages end in divorce.   

 

When I was in college we looked at birth and marriage records and found that 50% of all first babies born in the 1950s were born less then 8 months after the marriage.   

 

Back then it was not a choice as it is now.  It would be interesting to see how that stat has changed. 

 
November 28, 2005, 4:32 am CST

unplanned pregnancy in marriage

funny they always focus on deception before marriage. It can also happen when you are married 

  

Before we got married we discussed we wanted children but agreed to try and wait a few years in order to settle a bit (house, career etc). 

However as easy or commonplace it seems to most people after 6 years of marriage - when we bought our house and wanted to have a child - we seemed to have problems getting pregnant. My wife first blamed me for a year or two not being fertile and when we finally decided on treatment my wife was pumped with hormones and still nothing happened. Finally and luckily, after we changed doctors about three times and found a university hospital, they discovered my wife's tubes were blocked with some kind of growth. They removed it and by IFV we got a healthy and goodlooking son the first time round. 

The doctor however told us that if we wanted more children we would have to come back to do IVF again because the growth in my wife's woom might become bigger again. 

So after about 1,5 year after our first born my wife told me is was safe without a condom as she was told she could not conceive naturally. 

Great was our surprise - and at first my anger - when after examination we were told she was pregnant again, this time naturally.... 

So it seems on the whole she never needed treatment or IFV, it was just a matter of stress from our environment, work, family etc...... 

As a result my wife is now afraid to sleep with me again as we don't want to become pregnant a third time... (we don't like any surgical intervention to prevent this from happening) and of course she has put on weight and does no longer feel sexy because of the two pregnancies being a bit close together.... 

Again where at first I was blamed for not making her pregnant, now I am blamed for making her pregnant.... But a man has to learn not to listen to a woman (they are always right) but try to not to talk but to act (as Dr Phil said in one of his shows : men are judged by there actions) 

Luckily for her I still love her and my two sons, but I know they were times were other men probably just would have bailed out and ran away 

So to all those people out there you can also be deceived by doctors instead of your partner 

  

  

  

      

 
November 28, 2005, 4:43 am CST

deception

after reading the dialog to todays show, i am quite discusted.  my sons father (now my ex)   used to try to have sex with me in my sleep. thankfully i am a lighter sleeper than mary, and he was unable to complete the "deed".  what he did do however, is make me hate him, and hate being intimate with him. i would wear layers of clothes to bed, sleep with one eye open, and now i still have trouble sleeping next to my new husband.  i was also lied to the way mary was with the whole "no condom, pull out trick." i was young  (just out of high school), niave, and easily manipulated due to low self esteem.  i had my son at age 18 and it was very hard at first. i remember what my ex said to me when i was pregnant...."now you will never get away from me, i will always be in your life"  and he was right. even after 7 years i have had to put out a restraining order, warn the schools, get custody, etc.    though it has never been about the child. as soon as i got married, my ex started wanting the child around....before, he barely cared.    ladies, (and gents)   protect  yourselves. dont trust either party to be responcible....take control of your own life and body.  there are many forms of control out there.   also to parents of teens.... talk to your children about protecting themselves, i wish my mother did.
 
November 28, 2005, 4:49 am CST

11/28 Conception Deception

Back when my husband and I were first married...I was ready for a child and he wasn't...  A friend also made the suggestion that I "forget" to take my birth control pills.    I knew that THAT would get me a date with the divorce attorney and I couldn't live with the guilt.  However,  I definitely understand the temptation of "forgetting" to take a pill.      

  

My husband and I eventually got pregnant when my DH was ready, willing and able to be a father.  He adores our child, and even though I would have preferred to have a couple of kids by this point ..I'm still glad I didn't take my friends advice.  

  

Of course, I've seen this tired plot device in many a soap opera.   Woman gets pregnant, man does the right thing.   Is this part of where women are getting the idea that having a baby solves everything?  Many girls today have this mistaken idea that having a baby with someone solves all sorts of problems---when actually  having a baby creates a whole new set of problems, and the children suffer and make more problems when they get older.   It's OUR responsibility as parents, teachers, friends, and relatives to teach our future women to value themselves enough that having a baby to "get" a guy is NOT THE WAY.  And getting a girl pregnant is NOT a reflection of manhood...especially if you are not supporting the mother and child financially and emotionally.   You betcha I'm having a BIG talk with my daughter as soon as she's old enough.   

  

My husbands step father taught him to NEVER trust a woman to say that she's on birth control or even that she's taking her pills regularly.    I guess he was speaking from experience.  He also told my husband to NOT marry anyone he got pregnant unless a paternity test establishes that he is indeed the father, and also that he really and truly wants to marry the mother...even without a child in the picture.    Many of my husbands high school friends got married because their girlfirends were pregnant.   All of them are divorced.   What happened to the children?  

   

I don't have a son, but my nephews are getting the lecture  my husband got from his stepdad when the time comes.   We may have to have this lecture early, as it is astounding that even in middle school....girls are THROWING themselves at my nephews and have no sense of dignity in regards to their sexuality, or their sense of self worth.    

  

Dr. Phil, I hope you can do a follow up on these parents....  

 
November 28, 2005, 6:17 am CST

Vigilant????

Dr. Phil, It astounds me that you congratulate Derek for being "vigilant" about birth control by ASKING his girlfriend if SHE was on birth control. Vigilance would be USING A CONDOM. I agree that the deception was deplorable, but he had the power to prevent conception as well, and chose his pleasure above that.
 
November 28, 2005, 6:29 am CST

conception

Until men take as much blame for having sex and getting pregnant it is a shame.  It takes two no matter what.  Men need to realize they cause the babies and never marry anyone or have sex with anyone they don't intend to marry.
 
November 28, 2005, 6:47 am CST

Unbelievable

I can't believe that someone would do that to someone that they are supposed to love.... How can you say that you love someone and then violate them like that. Sex is supposed to be mutual, an engagement that you enter into because you want to be closer to that person. Not because you want to get them pregnant to keep them. How can you think that loving someone is about trapping them into a relationship that they don't want to be in. I just don't understand how that could be misconstrued for love. It would be a sad day for me if someone who loves me would even consider doing that to me, much less actually doing it.
 
November 28, 2005, 6:52 am CST

So incredibly selfish

It never fails to amaze me how incredibly selfish people can be. 

  

The words that jump to mind from this show today..."'want"..."have"... "win"..."keep her".... 

  

These people aren't trophies. They're human beings. Does the word "relationship" have no meaning? 

  

And to bring innocent children into an already made mess? WHY? Does anyone ever think about them any more? Or are they trophies to be obtained also? 

  

Both of these situations are sad. But the guy who thought it was funny to sleep with his wife while she was asleep. That was just too creepy. 

 
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