Topic : 01/18 "Fighting Over the Will"

The first thing I would like to say is thank you Dr. Phil for taking on such an important subject.  

  

So many people end up in horrible situations because they shy away for talking about becoming seriously ill, injured or dying. I spent several years in the financial services industry, and several more years helping families settle estates, I could tell you horror stories of how families turn from loving to arguing, greed, fustration, need to control set in and take over.  

  

When I would go in and visit families, there is one thing that most of them had in common is that they were NOT organized. Their important financial and personal information was all over the place, and most of them could not put their fingertips on it when asked too. Also usually once person in a relationship looks after the financial information. What happens when the keeper of the financial information, becomes ill, injured or dies?  

  

Stop and think about it, would your loved ones know what to do and where everything was, if something happened to you.  

  

If people would only talk about this and get organized, families would not have to go through most of the garbage that happens.  

  

People need to understand what happens if you die without a will, or if a legal guardian is not named for your children, they need to understand the duties of the estate trustee, they need to understand that is garbage of fighting and arguing happens to even the best of families. 

  

People need to be PRO-ACTIVE! 

  

I put together the Final Steps Life Organizer for the exact purpose, of helping people get organized! 

  

You can view this at www.newbooks-newauthors.com 

  

  

  

  

  

Sorry, but the power of attorney being discussed on the show today had nothing to do with advanced directives.  They were not discussing a DURABLE POWER OF ATTORNEY FOR HEALTHCARE, but a power of attorney which would give the daughter authority to make financial decisions for her mother and handle her estate in the event the mother became mentally incapacitated and unable to handle her business affairs. 

  

Advanced directives should be discussed with the family.  However, I don't believe the daughter was in the least interested in this, but was instead focused on money/estate issues. 

smoke screens and mirrors...petty petty petty...$K's, divorce, mental stability, incompetance, blah blah blah....I saw a show where a mother and a son's relationship was being torn apart and there ain't no K's worth that...

I didn't even mention that my sister has twelve houses/rentals and this home of my mother's has been empty for two years.  My sister said at the trust reading that she felt this is what mother wanted. The financial person also said this.  Two weeks later I thought, Well if the financial person or even my sister would have heard this from mom they would have been right over there with papers to sign.  Also, Mom could have turned the house over at any time.  The day before mom died she said that is my car you are driving and I want the title to sign.  My husband thinks that is so it could be sold.  But I don't want to fight over the car and the other household items that have no sentimental value.  If I hold the decision to sign in order to get all the information  and papers and then don't sign I will really be in hot water!

Aileen, is there a cave(s) on the property? Leave that section to your daughter and grandaughter, it only seems appropriate........ 

  

Give the rest to a conservation group or charity of your choice that will preserve its beauty. Let it be used for some constructive purpose rather than the "constructed" use those greedy women have stated. 

Grandma's daughter and granddaughter are disgusting and cruel.    

Dr. Phil, please keep in contact with Grandma as her daughter is capable of ANYTHING!  Perhaps Grandma should close up the farm and move to her other place in Arizona, and not answer any phone calls from her greedy daughter and granddaughter. 

Then, she should leave everything to Animal Shelters, and or, Women's Battered Homes. 

At least they would appreciate the help. 

Aileen may seem tough to her daughter, but I am sure she had to become that way in order to keep the Vulchers away.   

Just because the daughter did a little work around the farm does not mean she is entitled to any of it.  After all, she was given a place to live, and as Aileen said cars, and cash. 

now you see just how wise, your mom is, be grateful for her, she is priceless, you are very lucky. kathy

 

Aileen, enjoy life, do anything you want.  Sit down & write out a “like to do list”.  Think of anyone whose company you’d enjoy & take them along if you’d like.  Do as you want with regard to your estate; it is no one’s business.  And you don’t have to tell anyone; however, it will make life easier to let these 2 THINK things will be just the way they want it, fine!  

  

If necessary, show them a power of attorney (that only you & your attorney know has been voided).  Be cautious of giving these 2 any Power of Att.  Considering their behavior, I think you should consider someone else.  Someone who would not benefit by your being harmed.  

  

  

You might even consider leaving everything to charity with only a token amount held in trust for them, to be given to them annually?   Considering how much DOMESTIC ABUSE these 2 have given you, it might be appropriate to leave your land to a domestic abuse organization.  They need the tranquility.  Decide what YOU’D like & provide advance directives, PUT IT IN WRITING!!!   Discuss with your attorney a stipulation that if anyone contests your will they will get NOTHING. 

  

Update your will each year.  It takes only a few minutes to go over everything and make any changes necessary.  Remember an inheritance doesn’t have to go to relatives.  Consider taking care of those who are kind to you, whether it’s a waitress, a delivery person or a friend’s child.  (I’m surprised dr. Phil didn’t mention this). Think how much $100 would mean to someone or any amount.  I went through my will & put percentages in & named people who would get that percentage of my estate.  Each year I review the names to see if it’s still the way I want it to be.   

Lastly, please remember that if people think it’s necessary sometimes they get nicer at the end to see what they can get.   NEVER trust these 2.  If they continue to be abusive, sometime it’s healthier to have them utilize their option of getting off your land & earn a living in the real world. 

  

 May you live a long & healthy life.  In fact, if you got involved with domestic abuse organizations (environmental groups, animals or whatever you choose) now, it might provide you a lot of comfort & love that your relatives aren’t offering. 

  

PLEASE SOMEONE WHO LOVES HER, if she isn’t computer literate, please print all these comments out for her to peruse at her leisure.   

  

Well, let me just say that the day we buried Dad, when we got back to the house, she did take many item with her such as a treadmill, clothing, household goods, etc.  She also said that was what she wanted.  My sister was the exeutrix and I do feel she was plenty fair, and so does our Attrorney.  When we cleaned out the house, she was given 4 dates to choose from that was convenient for her to come for the weekend, and we would all do it together.  She said she was not free all summer long, that we should do it.  I just feel she is taking it to the Nth degree, and that there are deeper feelings than what a heirloom would fix.  My parents had really nothing of great dollar value, more sentimental than anything. 

As someone who was in a friendship for several years with someone who took advantage of me,  I completely recognize Brandon's mother Joy and her tactics for what they are.  For one thing, she is attempting to discredit Mark's mother as being a sane, rational human being by calling her psychotic!  If Tracy tries to suggest that they are using Mark, then she is automatically paranoid and basically, crazy.  Great, dirty way to dismiss someone and any arguments they may have without having to use actual truth or logic.  Joy also says she wants to be there for Mark and offer him "unconditional love".  Because supposedly Tracy is a terrible mother, when it's obvious later on in the show that this isn't true when even Mark admits they had always had a good relationship before.          And why is Brandon driving Mark's car? Maybe others might think this is harmless but I had the same thing happen to me, because my friend was poor and I was brainwashed into thinking that I was a bad friend for not helping him out if I didn't.  I'm not saying this is exactly what is happening with them is what happened to me, but I have to say a lot of it was familiar.  If there's any way Mark is reading this, please, get somewhere completely by yourself with NO contact from Joy, Brandon, or your mom, and think this through.  Even if there's truth to the idea that your mom is not being completely honest about her motives, it doesn't mean your friends are either.  One thing I learned is people are rarely Good or Evil. There might not be a "Right" side here; you may have to figure that out on your own.  Sometimes people can  care about you but still hurt you and take advantage of you.  In my situation, I realize now my friend felt entitled to things I had, because why should I have them when he didn't?    I thought my friend was a great person.  I never allowed anyone to even attempt to tell me differently.  But as soon as he didn't need me anymore, and I wasn't paying my half of the bills on time he cut himself off from me, although he claimed we were still friends and he would always care about me.    Money really does bring out the worst in some people, especially, I'm sorry to say, those who've never had any.   People can be incredibly jealous and will guiltlessly, selfishly try to get some of it for their own, even while calling you their best friend, because in some part of their head they think they deserve it .  Even though I'm speaking to my family again now, I don't think my relationship with any of them will ever be the way it was before; they don't trust me after all these years of me ignoring them when they tried to tell me this person was using me, and turning me against them.   Some of the posters here said Mark's mother should just let him learn it on his own.  I wish more than anything somebody had slapped me back into my senses, or even taken my money away from me temporarily, because I really believe now that if I hadn't  had that source my friend (and his parasitic mother, who is funny enough also a dead-ringer for Joy) would have abandoned me a long time ago, and I would have been much better off.  That is a really expensive lesson to learn.  If you don't want to give your mother any of the inheritance, that's your right, but don't let anyone tell you how to feel or think.  It has been a long, painful lesson for me and although I'm wiser I can't say I'm the better for it.