Topic : 01/18 "Fighting Over the Will"

A close friend of ours passed away in a road accident in April of this year. He had no family in the area and we had become his family. Terry owned a trailer repair business and a home in Georgia were he lived.

He had three daughters that became heirs to his estate but they lived in Texas and had not been around their father in years except for his in-frequent visits to them.They came to Georgia to bury their father as did some of his other family. The business had closed since there was no one to operate it and had been closed for about a week after the funeral. I was approached by the administrator at that time and ask if I would step in and help since the daughters were interested in keeping the compay solvent ,I had just retired after 17 years in the same type of business. I told him I would help since they had no idea about the business and strangely enough my son had lost his job the day after Terry passed on, he also was employed in the same type of business so it was a great fit since they needed someone full time to work the repair shop.He was hired, and I would help with no salary. We got the company up and running when the eldest daughter fired the Administrator and took on the job herself.Since becoming Administrator she has become a control freak and taking excessive salaries for her and one of her sisters out of the company and paying for all kinds of personal things out of company accounts that did not leave enough cash to pay vendors, she had complete control of all monies. I told her she had to change what she was doing, her remarks were "I am running this and not you, I will do as I please" I was not a hired hand so I backed off and let them have it. My son was hired as General Manager but had no control he needed the salary ,so he stayed on and tried to explain to the daughters how a business works to no avail, they fired him today after trying to cut his salary in half and he refused the reduction. all this took place  over the last six months  and the business is all but ended. I felt bad because of Terry's legacy and his good name

It seems once the business started to bring in revenue they went hog wild. Ungratefull #@$%&%#.

     I am 1 of 4 siblings  whose mother passed several years ago and she did leave a Will which she had drawn up by an Attorney.  After my mothers death , the lawyer refused to give us a copy or the Will. My younger sister, who was named  Executor, also used this same attorney and  we feel he was abiding by her wishes to not give out a copy to her siblings. She had a copy of out Moms Will ,because our Mom lived in a basement apartment, in my youngest sister's home. Our Mom built and furnished the basement apartment years before she died. When our Mom died, out sister refused to let us come into our Moms apartment home saying it now all belonged to her. She would not probate the Will until 2 years later, after we took her to court, forcing her to do so. But, the judge would not make her honor our Moms wishes that were stated in the Will.Our Mom had purchased extra graves when she bought her own, so we could be buried near her and our stepdad.  But, when our Mom died these graves became property of the Estate and the Judge ordered us to pay to the Estate the value of the graves if we wanted to have them. Our sister knows the graves were to be given to us and our Moms wishes for us to have them. She refuses to honor any of our Moms wishes to divide all personal property and the graves our Mom had for us. We believe she wants to sell all for her profit.

My mom has emphzyma and she lives with me and my 6 year old daughter.  Can you give me any insight to the pain my mom will go through and how someone with emphzyma dies.  I dont want her to be in pain and want to do all I can.  She is my best friend and my daugters world.  I need someone to help me to understand and there is nothing out there.  I have looked. Only a person who has live with someone with emphzyma and was there when they passed knows.  Doctors dont even know because they have no emotion.  If you could help me with your insights and details my daughter and I could prepare and do all we can to make her comfortable.  I dont want to say should of would of could of email me at jcumins@optonline.net

If you are with in a family relationship with someone, you expect the relationship to grow and deepen over time; you expect a heart connection to be made and maintained.  You operate your life based on this expectation.  When a family member in the relationship does not or cannot make an emotional connection, the relationship becomes very painful.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight into family systems and dysfunctions are:

 

How to Settle An Estate by Charles Plotnick and Stephan Leimberg AND High Conflict People in Legal Disputes by Bill Eddy

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward AND Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss OR Behind the Masks: Personality Disorders in Religious Behavior by Wayne Oates

What Parents Need to Know About Sibling Abuse: Breaking the Cycle of Violence by Vernon Wiehe OR Understanding Family Violence: Treating and Preventing Partner, Child, Sibling and Elder Abuse by Vernon Wiehe

The Narcissistic Family:  Diagnosis and Treatment by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert Pressman OR Understanding the Borderline (Parent) Mother:  Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson OR Overcoming Passive-Aggression: How to Stop Hidden Anger from Spoiling Your Relationships...by Tim Murphy and Loriann Oberlin

 

Healthy Boundaries Workbook: Using Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Set and Maintain Better Boundaries by Deborah Deiboldt Legge OR Divorce Poison: Protecting the Parent-Child Bond from a Vindictive (Relative) Ex by Richard Warshak

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm 

 

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

Though harder to spot, emotional abuse is easier to deny. But just as physical abuse has signposts to mark its presence, emotional abuse, being a systematic attack on one's sense of self, has common traits.  Physical abuse comes in degrees of severity - emotional abuse also runs the gamut of intensity and damage.

 

There are relationships, marriages and families that are so destructive the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining. Make a promise to yourself to leave.  Leave so you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can learn to live a joyful, peaceful, trusting, supportive, and fulfilling life.

Hope it helps!