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Topic : 01/18 "Fighting Over the Will"

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Created on : Tuesday, November 22, 2005, 03:25:43 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Airdate: 11/29/05) When you imagine receiving an inheritance, you might dream that all your financial problems would be solved. But sometimes, the money is more trouble than it's worth. Eighty-four-year-old Aileen inherited a 2,000-acre farm after her husband died. But is her granddaughter, Amber, jumping the gun by wanting her mother's name on the title now? Then, Tracy says her 19-year-old son, Mark, changed when he came into a large inheritance this year after his dad passed away. She says the money wasn't what changed her son, but his long-lost friend, Brandon. Talk about the show here.

 

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November 28, 2005, 3:46 pm CST

fighting over the will

My Mom passed away 13 years ago, and my Stepdad passed away 3 years ago.  There are 4 children, I am the oldest, then my sister, brother, and youngest sister, who is the daughter of this union, my Mom was divorced when I was 4, my sister was 2, and my Mom was still pregnant with my brother.  Our lives have not been easy, but we had plenty to eat, were clothed, my Mom worked a good job, etc.  My Mom met , dated, and married my Stepdad who was a wonderful man, I loved him dearly.  Of course we had our problems, fights, and so on like families do,  my little sister was born, and all was well.   

  

To make a long story short, when my Dad passed away, he put in his will for all of us kids to be treated "equally" and we were to divide up the household goods any way we saw fit.  My middle sister chose not to participate in cleaning out our family home, so myself, my brother, and youngest sister did the task, and it took us 4 days to go through "stuff", it was sad, and happy at the same time, just  thinking of the good times, and why my parents kept so much stuff to begin with!  We laughed, we cried, it was ok. 

  

Well, my middle sister has not spoken to us much since Dad died, she thinks she got "screwed over" because she did not get much in personal items, she did get her share of money, but she refused to participate in any family holidays, and I am just sick about it.  It is only the 4 of us left, and I am so upset by the fact that she refuses to see us or talk to us.  My Dad had a  classic car, he did not put it into the will, I did not want the car, my younger sister thought my brother should have it, since that is what he and my Dad had in common together, and worked on the car together.  My middle sister decided all of the sudden she wants it, maybe to sell it.  We told her if she wants it, she can get it, but it stays in the family.  How can I get the family back together, and put all of this other stuff behind us?? 

 
November 28, 2005, 5:57 pm CST

11/29 "Fighting Over the Will"

 my family had no issues when my paternial grandparents died. we were ALL given a chance to have a few items of value from their home and the money was divided equally between kids and grandkids.  my grandparents being more well off than some were able to leave my dad and his sisters and all of us nine grand kids something in the willl and we all respected it. but then it was a case of we all were involved in figuring out how NOT to step on toes before they were dead and the will was read.  and all of us have enough respect for each other and our grandparents and not fight over petty isssues.

I deteste people wo fight and bicker over stupid things like money when a loved one dies. it's stupid and not fair to the family as a whole for it was the DECEASED's money not the survivng relatives and it should be up to the relative to decide how the money/property/valuables are divided and not the rest of the families
 
November 28, 2005, 6:54 pm CST

Family rivalry

My mother passed away almost three years ago.  I am the youngest of four girls.  There is me, age 33, my sisters are ages 34, 39, and 40 (I think, on the last two).  Anyway, my 33 year old sister and I did many things for our mother once she became diagnosed with emphzyma.  My mother even lived with me at one time and ended up passing away in my other sisters house.  To make a long story short, my family never had much growing up.  Our parents were seperated but still involved in each others lives.  They just didnt live together.  My mother had life insurance for many years and many times had mentioned taking out other policices so us girls had money after she passed away.  During her last few days of life, my oldest sister, started telling my Aunts and Uncles (on my moms side) that my husband and I had taken out an insurance policy on our mother.  After losing our mother, and cleaning up my mothers apartment, my sister and I found the paperwork about an additional insurance policy, and come to find out our oldest sister had taken out an insurance policy on our mother.  This particular sister was in the process of losing her brand new home and filing bankruptcy.  She had our entire family convinced that I was the evil one when all along it was her.  During my mothers last few days of life, my 34 year old sister and I stayed with our mother every waking second and while sleeping of the day.  Mean time, our other two sisters were taking everything our mother owned.  After losing our mother, we went to clear out her apartment, and the only things left in there was trash.  We were left scrubbing toilets and cleaning up the place, meantime they got all of her belongings.  Dont get me wrong, I do NOT regret spending time with our dying mother, but it was just BS that they went in there and took everything she owned.  Lots of things were things we had bought for her in the past.   

This happened almost three years ago, and the older sister and I still do not talk.  I even see her in public and we dont speak.   

Money does evil things to some people.  It is a shame how when someone passes away people get greedy.   

 
November 29, 2005, 12:08 am CST

I don't understand...

Why people get all up in arms about stuff like this! 

  

My husband's mom has her will made out.  She just recently did this, AND she had a power of attorney drafted.  She had a copy sent to him so that he could see what it said, and asked that he sign it.  It made his sister the primary and only required signature on the POA.  My husband got VERY upset about all of this, saying that he and his sister should have equal rights on this.  I don't agree...because we are thousands of miles away, and his sister lives a few towns over.  If something should happen that requires a VERY quick decision, by the time they notified my husband, got his approval/signature, etc, things could go wrong.  I think if we were in the same area, it would be different.  He thinks that his sister will come in and start taking stuff out of the house before he gets a chance to get there.   

  

It happened to his father, and he's very untrusting of this now.  I think that if you can't trust your own mother and sister to do what's right, who can you trust? 

  

We have wills, too.  Both of us have different people we want to care for our children.  I have it specifically stated that if we both die at the same time, his wishes supercede mine...but should I pass on after him, my will stands.  I hope that our kids don't argue, nor do family members, should this ever have to pass. 

  

  

 
November 29, 2005, 6:20 am CST

Greed

Greed is a terrible thing. The real tragedy of it is, that you "spend" so much of your life being greedy that when you maybe get the money that you wanted, the money is  worthless because of the life that you've "spent" 

  

You know those women just wanted to get their hands on Grandmas land so they could split it up and have fake nails put on every week, or go to the hairdressers more often.  Which, once the land and money is theirs, they can do with it what they want- but kudos for Gram for holding out on the vultures!!!!! 

  

My Gram was the coolest woman in the world. She has been gone 4 years now and I miss her every damn day, keep her picture on my refrigerator and tell my kids stories  involving her. We live in her house. She kept wanting to sign it over to me, my brother and sister wanted me to have it,and I told them that our  mother would have a fit if she did. So, she left it in my mothers name. Today, after paying rent  to buy for 6 years on the house, (32,400, total) and giving my mother another 30,000 down payment, we are buying the house!!!!!!!!! We will have a 50,000 mortgage on a house which I believe is a mansion of memories, and it was worth every last penny. Jimmy Carter may be the great "peace keeper", but he has a rival in me!!!!! 

 
November 29, 2005, 7:00 am CST

what a shame!

Please forgive my grammar mistakes as I'm russian and english is my second language. I absolutely despise people like Aileen daughter and granddaugther, These people are arrogant, selfcentered and simply greedy.And I congratulate Aileen for not giving in to her off spring demands and rather preffer to be alone than with that kind of family. I could only hope that any of us will be as bright and sharp as Aileen in our 80's. It hurts me to see that money issue cause Aillen so much suffering and loneliness. She reminds me so much of my deseased granmother who was tough cookie and bright till the last day of her life when cancer claimed her life. I loved to spend time with my grandmother, listen to her story and learned from her wisdom. She was my best friend even closer than my mother and I missed her greatly. THat is why it  hurts me so much to see that daugther and granddaughter got so much caught up with money and other material things that they rob themself blind of all those good things that they can learn and experience if they would live in peace and trust Eilleen's judgment because it looks to me that Eileen is more intelligent than those two combine afterall.  

 
November 29, 2005, 7:14 am CST

Selfish Brats

Daughter and granddaughter are entitled, selfish little monsters that never grew up.  They seem to be forgetting something; this is NOT their property!  They're acting like it's theirs and this mean old lady is stealing it from them!  Did they work the land?  Judging by the look of them, they wouldn't know how.  "I was on welfare because of her!"  No, you were on welfare because you have a warped sense of entitlement.  Bottom line:  this is NOT YOUR LAND!  You have NO RIGHT to demand anything!  If I were Grandma, I would leave every last bit of it to a land trust where your greed cannot touch it.  You two are a couple of scheming, greedy (word I can't post) and if you got that land, that poor woman would end up on the streets.  You aren't fooling anyone! 

 
November 29, 2005, 7:19 am CST

Can't We All Just Get Along

 Why can't the 19 year-old just grow up? Just because you inherited some money, doesn't mean your ego has to be so high that you have no idea as to what you're doing. My mom tried to protect me for so long that when I moved out, I had to learn about the world the hard way. I don't wish that on anyone. I think that the mom needs to leave the son alone, and when he comes to his senses, sooner or later, he'll realized that life is not about money, and the way the he's spending it is showing how responsible he really is.
 
November 29, 2005, 8:15 am CST

Dr. Phil....what are you THINKIN'?!?

 I was amazed at just how polite you were to the daughter/granddaughter on today's show.  They were horrible to that 85 year old mother.  If, indeed, she was abusive to them by deed or action, they have the option of getting out of her life.  You  provided no legal advice worthy of Dr. Phil in regards to Probate law or inheiritance regulations.  Obviously, these women's lawyers failed on advising. (What are trusts for, anyway?) 

I would never leave my estate to people who publicly treat me in such manner.   She was asking for "a little respect" (if I recall her words properly). 

Phil, you had a royal chance to educate the public on a very relevant issue facing us - - you failed!
 
November 29, 2005, 8:20 am CST

Leave Boy Alone!!!!!

Quote From: bajagal

My Mom passed away 13 years ago, and my Stepdad passed away 3 years ago.  There are 4 children, I am the oldest, then my sister, brother, and youngest sister, who is the daughter of this union, my Mom was divorced when I was 4, my sister was 2, and my Mom was still pregnant with my brother.  Our lives have not been easy, but we had plenty to eat, were clothed, my Mom worked a good job, etc.  My Mom met , dated, and married my Stepdad who was a wonderful man, I loved him dearly.  Of course we had our problems, fights, and so on like families do,  my little sister was born, and all was well.   

  

To make a long story short, when my Dad passed away, he put in his will for all of us kids to be treated "equally" and we were to divide up the household goods any way we saw fit.  My middle sister chose not to participate in cleaning out our family home, so myself, my brother, and youngest sister did the task, and it took us 4 days to go through "stuff", it was sad, and happy at the same time, just  thinking of the good times, and why my parents kept so much stuff to begin with!  We laughed, we cried, it was ok. 

  

Well, my middle sister has not spoken to us much since Dad died, she thinks she got "screwed over" because she did not get much in personal items, she did get her share of money, but she refused to participate in any family holidays, and I am just sick about it.  It is only the 4 of us left, and I am so upset by the fact that she refuses to see us or talk to us.  My Dad had a  classic car, he did not put it into the will, I did not want the car, my younger sister thought my brother should have it, since that is what he and my Dad had in common together, and worked on the car together.  My middle sister decided all of the sudden she wants it, maybe to sell it.  We told her if she wants it, she can get it, but it stays in the family.  How can I get the family back together, and put all of this other stuff behind us?? 

This boy that wants  his money soooo bad should be able to get it, it is his money!!!! Let him have it to do with what he wants, so he uses it all up so what, it is his. Sounds to me like his Mom wants it all for herself, and blames it all on the boys friend and his mother. If his father left it to him then he should have it. I don't blame him for getting a lawyer I would too. Mom leave the boy alone and let him do what he wants.
 
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