Topic : 01/18 "Fighting Over the Will"

Please forward this to the 19 year old. 

My brother was pushing 30, and after a life full of bad decisions, he was finally doing the right things.  Including working full time, saving for retirement, etc...  Then along came his childhood friend.  They were friends since they were about 3 years old.  He was down on his luck - again, so he moved his wife and four kids into my brothers 2 bedroom apartment.  All seven of them lived together with my brother paying the bills.  Long story short, my brother lost his job, spent his retirement, and was being evicted from his apartment.  Once the money and free ride were gone, so was the "friend" and his family.  Every time we tried to talk to my brother, he had very good reasons why we should butt out and let him live his life.  He was of age and knew what was best.  

He told us several times that you don't let friends down, because sometimes that is all you got. 

All he managed to do was alienate the family.  Now 2 years later, he is still paying off debts he and his buddy aquired, and has only recently started talking to our mother.  He has lost everything and more importantly, lost time with his family.  His friend never thanked him and has not talked to my brother since he left. 

God forbid, if this kids mother were to die tomarrow, what will he be able to say to himself. 

With wealth comes great responcibility.  It would not hurt to put the money in a trust for a few years until he decides what he wants to do with his life.  This will help insure money for his future, and could also put the friendship to a test.  Nobody wants to think their friends are crappy, but sometimes they aren't the best source for guidance.  Your family will always be your family.  

Please forward this to the 19 year old. 

My brother was pushing 30, and after a life full of bad decisions, he was finally doing the right things.  Including working full time, saving for retirement, etc...  Then along came his childhood friend.  They were friends since they were about 3 years old.  He was down on his luck - again, so he moved his wife and four kids into my brothers 2 bedroom apartment.  All seven of them lived together with my brother paying the bills.  Long story short, my brother lost his job, spent his retirement, and was being evicted from his apartment.  Once the money and free ride were gone, so was the "friend" and his family.  Every time we tried to talk to my brother, he had very good reasons why we should butt out and let him live his life.  He was of age and knew what was best.  

He told us several times that you don't let friends down, because sometimes that is all you got. 

All he managed to do was alienate the family.  Now 2 years later, he is still paying off debts he and his buddy aquired, and has only recently started talking to our mother.  He has lost everything and more importantly, lost time with his family.  His friend never thanked him and has not talked to my brother since he left. 

God forbid, if this kids mother were to die tomarrow, what will he be able to say to himself. 

With wealth comes great responcibility.  It would not hurt to put the money in a trust for a few years until he decides what he wants to do with his life.  This will help insure money for his future, and could also put the friendship to a test.  Nobody wants to think their friends are crappy, but sometimes they aren't the best source for guidance.  Your family will always be your family.  

I saw right thru that lady.  She is OBVIOUSLY a controlling woman that knows how to turn on the charm.  She even had Dr. Phil wrapped around her little finger by the end of it with her puppy dog eyes.   

She is obviously hidding something.  Ok. so she has a power of attorney... but if you daughter is anxious, wouldn't a mother want to put her at ease.  Wouldn't she WANT her daughter to know that everything will be ok once she is gone.  "Don't worry, honey.  Here it is.  I don't want to burden you with any more than the actual grieving."   

She actually enjoyed the controlling of the information and what that does to her daughter and granddaughter.  For some reason she is completely enjoying the back and forth.  Maybe she does it for attention.  This tends to be the case in my extensive experience.  For those of you that are not used to controlling older people..this may come at a shock!  Oh noo!!!!! That poor darling!  Look at how they treat her!  But as a Geriatric Home Care Nurse... I have had PLENTY experience with the matter.  She is textbook.    The saddest thing in the world is an incapacitated old person with money and no advance directives.  They are exposed to all sorts of fiends.  The very best time to make sure all is organized is NOW!!!  Advance directives are MEANT TO BE DISCUSSED WITH FAMILY.  The lawyer in this case is being irresponsible.  But then again, he is a lawyer (not a human being).  

I commend the daughters efforts to get her mother organized.  Maybe her methods could be improved.   

Dr. Phil, 

You missed two very important points today.   

#1  Aileen, her husband, Aileen's daughter and granddaughter had an understanding that if he passed away first, Aileen would put the land in Aileen and her daughter's name.  Aileen has refused to do that in any form.  Aileen could establish a trust that would protect her and possibly put her daughter in a better position tax wise.  Aileen has showed the nation that she did not honor her husband's wishes or her own commitment to her daughter. 

#2  Aileen made a Power of Attorney, but refused to show it to her daughter.  Why?  What did she have to hide?  The daughter did not care who had the power of attorney, she just wanted to make sure that one was in place.  Often, when people won't show you documents, it is because they don't have them.  Dr. Phil, when you asked Aileen why she didn't show her daughter the Power of Attorney, she said that the attorney said that she didn't have to.  The real answer is Aileen did not want to, she was being ornery.  Dr. Phil, you allowed Aileen to put the responsibility on the lawyer.  If Aileen was trying to get along, she would have gladly showed it to her daughter without having to be asked.  What a slap in the face that she would show it to you, Dr. Phil, and not her own daughter!  More orneryiness! 

Aileen has showed herself to be someone who can't be trusted.  She does not honor her husband's wishes or her own commitments.  She purposely hides information for no good reason knowing that it will hurt her daughter's feelings and foster a lack of trust.  All of this could have been avoided if Aileen had simply established a trust and shown her daughter a copy of the Power of Attorney. 

Aileen's daughter and granddaughter don't trust her with good reason.  Aileen has destroyed their respect for her.  Aileen's daughter is smart to ask that she have a Power of Attorney.  She needs to go one step further and ask that she not be made the executor.  What a headache that will be!  Pay someone to do that.  It will be worth every penny. 

Dr. Phil, I'm surprised that you let that little old lady sucker you!  Aileen's daughter and granddaughter don't want to pay anymore taxes they have to and want a smooth transition when the time comes.  That is not unreasonable.  Aileen doesn't care about that and refuses to establish a trust, purposely causing hard feelings.  Aileen's daughter and granddaughter described her as controlling.  Aileen is in control and has no consideration for anyone but herself.  This is probably her normal for her, but now that the husband is gone and not able to moderate her behavior, the intensity of her controlling, selfish behavior has increased. 

Dr. Phil, please rethink this show and your responses.  Give the daughter and granddaughter the support they deserve.  Tell Aileen to show her love for her family by drawing up a trust.  Stop doing things calculated to hurt feeling and to show that Aileen is in control.  Aileen can be in control and loving!  Challenge her to that.  

Dr. Phil, thanks for listening. 

Mooses 

I am totally disgusted  by the mother and daughter worried about their inheritance and the poor woman isn't even dead! My mom died in 1999 and for years before she died she told me she felt bad for me because once she was gone, all my sisters and brother would be fighting me for what little she had to leave in life. She was so right, with the exception that they didn't wait til she died as she had thought. In 1983 my mother made her will and left her house to myself and my husband. She left money to the others.  In 1987 I divorced and my mom never changed her will. My sisters were always telling her to change her will and take my ex out of it. She refused as my ex was more of a son to my mom than her own children, other than myself.  She trusted my ex to do the right thing and give me his share of the home which he always said he would do. My mom retired in 1992 at age 69 after waitressing for more than 45 years of her life. At that point she sold her car and quit driving. I shopped, banked, took my mom to and from her Dr. apt. helped her write her bills out each month, and even moved back into her home at her request to take care of her (her biggest fear was growing old and being placed in a retirement home). My sisters, one of which lived within 5 miles went for months at a time without talking to my mom. My brother who lived a few hundred miles away hadn't seen or talked to my mom in 10 years. But when she had a stroke in 1999 they were all there in less than 2 days, hired a lawyer (a friend to one) and were going to have a new will drawn up and have it dated before my moms stroke. When I said I wouldn't be a part of this I was threatened by all of them, and was blamed for her stroke by all of them.  My mom died a few months later in o "home" they had placed her in. They immediatly contested her will and after 3 long years because I could not afford an attorney they were able to sell her home and in the end I got $48,000, my ex got $94,000 and they each got about 30,000. my ex kept his shere entirely and no longer has any contact with myself or my 20 year old daughter (his first born), but he has a much bigger house, a Harley, and new jet ski's, while our daughter works full time because we can't afford college. The home that was sold for $200,000 is now worth $650,000 but they all made sure I didn't get it as my mom wanted me to. And with all said the only part I care about is that I miss my mom. I'd give it all and more to have her back. I miss her EVERY day of my life. The peace of mind I have is that I knew my mom loved me and my daughter with all her heart while she was alive and she knew that we loved her just as much. She could not say the same about her other 4 children. I 

I wish the daughter and grandaughter would love the mom while she IS here and don't worry about what is there when she is gone. It is hers, she worked for it, maybe they should try the same. 

I have not talked to or heard from any of my sisters since 1999 and hope that I never do again.