Topic : 01/18 "Fighting Over the Will"

What an interesting topic and even moreso because I live in Saskatchewan.  The daughter Davene and granddaughter Amber came across as selfish, vindictive,  and uncaring towards their grandmother, Aileen. Aileen came across as extremely bright, well-informed, and shrewd when it comes to dealing with these two women.  

If grandpa wanted his daughter to own half the farm, he certainly had the opportunity to include her in his will.  He did not, maybe for obvious reasons.  I am curious as to what energy and resources Davene and Amber are devoting to their own self-sufficiency besides making the grandmother's last years of life a living hell.  

May I also make a prediction?  Some day in the future when grandmother Aileen is gone, Davene and Amber will be at each other's throats, fighting each other for control and power of the assets.  You reap what you sow! 

My mom passed away two months ago and she left a trust leaving all of her monetary assets to be divided equally between the four of us children.  She made my sister the trustee because she was the only one that lived there.  The last two years she has visited my mother in the nursing home daily, picked things up at the store for her and helped out in many ways.  None of them monetary.  Before that mom lived in a house where my sister also lived and was able to get back on her feet living rent and utility free.  Mom complained that she didn't help out with the house payment, didn't clean or cook or help out.  We were glad though that someone was there to look out after her if something happened. 

As soon as the burial service was over we were brought in with a financial adviser and we went over the trust.  No lawyer was present.  My sister immediately stated that she wanted the house (valued at $45,000-$50,000).  My other two siblings said that she could have their share, they didn't want to bother with fixing it up (they are both worth over a million dollars anyway).  I said I wanted to think about it and my sister immediately blew up calling me names, said I was never there to help out, which wasn't true.  I kept saying I wanted to wait, it had been a very difficult last couple of weeks but under pressure I said ok, I would sign over my share.  Nothing was said about the car or household items and momentos.  I would assume that my sister could take the car and other things but I want pictures and momemtos and am having second thoughts about signing over my share of the house. Especially since there has been no communication as to dividing up the checking account after the hospital bill, taxes and other things are paid (there is around $50,000 in the account).  I have questions about life insurance and dividing up things and feel if I sign I will never get anything other than what was intended in the trust.  I also feel that it isn't what my mother wanted and as trustee my sister should do what mom wanted her to do.  Mom always said she wanted us not to fight and she always would always treat us fairly.  Mom had her brother as trustee until less than a year ago.  Her brother passed away and she didn't know who to have. She always said she didn't want one of us kids to be a trustee because of the danger of fighting. I don't know what to do. 

I hope Aileen watches the show and decides to leave her farm to a local shelter or some other more deserving endeavor than her daughter and granddaughter. Or, hopefully, they watch and see themselves as we saw them. 

The other family is equally sad. The son will likely blow the money but it's HIS to blow. His mom should just go back to being a mother. Perhaps if she concentrated on loving her son, she could gently sway him into spending and saving wisely but it appears as though she's mainly interested in getting it for herself.... pathetic. 

When my dad died, my sisters and I only hoped my mom would use what she had to enjoy life. We asked her not to sell their home but she decided to do so and then we all argued with her when she insisted on splitting the gains 5 ways with an equal share for her and all 4 of her daughters. We would rather have seen her use the money to travel but it gave her pleasure to see us get a few extras in our own lives. When mom died, the 4 of us sat and sorted her things with much tears and laughter. Things were shared equally with small tokens reserved for her precious friends and family. There was no arguing or ill will and the most precious things she left were the hoard of cards we had all sent her through her life. She'd written notes on each card and none of us were aware of them until after she passed. Myself and my 3 wonderful sisters rely on each other for support and love and laughter and I can't imagine any amount of money or pieces of jewelry that would have been worth breaking those ties!!! 

http://www.hugkiss.com/mom/membox.html 

This is the story of what my mom left to us... much more precious than the money or the jewelry was :) 

You are soooo right.  She is ALL TOO WILLING to keep information that is purposely hurting her daughter.  Did Dr. Phil miss that!?  Jeez, that is psychology 101!    A good mother would not want to burden her children.  Sharing that information would do just that.   

This is a perfect case of a little old lady wanting to control everything around her.  Im sure she has been like this for a very long time.   

Her daughter should back off.  Let her see first hand what happens to cute rich old ladys withouht advance directives when they become incapacitated.   

The women from Saskatchewan "fighting over the will" need to get that power of attorney.  If the mother is not comfortable with her daughter then she needs to find someone else as power of attorney.  Here in Canada if you do not have proof of power of attorney you can do absolutely nothing.  If the daughter does not have a copy of that power of attorney if the mother becomes ill or incapacitated in anyway the state will make the decisions until they can provide proof.  It is very seldom that these decision need to be made when lawyers offices are open to get a copy.  Additionally unless the mother has given them a key to her house or safety deposit box and told the daugther where her copy is it is again impossible for the daughter to prove she is the person her mom wants making decisions for her when she can't herself.   

As for the issue with joint ownership, yes it is a pain, and yes we don't have tax on income from a will but probate becomes very expensive, so unless there is a sizable amount of cahs also willed the daughter would most likely have to sell part of the ranch to pay for probate, while if there is joint ownership (I beleive there is also silent partner ownership, where the daughter couldnt' make any decisions unless the mother was to sell the property; which from the sounds of it was against the fathers wishes, although not at all legally binding) the daughter won't have to pay the probate fees and will not be taxed on the gained income unless she goes to sell the property after her mother passes away.  It sounded to me that the daughters while bitter with the mother had some serious and justified concerns about their mothers welfare and what will happen to the family ranch once she passes away that need to be addressed BEFORE the mother passes away, if the mother wants her and her husbands wishes carried out for sure.