Topic : 01/18 "Fighting Over the Will"

Sorry you had these problems with your family which goes to show that wills, etc. need to be done 

so they are air tight and filed with the state so there is a record. You are right that most people do not have the proper documents and don't think about doing so until something happens, which, by that time, it's too late.  

  

Have you thought about taking your sister to court so at least what is left of your parents money is 

under a courts supervision. That might stop her from spending it all. Also, you might be able to recover some of what is due to the 5 of you. 

  

I find it amazing what people, who are supposed to love one another, do to each other when there is money involved. 

  

This kind of thing happened to to cousins of mine and caused damage that will never be set right. 

  

All one can do it try to get it right, I guess. 

I too have lived with my mother for over 20 years and know the feeling of control the daughter, Davene talks about.  However, I am from an alcoholic family (the adult child of an alcoholic - my mother) and am in Alanon.  I use to feel the way Davene feels and had the resentment the granddaughter, Amber has, but by working the 12 steps of AA applied to the non-drinking adult children of alcoholics (Ala-non) I have been able to surmount much of those old feelings of resentment and being controlled by my mother.  Alcoholism is a disease which my mother suffers from and I suspect that this family might also suffer from alcoholism itself, as the symptoms of their family is almost exactly like mine.  When ala-non says adult children, it means exactly that;  often adult children are almost invoked into living with their parents AS CHILDREN EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE ADULTS.  It is one of the uncontrollable EFFECTS OF ALCOHOLISM.  I agree with Dr. Phil that the inheritance has very little to do with this family's problems. 

  

Since recovering enough in Alanon to be able to see this, it has really helped me to detach with love from my alcoholic situation, forgive my mother and am starting to see that she is just as much a victim of this disease as I am.  She didn't choose to be an alcoholic with that particular controlling type of behavior.  And the result is that I no longer feel such resentment and helplessness and have actually started to form a good relationship with my mother.  We both are much happier now and starting to actually enjoy each others company, something I thought would never happen! 

  

  

I don't understand how these people can claim to love each other, when obviously for them it's all about the "stuff". Having gone through a lot of deaths in the past 3 years, the "stuff" is unimportant. I would give up all of my inheritances to have the people back, in an instant. When my aunt died in June, her will split her estate into 6 parts - my mother, my uncle (her brother), myself and my 3 siblings. Because my mother had predeceased her, we 4 siblings inherited my mother's portion, so we each got another 1/4 of 1/6 of her estate, meaning my uncle got less than the rest of us. My sister felt badly for him, since he had done so much for his sister while she was alive (not that we hadn't also, but it seemed the bulk of it fell onto him because he is retired and was available during the day), so at Christmas time she gave him an evelope with $1500. However, there had been quite a saga with my Aunt's diamond earrings being lost, almost burned up with the garbage, then found, so at Christmas we also each got an envelope from my Uncle with "The Saga Of Aunt Flo's Earrings" and the whole story retold and for each of us a cheque for $500.00, that to compensate for the appraised value of the earrings which they had had re-set. There was really no need for them to do that, we all expected them to keep the earrings anyway, so there is an example of the opposite of what a lot of families seem to go through. It's called caring about your family, not the "stuff".

 I totally agree with you, they are not entitled to anything just because they were born, if I had a child that  was that disrespectful I certainly would not reward her with that inheritance. I would give it to charity, I think they would appreciate alot more. The granddaughter only sides with her mother because she is looking out for interest as well when her mother becomes elderly. Even if I had issues with my mother i would not of said what her daughter said if front of the world, she could of gotten the same help from Dr Phil with putting her mother down. Shame on those girls!!!

Judyblue22, I think you misunderstood what I was asking. I was not asking whether the attorney had to sign the document. In the US the person to whom the POA is being granted has to sign. I guess I assumed that she had granted the POA to her daughter but I couldn't figure how she had done that without her daughter's signature, since her daughter denied having seen any such document. However, she may have granted the POA to someone else--perhaps her lawyer. That would explain my confusion. Thanks for your response.

This show proved to me how materialistic some people can be.  I couldn't believe how this daughter and grand-daugther were treating this poor lady.  Come on, why would someone constantly want to hear about what their family wants when they die! 

  

Six years ago, my family had to make the hard decision of placing my grandmother in a nursing home due to her illnesses.  I lived with my grandmother the majority of my life.  Basically, she was my mother.  My grandmother was not a wealthy person, therefore, her home had to be sold.  My aunt called me and asked me what I wanted of my grandmother's things...I told her nothing.  I couldn't bear taking my grandmother's things when she was still alive.  They were her things. 

  

So to see this show, it broke my heart.  I can't believe that they won't just leave the mother alone and let her do what she wants.  So what if they have to pay an inheritance tax.  It's not theirs until she's gone anyway.   

  

Honestly, I don't see how some people sleep at night. 

Judy,

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Thanks,
DrPhilboard1
Lead Moderator

I am wavering between naming my son, now 22, as beneficiary on my life insurance because he is a drug addict, and I'm afraid he will just blow the money on drugs., and my husband, who swears he would give my son money to live on, but not all of it to kill himself with.  By the time I croak, he may be clean and sober, in which case I would want him to have the money, or he might be in prison or a drug rehab place. 

I recently lost the last blood relative from my father's side of the family.  My son and myself were his only living blood relatives, as well.  We were fairly close.  His deceased wife's relatives took care of the funeral arrangements.  I found out that they were appointed executors.  Though many non-blood relatives from his deceased wife's side were mentioned in the obituary, and eulogy, my son and I were not acknowledged at all.  Since I did not hear about a will, when I found out one was recorded, I went to the county office to view it.  I was shocked to find that he left his entire estate to his deceased wife's relatives, and didn't leave anything to us (his only blood relatives).  The will was written 2 years ago, 9 years after his wife passed.  It is a handwritten will, but as far as I can tell, the signature looks like his.  The people that he left it to are pretty well off.  My son and I have had many hardships over the past years, and my cousin (first cousin - who died) knew this.  His estate was nearly 3/4 of a million.  I am having a hard time with this.  I love him very much.  And it's not so much about the money (even though a small portion would have turned our lives around), it's that it makes me feel like he didn't care about us anywhere near what I thought - nor anywhere near as much as I did him.  From hearsay, I heard that when his wife was dying, she asked him to leave everything to her side of the family.  Another thing I can't get over.  There was only 2 of us on his side, and so much money.  Oh, and by the way...the form that they had to fill out for Probate that accompanies the will stated that he had no next of kin.  Again, no acknowledgement.

When I watched this show I was amazed on how the mother and daughter were treating that elderly lady (grandma)  You selfish little snags!!!  It is not thier estate, it is not thier money, its non of thier buisness what grandma does with her money!!!  Be happy that you two were even thought of when it was time to make up the will.  If I was Grandma I would take those two off the will and give it all to charity or something.   I was very proud of Grandma for keeping to her decisions and not letting the girls pressure get to her.  YOU GO GRANDMA!! 

As for the next story of the mom being WAY to nosey with her son's inheritance.  Look Lady!! The money is not there for you, It was not intended for you, and you have no right to it!  Yes your son is a little young to be handling all that cash, but  it was left to him.  NOT YOU!!  My feeling on the whole issue is Mom thinks she deserves part of that money.  NOT!!!  keep your grubby hands off it and act like the mature person you are and pay your own way threw life!   Hell we all have had financial difficulties in life,  we all get threw them, and a majority of the people dont steal thier kids money to do it.