Topic : 12/02 Dr. Phil and Robin's First Wives Club, Part 3

 Having watched the show, and read some of the messages, I feel that one big lesson to come out of the First Wives Club is that we must constantly emphasize to young women that they MUST  first of all get as much education/training as possible, go out into the world FIRST and look after themselves before "attaching" themselves to the "man of their dreams"!!!  Only then will they retain self-esteem, and have a career to fall back on if "he" decides there are greener pastures with someone else. 
I was married very young (barely 20), had three babies in six years and was a stay at home wife for 12 years.  I was married to an emotional cripple (a spoiled "Mama's boy"...beware of his type!) who became verbally abusive.  I kept my sanity by becoming active outside the home and eventually turned an interest into a profession.  After 33 years of marriage to the wrong man, I finally went out on my own and have never looked back.  The only positive from those years was my three children so I have only a few regrets.  Now I am retired, a widow (he died suddenly at 61 while we were in negotiations for a divorce), and live happily on my own. 
Take heart, all you rejected ladies...life can be very fullfilling on one's own...find your niche and go for it!! 

My theme song is by Chumbawumba "I Get Knocked Down But I Get Up Again".  The best thing that ever happened to is  when my ex-husband had a baby with another women.  He was emotionally abusive and could be extremely hateful.  I suspected him of cheating.  He denied it and I had no evidence to confront him with.  He came home one day and said that our friend had a baby  and it was his.  The so-called friend was at my house the night before and I could tell that she was pregnant (that's another story within it's self).  That was the final straw.  Our divorce was final within 2 months.  I swore to myself that I would not let him control my life anymore.  He still tries to insert himself in my life after 6 years.  He has been married and divorced already.  I recently married the perfect man for me; he is kind, gentle, loving, considerate and loves me for who I am.  I believe that everything happens for a reason.  By having a not-so-great husband the first time around, it makes me appreciate my husband even more.  Always look for the positive in everything, you will find it.

My husband walked out on me after 32 years of marriage. I did not see all of the first wives club shows, but the one I did see, was inspiring. My husband had his first affair when my son was born and continued the affairs for the next 25 years. I never stood up to him and always forgave him thinking that he would change but he didn't. We are still not divorced ( Dec. 23 court date) because he is trying to make my life miserable and control me. I only wish that I had left him sooner. I am very happy with my life now and have two wonderful children. I hope that the woman with whom he is living comes to her senses before and realizes what he is really like.

Why were they all wearing black? It was like they were all dressed for a funeral. They've come so far and they have so much to be joyful about now... why not a little color to reflect that? 

  

Just wondering... 

Hi Dr. Phil 

I relate so much to these ladies, I have been married 45yrs. Yes 45yrs.and my  husband is a pathological liar, and doesn't manage money. Years ago he went to jail for bad checks, he 

wouldn't even go tell his mother, so I did. She said he was sick and needed to be committed. 

I thought I was too "in love" and could handle it and now 40 yrs later, I still live with it. 

The past couple of months have really been hard, He has beat me down mentally, 

and in the past hit me. Thank God for my Mary Kay business and its positive ways, 

I have been able to mantain a life. 

Thanks Dr.Phil  for giving these ladies a new start. 

SAlly Mercer 

First time for me to write in too. 

My heart goes out to all the first wives (on the show & on the board) 

I just wanted to express my appreciation for Gaylord's singing "I will survive." 

  

I can remember being 8 yrs old singing along to that song when my dad left (second time). How things stick with a person for a lifetime. I'm now 33 but still am terribly angry for the pain my mom went through that led us down a turbulent, at times self-destructive, path.  

  

There's that scramble to find a new man. She struggled to recover any shred of self-esteem. She looked for affirmation of her desirablity. And she longed to erase the past. My dad also fled the past. Unfortunately, the past is where memories of us as a family resided. 

  

Oh, there were new memories to be had with new families. New spouses, new children. It's easier to blend into the new paradigm if you support the new regime by imagining the past (some of your fondest childhood memories) as a dream. Onward to novel, better things - no reflection allowed.  

  

On shows the question has been  asked why people hold on so desepartely to trauma & bitterness. Because it's so inextricably bound to what good preceeded it. "If I don't remember, no one will. It never happened." can apply to both abuse and shamed happiness. Remarriage often calls for revisionism of family history.  But I still survive, sometimes to the dismay of members at extended family gatherings.  

  

I have had to deal with serveral life changes events in the past year and the one thing that keeps me going is that I have Gloria Gaynor's song "I Will Survive" as my ringtone on my cell and each time that my phone rings I am reminded that I am STRONG and I WILL SURVIVE!  I have ALWAYS LOVED THAT song but during the past year it has become my moto in life.  No matter what happens to me, for me or against me....I WILL SURVIVE! 

  

Thank you Dr Phil and Robin for helping these women.  I know of several woman that have had to deal with the same issues as each of these ladies represent.  The hurt, anger, disrespect, it all can be diabling, not wanting to eat or sleep or get away from the computer because you might miss that one piece of information that finally puts all your suspicions into reality.  It is truly devastating. 

  

Thank you Dr Phil for doing this show, I know that it has helped several of my friends. 

  

ROCK ON, Gloria Gaynor!!!!!!!!!   WE ALL WILL SURVIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I found the First Wives Shows very cathartic once again. I have been divorced for almost 4 years after 20 years of marrage. Same story, don't love you, never did but he was going to give me 3 months to "smarten up" and maybe he would stay. So 3 months of verbal and mental abuse and he left anyway..but of course that was his intent from the beginning. My "aha" moment was when I walked into the psychiatric ward of the local hospital and said " I don't belong here" This was the best decision of my life. My life is very different now but I am happy, stronger and a better person now. I'm very proud of these ladies and all of us who have survived and become stronger 

Good luck to all  

How is it that women with so much can feel that they are owed something by anyone? Maybe if they were forced to live in the real world they would have moved on. I don't expect anyone to GIVE me anything, my family and I work hard for what we have, don't you? 

Dr.Phil and Robin you fed right into these women. Give them cars, gas, schooling, hell give them the moon, do you really think it will end there??? They are going to go home and think that this is what they are owed not just from their ex-husbands but form everyone they ever meet. I pitty the next guy. Dr.Phil and Robin you have just given all of those guys on lovematch.com a reason to start looking in the bar seen! I just don't get it. Why would you give these women anything but long term therapy??? Even better strip them of all of their worldly goods, let them worry about how they are going to feed their children, where they are going to sleep tonight and how they are going to keep warm and all of the real life things that people in your country and mine have to worry about, then maybe they will seen how petty and expecting they are being. 

S.G  

I watched the show today and I want to say I am proud of all of you.  I to am a divorced woman with 2 young kids, I am trying to be as strong as you all are right now.  I have been divorced for a year and a half, and I m still having a really hard time with it.  You guys give me inspiration and I too will survive.  

  I was married for 5 yrs and together for 7 yrs and we just lost communication, cheating, and physical abuse.  He puts me on a emotional roller coaster he says he is sorry, and he was stupid and he still loves me.  Than he says he don't know what he wants so I have been trying to move on with my life going back to school and trying to better myself and find a job.  So THANK YOU ALL  you have given me hope again.