Topic : 06/22 Nasty Breakups

 Point right on. Myndie has the decision to free herself from this bind or to let the nightmare keep her bound with unforgiveness. If the base of what her father chose to do in the Catholic upbringing that he shared with his daughters is the middle of her resentment of him then she should seriously seek Spiritual counseling on this matter. I do not suppose any Priest would support the path she is taking but the path that would break the poor chains that hold her down. IF what he did was OK in the eyes of the Catholic Church then I am pretty sure she would need to repent her statement of  "My Father is dead to me". She has these great Catholic morals set up inside of herself when someone else in her eyes betrays them, she weeps. What about following her own Religious system to help herself and not judge her fathers choices.

Myndie needs to grow up. Her "happy little life" as it was-is over. Life is what you make it. She is making it miserable for everyone. She should let the past go and move on. Obviously her issues can't be resolved. She can't dictate who her father marries and what he does. It's his life!

Oh my gosh! i wish there was an emote for Fired Up! i have never responded to a show guest ever, not in the past 20 years of my watching Oprah, and now Dr. Phil. This gal does not follow her own Faith. she cites Catholicism, which to make things easier for my opinion, let's just say Christianity. Jesus forgives us if we ask and receive Him as our Lord and Savior. we are then taught, thru his Word, the Bible, to forgive others. This daughter, Mynde, is bot following Christ but her own demons, her own self righteousness and she disgusts me. of course her father seems "cold" on the show, she is psycho, wants him to behave and speak what SHE wants him too (then she shold write him a script and tell him to memorize it all to please HER). she made it clear it is all about her, and when her father doesnt treat her as she deems appropriate, she is upset. she needs to get out of herself and her pride and arrogance, forgive her father, and move on. we all make mistakes, just because we are Saved in Christ, does not mean we are perfect, only saved. she too is not perfect, but thinks she is and her ways are. The Bible tells us God loathes the prideful but rescues the and respects the humble. until she realizes this isnt all about her, she will never heal, and in the meantime, greatly upset her Savior, Jesus Christ. Mynde, please, read your Bible. Save yourself and the relationship with your Dad. dont fret b/c it is not like how it was, our lives change, this is the temporary world, you know that, so move forward and accept it for what it is now. your heart and soul will thank you for it. and remember, this is the Fallen World, it is not perfect, Jesus wont save us from storms, but he does promise us a safe landing. and we are here for His Glory, not our own!

Hi, 

  

I am Catholic and I just needed to clarify: 

  

1.  The Church does not charge money for an annulment.  It grants them when there is a valid reason, regardless of the financial situation of the parties involved. 

  

2.  The Church grants an annulment when there was some fundamental problem with the marriage at the time it took place.  How long ago it took place is not the issue, the issue is, were all the necessary criteria of a marriage in place at that time. 

  

3.  Pat did not make the marriage null and void when he applied for the annulment.  The marriage was null and void from the day it took place because of a lack of some necessary quality that needed to be there for the marriage to be valid.  All he did was obtain a piece of paper that states what was already, in fact, the truth. 

  

Please don't turn the actions of certain guests on this show into an attack on the Church. 

  

 After being a victim of abuse you only remain a victim if you chose so. That is what I feel. Being brought up beaten and broken - in my young adult life I looked at my life and asked myself. Do I want to be a statistic or a victim anymore?.............HECK NO....Break the chains, learn from the experience, get emotional healing or counseling and don't be a victim of someones behavior.

 I am a practicing Catholic, have been divorced for 25 years. I have been happily remarried for 18 years outside the church. My first marriage took place when I was very young and was for the all wrong reasons. Before remarrying, I investigated annulment but rejected it as going against my fundamental beliefs. In spite of the fact that my first marriage was ill-conceived, it was a good marriage for the fifteen years it held together, prioduced two wonderful children and I would never believe that it was invalid. in the eyes of God. I made a mistake, have repented of that mistake and vowed never top repeat it. Jesus taught us the Godf is all forgiving and demonstated this himself many times duirng his ministry. It seems to me that the Roman Catholic church is going against Jesus'  teaching and example, determining that it does not apply to them, and that they can never forgive the sin of a bad marriage decision without cancelling the whole thing.

I continue to practice my faith, remain active in the church and receive Holy Communion regularly (although I have not revealed my past to them). I believe in my heart that God has forgiven me for my past and has blessed my current marriage and I am fully prepared to stand in judgement before Him.

I hope to live to see the day when the church recogizes that an honest mistake in marrying for the wrong reasons does not invalidate the marriage or render the children of that marriage illigitimate and offers some form of reconcilliation short of annuling the first marriage.  In my opinion, its current position that such person can never be forgiven for his/her transgression runs counter to everything Jesus taught us.

  

My father molested me when I was eleven, so trust me, I know how hard it can be to forgive your Dad.  I couldn't forgive him until I was thirty.  The way I did it was I focused on the fact that the molestation was just once, just one moment in time when he was so drunk, he didn't even know who he was anymore, let alone who I was.  I focused on the big picture, in all those years, he was always right there for me financially and a classic example of the kind of father he was, I called him in the middle of the night with the car broke down over 500 miles from home. The very first sound I heard was the jingle of change in his pockets as he put on his pants as he was asking me exactly where I was at.  And that didn't surprise me at all. That's just the way Daddy was.  

  

It's hard for me to imagine what your father has done as something very hard to get over, but then everything is relative and if all your father has ever been is pretty damn close to perfect, I guess it was a harsh awakening to discover even he has feet of clay.  Even he is imperfect.  But good news, if he was the father you believed him to be, then he'd be an alien because there are no perfect parents, not even close. Jesus girls, do you have any idea how blessed you were with such a nearly perfect father that him not breaking up and restarting to suit you can even touch you deeply??   

  

What if you did this, instead of measuring the father you've got now against the father you believed he was, what if you measured him against all the fathers down the street.  I don't know if there's such a thing as reincarnation or not, but if there is, I want you girls to be blessed with one of our fathers, the beaters, the molesters, the liars, the drunks, the always cheating, crankster Dads.... and I'll take that 'jerk' you call Daddy and I'll forgive him so fast it'll make your heads spin.   

  

You are BLESSED and you are BLIND.  You turn your nose up at your father's unconditional love and Lord knows, what you feel for him is anything in the world but unconditional.  That leads me to believe that your church taught you to follow Paul instead of Jesus.  A lot of churches do that.  How sad for your family.   

I was raised Catholic but left at about age 20 or so. things like annulments require tons of paperwork and are humiliating to the families. I have a deep belief in god and just think the church has alienated many people. I do attend a church of another denomination now but not converted. I listened to a wonderful talk by a nun who said " if you have ever been harmed by the church in any way , I want to extend the deepest apology to you. It was very healing to me. Why should someone negate there marriage to stay in good standing with the church. I feel for the daughters but I know the forgiveness is for them aand their well being, not the Dads. He wanted happiness and was a different generation of Catholic like my parents where it means everything to them.Mynde may take much time to heal and maybe talking to a catholic counselor would help. The 2nd wife is in a tough spot because the kids can make her life miserable. I can understand the kids side. How can you accept a stepmother who is not your Mom. I'd recommend meeting or having lunch with the Dad with no apologies required and NO mention of his second wife as ground rules just catching up with what's going on. A call once a week or every 2 weeks. They don't have to talk about Penny at all. eventually they may accept her to give the Dad his happiness.But she may not accept them either. The Church wonders why people split and yhis is one example of rules without compassion.

I think Mynde's major problem was that she felt the annulment of her parent's marriage nullified the children's existence.  I don't feel that this issue was explored enough on the show to show her that this was not the intent of an annulment.  Many people think that an annulment nulifies a physical marriage, when in fact in does not.  I am not Catholic but have done research since this show. 

  

 

The first thing to understand - and this is very important - is that an annulment does not mean that a "physical" marriage didn't exist, nor that the children born out of such a union are illigitimate. After all, for that to happen, we'd have to go back in a time machine. Instead, this is about determining Under What Grounds a marriage can be annuled because it was not a sacramental marriage, i.e. a "valid" Sacramental Marriage. In other words, and perhaps a bit crudely put, while for all purposes a marriage might appear to have existed, an annulment could be granted if it lacked key elements needed to make a sacramental marriage.--2005, Spero News 

I was married 24 years and received an annulment last year, from the Catholic Church. I received this annulment through the Phoenix diocese and paid $1000.00 for it. My paperwork stated that the church that I belonged to paid the remainder. I am not sure of the amount paid by the church. My paperwork also very clearly stated that an annulment of the marriage does not legally nullify the union nor does it legally nullify the children or "issue" of the marriage. It is an annulment only in the eyes of God and the Catholic Church. I have 2 children from that marriage and neither one has ever expressed anger or problems with my getting an annulment. I sought this as it was for my own soul and peace of mind. It was and is no reflection on how I feel about my children. One has absolutely nothing to do with the other. My ex and I broke up due to his pathological  lying, his numerus affairs, his latest affair involving domination/submission, his patronizing prostitutes and his transmission of an STD to me. Within one hour of finding out the facts, I had the locks changed on the house, and had all of his personal belongings out on the patio. His actions were dangerous not only to me but to our children. What kind of craziness was he bringing into our home? I do not regret my actions at all. To stay with him would have been insanity. He has since married twice and divorced once more. He remains unstable and our daughter refuses to have any type of relationship with him. She tried many times to have a positive relationship with him but everytime, he would do something to hurt her and make her feel like an outsider in his life. Our son plays him for all he can as he is a user. I refuse to allow him to play me but his father allows it, so, I'm really glad I'm me and not him. I believe that annulment is a very personal decision to be made and that no one else, including children from the marriage, should weigh in on the issue. It is between the individual and God.