Topic : 03/31 Love Smart, Part 1

After reading some of the messages, I want to say to all the women that Men are eveywhere.   

I don't believe in the bar scene, or online dating.  Been there. Done that.  Long enough.  Didn't work for me.   

Let me tell you a little story; 

I have been in bars for 1 year before I met my previous partner.    

I was tired of being alone.   So, I planned a trip to put some excitment in my life. 

I was looking to take pictures for my passeport.  He was working at that photo shop.  We started talking about the prices and the service.  I was in a great mood because I was travelling.   He was mesmerized because of my positive attitude and enjoyable mood that I was in. 

The conversation led naturally to a more personal topic where I learned that he was single.  I was feeling so comfortable within my skin that I invited him to join me in the little bar where I was heading later.   

He came.  It lasted 4 years. 

I grabbed an opportunity,  taking the risk of being rejected.   All that time spent in bars where the men are just oooohhh so not ready to commit.... what a waste of time.  I just needed to speak to strangers.  There is more quality there. 

Have I been rejected in the past? Sure!  Many times.  Everydody does.  Cute or not.  Do you see J Lo or Jennifer Anniston having the best time with men?  Their beauty doesn't seem to serve them better then the rest of us. 

I am not a supermodel.   But he made me feel like a princess for 4 years.  We broke up because we stopped "dating".  The spark was lost. 

Men are everywhere 

Good,  Available,  not Supercial,  Wanting to Comit Men are everywhere.    

I think that to be successful at dating, you need to have that vibrant feeling of a "million dollars" and some techniques from Dr. Phil,  develop some abilities to talk to strangers and you will sure find the "One"  

Overweight or not.  

ugly, old, disabled does not sell!!!!! 

i got married for the wrong reason but dammit, i did my best and beyond and loved to bits the 3 kids i had.... i had my day of youth and good looks.... yes was a tad disabled but never gave that a second thought.... but then.... he decides to go ..... ok but he did not have to leave me homeless, sick, etc having vowed to take it all, kids included and without a pension.... 

it was tough, i nearly died from the fall: from riches to extreme poverty, from a very good creer to being a bag lady....... and how are kids to stay normal........ now that's the miracle. 

YOU PROMISED not to leave out some areas in society but i must admit the bold, the young and the healthy beautiful are often on the stage........ 

mother teresa was ugly to the eye........ but in the ed dr. phil..... what is in reality beautiful? 

show america... the disabled, the homeless, the poor are also as potentially deserving of a happy life!!!!!! some bag ladies like i was hold 2 and 3 university degrees and it all happened in front of the law!!! some disabled women, some ugly women were once whole, and beautiful and functional with careers more highy paying than the husband's! 

is this democracy? you promised to give voice to the most marginal cases as well..... thank you... help me shed my cynicism 

Looks like you give yourself the "no" on any age bracket a man is in, you just fill in the reason they aren't going to be a potential partner for you.  Not all men over 50 are dating women in the 20's and 30's and some would love to raise a child.   

We older men want to feel appreciated, respected and loved.  Most of the women I have dated are a few years older than me.  We have a great time.  They are young at heart, have a healthy sense of humor and have a positive outlook on life.  They take care of themselves.  I enjoy their company and feel good being with them.   

Remember even the pretty woman who put her fingers in the salad, made unkind remarks to her date and didn't look at him wasn't given a second date by all the men in the audience.  She is attractive, young, and has a nice figure, etc.  she had it all - well not quite!  So, if you want to wait another 10 years just remember, you'll need to come up with a reason the 60 year old man won't be a viable candidate. 

>For one thing, they haven't spent a lifetime being miserable and developing a very hostile attitude towards men (yet).  

That's red flag #1 - your assumption that older women have developed a very hostile attitude toward men & that women as they age are at risk of such. 

>They are still curious enough about sex to be interested.  

Red flag #2 - the stereotype that older women are not interested in sex. 

>They still know how to have fun,  

Red flag #3 - Your assumption that older women don't know how to have fun. 

 >they whine less 

Red flag #4 - Your assumption that older women whine more.  Incidentally, "whining" is a pejorative assumption made by the listener.  If a guy often makes pejorative assumptions, that's another red flag about him.   

,>are less judgemental, 

and don't spend as much time looking for faults. In short, they are willing to give a guy at least half a chance. 

Red flag #5 - More pejorative assumptions about older women.  Older individuals, men & women, are more likely to know what their deal breakers are from experience.  I know a 64 year-old widower who now makes smoking & excessive drinking deal-breakers.  (His wife died due to her bad habits.)  I know an 48 year-old divorced guy who says he now knows chemistry is not enough for a relationship, & now requires good communication for a relationship to proceed.  Both these men are more aware of what they want & their former wives never would have made it to the second date.  I know older women who have learned lessons along those lines, as well.  But you're framing this perjoratively. 

I don't know how old you are & exactly what you mean by "older".  I'm in my 40s.  But I would never date a guy who had so many negative assumptions about my demographic.  If you would like women to give you at least half a chance, then I suggest YOU be less judgemental & don't spend as much time looking for the faults of women in a certain demographic. 

I can't help but think at least all these women have had prospects.  I am almost 25 and have never had a boyfriend or even been asked out!  The only "date" I have ever had was a set up and went nowhere.  It seems like I am not even getting chances to show people who I am.  I admit I am shy and a little hard to get to know, and I don't do well in crowds, but batting eyelashes and flipping hair is not me and I would just feel ridiculous flirting.  I don't know how to find a guy without pursuing one like a hunter.  Ideas? 

I am not saying NO to these guys - they are saying NO to me and usually to my face. I end up with their friendship but never their love. Because I am their friend, they feel comfortable enough to tell my why "it just won't work". 

I have had the young men approach me to see if I would "teach them". Since I don't look 47, I have met men in their 30's interested only to have them disappear once they find out that I can't have their children. The men close to my age (in their 40's) either want a f*ck buddy (his actual words) or have told me that I am too old for them. 

I had one 54 year old guy tell me that my daughter was the reason he was refusing to date me (he had already raised his kids and didn't want to do that again). One guy refused to date me because I DIDN'T smoke and he did. Other older men (over 50) are disappointed that I cannot just take off at the drop of a hat because I have the responsiblitiy of a daughter who is only 6 years old. 

I am still friends with most of these guys, especially the ones honest enough to tell me the real reasons they don't want to date me.  

So, I am open to any age gentleman but it seems that my unusual situation (late 40's with a small child)  has so limited my choices it's like I have no choice at all. 

I assume nothing. I speak through a great deal of personal experience.  "whining is a pejorative assumption made by the listener."  In this case, I believe that would be you, and you would prove my point rather well had I been making one. I was merely offering some positive qualities I have noticed in younger women that were lacking in the last few women I have dated who were in my age group. I suspect there are plenty of women who are not like this, but I haven't been looking all that hard. You have read far too much into what I have written, but thanks for your input. I enjoyed reading your opinion. 

Well, I'm 32 and gay, and it's not easy being gay either. Too many jerks also. Sadly not all gay men are sensitive :( 

David