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Topic : 03/31 Love Smart, Part 1

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Created on : Friday, December 02, 2005, 03:45:39 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 12/06/05) It's Dr. Phil after dark! Dr. Phil is having a champagne party - with an audience full of single men and women looking to meet Mr. and Ms. Right. Using his new book, Love Smart: Find the One You Want - Fix the One You Got, Dr. Phil teaches these singles how to be smart when it comes to love and relationships, and how to "bag 'em, tag 'em and take 'em home!" Noelle says she's a horrible dater and never gets called back for date number two. Dr. Phil sends her out with a man and critiques her technique. How is she sending the wrong message? Then, a beauty queen who never thought she would still be single at 37 says her biological clock is "gonging!" Does this mean she'll put up with just about anything? Dr. Phil puts her to the test. And, three single women who are looking for love in all the wrong places want Dr. Phil to help them find Mr. Right. See what happens when they participate in revolving dates while Dr. Phil coaches them through an earpiece. Whether you can't find a good candidate, can't close the deal, or get them home and realize they aren't who you thought they were -- you are about to earn your black belt in relationships! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

More March 2006 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

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missjane2

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December 10, 2005, 7:41 am PST

12/06 Love Smart, Part 1

Quote From: billvan

So your 8-year-old's love interest broke his heart and still kept the ring? Sounds like a gold-digger in training. :-)

**LAUGH** but isn't it sweet? AND I will take the moment here to ADD that I have one other child (actually 2 which one minute I'll explain) One is 11 yrs. And he is not into girls right now. He has been and has liked some girls in times past but is taking a break. NOW LAST WEEK we were driving somewhere and he said: MOM, Could I get a pet cock roach? And after catching my breath: EXCUSE ME? See this is something about guys..... another little lesson.....While little girls are playing with dolls and dressing up and playing house and dreaming of their Cinderella prince charming........ LITTLE BOYS ARE THINKING ABOUT and DREAMING about getting a cockroach and a hamster and catching spiders..... So what I am saying is if you wonder if they are thinking about you.... the ANSWER IS NO. And now all they can think about is WHO WINS THE GAME. So think about this: Why be nervous to talk to them? Now my other child is an adopted 18 yr old oriental girl who wants to marry Eminem **sigh** Now can you see me as Eminem's mother-in-law?..... Well maybe he needs some straightening up too.... but at least she doesn't understand English very well so She won't understand a clue of a word of what he says and Maybe he needs someone who doesn't understand English....... another little lesson from my children.....

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haynesdd

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December 10, 2005, 12:26 pm PST

Don't know how to date

I'm a 47-year old mother of 3 college age children who was married for 25 years...when my husband decided that he no longer wanted to be married. BIG shock to me. Apparently, I missed the memo and all of the signs. We have been separated for 1 1/2 years. My question is...what do I say on the first date (I've not dated in 27 years) HELP

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juliebgg

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December 10, 2005, 1:28 pm PST

I am SOOO not like that! LOL

Quote From: billvan

As far as interesting conversations, I imagine it's a heck of a lot more interesting to hear 'I am SOOOOOO..or "I was like...." than it would be to hear "I hate men" and "I loathe men" and "I detest men" and "Men suck", as I imagine most of your conversations would go. Far better to listen to someone wax poetic about the reasons Jessica Simpson is better than Ashley Simpson than to listen to someone telling you how much, and why, they hate you and your entire gender.

As for "MONEY, MONEY, MONEY!!!", it's not just the purview of younger women. If Billy Joel and Donald Trump were flat broke, "these young girls" wouldn't have married them, but then neither would older women.

You ascribe men's attraction to younger women to "basic shallowness, a need for an ego boost and arm candy". How about admitting that, in general, younger women are physically more attractive than older women? And before you scream "No, they aren't!", compare a photo of Betty White to one of Jennifer Aniston.

And one final note to all women out there who think they know how or what men think: you're wrong. To put it succinctly, men don't understand women, and women don't understand men. Deal with it and stop insulting us.

So that is the context of my conversations?? No, they are more likely to be about interests such as travelling, NCAA basketball (great game today, Duke!) current events etc. As a matter of fact I am married and happily a long long time. So maybe I AM knowledgeable about what guys like. My guy would not be interested in conversing with an "I was like.." type of girl. They may be nice to look at (as are young guys), but he goes much deeper than that and values intelligence, having fun, a loyal partner etc. He even says he'd be bored out of his mind talking about Britney and whatever else that generation is in to. It is not about money or looks; it is about love and respect.

And as far as comparing anyine to Jennifer, don't you guys know yet that those covergirl pictures are airbrushed? Compare the magazine ones to her candids..you wouldn't look twice at the latter.

So i don't hate your gender but I do think people of both genders who just go for looks are shallow and are missing out on better things.

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dbachelor

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December 11, 2005, 7:14 am PST

Or, as the saying goes...

Quote From: golden1

Here, here! It seems that once you hit 30 (or more accurately, IT hits YOU!), you're supposed to grateful for whatever comes your way. Just bite your lip, smile and scrape the bottom of the barrel. You know something? You may have just presented an idea for a show featuring single women over 40 and looking for love. That might get ME on the show.

Men age like wine, while women age like milk.

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dbachelor

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December 11, 2005, 7:31 am PST

So?

Quote From: groovy

I think older men go for the younger women for the same reason they read Playboy or Maxum & it's not b/c the younger women are looking up to them & respecting their wisdom. It's true many of us over 40 look & act quite youthful BUT when doing online dating, we won't even come up on the search of most guys our age (unless we're lying about our age which presents an integrity issue). Their searches end at age 39 & most of them don't want to date anyone who was in high school at the same time they were.

I don't read Playboy or Maxim, but what's wrong with guys wanting what they/we want? Is choice only for women?

I mean, all you gals take it for granted that a very short man (or one without a job) is absolutely and irrevocably undesirable, so what's wrong with men having their preferences also? Why are we "shallow", whereas you're just being sensible and reasonable?

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dbachelor

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December 11, 2005, 7:48 am PST

And the answer is...

Quote From: sad5999

I feel like you've been all the dates I've had. I wonder where the men are with manners? Anyone answer that??

Sherry

You know, it's wierd, but a lot of us guys have a hard time stomaching the idea of some Great American Man Shortage. Why? Because us great american men don't experience being in any sort of demand.

The way I put it is I've got it all - looks, brains, personality, education, upbringing, money, time, etc. (yea, you'll have to trust me on this) - and I've been walking around unchaperoned my entire adult life and have NEVER had a woman come up and talk to me to see if I'm single/available, etc. So far as I'm concerned it wouldn't be any different if I was totally invisible. In other words, you gals aren't doing your share of the shitwork. In fact, you're not doing anything so far as I can see except griping and clinging ever tighter to your silly Cinderella complexes.

Where do you all get your sense of entitlement, which is so very evident?

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dbachelor

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December 11, 2005, 8:11 am PST

yea, we get it alright

Quote From: wespauley

I personally don't chase after women half my age because I don't have a need to prove my manliness to myself or others, but there are some very good reasons I would consider a younger woman. For one thing, they haven't spent a lifetime being miserable and developing a very hostile attitude towards men (yet). They are still curious enough about sex to be interested. They still know how to have fun, they whine less, are less judgemental, and don't spend as much time looking for faults. In short, they are willing to give a guy at least half a chance.

I think those rather hostile responses just proved your point, wes.

My contention has always been that so long as we (guys) have to do the asking/paying/etc. then we get to choose who we ask out and pay for. When women start asking and paying then they get to choose. It's as simple as that. In the meantime, women just sorta look silly griping about "no good men". All it does is point to their misplaced sense of entitlement and their own undesirability. And it keeps reminding me of the Yogi Berra-ism: "if people aren't coming to the ballpark, how ya gonna stop `em?"

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dbachelor

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December 11, 2005, 8:44 am PST

Good Point

Quote From: lilfran

I watched the show with interest, and there was one thing you didn't mention to the beauty queen who was 37 and still unmarried. Isn't it time she quit keeping her awards, crown, etc. in the living room for all to see?Maybe if she didn't mention that aspect of her "resume," the fellows would not either be intimidated, or interested in her only as a trophy date!

Many years ago, my cousin, an RCAF pilot, was waiting for his girl friend in her living room. Seeing a fat velvet-covered album on the shelf, he looked at it and found it full of medals. Included was a silver diving medal in the Olympics! When asked why she hadn't mentioned it, she said she wanted people to be interested in her, not her medals. I thought that was a wise attitude.

Yea, I thought that was weird too, like being a beauty queen once way-back-when was supposed to carry some lifetime privileges with it that one cashes in just by flashing the bling. Sheesh, I have medals from the state high school track meet, but they've been in a box somewhere since I went off to college. So I don't think that old standby "intimidation" is the issue. Maybe guys are just weirded out that she's still about in the same place mentally as she was a dozen years earlier and have no interest in playing along. Plus there's the fact that beauty queens aren't as good-looking as they think; I would guess that really being hot/sexy/pretty/beautiful would be a detriment to doing well in the pagents, but that's perhaps another issue; but for the fellows it means they have to treat her at some level which is beyond her actual value.

The question for her should have been why she didn't snag some guy when she was at the top of her beauty power. I have a hard time believing she didn't have many many opportunities and just blew it when she had the chance(s). Another case of karma coming back around...

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judyblue22

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December 12, 2005, 1:02 pm PST

12/06 Love Smart, Part 1

Quote From: sad5999

I feel like you've been all the dates I've had. I wonder where the men are with manners? Anyone answer that??

Sherry

I met my husband when we were teens, so that might explain my patience. I didn't find a guy whose manners suited me. I found a guy who had similar values to mine and a great personality. Then I communicated with him:

When he sniffed during a meal, I gently suggested he go to the men's room and look after his nose.

When he overspent on a gift that made me uncomfortable, I explained how I felt and he returned it and got something suitable.

When he lived on his own and the cleanliness of his apartment offended my sense of hygene, I helped him clean up once and told him how it made me feel to come to a filthy place. He didn't have to be told twice.

And he did the same thing:

When I had my hair cut short, he explained that he liked it long-no matter what.

When I was too affectionate in front of his friends, he explained how it made him feel.

When we were first married and I spent our money without talking to him first, he told me how he wanted us to share our finances.

Guess what? He became the perfect guy for me and I became the perfect one for him! We've been married 22 years.

If you are expecting to meet someone and have him tailor-made for you, you are going to be sadly disappointed. In every relationship you need to be able to give and take correction. A man with manners that don't suit you can be gently corrected-he isn't a loser to be ditched.

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wespauley

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December 14, 2005, 3:14 am PST

Thanks

Quote From: dbachelor

I think those rather hostile responses just proved your point, wes.

My contention has always been that so long as we (guys) have to do the asking/paying/etc. then we get to choose who we ask out and pay for. When women start asking and paying then they get to choose. It's as simple as that. In the meantime, women just sorta look silly griping about "no good men". All it does is point to their misplaced sense of entitlement and their own undesirability. And it keeps reminding me of the Yogi Berra-ism: "if people aren't coming to the ballpark, how ya gonna stop em?"

I truly wasn't trying to offend anyone, but no matter what you say, someone will take offense and go to attack mode. I appreciate your support. I quit dating years ago because of the negative attitudes I kept running into. If they aren't being negative about you, they are being negative about themselves, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I can't believe some of the gorgeous, intelligent women I have met who think they are stupid and unattractive. What can you do?

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