Topic : 03/31 Love Smart, Part 1

 Did anyone write down the quetions that Dr. Phil had the girls ask these guys on the speed date.

I dated a man for three years, he finally bought me an engagement ring to stall a little longer.  The last thing I remember him saying is "my Mama said, and I agree with her" and what he had told her was absolutley none of her buisness.    After I told him to buzz off, he called me three weeks later and said that he was going to let me take him back!!!  he then called a year later to plead his case again.   

This man was in his 30's and still lived with Mama.  But I am an idiot becasue I allowed this dysfunctional piece of garbage to waste three years of my life. 

There are a lot of people out there who need help in this department. SERIOUSLY!

My little brother, 26, finished with college, Has a nice job, isgood looking, he's funny, smart and he must have something the ladies like cause he can get all the dates he wants, but he just can't seem to resist the cheerleaders who are 20....it get so old. He had tried dating other types of girls but he always ends up with girls who are still in a high school mentality and they want drama and passion...they don't want a relationship.

For some people this kind of thing comes naturally, but for some people it's a real problem area, and it might seem superficial or silly, but I have an uncle who is 50 who was just like my brother 25 years ago and he is STILL SINGLE cause he STILL wants the 20 year old cheerleader type, only women his age have moved on from that! And he's sad, and lonely and he has always wanted kids and a family, but he just never learned how to date.

I don't want to offend the first young lady who appeared on Dr. Phil's show today or any others out there who are wondering how to find the right person, but I can tell you that I have been in your shoes, and I learned through various methods how to successfully find a good guy.  Someone special to spend your whole life with.  The Do's & Don't's of successful mate shopping:  (It worked great for me anyway -- hope this helps): 

1) Don't (in my opinion) get desperate & focus on it.  Be happy single.  Work at improving yourself in every way & become what you want to attract.  You want a guy who doesn't whine and drone on about past relationships?  Don't do that yourself.  Want someone articulate and intelligent?  School yourself, learn proper grammar & read a lot -- get your mouth to reflect the intelligent you that will attract an articulate guy.  Want an honest, kind, tactful mate?  Be that yourself.  You get where I'm going with this one.  It seems weird & impossible & all kinds of wrong -- but it really works.  Concentrate on having fun with life & be really easy-going about "when I find the right person, I'll know it."  And by all means don't keep interviewing them the whole date.  Really not fun.  You will get to know them naturally in time.  Don't grill them.   

  

2)  Don't suggest negatives, "Oh, so you're cheap?"  "Are you a whino?"  That's not the things to be saying if you're going to bag the good mate.  Tact can be learned and manners can be learned even if you just go to a bookstore and find a comfie chair & read how to do these things.  Be kind and full of grace.  You can still check them out in your head & say whatever you're wondering to your girlfriend on the phone later.  Don't suggest negative things about him to him.  Even if you're not interesting in dating this one a second time, be nice and courteous & fun and stay in the game as far as being fun.  Even flirt slightly.  But don't kiss them if you know you're not into them.  And then after you get home you can figure out how to let them down gently.  Lots of people end up meeting their future date by bumping into them while dating someone else at a party or whatever.  Or you find out that they know someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows you.  You want them to still think of you as attractive in all aspects even if you intend to shut down the dating process after date #1.  What if you run into him in the grocery store or at the movies and he has his really perfectly wonderful for you roomate or something?  Just be an attractive person inside & out & try your best to learn how to handle situations right.  Stuff happens.  Be patient.  

  

3) Don't mention getting married or settling down.  You can answer a direct question if he asks, but always be a bit removed from the outcome.  "Oh, I think I'll know it when I meet the right person."  Don't make it a big deal.  Don't put the guy under a microscope.  Have some fun.  Have a twinkle in your eye.  Like you've got a secret.  Be pleasant and sweet.  Be likable & still you -- but work on anything that seems too strong such as a forceful personality.  Men like women who aren't too macho and bossy -- at least the good ones that I believe most women envision when thinking up their dream man. 

  

4) Dress in clothes that make you look really attractive but avoid showing too much skin -- some mystery & an air of self-respect really is attractive to well-adjusted, successful men.  In most cases, they are looking (even if not actively looking) for someone who is decent and respectable.  If they had to take her to a company party,. they would be proud to introduce her because she's poised and not too sleezy looking.   

  

5) Always and forever work on your body -- and of course face & hair.  But they love a good body.  And you can take what God gave you and shape it and work it out & make it really appealing.  But then don't be too revealing with it.  Somehow it seems to be the bait that always brings in the good ones. 

  

6) I found the right one when I finally prayed "thy will be done" to God about it -- really feeling lousy about not finding someone suitable who didn't disappoint me or break my heart.  And I asked to be let to know somehow that this is the one.  And it happened within a week of that prayer.  And I just knew.  I absolutely knew 100% when I heard his voice. 

  

That's it.  That's what worked for me.  Good luck.  Hope I can help someone who might otherwise bang their head against the wall trying too hard.  Oh!  And ask them questions, and mostly listen and focus on them & be interested in them.  Polite questions like you do to get to know any friend.  And tell them you always start out your relationships as friends.  And be just a friend until you have the urge to kiss him.  And let it be a slow-moving process.  That unconsciously elevates your value in his eyes.  Good luck! 

It's best to let them pay for the meal.  You still are in control of how much you do.  Keep it on a "friends" basis until you know how you feel about him & then take it slowly.  Don't initiate kisses.

 I agree  with all of the replies.  I have seen past dating shows and most of them have focused on those in their 20s and 30s.  And yes, who plays with their food on a first date, that is just disgusting.  I have been married (21 years) raised to wonderful children and I'm in the prime of my life.   I'm active, work part-time (just to be around people ... definitely not for the money)  and those on-line that seem really interested and compatable are those that are so far away.    Some of us just aren't ready to relocate to a big city like LA or NY.  And maybe there is something I'm doing wrong, who knows.   Still where is the advise and help for those of us single, over 40 and ready to have live life and have fun and find love all over again?

question number one. 

1.- what is the most important thing to you? 

2.- what kind of things drive you crazy? 

3.- What are u looking in a relationship? 

4.- How do you define your self as a man? 

5.- what is the biggest commitment that you had in your life? 

6.- what strike you most about me? 

7.- what kind of things are u looking in a woman? 

  

and that is all i got to write i am slow writer...LOL 

Yeah, well, I'm in a similar situation as these ladies. I'm 31, single for almost 8 years. I've been told that I am intimidating. A married gentleman friend of mine told me that I am "the package" meaning "smart, beautiful, hilarious, down to earth" and that that "package" makes me intimidating to men. Which is probably why I've had 2 dates in that 8 years. Both of which relationships I pulled out of because of other reasons. One was a non motivated college grad and the other was just too negative and hung up on his ex. I've given my phone number probably close to a dozen times to other men but never received a phone call. I do however, have alot of men friends. I think most of my problem is that I'm very guarded and I'm not sure how to get rid of this "fence". I have this feeling that I'll meet him but at my age, I'm starting to feel my biological clock tick.

I have an 18 year old granddaughter. She is thinking of looking for Mr. Right. She is starting college in the fall. Where are some safe and good places for her to start meeting young men? She is very intelligent and is ambitous , besides being a very loving, thoughtful, and caring person, so naturally she wants to meet someone who has these same qualities.

Okay...my first time ever watching dr phil, and it did make me go check out his website....i am a 32 year old male. I am watching the show going...umm...I am a good person, a caring person. Where can i meet some one like Jo-Anne?? I want someone to share my life with, and some one to grow with. It isnt any easier being a guy, and in some ways it is harder. Seems like so many women get involved with the bad guy or the jerks..and they dont give the nice guys the time of day!