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Topic : 12/07 Love Smart, Part 2

Number of Replies: 142
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Created on : Friday, December 02, 2005, 03:47:41 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

The lights are low, the champagne is flowing and Dr. Phil's singles party continues, teaching women how to weed out the bad boys and find Mr. Right. Four women who say they can't be themselves when they're around guys are taped as they candidly speak about dating and what they're looking for in a mate. What they don't know is that they are actually being watched by men whom they will later meet. Find out what the men think about these ladies! Next, one of the women gets a special makeover from Robin, and a pep talk from Dr. Phil. Will she be able to earn herself a second date when she's armed with a secret weapon? Then, Dr. Phil sends single women to "target-rich" environments. Some are armed with tips for meeting men, while others have to survive on their own. Which group of women will meet men and even get phone numbers? Plus, test your knowledge and see how well you know men. If you're ready to be a bride instead of a bridesmaid, you don't want to miss Dr. Phil's advice! Join the discussion.


Find out what happened on the show.

 

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December 7, 2005, 1:10 pm CST

12/07 Love Smart, Part 2

 
December 7, 2005, 1:11 pm CST

you are still very young!!!

Quote From: kleesun

I think these two shows are depressing.  I tell myself I know better but is so much of this really wrapped up in appearance?  I don't want to highlight my hair (it's clean, it's brushed, it's brown.  Get over it), makeup is uncomfortable and does horrible things to my skin, and I don't want to be squirming in "sexy" but uncomfortable clothing on every damned date.  I would forgive him if he were in an old T-shirt and five o'clock shadow--why pass up a good guy just because he wasn't spit-shined the first time out?--but apparently he can't forgive me.  I've been single for years, though, so I guess they get the last laugh. 

  

I'm a nice person, I'm neither a wimp nor a man-eater, I'm smart, I have a good sense of humor, I'm fairly well-educated but not a show-off, I don't freak out if plans fall through, I grant second chances as long as he's not a complete jerk, I don't try to monopolize him or run his life, I'm not high-maintenance (maybe I'm not high-maintenance enough?), I won't drag him to the mall or to chick flicks, I don't play mind games, etc. etc. so what is wrong with me?  I actually get along just fine with men.  I don't think I know anybody else who knows as many really, genuinely, nice guys as I do and yet inspires so little interest.  I'm like everybody's sister. 

  

My best friend tells me I'm too androgynous (in personality).  I just don't have the "flirt gene" or whatever it is that lets women make themselves alluring to men.  I've tried dressing up and being more "girlish" but I can't keep it up and I feel like a total fraud.  I've learned that they're not going to think of me as a woman, anyway, so if I'm "one of the boys" at least I can be a friend. 

  

Dr. Phil would tell me I have way too much baggage and am cold, but what do you expect?  Boys told me I was ugly when I was a  teenager and have ignored me ever since, so if being liked and respected by them as a person now (I'm in my late 20's) isn't good enough, I don't know what else to do.  I never had the chance to learn how to do this.  My mother tells me I look and I just need to go out more, but a) she's my mother, and b) doesn't it follow to reason that if nobody is ever attracted to me, I must not be attractive?  I had a boyfriend for a very short time in college and that was it (I haven't seen The 40-Year-Old Virgin because I figure I'm well on my way to living it for myself, ha ha). 

  

I don't need a boyfriend.  I don't want somebody who will only introduce himself if I have blonde streaks and mascara.  I'm talented, I have plenty of interests of my own, I have friends and extended family who love me, but, damn it, I'm lonely.  I can't even tell any more if I'm allowed to be lonely or not--half the time I hear that I should be OK with myself at to Hell with boyfriends and half the time I hear that humans are social and need emotional connection, etc. etc.  What's the story?  I am so tired of being jealous of married friends--I've cut female friends off when they started families because I couldn't handle it and was afraid I couldn't be civil to them, and that just makes me sick. 

  

Sorry about the huge, whiny post.  I hate myself for being so insecure about something that shouldn't be so important to me.  I'm not insecure about very many things but this is HUGE, stupid issue for me. 

Just to give you some encouragement, I didn't get married until I was 30 and it worked well for me. I'm not sure what you meant by too much baggage and "cold" but maybe those are just areas you could work on for yourself. Sometimes it is important to be yourself so you will be relaxed with the guy when you go out. Have you thought about YOU asking the guy out? Like for coffee? get 2 tickets to something. Sometimes you got to work on yourself a bit to attract attention, who knows- way too much media hype on the perfect body, etc. You want someone NICE, too!!!! Singles groups at churches are good- I know someone who met a guy there. Working at a community theater is good but some of the guys may be gay but others aren't I know someone  or lots who met guys that way. Even working on the set or tickets or costumes you are part of something. Get a dog and go to the park. everyone will stop and talk if you are friendly. Don't live at home. Even if you have to share a house or apartment with 3-4 girls you will meet more people. Listen, I didn't have a kid until I was 39 and I was just fine. Try and be more positive. What are your favorite things in life? I don't know what type of work you do but don't overlook the guy who like you, may be a diamond in the rough.Focus on giving what you would like to get back- attention, interest, conversation .instead of what you don't have. I don't know where you live but some places have great guy to girl ratios. OK, so Alaska may be a stretch and  far north but I'd bet you'd have more guys than you could handle!!!!!! Go for it girl!!!!! 
 
December 7, 2005, 1:14 pm CST

no hope! woman with doctorate + masters, ironman, etc.

Must be a sign from God -- my first message didn't post. Oh well. According to Dr. Phil's guidelines, there is no man who would want me that I would want, since men intimidated by strong women, and I can't respect a man as a romantic partner, who has less ability than I have, and has done less than I have, especially since I feel like I've only done 1/10th of my potential ....  Thank you Dr. Phil, for helping me realize that I will be single the rest of my life (I guess I better find a good deal on batteries for my BOB! (smile) .....
 
December 7, 2005, 2:02 pm CST

Wish I could have watched

Apparently Channel 11 in Dallas is compelled to bust into the Dr. Phil with the slightest inclination.  Today the ENTIRE SHOW was pre-empted for winter storm watch coverage. Like anyone needing that information is sitting at home watching Dr. Phil.  Those of us at home KNOW it is cold and icy... geez!!  Last week it was an officer that had been shot and they continued breaking in to tell us they had NO NEW INFORMATION.   Maybe tomorrow they will break in to show us someone's car in the shop because they slid on the ice.  The kicker?  They spent 5 minutes of airtime going through their website step-by-flippin-step to show people how easy it is to get up-to-date information.  So why do I need them in my face again? 

  

 I set aside one hour out of my day to watch television and this is the show I choose.  Lucky me. 

 
December 7, 2005, 2:14 pm CST

Match.com

Just want you all to know that Match.com DOES work!!!  I met my dear hubby there 8 years ago.  We're both in our 40's now and between us have a total of five kids!  His, mine and ours!!  We've adopted two little boys, age 4 and 2 months, both at birth.  Don't give up, MATCH.com is amazing.....just remember there are alot of frogs out there before you get to your potential prince too. 

 
December 7, 2005, 2:17 pm CST

The two LOVE SMART shows are the best ever

This is Lily.  I loved these two shows about LOVE SMART.  I am married, but I love to see happy young people meet each other. 

  

Great show, Dr. Phil. 

  

Lily 

 
December 7, 2005, 2:19 pm CST

My two cents

Quote From: kleesun

I think these two shows are depressing.  I tell myself I know better but is so much of this really wrapped up in appearance?  I don't want to highlight my hair (it's clean, it's brushed, it's brown.  Get over it), makeup is uncomfortable and does horrible things to my skin, and I don't want to be squirming in "sexy" but uncomfortable clothing on every damned date.  I would forgive him if he were in an old T-shirt and five o'clock shadow--why pass up a good guy just because he wasn't spit-shined the first time out?--but apparently he can't forgive me.  I've been single for years, though, so I guess they get the last laugh. 

  

I'm a nice person, I'm neither a wimp nor a man-eater, I'm smart, I have a good sense of humor, I'm fairly well-educated but not a show-off, I don't freak out if plans fall through, I grant second chances as long as he's not a complete jerk, I don't try to monopolize him or run his life, I'm not high-maintenance (maybe I'm not high-maintenance enough?), I won't drag him to the mall or to chick flicks, I don't play mind games, etc. etc. so what is wrong with me?  I actually get along just fine with men.  I don't think I know anybody else who knows as many really, genuinely, nice guys as I do and yet inspires so little interest.  I'm like everybody's sister. 

  

My best friend tells me I'm too androgynous (in personality).  I just don't have the "flirt gene" or whatever it is that lets women make themselves alluring to men.  I've tried dressing up and being more "girlish" but I can't keep it up and I feel like a total fraud.  I've learned that they're not going to think of me as a woman, anyway, so if I'm "one of the boys" at least I can be a friend. 

  

Dr. Phil would tell me I have way too much baggage and am cold, but what do you expect?  Boys told me I was ugly when I was a  teenager and have ignored me ever since, so if being liked and respected by them as a person now (I'm in my late 20's) isn't good enough, I don't know what else to do.  I never had the chance to learn how to do this.  My mother tells me I look and I just need to go out more, but a) she's my mother, and b) doesn't it follow to reason that if nobody is ever attracted to me, I must not be attractive?  I had a boyfriend for a very short time in college and that was it (I haven't seen The 40-Year-Old Virgin because I figure I'm well on my way to living it for myself, ha ha). 

  

I don't need a boyfriend.  I don't want somebody who will only introduce himself if I have blonde streaks and mascara.  I'm talented, I have plenty of interests of my own, I have friends and extended family who love me, but, damn it, I'm lonely.  I can't even tell any more if I'm allowed to be lonely or not--half the time I hear that I should be OK with myself at to Hell with boyfriends and half the time I hear that humans are social and need emotional connection, etc. etc.  What's the story?  I am so tired of being jealous of married friends--I've cut female friends off when they started families because I couldn't handle it and was afraid I couldn't be civil to them, and that just makes me sick. 

  

Sorry about the huge, whiny post.  I hate myself for being so insecure about something that shouldn't be so important to me.  I'm not insecure about very many things but this is HUGE, stupid issue for me. 

I was married at 20, divorced 3 kids later at 24 and didn't remarry until 39.  My husband and I met online and are blissfully happy but I weeded through 15 years of losers before I found him. 

  

The part of your post that struck me was that you said when your girlfriends marry, you bail because you just can't stand to watch it.  Have you ever considered that by doing that you are further narrowing your scope?  Think about it... Husbands have friends and coworkers; when they have kids there will be more friends and events and all kinds of opportunities to meet different people.  Maybe the husband has a sister with a best friend that's perfect for you.  It all comes down to six degrees of separation.  If you sit in your house, you won't meet anyone.  If you limit yourself to one method of meeting people, you miss out on meeting all kinds of other people. 

  

Tell your friends to moderate the gooey details about their sickening bliss, but don't make your world smaller because it seems to be harder.  If you expand your world, then the math says you have to expand the number of people you meet.  When you find the right guy, you'll flirt.  Women who are attracted to men just can't help it.  And when it's the right guy, he'll see it for what it is.  In the meantime, GET OUT THERE!!  Call up your old girlfriends and catch up.  Go to their kid's soccer game or dance recital.  I can almost assure you there will be single dads there, too.  You just never know until you go. 

  

Good luck and take care.  :) 

 
December 7, 2005, 2:21 pm CST

dating

I didn't see the first part of the dating show,  but I did see it today.  I can't recall a man with a job having an interest in me.  I did most of my dating in college and right after.  My 3 best friends have gotten married.  One says she doesn't know of anyone who is "worthy" of me.  I am 46 years old and have 2 cats.  I jokingly say that I don't need a man when I have couple cats who let me know when I've  been on the phone long enough.  I have seen so many women and listened to the TV of how the number of women who meet someone, thinking he is their knight in shining armour, get married only to be abused and even murdered.  I don't need to be married to be happy, and really don't want anyone.  But I am human, and it's at a time like this old feelings are brought and I wish things had been different.  I am only 4ft 3in tall, and the only people who notice me are married men and women and children.  Even when I was thin a long time ago, and dyed my hair blond, I was only noticed by men on disability.  I'm happy for anyone who finds true love, but women of all ages need to understand that it isn't necessary to be married to be happy. 

 
December 7, 2005, 2:24 pm CST

Maybe you can go to places where men are not expecting blonds?

Quote From: zapatasred

Just to give you some encouragement, I didn't get married until I was 30 and it worked well for me. I'm not sure what you meant by too much baggage and "cold" but maybe those are just areas you could work on for yourself. Sometimes it is important to be yourself so you will be relaxed with the guy when you go out. Have you thought about YOU asking the guy out? Like for coffee? get 2 tickets to something. Sometimes you got to work on yourself a bit to attract attention, who knows- way too much media hype on the perfect body, etc. You want someone NICE, too!!!! Singles groups at churches are good- I know someone who met a guy there. Working at a community theater is good but some of the guys may be gay but others aren't I know someone  or lots who met guys that way. Even working on the set or tickets or costumes you are part of something. Get a dog and go to the park. everyone will stop and talk if you are friendly. Don't live at home. Even if you have to share a house or apartment with 3-4 girls you will meet more people. Listen, I didn't have a kid until I was 39 and I was just fine. Try and be more positive. What are your favorite things in life? I don't know what type of work you do but don't overlook the guy who like you, may be a diamond in the rough.Focus on giving what you would like to get back- attention, interest, conversation .instead of what you don't have. I don't know where you live but some places have great guy to girl ratios. OK, so Alaska may be a stretch and  far north but I'd bet you'd have more guys than you could handle!!!!!! Go for it girl!!!!! 

There are lots of men who cannot stand women who are all made up and with fake everything either. 

  

Heck, there are whole countries where women do not put on make-up, dye their hair, and giggle. 

  

Please don't give up, be nice and caring, always.   Someone will notice how easy it is to be with you. 

 
December 7, 2005, 2:28 pm CST

How about Matthew.

So is Matthew still out there and single? He was  a good looking one!!! Seemed very confident, lively and fun to be around. Matthew if you read this you should e-mail me sometime!::wink:::
 
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