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Topic : 08/11 Conned by a Con Artist

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Created on : Friday, December 09, 2005, 03:59:23 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 12/12/05) You may have heard, "If something is too good to be true, it probably is." Dr. Phil's guests learned this lesson the hard way. Sandra thought she was marrying a bachelor with whom she would spend the rest of her life. What she didn't know was that she was being conned, and that when she tied the knot, she would be wife number seven! See what happens when Sandra and wife number six get together. Why is Dr. Phil concerned with the way they are coping with their pain? Then, when Coni met Paul, he claimed he owned a business, had a Ph.D. and was an Air Force Major. But the life he detailed was all a big lie. Now that Coni has put her husband behind bars, she fears he's plotting revenge. What does Dr. Phil think? Plus, a former FBI profiler shares the signs to look for so you don't become a con man's next target. Talk about the show here.


Find out what happened on the show.

 

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December 12, 2005, 1:27 am CST

Coned by a con

Quote From: froachgael

I met my x husband climbing in New Hampshire in 1969. I hadn't done much climbing before and chose the wrong boots. The mountain wasn't very high, but by the the time I reached the summit both feet hurt.  I removed my boots and socks and all the skin  fell off my heels. The leader of the hike helped me bandage my feet but, when we started down, he and the rest of the group took off leaving me behind which is definitely a sin when you're hiking. Only one person stayed with me. The man I eventually married. He stayed, he said, because he wanted to make certain that I got down safely. We seemed to have so much in common. He had majored in History in college; I was a History major. We both loved the out of doors, swimming and hiking. He was going into to Coast Guard, against his parents wishes. This was the Viet Nam era and they wanted him to go to either Canada or Sweden and they said they'd support him and they definitely had the money to do so. He said that he'd told them he couldn't desert his country but he couldn't kill anyone either so he had enlisted in the Coast Guard. I told him how proud I was of his decision. That I admired his compassion for others, his sense of humor and how he was willing to stand up for what he believed. I also told him that I thought he'd found an excellent compromise between his desire to support his country and his beliefs about killing others, especially since his father's family had been missionaries since the 1730s. 

  

After boot camp, he was stationed in Boston and we reconnected through a mutual friend. We were married in 1971. Now, fast forward to 1973. We were backpacking in the Pemmigawasset Wilderness. Both of us were members of the Appalachian Mountain Club and we were doing the finishing off the mountains which made you eligible for the 4,000 Footer Club. Today there are 48 but list has changed since 1973, so I'm not certain which mountains are now on the list and which have been dropped. However, Owl's Head  is on both lists and, in 1973, the only way up was to climb an old land slide. While climbing up the slide, I slipped and fell onto my left hip. Did the compassionate man I thought I had married help me up? Are you kidding? The only thing he wanted to know was if I'd damaged the camera equipment. After we'd hiked down, we hiked out towards the Kancamagus Highway. It had been a heavy winter, the snow melt was late and it had been raining off and on for three days. There was a large stream to cross and, while normally it was difficult but not dangerous, this was not a normal crossing. I fell, losing my glasses. Without glasses, I have 4 inches of clear vision.  By the time I  flounder to the other bank, I was already so hypothermic I couldn't think straight.  He did, I admit, help me to get into dry clothes because we always kept extra clothes in waterproof bags but when I asked him to warm up some water,using our stove, so I could get something hot into me, he refused. We hiked to our next camp site. Guess who had to cook supper? The next morning, I woke up to find that my left hip was pitch black, swollen two inches high and I couldn't put my foot on the ground with out screaming. I showed him how badly I was hurt. I begged him to hike out for help. He packed the food, tent, sleeping bags and stove in his backpack and told me to hike out or he'd leave me there. So i did. Actually, I didn't hike out. I hopped out 20 miles without glasses and with a cracked hip. 

  

Everything he had told me about his concern for others, his love of country, was just a con job he pulled out to suck people to him. He lied about loving me. He lied about taking care our of our only child who inherited a rare and fatal genetic disease. When I had to give him custody because I had been disabled by an auto-immune disease, the state he lived removed him from his care after three weeks and placed her in foster care ONLY because I was unable to care for her. The fact that comes from a wealthy family and has provided her with excellent, private care is, in my opinion, the only good thing he's ever done. He claims he loves her but , if he does, then why,when I try to see her, does he sends her on a long trip leaving me to comfort our sobbing daughter when she calls me and says, "Why does he keep doing this to me?"  Even his own brother hates him. 

  

He's now on his third marriage. I'd like to let her know the truth about the man she married but I know she won't believe me. I just pray that she finds out what he's really like before he puts her in harms way. 

  

He's been diagnosed as a psychopath with psychotic episodes. 

what you should do is phoned the Dr he was going to, have them send him a appointment,  lol  

I live in New Zealand  

  

Felt sorry for you reading your story,  

 
December 12, 2005, 2:03 am CST

People Show You the Truth

Quote From: 431617

I have this kind of con in my life - more than once! Ive been out of the dating scene along time because of these experiences. Now that I am nearing 40, I dont want to be alone any longer. I am so afraid though that I am going to fall right back into that trap. I dont trust my choices. I cannot trust anything that comes out of a man's mouth. And some have been so sincere, but always, ALWAYS there seems to be a motive. How do you get past this kind of 'baggage' and move on, so it can be possible to find that honest well-meaning man that I KNOW HAS TO BE OUT THERE!?

 You said, "I cannot trust anything that comes out of a man's mouth." Remember those words because in their lies the answer. People are always telling you who they are but in truth THEY SHOW YOU WHO THEY ARE. Don't get fooled by the sales pitch about his good qualities, they should be  observable, not some convuloted story. 

  

Also, if a person loves you and respects you, he will treat you as such, (again an action, not a story). If you feel some sort of sharp pain in your gut or shoulders when he says something to you. Be aware, it's your mind telling your body, I don't like that or that hurt me. It's a signal that all is not right. 

  

Good Luck, 

James 

 
December 12, 2005, 5:10 am CST

How to recognize and avoid con artists

Con artists like the men in this show are much more common than people realize. Many con artists are soicopaths, and experts believe that one percent of the population are born as sociopaths. That means there may be 3 million sociopaths in the United States.

I found out the hard way. I was married to a sociopath who took all my money, had a child with another woman during our marriage and left me in debt.

Since then, I have developed a website that teaches people to recognize and avoid sociopaths called Lovefraud.com.

Ed Hicks, who was profiled on this program, is a case study on Lovefraud.com. You can read it at: "Ed Hicks: 7 wives, 4 overlapping marriages, 6 ads on the Internet."

 
December 12, 2005, 6:06 am CST

my father-the con

I am sorry to say that I am very familiar with this pain. My own father conned our family for 20 years; in thinking he was paralyzed in his legs. My father has been collecting va compensation in totals exceeding $1,000,000. cash. tax free. During those 20 years my brother and I were growing up and instead of him doing his job of caring for us; we, in fact, had cared for him, just for his pleasure not for the need. You can't possibley imagine the humilation that we feel when we think about how many times we put his socks and shoes on him, did his laundry and cleaned his house. We live in the poconos so you can imagine all the snow we have shoveled in 20 years. We even missed school so we could do chores like shovel deliveries of wood and coal. After a year of having the knowledge of his fraud, I turned him in. It has been 3 1/2 years since then and he is still a free man and collecting on our tax dollars. Honestly, at first, I wanted to kill him. Now, I think I just pity him. I can't wait to see the show today because how do you get over such deep deception?
 
December 12, 2005, 6:16 am CST

coned

I never miss the show hope DR.Phil gives some good advise 

there should be clues or Questions!! 

 
December 12, 2005, 6:16 am CST

But you should be well beyond the cover prior to Marriage

Quote From: lisati

It just goes to prove the old proverb, "you can't judge a book by its cover"

I'm sure there are some red flags here once you get beyond the cover.  The lesson learned here is don't ignore them and get well beyond the cover prior to marriage. 

  

They have shared their stories in a courageous way we need to honor that by learning from them. 

 
December 12, 2005, 7:47 am CST

Been there

Please tell the ladies on the show that I was courted, married, abused both sexually, emotionaly and physically for 3 years. I got away from Thomas Edward Moore 3 times but he found me. After my son and I did get away he and his sons harrassed, stalked and tried to kill us. I finally got him arrested and put away for a short time. During the time we were together was hell, yet he always made up. Knowing I was a college grad helped me mentally know I was not as stupid as he said I was....even tho I fell into the clutches of this professional con man.  He did have connections to an organized family in the NE as they sent money when we needed it....we did craft shows...total control in his hands.  

The DA of KY where he was finally imprisoned called and told me to move one day when Tom was to get out. That was in l996....I moved, my son had a Bipolar explosion and spent several years in and out of hospitals due to the stress of Tom stalking etc.  

To this day I carry a gun with me at all times as the judge told me to do in court. I never go anywhere by myself if anyway I can keep from it. My son is a "basket case" when he thinks I am late to meeting him etc. at age 27.  I am always locked in my home..have 8 dogs for protection. I still "gun check my house " when I have been gone.  I never let anyone down the driveway without meeting them with a gun.  

Tom took all monies on credit cards, everything I owened...even my clothes. He has a past prison record which the FBI took forever to find...NE friends again.  NO SS card ever. NO record of him at all. A PRO ALL THE WAY. AND I WILL ALWAYS BE AFRAID AND I AM NOW 60.......therapists have called it post tramatic syndrom as VN  and it is hell.  I never talk to anyone....and never will trust anyone again. His grown sons who helped him in NC are out there too.   No freedom here. I wish the women on the show the best....better than me. 

Dogfur58 

 
December 12, 2005, 8:07 am CST

Con men aren't just online

You have to approach online dating with caution just like you should do any relationship.  I was conned out of several thousand dollars by a man I met at my church.  I married a man I met online and he is salt of the earth.  If the sleaze balls only frequented the internet we could all easily avoid them. 

 
December 12, 2005, 8:25 am CST

Reach out

Quote From: saromo627

Perhaps it's far too soon for me to even worry about ever connecting again with another man. I've been widowed only 18 months and would love to network with other people. 

  

I've learned that friends tend to shy away from you once you've lost your spouse. I thought that friends knew people who knew people and out of that knowledge might spring someone with similar interests. I've lost a great deal of that networking and now am high and dry with no one to talk to, have dinner with, go with to a show, and unwilling to plunge into unknown territory because of things that can happen as will be evidenced during this show. I'm afraid to trust. 

  

I've tried all the conventional ways of meeting people and detest the online dating services because it's way too easy to hide "the real you" in cyberspace. 

  

Any suggestions? 

My mother was widowed almost two years ago and faced some similar issues. 

  

Fortunately, she had many folks from church who invited her to join them for breakfast or to go do something. She also began attending a grief recovery group. She got so much out of it she started one at her own church. She's since become good friends with the folks in this group. They have cookouts and get togethers. My mother also helped mud out houses in Mississippi after Hurrican e Katrina with a group of volunteers and met some great people that way. She's not dating yet but she's building a new life for herself and I'm really proud of her. 

 
December 12, 2005, 8:30 am CST

Gay/Bisexual Husband???

I have what may be a stupid question; how can you tell is your husband is gay and/ or bisexual?  I have been married for two years and have found out about a number of things he lied to me about before we were married and some significant deceptions since; now I have serious questions about his sexuality?  Can someome help me???
 
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