Topic : 08/11 Conned by a Con Artist

Well, I thought by age 42 I would have been able to "spot" a con or something that really was to good to be true.....WRONG!  I was healing from a divorce and very involved with my church at the time when Dave came into our lives.  He started coming to the same church with his 2 small children in December 1999.  He talked all the right things and after 5 months I agreed to "date" him.  I have a special needs son at home who was 7 at the time and was very protective of him since we had been mentally, emotionally and physically abused by his father for to long.  Dave treated my son very good, seemed patient with him and acted like he cared.  I say acted because now I can see it was an act.  Dave was going through a bad divorce and of course he told me "HIS" side of it which made him out to be wonderful and the ex an evil person.  He continued to put on his show of loving and caring for me and my son for another year so when he proposed I knew I loved him and thought the feelings were mutual.   

He was self-employed as a construction contractor (not licensed to my surprise because he said he was!) and money was never an issue until later in the marriage.  I worked for the school system so did not depend on him for financial reasons.  There were more than a few run ins with his ex and children including my tires being slashed, a vehicle being stolen from my driveway and him ending up in jail and more.  But once again I believed Dave when he (always) explained everything logically away.  See, he was 5 years older than me, had grown children with his first wife and this new ex was only 25, half Dave's age.  What a mess, but at the time Dave kept me in the dark so to speak about most of his life, he only told me what he felt I needed to know. 

I thought he was a good person because I met him in church and he was so good about (pretending) to walk the walk and talk the talk. 

We got married in November 2001 then decided to move somewhere we could purchase land reasonable.  He asked me where I would go comfortably in distance away from my (elderly) parents.  My response was anywhere BUT Missouri.....guess where he found land, yep in Missouri.  He bought it, paid cash, without consulting me, but because I wanted our life to work out together ( I am the type of person who always tries to fix everything and everybody so all are happy)  I moved and did end up loving our life there with our animals and blended family.  We weren't there to long before the control started with the money, vehicles and my son.  After only 3 months there my Mother past away and Dave "allowed" me to drive to Florida to be with my Dad.  Once back in Missouri, the issues became worse.  Dave would leave for weeks at a time leaving my son and I alone in the middle of nowhere, knowing no one and no money.  He would claim this was for work.  Well finally in January of 2004 it all fell apart with him hitting my son and me defending my son.  I told him to leave until things cooled down and he did.  My older son (24 yrs old) was at the house at the time, Dave sucker punched him on the way out of the house.  Dave also took my vehicle and all the keys to the other 3 so we couldn't go to town if needed.  I did call the sheriff and filed a report of abuse on my youngest son.  Dave was picked up, put in jail for a whole 4 hours.  Once released, Daved cleaned out all of our bank account which left me with nothing to provide the basic needs for my son and myself.  Once this happened I started doing my own investagation into Dave and his background and found he had at least 5 warrants from 2 different states for domestic violence, pulling a firearm on a police officer in a mall, failure to pay child support for 2 ex wives, no drivers license because it was revoked for child support.  He had a fake one with a fake address in Michigan.  Anyway, his arrest record goes back to 1975 and continues to 2004, and I am sure more since.  He hasn't  paid taxes since 1975 so that is why he always gets paid in cash and doesn't hold a bank account in his name.  Our account was in my name with him as someone who could withdraw and deposit but no name on our checks or paperwork.....therefore it couldn't be linked to him.  He gave me a reason why it needed to be like this at the time but I don't remember what it was.....there were so many lies that I now know of and wish I knew then.  In the end, I lost our home, my vehicle, animals and my self-esteem.  I don't trust anyone, especially a man and don't let my son get involved with anyone as well.  My son and I had to move, with no money or vehicle and my credit is so bad because of this I won't be able to get one.  I had to borrow money from family to get situated and move and now because of this I have an attorney bill of almost $30,000 which I try not to think about.  I will never recoup financially, (it has been almost 2 years now) or what we lost but would be nice to have a vehicle so we wouldn't have to do so much walking or borrow vehicles to get to my son's many doctor appt.  At least we have each other. 

My son and I are trying to get back on track but I am having a difficult time trying to believe that I was conned, even though I know I was.  I always thought I was a good judge of character and since I met Dave in church I thought he had to be good.  Boy was I wrong! 

So....this is for everyone out there, be careful and don't get in this situation.  It is hard to have a life after something like this and to trust again.  There are times when I would like to share my life with someone and then this all comes back to me and I tell myself NO.   

It would be nice to have a hug now and then though! 

I'm estatic that this topic was presented on TV. As more and more women become successful in their careers and either divorce or chose to be single we are truly prey to these con artists.  

I met mine on a reputable website for singles (American Singles). We talked for several months, met, fell in love, and proceeded from there. All was very rushed which should have been my first warning. 

There were many stories about being in special forces in Vietnam, previously working for the CIA, his ability to be called into Iraq at any time, owning his own business, being divorced twice, and that his second wife was a drug addict. I don't think  this was true fact . His stories began changing over time and never fully made sense. I did meet his children and they both said their father was a liar and needed psychological help. This was another red flag. 

His home was a disaster. It had been his parents and he lived there after their death due to losing his job. He did odd and end jobs until he took the position in an computer company. As the relationship progressed he became more controlling, alienated me from friends and family, depression set in and he no longer bathed or changed his clothing. That was when another red flag went up!  

I did begin to clean his house so I could discover who he truly was. I found old pictures of his family. The man had gained 100 lbs since his divorce five years previously. He lived in a mansion and was now was living in a house requiring a great deal of work. I was concerned about depression and borderline personality disorder/narcisstic behaviors/grandiosity/sociopathy. 

His anger progressed, his outbursts progressed, and when I discovered an AKC automatic rifle in his home it was time to move on. 

I went on the internet to begin searching on this man. I did discover he was married prior to his stated first marriage and was dating his children's mother before he even divorced. He married her shortly after the first divorce. I never found documentation of a marriage to the wife with the drug problem but did find trespassing charges against him at that time. He was in no military database and the CIA database cannot be accessed by the public. 

He moved another woman into his home a month after I broke it off and lost his job. I did return a necklace he had reluctantly had given me on Valentine's Day with a letter stating my feelings and my thoughts that he needed intense psychological help. 

My statement to all women is we get lonely but don't settle for just anyone. When it all makes no sense it's time to move on. Disclose little about what you have, what you want, and always show your confidence and not your needy side. These men buy into the lonliness and neediness. Thank God this man was unable to access my finances since I made very few comments about what I had. 

My question is this. Is there a database for these situations where we can post names and addresses of these individuals to warn others? We must all look out for each other and this is one way to do it! 

Another question-how do you begin to trust again and date? I have joined a reputable dating service with little interest in these men. Perhaps it's the aftermath of this or the fact that I am so cautious I refuse to let anyone know who I truly am. What are your thoughts? 

Thanks for your time, 

Taomeditat 

Texas 

I did not seek out my Don Juan of Con he sought me out, he pretended to be the POW on my POW bracelet.  I did not look for someone to complete me, or love me, in fact I wasn't looking for love. I just wanted a friend. Nothing more.  I had been in an abusive relationship, and was not looking for love. He didn't hook me on money, or anything, he did say he had an education, and was a Doctor.  I believed him, after all the man was very intelligent, knew how to talk about art, the philosophy of Socrates, the poetry of Shakespeare, and he was not the ordinary run of the mill man on the take.  I told myself, that I wanted an intelligent man that was not intimidated by the fact that I had a degree. He wasn't intimidated by me, and he was 'in a wheelchair'.  I did not need a man to complete me. I was complete as I was. I had a job, and raised my sons, and was getting a Master's.  I did not need a man in my life. He was my friend and became something more. Was I wrong to trust? Perhaps. Just because some of us had low self-esteem doesn't mean that we are putting ourselves out there to be victimized!  I refused to be victimized by everyone else that had not walked in our shoes. We are gaining our self respect back by fighting back, and I applaud these ladies for going on the television and telling so many their stories at the risk of ridicule.   We treat others with love and trust and we got stomped all over on. I will never fully trust Yahoo.com or Match.com because my Don Juan of Con found plenty of victims on those sites. He had a list of 20 victims before he went to the woman that followed me. We are not conned because we are needy, plain and simple, we were conned because we were naive enough to believe and love someone.