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Topic : 06/07 Moms' Biggest Mistakes

Number of Replies: 188
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Created on : Friday, December 09, 2005, 04:01:06 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 12/13/05) If your job description includes long hours, little sleep, and endless requests to open your checkbook, you must be a mom! One single mother wrote to Dr. Phil for help with her two teens, whose wish lists get more and more expensive each year. Then, Kelly has been married only four years and says she can't remember the last time she went on a date with her husband, John. Dr. Phil sends his "Mom Squad" to make a house call. Plus, Jeannette says she used to be a sexy blonde bombshell, but now she's lucky if she even takes a shower in the morning! And Larry King's wife, Shawn, shares some mistakes she made with her oldest son, and gives a surprise performance of songs from her new album. Join the discussion.


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December 13, 2005, 4:13 am CST

Thats nonsense

Quote From: valleb

Mother Teresa was a NUN!!!????  Not married, no kids, NO SEX.  Do you really think your husband wants to be married to Mother Teresa???  Were you modeling Mother Teresa when you got married??  Like Dr. Phil says, Was it the Bait and Switch?  Not to be harsh, but don't be surprised when he looks elsewhere.  You don't have to be Kate Moss (who would want to be?) but taking pride in yourself is important.  Hmmm.....What was the name of Dr Phil's book?  Oh ya, SELF MATTERS!!!!   

Please!  If you are married to some man who will "look elsewhere" because your wearing "mommy clothes" and busy taking care of babies all day then youre better off without him. 

  

There are all sorts of ways to take pride in yourself.  The least of which is how you dress while your changing diapers and scrubbing toilets.  I would rather go without makeup and be happy knowing my children are well loved and cared for then to worry over dressing like someone out of a magazine. 

  

  As far as my husband goes, he loves me and thinks im beautiful even if im makeupless and dressed in sweats.  Go figure!   

  

  

 
December 13, 2005, 4:45 am CST

Makes you think

Last night in my little town a house burned down.  :(  By the time the fire department got there the house was completley engulfed.  The family lost all their possesions and their family pet.  :( 

  

Fortunatley, all the members of the family were either at work or school when the fire started.  Their little girl rides the bus with my youngest and was quite upset.  People in our town pitched in and helped out as well as the Red Cross was excellent getting them shelter, vouchers, and will continue to be offering them assistance. 

  

During this holiday season it really made me think and brought tears to my eyes.  While so many are fussing over not being able to give all the gifts to their children that they desire, it was a moment of reflection for myself and my children that while we may not have all the things money can buy, we have each other!  This mom who worries so much over giving her children thousands of dollars worth of gifts should think about these poor neighbors of mine who just lost every material possesion they owned, as well as their beloved family pet, in a blink of the eye yesterday.  

  

 If you have your children and they have their mommy, that is the very best Christmas gift you could be given.  Please remember during the season what matters and dont get caught up in the spending freny. 

 
December 13, 2005, 5:01 am CST

Your daughter needs help

Quote From: tlindquist

I to am a single mom after the break down of my second marriage. My youngest daughter decided to be a cutter just as we were going throught the turmoil of establishing ourselves as a family again. My problem as a single mother and not receiving financial support or emotional support for these issues is that I find myself afraid to discipline her. She's not cutting any more but at 17 she is giving herself sexually to boys who just want to use her. She hasn't any self-respect and i'm not sure how to even talk to her about it. I have said something about finding a boy that will respect her and have caught her with this one imparticular boy twice. Once in my home and another in a hotel room. He hasn't been around since that incident because he's embarrassed. My problem is that i run a business out of my home and have opportunity to move it to a commercial spot but am afraid to do so because if she wants to be sexually active i don't want it in my home but she has no respect for me either. Anyone have an idea please share it. Perplexed

Hello, 

  

I am a psychotherapist, and work largely with clients with eating disorders and self-injurious behaviors While I can't offer any counseling online, I recommend that you take your daughter to see a licensed professional in your area...go online to find an agency or professional who specializes in working with adolescents and this type of behavior (it is often misunderstood, even among professionals). 

  

It sounds like your daughter has been through a lot emotionally, and without getting too descriptive, has substituted one self-injurious behavior for another. Both cutting and sexual acting-out have one thing in common...they provide fleeting relief from the "pain" of living, but also carry feelings of shame, guilt, and anger along with them.  

  

There are many reasons adolescent girls act out sexually, and it would be inappropriate for me to try to diagnose her online. I can say that your most important role at this point (and I cannot over-emphasize this) is to love her and let her feel that unconditionally. She needs to feel that you are her safety net, because right now she can't act as her own. She needs to feel that you are proud of her, regardless of her behavior, and that you are never ashamed of or disappointed in her. I would let the professionals be the ones to talk with her about her sexual acting-out, as it sounds like she is going through something more serious than a parent is equipped to handle. Right now your biggest issue isn't whether to move your business, but to learn how to help your child. You may benefit from speaking with a knowledgeable therapist as well, because I'm certain this is draining and frustrating for you as well.  Good luck. 

 
December 13, 2005, 5:15 am CST

12/13 Moms' Biggest Mistakes

Quote From: valleb

Doesn't shower, can't remember last time went on a date with hubby?  Don't these women have a clue?  When their husbands cheat on them with someone from the office, etc (who does take care of herself), will these mom's also be as clueless as to why?  I have seen sooo many women take care of themselves right up until the kids come, then it's mommy jeans or sweats, no showers, no hubby time, no time for sex, etc.  Part of being a good mom is being a good wife and taking care of your marriage!   I guarantee, if you aren't sleeping with your husband someone else is!  It takes 10 minutes to shower, apply a little makeup and get dressed!  Too tired for sex??  It is worth it to hire a babysitter for a few hours to take a nap, get ready and go out with your hubby.   This is much, much cheaper than becoming a single mom!!

Taking care of oneself is important...but the way a wife looks isn't the reason a husband cheats.  Look at Halle Berry, Sienna Miller, Vanessa Williams, Heather Locklear, Princess Diana, etc.  These are some of the most beautiful women of our time...all married (or engaged) to notorious cheaters. A man who really loves a woman will still love her regardless of her outward appearance and will be faithful to her if he has integrity. For some reason that's a word that's not used much anymore...I hope it's not a dying concept! 

  

Still, I agree that partners who stop paying attention to the marriage need to get back on course, as the greatest gift they can give their kids is a happy and stable home. 

 
December 13, 2005, 6:17 am CST

taking care of mom

taking  care of yourself isnt only good for your marriage, its good for you too. when i was a younger, i worked in a gentlemans club as a cocktail waitress. 95% of our costumers were MARRIED, middle to upper class, and profesional.   one man told me that if his wife couldnt  "cook", he'd go for "take out". it didnt mean that he didnt love her, or the family they made....but men get "hungry"...(his words, not mine)       i now take that extra 10 minutes a day to make sure i look nice for my husband, and i keep my self in shape. most gyms have free or cheap daycare during the day for under school age kids. there are always temptations, but if a man has steak at home, he wont go out for hotdogs. 

 
December 13, 2005, 6:35 am CST

ITS NOT ONLY FOR SINGLE MOM OR DAD

  

I just cannot wait to watched Dr.Phil tonight and get the point view whats mom''s biggest mistake. Look what about dad why does it have to be mom all the time. Where the dad to come on the show. I noticed most women are on the show desperate for help, I am sure there are dad as well too  not all dad want to be shown who they are when it comes to the show. Women more brave. I know I ve made mistake but what else can we be perfect or not we must forgiven and do our best what we do.  I ve been abused by my daughter who ask for money all the time my fear is if not give to her she go nuts. I wished I could send her to see dr phil and  have him talk with her. I m sure it s going to be big help hey wait a min  phil s son can help her I should buy a book for her to read. She s not reader person shes very active woman of age soon to be 22.My son I had no trouble if no money he leaves me alone and leave he finds a way to deal  with it the biggest thing thats its hurts me when I give him gifts for his birthday or xmas.. he used it to sell make money  if he cannot afford it. I dont think he s doing right now since he works part time job and go to school. Keep finger cross.. It will not be very long to have No teens or adult children around us to lived with. I Hoped my girl moves on her life after college next year. My husband needs to grow up as well for money sake. He doesnt know how to handling it. I think he is shopping spree or junkie spree. I ve tried to deal control of spend money on family its aint easy when it comes me not feeling well not think clear it goes to wrong place to go spend spend without noticed and feel beytrayed anger. So I will come back write after the show if there is something  the people go through same as me. Watch for me. 

 
December 13, 2005, 6:56 am CST

taking care of mom

if you have the time to watch dr. phil, log on the message board, read the posts, and type a responce, you have the time to wash yourself. jmo
 
December 13, 2005, 7:11 am CST

MOTHER Teresa

Quote From: valleb

Mother Teresa was a NUN!!!????  Not married, no kids, NO SEX.  Do you really think your husband wants to be married to Mother Teresa???  Were you modeling Mother Teresa when you got married??  Like Dr. Phil says, Was it the Bait and Switch?  Not to be harsh, but don't be surprised when he looks elsewhere.  You don't have to be Kate Moss (who would want to be?) but taking pride in yourself is important.  Hmmm.....What was the name of Dr Phil's book?  Oh ya, SELF MATTERS!!!!   

I'd like to start off by saying that I, too, wear my "Mommy-clothes" with pride. I do make sure to get a shower every day, but I have not worn makeup since I was a freshman in high school. Who needs all that goop on their face, anyways? If my husband decided to "look elsewhere" because I was too busy raising his children and cleaning his house and cooking his meals to be dropdead gorgeous every day of the week, then good riddance to him! SELF Matters does not mean "Self matters only if others are impressed by what they see." SELF Matters means that it's important to care about YOURSELF and BE yourself, not dress to impress others. And, frankly, if I'm too busy caring for my kids to get a shower, I still have pride in myself that I put my kids first and foremost to make sure that they are healthy and happy, well adjusted kids. Showers will wait. Kids grow daily and need as much of their parents' attention as possible. 

  

On the "Mother Teresa" issue, why do you think she was called MOTHER Teresa? Because she DID have kids. Thousands of them! And she cared more about making sure she could care for others before caring for herself. And I highly doubt that she had less pride then the woman who feel like they have to put on a mask (makeup) to be beautiful. 

  

If I can only be gorgeous for my husband one day a week, then it's a heck of a day. (*WINK*) But the other six days, I'm a mom first. My husband is grown up. That means he doesn't need me as much as my children do. 

 
December 13, 2005, 7:39 am CST

How can I?

I may be jumping the gun a bit, but I am expecting my first child in 6 weeks, it is a second child for my husband.  I love my stepdaughter but she is HORRIBLY spoiled.  I don't want my child to be spoiled, I want her to appreciate what she has and know that money doesn't grow on trees.  My husband and I make a very comfortable living but we work like dogs for the money.  How can I accomplish this??
 
December 13, 2005, 8:12 am CST

12/13 Moms' Biggest Mistakes

Quote From: mistyc

I may be jumping the gun a bit, but I am expecting my first child in 6 weeks, it is a second child for my husband.  I love my stepdaughter but she is HORRIBLY spoiled.  I don't want my child to be spoiled, I want her to appreciate what she has and know that money doesn't grow on trees.  My husband and I make a very comfortable living but we work like dogs for the money.  How can I accomplish this??

First of all, Misty, you have to understand that children cannot be spoiled until they have an understanding about behavior and cause and effect. This doesn't happen (developmentally) until sometime around 18 months or 2 years (any child development experts, feel free to correct me if I'm off there). Only when they begin to realize "If I throw a tantrum for [Reason A], Mommy and Daddy will [Effect A]." (With Reason A being anything from wanting a candybar at the store to staying up later, and Effect A being they get the candy bar and are allowed five or ten or fifteen more minutes at bedtime.) You cannot spoil an infant. The best way to avoid a spoiled child is through consistency. If you refuse them the candy bar one time, but give in the next, they will expect you will give in a second time. If you don't give in the next time, they will continue to try. Do not give in! Set up a reward system around the age of 3 or 4. For example, my parents set up the reward system like this- If my siblings and I behaved ourselves while errands were being run (the whole time, not just part of it) we were allowed to pick one small item from the checkout line at the store, which was always the last stop. (A pack of gum, a candy bar, a pack of tic tacs, whatever.) 

  

Also, be consistent with discipline at home. If you find a technique that works (such as time outs or loss of t.v. time, etc.) stick with it! Children crave consistency, they need it to feel safe and comfortable with their "world." If you put your child in the corner one time for dumping her cheerios on the floor, and it works, don't change the "punishment" the next time. (I really hate the word punishment and try to avoid it when I'm dealing with my child.) Remember, though, that disciplining your child will do no good before about the age of one or 18 months (again, child development experts, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong). 

  

Keep in mind the age appropriate child developmental milestones. My 2 year old is now learning to pour water and juice from one cup to another. I don't discipline her when she spills it on the floor, because that would be a hinderance to her development. Instead, I try to guide her to be more careful the next time she tries. 

  

Finally, just do what your heart says is best. Parents who spoil their kids often (but don't always) feel a sense of guilt after they give in. This is because we know it's best for kids not to be spoiled! So, when dealing with your child, if you feel yourself getting that sick sense of "I probably shouldn't have given in just now..." try to avoid it the next time around (the giving in, not the feeling hehe).  

 
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