Message Boards

Topic : 06/07 Moms' Biggest Mistakes

Number of Replies: 188
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, December 09, 2005, 04:01:06 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 12/13/05) If your job description includes long hours, little sleep, and endless requests to open your checkbook, you must be a mom! One single mother wrote to Dr. Phil for help with her two teens, whose wish lists get more and more expensive each year. Then, Kelly has been married only four years and says she can't remember the last time she went on a date with her husband, John. Dr. Phil sends his "Mom Squad" to make a house call. Plus, Jeannette says she used to be a sexy blonde bombshell, but now she's lucky if she even takes a shower in the morning! And Larry King's wife, Shawn, shares some mistakes she made with her oldest son, and gives a surprise performance of songs from her new album. Join the discussion.


Find out what happened on the show.

 

More June 2006 Show Boards.


As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

December 13, 2005, 8:15 am CST

About the advice given

With the advice they gave on the show about what you should do when you have a new baby, I must say that I have to honestly disagree what they said on there about how your child should sleep at night. In my opinion (and I found it to be the better way) I have a two year old son and when he was a baby I always laid him on his stomach because it settles the stomach more and he has much less of a chance drowning in his own spit-up because the baby's head is mostly laying to the side and that way the spit-up goes out away from the baby instead of staying in the mouth. When the baby is laying on the back you sooner have a chance in the baby drowning because the baby's head is facing up and the spit-up won't all go out so it has a chance to go into the babies air supply and drown in there own spit-up. I just don't know where these people get there information from but I think they need to study it again. 

Andrea 

 
December 13, 2005, 8:51 am CST

12/13 Moms' Biggest Mistakes

Quote From: crozier03

 You know what made me feel good as a single parent, not looking for a man and yes we...or should I say I like it this way for now.  Been hurt too much and I'm still healing after three death's. No I'm not a black widow!!!  LOL
  But about the make-up thing....my 11yr. old asked me, "Mom why are you buying make-up?"  (Although they both ask me to wear it when I volunteer to serve lunch at school.) I also have a 7yr. old daughter who asks for the same.  My son says: Do you feel good Mom when you wear it?  And I said, "yes, I feel prettier and more confident;  but I get alot more stares and smiles".  I said, it's kinda werid cause I usually don't wear make-up.....but told him & my daughter if you two like it well then I'll wear it.  He told me, Mom....only wear it if it makes you feel good!!!.    Right then and there I knew I was doing something right!  Howvever, it's a shame as a single parent I'm actually depending on my little man for this type of conversation.  You can say all you want your ethier a parent or your not.  And you don't get the single parent thingy, but baby there is quite a loss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"And you don't get the single parent thingy, but baby there is quite a loss!"
 

This is a perception and not necessary a reality.  Not everyone has everything.  There are pluses and minuses in every household.  There are always people who have more and those who have less.  We feel that we are lucky in the lifestyle we do have and we are thriving regardless of whether there are those who have “more” or not.  Our home is calm (not necessary quiet), predictable, and feels safe and comforting to be there.  If there is truly a loss then we are oblivious to it.  The cup is either half empty or half full or it is full enough.  In our house it is full enough.   

  

 
December 13, 2005, 8:54 am CST

Me too!!!

Quote From: brobby

taking  care of yourself isnt only good for your marriage, its good for you too. when i was a younger, i worked in a gentlemans club as a cocktail waitress. 95% of our costumers were MARRIED, middle to upper class, and profesional.   one man told me that if his wife couldnt  "cook", he'd go for "take out". it didnt mean that he didnt love her, or the family they made....but men get "hungry"...(his words, not mine)       i now take that extra 10 minutes a day to make sure i look nice for my husband, and i keep my self in shape. most gyms have free or cheap daycare during the day for under school age kids. there are always temptations, but if a man has steak at home, he wont go out for hotdogs. 

I am married and soon to be a Mommy.  In all the years I have been with my husband I have kept up my apparence. Even though I know my husband loves me and would never stray, looking nice is a little gift to him for being so wonderful.  You may be"mommy" but you are also a wife and a woman so have some pride in your apprarence. Get regular haircuts, wear a little lipstick and for heaven's sake take off the sweat suit!!!!!!!!!!!
 
December 13, 2005, 8:59 am CST

Excited for you

Quote From: mistyc

I may be jumping the gun a bit, but I am expecting my first child in 6 weeks, it is a second child for my husband.  I love my stepdaughter but she is HORRIBLY spoiled.  I don't want my child to be spoiled, I want her to appreciate what she has and know that money doesn't grow on trees.  My husband and I make a very comfortable living but we work like dogs for the money.  How can I accomplish this??

I bet you are so excited to be having your baby.  Enjoy the moment cause it is the most wonderful time, filled with hope and happiness.   

In answer to your question, if you and your husband have already established a life style of buying everything you want and living high, then chances are you will continue and show your child to do the same.  But if you are frugile now even though you can afford nice things, then you probably know the value of a dollar yourself and will teach that to your child.  I'm glad you are thinking about all these things before hand and planning what you want your child to learn.  I think the best thing is to know there has to be reasonable rules and expectations and you are the enforcer.  You said your stepdaughter is already spoiled.  Please have a talk with your husband and see if he is willing to start changing that  for her.  She will be better off in the long run.  Spoil your child with knowledge and a good self esteem that comes from knowing she is loved, not spoiled with material items. 

 
December 13, 2005, 9:13 am CST

12/13 Moms' Biggest Mistakes

Quote From: mistyc

I may be jumping the gun a bit, but I am expecting my first child in 6 weeks, it is a second child for my husband.  I love my stepdaughter but she is HORRIBLY spoiled.  I don't want my child to be spoiled, I want her to appreciate what she has and know that money doesn't grow on trees.  My husband and I make a very comfortable living but we work like dogs for the money.  How can I accomplish this??

Your daughter will value the things you do.  If you’re working like dogs to “Make a comfortable living” consider the message that sends.  Being a slave to your lifestyle sends pretty clear message to children that having nice things is important.  If you put things ahead of other values then they will too.   

  

 

Also you need to consider the outside influences on your children.  Consider how much time you are giving marketers to train your kids to buy more and have more if the TV is turned on in your household just two hours a day.  That is 3 hours a week of you allowing a professional greed inducer (marketer) have influence over your child.  Whether your child is watching or just in the same room they are aware and those commercials will have a great deal of impact.  Consider how many two year olds recognize the golden arches long before they can recognize their own name.   You can either record your TV and watch it after the kids are in bed or netflix your favorite TV shows and watch them a year later.  TV really has no place in a child’s life.  We have lived without it and my kids Christmas list is a heck of a lot different then most of their friends.  My daughters would be just as thrilled with a box of pastels and a pad of paper then what ever they are currently pushing on kids.  The show (though netflix) they are watching right now is little house and they love that.  I have not seen the latest Nick or Disney channel line up but my guess is some of the content just as bad as it was 9 years ago when we pulled the plug.
 
December 13, 2005, 9:21 am CST

12/13 Moms' Biggest Mistakes

Quote From: brobby

if you have the time to watch dr. phil, log on the message board, read the posts, and type a responce, you have the time to wash yourself. jmo

well done in a nut shell...... loved your mail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LADIES LISTEN TO THIS WOMEN....... would love to hear answers to that one. fair play girl. 

 
December 13, 2005, 9:22 am CST

12/13 Moms' Biggest Mistakes

Quote From: gtmiller

 I agree with the original poster. I am a work at home mom and I get up early in the morning to take care of my 4 kids and work in my home.  I have and never will own a pair of mom jeans and I  also cannot understand some women that walk around like they have not taken a shower.  A lot of women tell me that they have no time or they have a baby and that precludes them from taking a shower and drying their hair. I don't understand the lack of basic hygiene.   I am not suggesting you make your face up to work at your home day care but there are many women who allow themselves to look like bums. I don't get it.

I've gotta agree with this post and the original one. I am a mom with 2 kids. When I was pregnant with my oldest my family would tease me and say "Next summer all those high heeled shoes are gonna be in a garage sale, you'll realize you can't have them and chase kids." Or I'd hear "Enjoy those dangly earrings while you can, cuz you can't wear them with a baby, he'll rip your ear when he grabs them." I am proud to say, I still wear the heels and earrings. I have never worn makeup very often, so I don't now, but my hair stays nice and I refuse to wear "mom jeans".  Both my husband and I like that I do not look like most stay at home moms we know. Also, just because you look good doesn't mean you aren't a good person. I don't see why people seem to assume that you can't take pride in your appearence and care about and help other people. You can.  

To the women saying if your guy would leave because you don't look nice then he's not worth having, that may be true to a point, but if I were to ask you if you love your husband for his money, you'd say no, but if he quit bringing it home it wouldn't take long before you left.  

I also like the person who said if you have time to pos on the message board you have time to look nice. I'm with them. 

 
December 13, 2005, 9:26 am CST

Thanks

Quote From: my_2angels

First of all, Misty, you have to understand that children cannot be spoiled until they have an understanding about behavior and cause and effect. This doesn't happen (developmentally) until sometime around 18 months or 2 years (any child development experts, feel free to correct me if I'm off there). Only when they begin to realize "If I throw a tantrum for [Reason A, Mommy and Daddy will [Effect A." (With Reason A being anything from wanting a candybar at the store to staying up later, and Effect A being they get the candy bar and are allowed five or ten or fifteen more minutes at bedtime.) You cannot spoil an infant. The best way to avoid a spoiled child is through consistency. If you refuse them the candy bar one time, but give in the next, they will expect you will give in a second time. If you don't give in the next time, they will continue to try. Do not give in! Set up a reward system around the age of 3 or 4. For example, my parents set up the reward system like this- If my siblings and I behaved ourselves while errands were being run (the whole time, not just part of it) we were allowed to pick one small item from the checkout line at the store, which was always the last stop. (A pack of gum, a candy bar, a pack of tic tacs, whatever.) 

  

Also, be consistent with discipline at home. If you find a technique that works (such as time outs or loss of t.v. time, etc.) stick with it! Children crave consistency, they need it to feel safe and comfortable with their "world." If you put your child in the corner one time for dumping her cheerios on the floor, and it works, don't change the "punishment" the next time. (I really hate the word punishment and try to avoid it when I'm dealing with my child.) Remember, though, that disciplining your child will do no good before about the age of one or 18 months (again, child development experts, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong). 

  

Keep in mind the age appropriate child developmental milestones. My 2 year old is now learning to pour water and juice from one cup to another. I don't discipline her when she spills it on the floor, because that would be a hinderance to her development. Instead, I try to guide her to be more careful the next time she tries. 

  

Finally, just do what your heart says is best. Parents who spoil their kids often (but don't always) feel a sense of guilt after they give in. This is because we know it's best for kids not to be spoiled! So, when dealing with your child, if you feel yourself getting that sick sense of "I probably shouldn't have given in just now..." try to avoid it the next time around (the giving in, not the feeling hehe).  

This was really helpful.  Everyone has been around children that make them cringe, and I don't my little sweetie to be such a child.
 
December 13, 2005, 10:02 am CST

12/13 Moms' Biggest Mistakes

Quote From: aevanwyk

With the advice they gave on the show about what you should do when you have a new baby, I must say that I have to honestly disagree what they said on there about how your child should sleep at night. In my opinion (and I found it to be the better way) I have a two year old son and when he was a baby I always laid him on his stomach because it settles the stomach more and he has much less of a chance drowning in his own spit-up because the baby's head is mostly laying to the side and that way the spit-up goes out away from the baby instead of staying in the mouth. When the baby is laying on the back you sooner have a chance in the baby drowning because the baby's head is facing up and the spit-up won't all go out so it has a chance to go into the babies air supply and drown in there own spit-up. I just don't know where these people get there information from but I think they need to study it again. 

Andrea 

A healthy baby will turn their head, when laying on his or her back, if they spit up. But there is a greater risk of SIDS when your child is a tummy sleeper. 

  

There are pros and cons to both stomach and back sleeping, and as a parent you have to decide what you're willing to risk to help your child get a good nights sleep. WIth my first child, that was co-sleeping with me. For my son, it's sleeping on his tummy because he wouldn't sleep on his back. But for some moms, the risk of SIDS is too great to allow tummy sleeping. You have to read your child's cues to figure out what is best for him or her. 

  

The most recent information does suggest that back sleeping is safest for most kids. There is nothing wrong with their information, Andrea, you just don't agree with it. Which is perfectly okay for you and your child. 

 
December 13, 2005, 10:05 am CST

I agree but you can do that and watch your kids at the same time but

Quote From: brobby

if you have the time to watch dr. phil, log on the message board, read the posts, and type a responce, you have the time to wash yourself. jmo

It is really hard to shower and watch your kids at the same time.  I have alwayed showered at night after they go to bed.  It is a small change but it means my sheets are cleaner.  The other option is lock them into the bathroom with you but I've always like a little alone time.  I do like being clean.  I don't do makeup or hair other then a quick run through with a brush but I'm clean. 

  

You can watch Dr Phil and do all the rest with a baby in your lap.  It is really hard to shave your legs and underarms with your baby in your arms while taking a shower(they get pretty slippery).  I've had to do that once in a while but it is probaly not something I would want to do daily.  I had to give up baths when I kept loosing a grip on my daughter while doing the creame rinse thing.  She did not swim as an infant but she loved the water but going under while I rinsed my hair did not make her too happy.  Plus I like my baths a litter hotter then is safe for an infant.  So cold baths, slippery infants, going under on occasion I just started to wash after they went to bed. 

  

You might think this is a bit extreme but it is the reality for many mother who don't have or arn't supported by their husbands. 

  

  

 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | Next | Last