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Topic : 06/07 Moms' Biggest Mistakes

Number of Replies: 188
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Created on : Friday, December 09, 2005, 04:01:06 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 12/13/05) If your job description includes long hours, little sleep, and endless requests to open your checkbook, you must be a mom! One single mother wrote to Dr. Phil for help with her two teens, whose wish lists get more and more expensive each year. Then, Kelly has been married only four years and says she can't remember the last time she went on a date with her husband, John. Dr. Phil sends his "Mom Squad" to make a house call. Plus, Jeannette says she used to be a sexy blonde bombshell, but now she's lucky if she even takes a shower in the morning! And Larry King's wife, Shawn, shares some mistakes she made with her oldest son, and gives a surprise performance of songs from her new album. Join the discussion.


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December 13, 2005, 10:06 am CST

12/13 Moms' Biggest Mistakes

Quote From: jeepgirl85

I've gotta agree with this post and the original one. I am a mom with 2 kids. When I was pregnant with my oldest my family would tease me and say "Next summer all those high heeled shoes are gonna be in a garage sale, you'll realize you can't have them and chase kids." Or I'd hear "Enjoy those dangly earrings while you can, cuz you can't wear them with a baby, he'll rip your ear when he grabs them." I am proud to say, I still wear the heels and earrings. I have never worn makeup very often, so I don't now, but my hair stays nice and I refuse to wear "mom jeans".  Both my husband and I like that I do not look like most stay at home moms we know. Also, just because you look good doesn't mean you aren't a good person. I don't see why people seem to assume that you can't take pride in your appearence and care about and help other people. You can.  

To the women saying if your guy would leave because you don't look nice then he's not worth having, that may be true to a point, but if I were to ask you if you love your husband for his money, you'd say no, but if he quit bringing it home it wouldn't take long before you left.  

I also like the person who said if you have time to pos on the message board you have time to look nice. I'm with them. 

If my husband quit his job without a good reason and didn't bother looking for a new job, you bet I'd leave him. But if he were fired, not due to something that was his own fault (such as employee downsizing) and tried to find a new job, I'd stay by my husband. And the poster said that if you have time to post on the message board you have time to shower, not to look nice. I don' thave to wear high heels or dangly earrings or any make up to feel good or look good, either to myself or my husband. 

And, for the record, I don't wear "mom jeans" (with the pleat) because my body type doesn't fit nicely into them. But if someone feels like they look just fine in mom jeans, that's just fine. 

 
December 13, 2005, 10:16 am CST

Info please

Quote From: filindown

I have been  a single mom "officially" for twelve months now.  Recently separated from my husband of 8 years, 9 counting this year.  I am raising two special needs boys on my own and the hardest thing I find is I can not even give them the simplest wishes they ask for.  My oldest is 11 years old and his only xmas gift he asked for was a psp and I can not even afford the games he would need for that machine.  My youngest is 8 years old and his only wish was those Lego's Pirate ships and I can not even afford that.  They are just material things but I wish I could at least give them something they asked for, for once.  Playing hockey is a big thing around here and theirs no way my sons will probably ever play.  This separation has cost them alot, their home, their father (who's changed alot for the worst these past 20 months), our vehicle, and some friends because we had to move.  I feel like such a failure when it comes to them, that I would take my cheating, drug "rehab" using, unappreciative ex husband back  just to see them somewhat happier than they have been these past 20 months.  I know it sounds crazy but I can not think of anything else to do.  Single moms do have it hard, because if the fathers hide to not pay child support or make sure to have no jobs, you need to make it on your own.  Daycare, drives, meds, everything is on your shoulders,  and when meds are necessary meals suffer more.  So my prayers are to every single mom out there. 

Nancy 

What part of Canada are you in? I work for a fellow that runs hockey camps all over the US and Canada, I'm willing to contact him on your behalf to see what we can do to help your sons. I can't promise anything but that I'll try to get some help if your boys want to play.  

  

Stay strong for your boys and yourself, it takes awhile to get better but it does get better. I've been a single mom for 17 years, the first few years were rough but I wouldn't trade what I've gained from the experience. I've learned many things about myself and my own strength of character, fortitude and courage. My son and I have a much closer relationship than we likely would have had if his father and I hadn't split up. Things are just things, what your sons will value is your time, your attention and your love. It is hard work but it is well worth it in the long run. 

 
December 13, 2005, 10:36 am CST

You are misinformed

Quote From: momisme2

Last night in my little town a house burned down.  :(  By the time the fire department got there the house was completley engulfed.  The family lost all their possesions and their family pet.  :( 

  

Fortunatley, all the members of the family were either at work or school when the fire started.  Their little girl rides the bus with my youngest and was quite upset.  People in our town pitched in and helped out as well as the Red Cross was excellent getting them shelter, vouchers, and will continue to be offering them assistance. 

  

During this holiday season it really made me think and brought tears to my eyes.  While so many are fussing over not being able to give all the gifts to their children that they desire, it was a moment of reflection for myself and my children that while we may not have all the things money can buy, we have each other!  This mom who worries so much over giving her children thousands of dollars worth of gifts should think about these poor neighbors of mine who just lost every material possesion they owned, as well as their beloved family pet, in a blink of the eye yesterday.  

  

 If you have your children and they have their mommy, that is the very best Christmas gift you could be given.  Please remember during the season what matters and dont get caught up in the spending freny. 

I respectly disagree with your comment.  I am one of the featured guess on today's show and I don't not fuss over gifts for my children.  My parents have personally been affected by Katrina and many other families that don't have a lot.  I went on the show to get Dr. Phil to help me deal with the guilt that I feel and to help explain to them that "Mom is right" there are many other things that can be focused on during the Holidays.  The show has presented me with being over indulgent, but I can't I don't have the financial structure for that.  

  

So maybe you should "think" prior to blasting off a message that couldn't be futher from the truth.  I do think about A LOT of others during the holidays but my priority is to my children....and to make sure they learn the fundimentals of life.  I bid you peace and a abundance of understanding during the holidays. 

 
December 13, 2005, 10:39 am CST

12/13 Moms' Biggest Mistakes

Quote From: valleb

Doesn't shower, can't remember last time went on a date with hubby?  Don't these women have a clue?  When their husbands cheat on them with someone from the office, etc (who does take care of herself), will these mom's also be as clueless as to why?  I have seen sooo many women take care of themselves right up until the kids come, then it's mommy jeans or sweats, no showers, no hubby time, no time for sex, etc.  Part of being a good mom is being a good wife and taking care of your marriage!   I guarantee, if you aren't sleeping with your husband someone else is!  It takes 10 minutes to shower, apply a little makeup and get dressed!  Too tired for sex??  It is worth it to hire a babysitter for a few hours to take a nap, get ready and go out with your hubby.   This is much, much cheaper than becoming a single mom!!

No 

  

Men cheat because A) They can B) Because they're selfish or have impulse control problems and C) Because there are women willing to put up with their lack of integrity. The reasons they give are excuses for their own poor behavior: an attempt to place the blame on someone other than themselves. Why would anyone want to stay with a LOSER that behaves like this? 

  

That doesn't excuse wives from taking care of themselves while taking care of kids, it just requires some adaptations to established routines. It is easy to fall into lazy patterns when you're getting very little sleep but wives have to make a conscious effort to make sure they're taking care of themselves as well as others 

 
December 13, 2005, 10:43 am CST

Doesn't this tell you anything?

Quote From: filindown

I have been  a single mom "officially" for twelve months now.  Recently separated from my husband of 8 years, 9 counting this year.  I am raising two special needs boys on my own and the hardest thing I find is I can not even give them the simplest wishes they ask for.  My oldest is 11 years old and his only xmas gift he asked for was a psp and I can not even afford the games he would need for that machine.  My youngest is 8 years old and his only wish was those Lego's Pirate ships and I can not even afford that.  They are just material things but I wish I could at least give them something they asked for, for once.  Playing hockey is a big thing around here and theirs no way my sons will probably ever play.  This separation has cost them alot, their home, their father (who's changed alot for the worst these past 20 months), our vehicle, and some friends because we had to move.  I feel like such a failure when it comes to them, that I would take my cheating, drug "rehab" using, unappreciative ex husband back  just to see them somewhat happier than they have been these past 20 months.  I know it sounds crazy but I can not think of anything else to do.  Single moms do have it hard, because if the fathers hide to not pay child support or make sure to have no jobs, you need to make it on your own.  Daycare, drives, meds, everything is on your shoulders,  and when meds are necessary meals suffer more.  So my prayers are to every single mom out there. 

Nancy 

Doesn't this tell you anything? Get a job or two! If you have a job, try getting a better, more affording job!
 
December 13, 2005, 10:53 am CST

12/13 Moms' Biggest Mistakes

Quote From: reb299

Doesn't this tell you anything? Get a job or two! If you have a job, try getting a better, more affording job!

Right. Because it's easy for a mother of two to just go out and work two jobs or get a better paying job. *Rolling eyes* 

  

Did you know that women who have children, when asked in interviews if they do have children, are less likely to be hired then childless women?  

  

Yes. You read that correctly. It is more difficult for a mother to get a job then a woman who is not a mother. 

 
December 13, 2005, 10:58 am CST

12/13 Moms' Biggest Mistakes

Quote From: reb299

Doesn't this tell you anything? Get a job or two! If you have a job, try getting a better, more affording job!

I don't think you fully understand the difficulties of single moms, particularly those single moms with special needs children and a deadbeat dad. Employment opportunities are limited for single moms due to the extra time off to deal with your kids as a single parent. Alot of employers don't want the hassle and will do their best to steer clear of hiring single parents. Yes, that's illegal in the US but it continues to happen. Lawsuits are costly and most single parents don't have resources to pursue a lawsuit. It's a catch22 businesses are willling to risk. 

  

Raising a child that doesn't have special needs is enough work in itself, multiple that workload by 10 if you have a special needs child, maybe more if they're profoundly challenged. 

 
December 13, 2005, 11:50 am CST

That's Illegal

Quote From: my_2angels

Right. Because it's easy for a mother of two to just go out and work two jobs or get a better paying job. *Rolling eyes* 

  

Did you know that women who have children, when asked in interviews if they do have children, are less likely to be hired then childless women?  

  

Yes. You read that correctly. It is more difficult for a mother to get a job then a woman who is not a mother. 

It is illegal for ANY employer to ask if you have children so why is the subject of children coming up in your interviews???  Don't bring up personal issues when you are interviewing.  If the employer does, report them as this is a FEDERAL LAW
 
December 13, 2005, 11:57 am CST

It's not about the Makeup

Quote From: momisme2

Please!  If you are married to some man who will "look elsewhere" because your wearing "mommy clothes" and busy taking care of babies all day then youre better off without him. 

  

There are all sorts of ways to take pride in yourself.  The least of which is how you dress while your changing diapers and scrubbing toilets.  I would rather go without makeup and be happy knowing my children are well loved and cared for then to worry over dressing like someone out of a magazine. 

  

  As far as my husband goes, he loves me and thinks im beautiful even if im makeupless and dressed in sweats.  Go figure!   

  

  

It is not about the makeup.  It is about taking care of yourself and your marriage.  Not showering CANNOT be appealing to anyone.  Someone who takes pride in themself also showers on a regular basis.  I bet even makeupless and in sweats you DID take a shower.  That's what I was talking about.  I also agree with the post that if the Mom had the time to read Dr Phil message boards, she definitely has time to shower.
 
December 13, 2005, 12:02 pm CST

your clueless

Quote From: freelivin

Moms biggest mistake's,  blaming there children and everyone else, when its themselves who failed to learn some of life's tougher lesson's.

When these types of comments are made..I'm very discusted with men that have no clue what goes on in a single moms life...the only "tougher" lesson we should have learned is to not date the men that are on your level!!  The only mistake I made was going into a marriage too early...he was a sweetheart but he had no intellegence!!  He later then because mentally ill...he couldn't keep a job and he began having seizures in his sleep...he now has a wife that can handle him and keep him in control..which is something I never could have done..I don't believe in having to control a man...I already have two babies why would I need another one that could spend all of our money on an entertainment system and not on the gas bill?? and get me pregnant to have the second child??  I am currently working part time 5 days a week and 6 hours a day..I have two babies and I'll be graduating this semester!!  I've been taking about 2 classes a semester in order to graduate, it has taken along time but I'm getting it done!!  I am engaged and he is happy to take care of everything...We have been dating for a year and my babies love him...the youngest one has recently been calling him daddy!!  So the biggest mistake I made was not fully researching who I was dating and not knowing till after 6 weeks our first daughter was born that he had a sleeping disorder!!  I'm a little round around the edges, but I've had two c-sections and I can't get rid of it!!  only time I don't take showers is on a Saturday and I take one on a Sunday morning!!  Saturday's are my "sweat pants" days!! I also don't blame my children for anything...I blame my ex for getting me pregnant for the 2nd time...and the tougher lesson I learned is not to trust anyone!! 

Thanks 

Les 

 
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