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Topic : 01/02 New Year: Old Habits

Number of Replies: 66
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Wednesday, December 28, 2005, 12:01:15 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
It's the start of a new year, and the perfect time to work on those pesky resolutions that you've been putting off for so long! Dr. Phil gives his guests a jump-start by helping them eliminate unwanted old habits. Rebecca and her sisters have an extreme fear of driving. They have to be chauffeured around by family and friends, and they're tired of being a burden on others. Find out what's behind their fears. Then, Gail thought she’d never be able to dig herself out from all the clutter in her home … until Dr. Phil gave her the surprise of a lifetime! Plus, meet a mom whose resolution is to get her family to pick up after themselves. She's so desperate that she started selling whatever they leave on the floor -- on eBay! Join the discussion.

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January 2, 2006, 2:08 pm CST

disorganized and messy means what ??

I did not agree completely with the statments made about being organized and that makes you free and basically alluded that organization makes a person better.  I am not the neatest person.  I can use better skills at it.  I have been criticized for my organization.  No one says to me..  gosh you are a nice person.  Gosh you help people.  They focus on the, what I believe in something that doesn't make you a bad or good person inside.  Before anyone says anything on organization I am not knocking it or people that are organized.  Go for it.  I am just saying that THAT in itself doesn't make a person.  

  

My sis and bro in law are very organized.  They are also way over 60K in debt for 5 vehichles they own ( they are the only drivers ), 2 airplanes, thousands of money spent on toy trains, computers, stereos, ( once he spent $800 alone on speaker wire ) cameras and so on.  I also know they have a boat load of problems with his spending and working so much... basically ignoring his wife and spending all that money because he is trying to buy his happiness. 

But hey they are orgnaized.   I take messy and happy before organized and not.   

  

All I am saying is that organization doesn't make the person good bad or indifferent.  I would love to be better organized.  But if I had a choice between straightening up my home or riding on the back of our motorcycle with my hubby, shopping and doing lunch with my friends, visiting my mom and dad.......  sorry house...  you loose. 

  

  

  

  

 
January 2, 2006, 2:19 pm CST

She told them

Quote From: indiagirl

I am surprised at the Dr.Phil taking on this Hype! 

  

Lets see what He has to say! 

  

This is not the way to get/teach Respect, respect is earned, a family with an issue could use other means of communication/methods to resolve, it would be very surprised if his type of solution worked, and in fact, has been said by this mother that the next day there was NO change. I see this as merely attention getting and no more, Moms on Strike is not a new thing 1984 Movie, I hope Dr.Phil explains to other mothers out there with the same problems, that there are Healthier, Unselfish, Unconditional and more respectful ways to deal with this, than selling your family's property without them knowing, and the Charity thing came up after the auction ended an offer from the buyer herself, who bought the stuff. 

  

Plain not right, I sure hope she left  the show with some better knowledge of parenting/family skills 

  

  

I believe she had told them all several times that she would do something drastic if they didn't start picking up after themselves. I feel no pity for those kids. They are rude and disrespectful to their parents and need a sharp lesson. I also feel that the children are this way because their parents let them get away with it. Dr. Phil's suggestion was good and I hope it works for them.
 
January 2, 2006, 2:25 pm CST

I jus watches the show

ok I know that the sisters dont like to drive but they have to become less dependant on other people . I think that they will make great progress (I hope) and that there sister will be able to overcome her fears.
 
January 2, 2006, 2:26 pm CST

Just a suggestion

Quote From: pagirl74

Anyone else out there like the lady who hits her snooze button?  Anyone conquer this bad habit?  I can get 6, 8, 10, 12 hours of sleep, it doesn't matter.  I am always tired in the morning and don't want to get up.  I even put my alarm across the room (my hubby's suggestion) and I get up, hit the snooze and go back to bed; this continues a few times.  I am lazy all day and never want to do anything and then I want to kick myself in the butt at night when the house is a mess.  I NEVER used to be like this til I lived with my husband.  I used to get up as soon as the alarm went off and he was the one who hit the snooze constantly; now it's the other way around.  I tried going back to my old ways, but can't do it.  I'd like to try the device Dr. Phil gave everyone on the show today, but I know I could never afford something like that.  Anyway, any help/advice/support appreciated.  :)
Have you considered going to a sleep specialist to be checked for sleep disorders? They're more common than people realize. I've had problems with fatigue for about 20 years and was diagnosed with everything from depression to Epstein-Barr virus. After finally getting referred to a sleep disorders clinic, it turns out I have sleep apnea compounded with insomnia. Not fun but at least these things can be treated. There's more and more work being done with sleep disorders because lack of sleep has a potentially devastating impact on you physically and emotionally. Sleep deprivation can cause serious cardiovascular problems, contributes to overweight and may possibly be lethal in its most extreme. There was one study that surmised some people who died in their sleep may have died due to untreated sleep apnea. Please ask your doctor to refer you to a qualified clinic. If you live in or near St. Louis MO, go to the Washington University School of Medicine Sleep Disorders Clinic. They are fantastic. Good luck!
 
January 2, 2006, 2:31 pm CST

That may not be the problem entirely

Quote From: lh2000

Until you can have a daily routine then you can't fix it.  Your body is telling you that you are out of sync with its needs.  Every time you change your sleeping hours you are going to suffer no matter how many hours of sleep you get.  It is really not the number of hours it is the rhythm of your sleep.  If you can't let yourself sleep in a natural rhythm then your going to be less then rested when you get up.  If you must live with the schedule then you must live with the consequences and you are going to feel less then great.   I just hope you are young and this is a short term career.   The only thing you can do is cut yourself some slack making sure you eat right and get a good 4 hours of physical activity each week.   

 

I realize you're trying to help and that's great but sleep disorders are very serious and should be diagnosed and treated by a qualified physician. We have no way of knowing on a discussion board exactly what a person's problem might really be. If there's no physiological problem, then it may very well be a matter of routine or bad habits or some similar issue but please don't assume someone is lazy or making bad choices when that may not be the case. It's really a matter requiring a physician. 

 
January 2, 2006, 3:14 pm CST

This is me 2aT

I'm exactly like this!!! 

excerpt from the show: 

Dr. Phil reads a list of LuAnn's explanations for her oversleeping. "You said you've been doing this all your life. You say you oversleep because, simply, you don't like being told what to do. You say that you really are basically avoiding a lot of things. There are a lot of things that you don't like about your life," he notes.          "Right now, yeah," she agrees.         LuAnn's failure to stay awake is an avoidance mechanism. "And you would rather not wake up and deal with all of that. I don't ask myself why you're doing this. I ask myself why not? It's a reward for you." 

  

Any chance I get... I'd like to sleep...  except - after everyone has fallen asleep in the evening, then I like to stay awake - and often will stay up until 1:00 - when I take my sleeping pill and fall to sleep on the couch in front of the TV. 

I don't do much of anything around the house... I don't often cook, and my husband does everything except fold the laundry.  I suffer daily from sinus headaches, and only recently stopped taking tylenol with codiene for the pain - because the amount that I was taking could cause liver damage. 

  

I feel like I can't do anything right and sleep is a god escape for me. 

??? 

Don't know how to get around this... 

 
January 2, 2006, 3:24 pm CST

Used to have this problem with the kids

We used to have problems with the kids' toys everywhere.  They were ages 8, 5 and 2 when I decided to tackle it.  My kids each have 2 jobs they have to do every day.  #1 - make their bed.  (I help my youngest with this one).  Job #2 is that their toys must be picked up every night before bed.

I kept a checksheet on the fridge and noted daily if they did each job (check) or not (X).  They are docked 25 cents for each time they didn't do one of their jobs.  At the end of the week, they get $2 (or less, if they didn't do their jobs - but that's rare). 

This system has worked so well that I don't even need the checksheet anymore.

Also, at cleaning time (after dinner, before bedtime) I will generally help them clean up.  I always tell them, "As long as you are cleaning, I will help.  If you stop, I will get the empty laundry basket and start piling stuff in it to go to Goodwill."

I did have to make the Goodwill trip once, way back when this started.  I was selective as to what toys went... like the Leap Pads didn't go, the Legos and Duplos didn't go; but there were still tears.  At Goodwill, I let them each rescue one thing from the bag.  Funny though... they never even missed the toys that went, and they took much better care of their things from then on.

The last thing that really helped was having toy-free areas.  We have a 3BR ranch, so the kitchen and hallway are high-traffic areas.  They aren't allowed to play with their toys in the kitchen or the hall.  I let them play with them in the living room, but they are always put away at the end of the day.
 
January 2, 2006, 3:29 pm CST

One low-cost way to help with getting up

Quote From: pagirl74

Anyone else out there like the lady who hits her snooze button?  Anyone conquer this bad habit?  I can get 6, 8, 10, 12 hours of sleep, it doesn't matter.  I am always tired in the morning and don't want to get up.  I even put my alarm across the room (my hubby's suggestion) and I get up, hit the snooze and go back to bed; this continues a few times.  I am lazy all day and never want to do anything and then I want to kick myself in the butt at night when the house is a mess.  I NEVER used to be like this til I lived with my husband.  I used to get up as soon as the alarm went off and he was the one who hit the snooze constantly; now it's the other way around.  I tried going back to my old ways, but can't do it.  I'd like to try the device Dr. Phil gave everyone on the show today, but I know I could never afford something like that.  Anyway, any help/advice/support appreciated.  :)
One of the best pieces of advice I got, and put to use, is to watch your REM cycles. You sleep in 1.5 hr cycles, so should wake up after 1.5, 3, 4.5, 6, 7.5, or 9 hours. That's why the "8 hour" convention (allowing for a half-hour to fall asleep) makes so much sense. Otherwise, you're trying to wake yourself up in the middle of a REM cycle and will feel WAY more tired than if you wake up at the end of a cycle. I often wake up a couple of times during the next to use the bathroom, and have noticed that I awake easily if it's at the 3-hour mark. If it's in the middle of a REM cycle, I end up having one of those "have to use the bathroom badly" dreams and wake up in the nick of time, but feel heavy and groggy. If you give yourself a full 7.5 hours of sleep, you'll probably be able to wake up feeling rested.

 
January 2, 2006, 4:14 pm CST

no alarm...

Quote From: lh2000

For 4 months toss the alam clock unless you have to be somewhere at a specific time in fact remove all clocks from your bedroom.  Remove any TV from your bedroom too and phone also  Wake up naturally.   Get out of bed and make it as soon as you wake up.  Get dressed and put on your shoes.  You are not allow to lie down or remove your shoes for the rest of the day unless you are ill(this may sound strange but do it anyway).  If you smoke or drink coffee or drink soda stop at 6pm(it takes 4 to 6 hours to clear your system of amphetamines).  No food after 7pm.  Your kitchen should be clean by 7:30pm and no one should enter until the next morning.  Turn off the tv and phone and computer by 9pm.  The house should be very quiet 1 hour prior to bed.  Go to bed by 10pm.   

  

Make a list of every problem that your bad habit causes and the benifits of forming a new positive one.  Set a goal and reward yourself for keeping to your goal.  If getting up and being productive is important to you then you will do it.  Otherwise you will just keep up your lazy ways. 

  

Flylady.com has some good ideas about setting up morning routines and evening routines that I have found very helpful. 

  

  

I can't go without the alarm or my son will get to school late.  But I do have the flylady book so I'll see what she has to say.  Thanks for the advise. 

 
January 2, 2006, 4:21 pm CST

Lots of clutter!

First, I would like to thank "debbie".  I read her post, and wanted to post back and couldn't find it again.  I looked up the website that she suggested. "Flylady.net".  They offer great suggestions on how to break down your mess so that you can manage it without being overwhelmed.  I have always struggled with clutter.  Most of it comes in the form of mail.  I need to find a solution to the way I live.  It gets in the way of my marriage, and eventually it will do the same for my children unless I teach them better skills on how to deal with it.  So, thanks to Dr. Phil for giving great advice :) as always.  Also thanks to Debbie, for your post.  As it would turn out, I have the one book that is for people who get sidetracked.  Go figure, I never finished it, and now I'm not sure where it is.  Guess I better check out that website a little closer.  Will keep you posted in the future on how I made out. 

Thanks!! 

 
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