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Topic : 01/03 Love Resolutions

Number of Replies: 128
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Wednesday, December 28, 2005, 12:02:44 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
It's a new year and time for resolutions! If you're looking to put the spark back into your marriage or find the relationship you've always dreamed of, this is your year to turn your love life around. Dr. Phil's first guests say they've lost that "lovin' feelin'" in their marriage because they bicker about everything -- from what to watch on TV to who should drive the car. Will they learn to become the stars in their own marriage? Then, Dr. Phil follows up with Janet and Noelle, who are determined to find a man. After reading Love Smart and brushing up on their dating skills, how will their next dates go? And Jeannie and Jo-Ann are back to get more dating advice from Dr. Phil. It's time for these guests -- and you -- to get a love fix in 2006! Share your thoughts.

Find out what happened on the show.

More January 2006 Show Boards.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

January 4, 2006, 1:28 pm CST

Dear Dr. Phil

I plan on buying your book when I have the extra money available to me, I'm just not sure if it will be any help to my particular situtation BUT I'm willing to try. 

  

I am a 47 yr. old female and truly believe that I will be an old maid.  I was married to an abusive man for over 20 years and because of the abuse I am like a whiped puppy.  I am a shell of the person that I used to be because of my marriage.  The stress made me have a stroke at the age of 30 yrs. old and since then my body has physically started shutting down.  It's incredible how our emotions and lifestyle can destroy our body and our mind. 

  

I am due to have a hip replacement this month, from being pushed down so much during arguements.  I am on disability because of the different diseases that I have from stress and I stay in bed all the time because of the pain I'm in.  I had to spend 8 months last year in 3 different homeless shelters because disability does not pay me enough to live on.    

  

My ex is responsible for 90% of this pain I'm in yet he is living life large with another woman and they own 3 businesses.  I have so much hate in my heart for my ex that I just stay to myself and don't interact with men at all.  I have used the excuse that no man wants to date a woman who walks with a cane but with my upcoming surgery I should not have to use a cane in 6 months.  I don't have a pretty smile because my ex never allowed me to go to the dentist unless it was an emergency and because of me being basically bedridden for many years I have put on alot of weight. 

  

I have involved myself in charity work because that doesn't require me to "get my act together" so to speak.  I don't have to put on my best face and worry about anyone judging me.  I am a very kind, loving lady and I truly don't want to be alone forever but I have so many obstacles to overcome.  

  

How do you put yourself out there to date when you are so scared? 

  

Depressed in S.C.  

 
January 4, 2006, 1:31 pm CST

01/03 Love Resolutions

Quote From: angelagc

I am stitting here feeling in the same boat as you when it comes to our husbands. 

He also refused conselling although I have gone on my own and I find that that only helped for a while. None the less I have read the Dr. Phil book relationship Rescue and he did not and we didnt do the excercices. I would like to do that now since my marriage is headed for divorce. Try being with someone who thinks they are always right and you cant talk to them because they keep it all bottled up inside!!!! 

I personallly think that you should buy as much as you can and read it to help yourself. The more knowledge you have about men the better. And you will learn things about yourself  too. 

You never know he may get into it as you will and that would be an asset to your relationship. 

Good luck! 

  

I do believe Dr. Phil when he said  if you change your behavior or the way you respond to something, changes will take place.  The easiest way to change someone else's behavior is to change yours.  I do not want to spend my life bickering about little things either.  Usually people do not want to change their behavior when they are criticized in a negative way, anyway.  For example, it used to irritate me that my boyfriend throws his cigarette butts on the ground.  I used to nag him about it.  He would flip a lit one onto the ground right in front of me and I would stomp it out, saying , "you know I can't stand that!"  He would make an excuse like someone else did it, or he forgot, and 8 years later, he is still throwing them on the ground.  For the past 5 years I have been just picking them up and throwing them away myself, along with any other trash in my yard, because I am not going to let something as petty as that make me unhappy the way it used to.  I am also not willing to lose a good man over cigarette butts, because he just won't stop doing it.  (He even claimed they are biodegradable).  All I can do is laugh.  Also, good advice Dr. Phil gave yesterday is on the importance in any relationship to continue to date, flirt,  and to seduce each other. 
 
January 4, 2006, 3:52 pm CST

01/03 Love Resolutions

Quote From: mannie_12

I have been watching Dr. Phil since the beginning, I enjoy and agree with his advice, very down to earth and I find that refreshing.  I did take exception with one remark that Robin made today.  It was regarding Dr. Phil tracking dirt into the house and on the carpets after playing tennis.  When asked she said she did not care if he tracked dirt into the house.  I suspect she does not get upset about such things because she does not have to clean them up.  I mysely do have to do the cleaning up so I expect my family to be considerate and remove shoes.  That is showing consideration and lack of consideration can cause problems in a relationship.   

  

  

  

I think you are exactly correct, and am suprized no one has responded to your post. 

  

 That is showing consideration and lack of consideration can cause problems in a relationship.    

  

I always thought love necessarily involves consideration and appreciation of the efforts of others. 

  

So.    

  

I am going to support the work my spouse does, and likewise she supports mine. 

  

Marriage and family isnt a competition, it is a positive, forwarding, commraderative (should have used spell check) event! 

  

I think you have an excellent point! 

  

And besides, doesnt that clay interfere with Robin sliding on the floors?    LOL 

  

Thanks for the post! 

  

  

  

 
January 4, 2006, 6:12 pm CST

Depressed in S.C.

Quote From: cherokee2u

I plan on buying your book when I have the extra money available to me, I'm just not sure if it will be any help to my particular situtation BUT I'm willing to try. 

  

I am a 47 yr. old female and truly believe that I will be an old maid.  I was married to an abusive man for over 20 years and because of the abuse I am like a whiped puppy.  I am a shell of the person that I used to be because of my marriage.  The stress made me have a stroke at the age of 30 yrs. old and since then my body has physically started shutting down.  It's incredible how our emotions and lifestyle can destroy our body and our mind. 

  

I am due to have a hip replacement this month, from being pushed down so much during arguements.  I am on disability because of the different diseases that I have from stress and I stay in bed all the time because of the pain I'm in.  I had to spend 8 months last year in 3 different homeless shelters because disability does not pay me enough to live on.    

  

My ex is responsible for 90% of this pain I'm in yet he is living life large with another woman and they own 3 businesses.  I have so much hate in my heart for my ex that I just stay to myself and don't interact with men at all.  I have used the excuse that no man wants to date a woman who walks with a cane but with my upcoming surgery I should not have to use a cane in 6 months.  I don't have a pretty smile because my ex never allowed me to go to the dentist unless it was an emergency and because of me being basically bedridden for many years I have put on alot of weight. 

  

I have involved myself in charity work because that doesn't require me to "get my act together" so to speak.  I don't have to put on my best face and worry about anyone judging me.  I am a very kind, loving lady and I truly don't want to be alone forever but I have so many obstacles to overcome.  

  

How do you put yourself out there to date when you are so scared? 

  

Depressed in S.C.  

Dear Depressed in S.C. 

  

I too have been abused for many years and I can truly empathize with your situation.  I just want to give you a bit of hope.  I don't know if you pray but I know that my life brought me down to my knees and I have come to know that God does answer prayers.   

  

Your ex-husband may have money, another woman....But don't think for one moment that he will get away with all that he has done to you.  God does not like his tender daughters hurt by anyone especially by their spouses.  Leave it all in God's hands and work on yourself. 

  

You have the power within yourself to fight depression.  Personally, I needed to go to a psychologist.  She has been wonderful.  I am now healed and although I am very cautious I am free to love again and I have my psychologist helping me weed possible prospects.  I too have alot of fear and sometimes I am ready to run from situations due to my past and she is able to help me see when it is me.  All to say, that with the right guidance and support and your own will power and prayers...YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO IN LIFE.  Please don't give up on yourself or life.  If I have healed to this point, SO CAN YOU. 

 
January 4, 2006, 6:25 pm CST

01/03 Love Resolutions

Quote From: queentween

6 years ago on a dare, I tried online dating. On Jan 1st, 2000, I met my husband for the first time (we had been chatting online for 6 months and talking on the phone for 4 months.) I had been stood up on my New Years Eve date-how lucky was I (!) and he called to see what was going on. I told him, we laughed and he came up (400 miles). We saw each other and fell in love. 6 years, 2 kids, 3 cats, 2 cars and a house later, we are still having fun. Every day, we tell each other everything, I tell him I love him and he does the same, I make him crazy, he drives me nuts-I am a tightwad, he is a spendthrift, I am a pacifist, and he is in the army. I am a democrat, he a republican. Who could ask for anything more????? My husband is the best.
 
January 4, 2006, 6:34 pm CST

Intellectually Bankrupt

Quote From: dan62301

And there you have it.. the real reason women are always on guard and impossible to aproach. Are you kidding me? Follow orders? Jim! C'mon man! you are giving the old fashioned gentlemen a poor name. It's best, if you decide to have any children one day and dont want to give them a bad name, you have them illigitimately. 

  

I will not dissagree that the majority of women like to spend. I've dated my share of them. However, you cannot generalize the entire female population in this country like so. If you find yourself being controled or submissing in a relationship, and not happy with this outcome, maybe consider dating women that are not of the materialistic nature. Most times, you can look at a woman and within a few minutes know if she is about material or heart. Far too often us men go for the materialistic woman because she projects herself out there. Wants to be seen. Is showing off what she has accomplished with herself. Next time maybe look over her shoulder at the gorgeous self reliant woman sitting in the corner eating her bagel and mindiung her own business. Now, find a way to aproach her, and all your problems are solved. 

  

By the way, when you find said apraoch, write back asap! Inquiring minds want to know! 

  

Intellectually Bankrupt 

  

Why did you sign Intellectually Bankrupt????  You seem level headed and gave some good advise to Jim1970. 

  

Confused 

 
January 5, 2006, 1:57 am CST

01/03 Love Resolutions

Quote From: ndunn63383

http://drphil.com/articles/article/503/ 

  

Above is the link to the 'How Well Do You Know Men' quiz.  If the link does not work you can go to the search box and type in Love Smart and it should give you 10 results, the link will be the ninth one on the list.   

  

Hopefully you will know more about men than I do!!  :) 

Watch out for this quiz! Dr Phil has based his answers on the "biggest" category. So? The right answer often applies to as few as 20% of men!

I'm a man and scored 5 out of 10 on the quiz. VERY very few men will score more than 6 out of 10 on this quiz.

Adult male humans are not a homogeneous form of life: We vary all over the place. Also, Dr, Phil uses the southern US Christian definition of "men." That description may or may not fit a given man. It will not, in even the least way, fit a Canadian farm boy such as myself. That is just the way things work with generalizations. Generalizations are useful, but only when one realizes that they are going to be wrong all too often.
 
January 5, 2006, 2:11 am CST

01/03 Love Resolutions

Quote From: litsky8

  

I am saddened by the back and forth between men and women accusing the opposite sex for being unfaithful, horrible individuals.  I am a woman and I cannot tell you how many tears my men have placed in my eyes and how my heart has been broken...But through it all, gratefully I came to understand that I was the one choosing bad men due to things that happened to me as a child.  I have come to see that there are honorable men and honorable women throughout the United States.  It is unfortunate that moral standards have decreased throughout the years and I do admit it is much harder to find good apples in the bunch, but I have met some incredible people in my life.  If it had not been for those genuine people perhaps I would not be writing today.   

Well said. We all should be saddened by the  opposite sex bashing going on.

Many people choose to be with bad people. I did: So did my wife. We're married to each other now and it is great. We both know how our previous bad choices made our life miserable.

There's a PhD who wrote a book called "Getting the love you want." (Hendrix, I think) He makes some great points which mesh well with Dr. Phil. We tend to choose people who will complete our parents: People who will give us what we did not get as a child. That often results in getting a spouse who cannot give us what we need. Confusing, but true.

Oh I know ... I've been men's movement for 26 years and fully realize that misandry/misogyny MUST go up in order for our culture to start dealing with men's rights issues. Gender theory! BAH! I don't have to like it. I can and will preach out against contempt for any group. Contempt must be earned and a person you don't know has not earned contempt.

People: hear the message!
 
January 5, 2006, 2:16 am CST

01/03 Love Resolutions

Quote From: momisme2

I understand that the first couple was incessantly bickering and needed to cut each other some slack over the little things.  However, I dont know many women(other then Robin apparently)who wouldnt get annoyed over grass-mud-snow-dirt-whattheheckever-getting tracked in all over their freshly washed floor.  Especially considering all one has to do is take off their shoes to solve this problem. 

  

I symapthize with this particular probelm as where I live(not Southern Ca like the doc and his wife) we get all kind of weather.  Every season something new is getting tracked in all over my white floor.  Which, btw, was a very bad decision on my part.  In the future I will be staying away from white linoleum!  tehe  Do I take it personally when the kids or hubby get mud and dirty snow all over?  Well yes!  I have to say that I do!  And the reason is IM the one who cleans the blasted floors!  Im also the one that has said, only about a million times, to please take off your shoes and place them on the shoe mat which is right by the doors and easily accessable.  It isnt rocket science, after all.  Its simply, in my view, a matter of consideration and respect.   

  

Hearing how Robin doesent care if clay(or whatever else)gets tracked in all over her floors had my eyebrows raised.  Had me wondering if she didnt have help with the housework.  Which, as the docs wife,  I would certainly hope that she did!  Personally, I would think something wasnt quite right if the doc didnt get some help in for Robin at least once a week.  But the point is, I dont know ANY woman who would be just fine and dandy with their husbands or children tracking in all sorts of nonsense all over the clean floors.  Now perhaps this is just me?  Are there actual women(besides Robin that is)who honestly wouldnt care if their hubbys tracked nonsense in all over the house when simply taking off their shoes would avoid the whole mess?  I dont any personally.  Are there any out in cyber land?   

  

Just curious!    :) 

I'm a man and do all the housework. No big deal...

I'd suggest changing your thinking. You are raising children, not clean floors. You are loving a man, not clean floors.

Oh I know ... I'll get after my wife for coming in from the farm with enough tobacco dust in her clothes to role a pack of smokes. That said, I do it in humor.  Cleaning a bit of a mess is better than having an unhappy wife.
 
January 5, 2006, 7:01 pm CST

01/03 Love Resolutions

Quote From: momisme2

I understand that the first couple was incessantly bickering and needed to cut each other some slack over the little things.  However, I dont know many women(other then Robin apparently)who wouldnt get annoyed over grass-mud-snow-dirt-whattheheckever-getting tracked in all over their freshly washed floor.  Especially considering all one has to do is take off their shoes to solve this problem. 

  

I symapthize with this particular probelm as where I live(not Southern Ca like the doc and his wife) we get all kind of weather.  Every season something new is getting tracked in all over my white floor.  Which, btw, was a very bad decision on my part.  In the future I will be staying away from white linoleum!  tehe  Do I take it personally when the kids or hubby get mud and dirty snow all over?  Well yes!  I have to say that I do!  And the reason is IM the one who cleans the blasted floors!  Im also the one that has said, only about a million times, to please take off your shoes and place them on the shoe mat which is right by the doors and easily accessable.  It isnt rocket science, after all.  Its simply, in my view, a matter of consideration and respect.   

  

Hearing how Robin doesent care if clay(or whatever else)gets tracked in all over her floors had my eyebrows raised.  Had me wondering if she didnt have help with the housework.  Which, as the docs wife,  I would certainly hope that she did!  Personally, I would think something wasnt quite right if the doc didnt get some help in for Robin at least once a week.  But the point is, I dont know ANY woman who would be just fine and dandy with their husbands or children tracking in all sorts of nonsense all over the clean floors.  Now perhaps this is just me?  Are there actual women(besides Robin that is)who honestly wouldnt care if their hubbys tracked nonsense in all over the house when simply taking off their shoes would avoid the whole mess?  I dont any personally.  Are there any out in cyber land?   

  

Just curious!    :) 

I tivoed this program and just came here to see what others were saying about the mud tracking comments.  I feel like I am constantly "nagging" my husband about these types of things.  I know I am not the only one because I have aunts, friends, sisters whom discuss these same issues with me.  First of all, our husbands are supposed to be grown men, not children.  Why should they have to be told in the first place not to track mud on a clean floor, or any floor for that matter??  Why should they have to be told not to leave dirtly clothes lying around??  I'm called a b*tch or a nag for mentioning it, well what does it make him for having so little respect for me that he'd mess up a clean floor with mud, clothes, etc. and leave it for me to clean up?  My husband spills coffee on the counter every single morning and it would gather their for weeks if I didn't clean it up.  I just don't get the attitude that women are supposed to shut up and clean up after their men like small children or risk being called a "nag" or a "b*tch".  It's a total turn off to me.  I have the utmost respect for Robin, but if she doesn't care that Dr. P tracks mud on the floors then it's because she has a maid that goes after him and cleans it up.  This is a big problem in my marriage and I just don't know what to do about it.  Apparently I am just supposed to clean up after my husband with a smile on my face and say nothing?  Is that what some of you do to keep the peace?  Just clean it up and move on?  I'm serious.  I'd like to know how other women handle this situation. 
 
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