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Topic : 01/03 Love Resolutions

Number of Replies: 128
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Created on : Wednesday, December 28, 2005, 12:02:44 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
It's a new year and time for resolutions! If you're looking to put the spark back into your marriage or find the relationship you've always dreamed of, this is your year to turn your love life around. Dr. Phil's first guests say they've lost that "lovin' feelin'" in their marriage because they bicker about everything -- from what to watch on TV to who should drive the car. Will they learn to become the stars in their own marriage? Then, Dr. Phil follows up with Janet and Noelle, who are determined to find a man. After reading Love Smart and brushing up on their dating skills, how will their next dates go? And Jeannie and Jo-Ann are back to get more dating advice from Dr. Phil. It's time for these guests -- and you -- to get a love fix in 2006! Share your thoughts.

Find out what happened on the show.

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January 3, 2006, 2:27 pm CST

Relationship Rescue??

My husband and I argue and bicker and everything all the time.  I've told him that its coming down to counselling or court, and he flat out refuses counselling.  I am not ready to give up yet.  He doesn't want to go to counselling because he doesn't want to talk about things to a stranger.  So I suggested buying a book, that I would read and read out loud to him, and then we could discuss things afterwards.  Well he doesn't think that will work.  I asked him to just give me 30 minutes a day--what does he have to lose. 

  

My question is this: Is there anyone that is kind of in my situation where the husband or wife doesn't feel like reading a book will help? And is there anyone who has read the book by themselves and has noticed an improvement, because they were able to change their attitudes and it affected their partners? 

  

Please reply if you can offer suggestions before I buy the book. 

Thanks 

 
January 3, 2006, 2:36 pm CST

What about when it doesn't work that way?

I watched the couple who bickered and  what Dr. Phil said when he commented that if one person (he spoke to the woman - naturally) makes the necessary effort that the other person in the marriage will come around.  That would be lovely.  What does one do when the other person believes that he has done nothing wrong and that what his wife has changed is as it should be.  In other words, he takes no notice of her changes and makes none himself at all.  Why should he, it is not HIS problem.  I am just recovering from major depression - some related to this issue.  How can I ever get to who my authentic self is when I have no support....he says I will do anything I can to help her -- except make changes in my actions.  My husband said he watched the show and thought Dr. Phil was right about telling the woman she needed to change....He did not relate to the implications at all.  Now what do I do.
 
January 3, 2006, 2:43 pm CST

Self realization......

Quote From: jim1970

No.  Women (who are supposed to be independent and roaring) are the unfaithful ones.  I ALWAYS wanted to get married since I was IN MY TEENS.  I  NEVER wanted to go down this road.  But, years of torture have made me realize that American women are worse than priests.  They abuse men psychologically and financially.  While women claim that WE are unfaithful, it is THEY who wear short skirts and plunging necklines IN PUBLIC and say that flirting is harmless. 

  

I'm the best-and I'm finding a real woman....outside of America. 

Stop the madness, Jim...lol.  You are destined to repeat your frustrating cycle if you don't slow down and do a reality check!  Everyone deserves to find happiness, but you are so focused on bitterness that you are warping your perception.  Very few people have been lucky enough to avoid heartache, but the trick is to not let it ruin the rest of your life! 

  

Friends are a great way to start...do you have any female friends or family members that you respect and enjoy spending time with?  From your earlier comments about the man's/woman's place in a relationship, I fear you may not.  But, you need to begin by forming healthy platonic relationships.  These friendships can be a great source of strength, stress relief, and fun.  They might can even help you find your best attributes and be a support system until you are in a better, less bitter place...and ready to begin to find a healthy relationship.   

  

But, trust me, with the attitude you have shown in your several board entries and if you do not have an attitude check before searching again,  you will not want the women who would be willing to settle down with you right now, because they would be insecure, needy, and not in a healthy place, themselves.  In time, the pain from the bad relationship(s) will fade...but you need to heal.  Use them as a learning experience, not something that ruins your opportunity for happiness in the future!  Just an opinion, anyway.......... 

 
January 3, 2006, 2:44 pm CST

Love Resolutions

 Dr. Phil, 

    Do you really believe it's just that easy to read a book, make a few changes and shabang, your love life will be everything you ever wanted it to be?  I'm so tired of hearing, you only need to do this or you should always do that, that I don't know what or who to listen to anymore. I know I have my own issues to be real about , but how can I deal with feeling like I' m never heard when it come to expressing my feelings and what I need in a relationship instead of being taken for granted and pushed to the back of the line waiting for that special someone to notice or care if I'm there.  

 
January 3, 2006, 2:53 pm CST

noel

i very much like the changes that noel has made and if she would like to meet mr. right she should look my direction i am very impressed with her and what i see her wanting in a ralationship. 

  

P....S...... dr phil how about helping us  straight guys that are employed and looking .....i have been told by lots of people that i am a great catch .... but why cant i find the one that wants to stick around.to experience all that i have to offer and what we canoffer each other. the guys out there need help to............srchn but not finding    where are the good one hiding. 

 
January 3, 2006, 2:55 pm CST

Love Resolutions

Quote From: mandyraet

 I am very offended by that comment you just made for many reasons.
1. I am a woman and young lady and I am not looking for any man for his money. In fact, I ALWAYS offer to pay for at least my half of the date and I do take my man out and pay for both of us to keep things "fair".
2. I am in my early 20's and I have been thinking about the kind of wife I want to be since I was 16. And working on myself and accomplishing the things that I want to before I join with someone else so I can be the wife I want to be and have a WONDERFUL marriage. I also expect the guy I marry to do the same...put in some work into our relationship and be for me what I need him to be in my life and I of course want to be his helpmate his encouoragement his support his everything (including sexually) I don't want my husband or a boyfriend to be destroyed by me or any one else...that;s not love and doesn't come from love and the man I marry I am going to love unconditionally!
3. I think you got the whole thing wrong about men being in charge of the household. You seem to veiw it as a powertool as a way to control and demean women. I do believe the man is the head of the home (because of religious beliefs) but that title doesn't come with the right to abuse anyone in your home. It doesn't give you the right or final word...it's still a partnership and a true man would lead his family in a loving honorable way and have a wife and children WILLING to follow.  We don't follow orders you are not our owner or our boss or anything and if you cross that line where you think you have all the power and your wife should OBEY you then your marriage is doomed!
I think it is you that is very bitter! If you find love and happiness in a woman who is not in America...Awesome...but look at yourself and fix yourself before you start pointing the finger at all of us American women and telling us we are horrible and should change.  

I can't believe u would put all of us woman in one catagory. I happen to Love my husband not for what he can give me but for who he is as a person. I don't take his money He makes me take his money . And I don't spend spend spend.i use his money wisley.U  are a Pompus idiot. You have no Idea what You are Talking about! My Husband And I Love each Other very much and Everything and I mean everything is 50/50 And we Love our 5 children very very much. You have no right to put all woman into one catagory. Yes there are some woman like that. But NOT ALL OF US!
 
January 3, 2006, 3:14 pm CST

LoveSmart

My teenage daughter ASKED for LoveSmart for Christmas..... How do ya like that?  AND she has read a good portion of it and already has all this stuff underlined and circled and little notes and comments in the margins.......**laugh** 

  

I've read some too and you know how things stand out particularly for YOU....to me what stood out was a part where he said:  if someone talks and says I, I, I then they are lonely and ready to settle down but if they say we, we then they are connected to something that you are going to be competing with..... First time around I think I missed the WE in the conversations.... 

 
January 3, 2006, 3:14 pm CST

Relationships for older women.

HOW does an older woman find a man???   Way to man of them are TOTAL couch potatos and they don't want to change......just keep watching their Cop shows.  I am a very fun loving gal that enjoys Golf, traveling, bowling and getting out and about enjoying life. Maybe I am TO young for My age.   ANY helpful ideas would be appreciated. I am going out and buy your new book and see if You have any suggestions that I can use. Have a GREAT DAY!!!   

 
January 3, 2006, 3:19 pm CST

I think I'm cured

Quote From: velvetbuny

 I hear you and understand. I too am depressed, disabled, and divorced. Most of my relationships end up with me wondering what happened? Why won't he call? Then when I think I have found someone, it turns out I'm doing the pursing and giving and he's doing the taking and not retuning any love. It does suck, I just seem to pick losers! I'm ready to call it quits when it comes to relationships. 

I just took the man test on this site...the 10 questions about guys and after taking that (I got 8 out of 10 right) but the answers just floored me....infact I thought better of men before I took the test!  

Now I think I'll just get a jackrabbit and call it a day...LOL 

 
January 3, 2006, 3:21 pm CST

Too Cute to Be Approached?

 
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