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Topic : 01/06 No More Excuses With Star Jones

Number of Replies: 64
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Wednesday, December 28, 2005, 12:07:25 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Do you know someone who has every excuse in the book for why they can't get it together? Along with Star Jones Reynolds from The View, Dr. Phil challenges his guests to take charge of their lives. Marchelle says her life has been a rollercoaster ride for the last 18 years. She studies Dr. Phil's advice but can’t seem to get it quite right. Find out what Dr. Phil has in store for her. Then, Deann refuses to be in a relationship until she has zero debt. She says she has a lot of great qualities, but her finances are making her unattractive. Plus, Chris says her macho military look scares men away. Her daily attire is fit for the battlefield: baggy clothes, no makeup and she doesn’t do her hair. Dr. Phil uncovers what's really keeping her from dating. Talk about the show here.

 

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January 6, 2006, 6:17 am CST

applaud yourself dan!

hi dan, just read your post and you should be applauded for the way you have turned out, the choices you made and the selfless attitude! Your mother was/is a selfish selfish person and people like that should never have kids, but then you wouldnt be where you are then would you! You definately need some sort of counselling to cleanse you from all the childhood experiences you had...and i hope Dr Phil can help you with what you need or perhaps you can find someone more local to you. i hope one day you can find that special person to get close to and hopefully have a family of your own to love, cherish and nurture and give to them what you so craved as a child. i dont know if your mother is alive or not, but remember 'what goes around, comes around'. ive seen it myself with my own father...a bully, abusive to his kids and both wives, now 68, on his own, feeling sorry for himself now that his soon to be ex wife called it quits, is trying to be a nicer person! i feel sorry for him at times but i keep remembering that he brought it on himself with his sometimes revolting behaviour and then the sympathy dries up! keep positive, have fun, smile alot and write it all down..thate therapy in itself! good luck!
 
January 6, 2006, 7:45 am CST

3 hours

Quote From: horseluver

 I put 3 miles, I meant 3 hours...
I think 18 yrs is too young to bar hop find someone with your interest and find some happeniness lifes too short I lost my 25 yr old in 2004  too an illness and I know life is too live and enjoy my son left a 3 yr old without a daddy. that my husband are raising So please enjoy ever minute of your life PLEASE
 
January 6, 2006, 9:18 am CST

my boyfriend is a victim...

His life is one tragedy after another, if it's not his kids, it's his job, it's his health...something every single day.  He blames it on  his family luck, he says his family is cursed, he says he was physically abused by his stepfather, he was trapped into marriage, he was lied to, cheated on...it is getting to the point where I hate talking to him cuz his life is SO darn depressing.  He has 2 marriages, 2 biological kids, 1 that he raised thinking she was his but later found out she wasn't, and one step shild he takes as his own.  so yes folks that is 4 children.  His ex wife is a meth addict just got out of prison last year for trafficking, his 2nd ex cheated on him, she is re-married but every time she fights with her husband she runs to my boyfriend.  He was in an accident last year that injured his back, he was just taken off work amd will probably end up on short term disability.  Great, even less time to do anything.  Now I should say that he treats me wonderfully, flowers, fixes everything without me even asking, asks for my opinion, lets me be me.  The problem is, being around him sucks the life out of me.  He is the sweetest man but he's like a friggin trainwreck.  I broke up with him once because the constant dramam was too much to bear. We got back together ecause well, I felt like at 38 I was never going to find anyone who treated me so well.  But now just 3 months later I feel stuck again, I feel like I have to horrible black cloud overhead.  I am a successful, single woman, never married, no kids, own my house, good job, great friend, family and used to have a very full life.  Now I feel guilty for spending money I have on things I like him cuz he can't afford to do the same, going out to nice restaurants are a thing of the past...he can't afford it nor can he comprehend spending more that $20 for dinner for two.  Seriously, I took him out and dinner was $50, pretty cheap I thought for dinner and drinks and he was amazed...this was at a chain steakhouse!!  I hate chains but have had to compromise on where we go because he has never had anything in his life.  He says, "I am trying to be positive but life won't let me.  I am not meant to be happy in this life I am meant to sacrifice for the good of others".  I say sacrifice for your children is one thing but being a martyr is another, think about what you are teaching them.  I am really worried that I am making a huge mistake and I don't have time to waste here.  Life is already passing me by...Ive made numerous bad choices like this but that is for another board.  how do I get my boyfriend to stop being such a victim?
 
January 6, 2006, 9:55 am CST

Thanks for the support

Bluefish, 

  Thank you for your encouraging words. I dont feel appluading myself, or patting myself on the back is necessary at all. It may seem boastful... it may not... but I feel I am far more intellegent and able to do so much more than I have. My past seems to be a keeping me from becomming the man I know I was meant to be. I know my childhood has strengthened me, but has also made me cold and untrusting. Not exactly attributes of a successful person. I see this in myself and step back and look from the outside... change my thinking and open up only to find another obsticle in life restraining me, that wouldnt have been there had I had the oportunity to better myself at a younger age, had I had structure and foundation at a young age. Point being, the oportunities the average person had growing up, were not available to me and I've exausted myself trying to get passed it. What keeps me from aquiring these what I've missed out on in life now that I've grown and in control of my own life you ask? Society. Social accetance. People dont accept openly, a 30 year old man doing what he should have at 18 without judgement. 

  

~Intellectually Bankrupt 

 
January 6, 2006, 1:57 pm CST

What's up with woman 'having to look sexy' to get a man?

I am a single parent...and converative...I DO NOT want to "look sexy" to get THOSE kind of men...:(  geewise Dr. Phil...why can't you and the others on your show push women to simply look attractive...and not have them 'sell their bodies'.  This sexy junk only attractive slimy men that then just want to sleep with them and dump them... 

  

Women have lost their self respect in this way by having to "sell their bodies" to get a man to look at them.  I would rather remain unmarried the rest of my life then fend off men like that!!  Believe me I have done the 'sexy look' and know what kind of men it attraches...:(  I ended up marrying a horrible man because I had no self respect...and now have been single for a number of years..and not looking!  I LOVE being single! I do not need a man to make me happy. 

  

I honestly don't know why a woman can't be happy without a man...but that is another subject for another show I suppose.  Its just sad that this type of focus is on your show more and more.  I don't see anyone pushing loney single men to 'look sexy' to attract women...in which they too would just attract the wrong kind of woman too actually. 

  

Doing hair and the makeup and nice clothes is ok....but lets leave the cleveage out...the women would like a man to actually make eye contact rather then staring at her cleveage while making small talk....makes you just wanted slug the guy that is for sure!  But then what can a woman expect with half her breast showing like that! geez.  

  

If I was looking for a man, I would want one that loved me for who I am, and not how much of my body is being flashed around...blah on that! 

  

Julie 

 
January 6, 2006, 1:59 pm CST

01/06 No More Excuses With Star Jones

I love Dr. Phil's show and try not to miss any. Today's show didn't set well with me however, but not due to anything that Dr. Phil had to say. The first guest who was seen sitting around with several friends watching his show struck me as whining. I understand all too well the problems and heartaches of loss that come into our lives. I have also lost a home. But, for starters she was already blessed with a room full of friends. She said she's still living on the property. That is something. I'm one of these folks who would be thrilled to have my own property and home, no matter if it is a mobile home. Sometimes we just have to stop, look around at what we do have and not at what we do not have. I did however feel sorry for her. But only because she was having a hard time moving on and finding her own happiness in the things around her.From experience I know it cxan be hard to do if one is going through depression; this is something she may have a problem with and needs to check all avenues. I wish her luck and good "focusing" on what ever may lie ahead in her life.
 
January 6, 2006, 2:01 pm CST

hope I have the right place

I just don't care anymore. Call it an excuse if you want.  

I am not going to run down the list of rotten things that have happened in my life.  

I just lost my husband to suicide. I have no desire to even want to try anymore.  

I am emotionally exhausted. There is no one to help and I don't care enough to help myself.  

I have reached out for help & run into brickwalls.  

If I don't care there's no reason why anyone else should. 

 
January 6, 2006, 2:07 pm CST

Chris

Quote From: ashinjapan

 Thank you so much for showing her story. I am in a similar situation. I am active duty Air Force, I am an F-16 Crew Chief and work long hard hours in rough conditions in a mostly male environment. I love my job and I love my service to the country I respect and admire BUT it is really hard to maintain a feminine self image. My two best friends are both female crewchiefs. When I first met them I was the only female crewchief in our squadron. I was delighted to have my sisters in arms take me in hand and help me re-discover my feminine self. To Chris and all my sisters out there remember, we are tough people doing a tough job for something we believe in but we can do all that AND STILL FEEL GIRLIE :D Thank you again Dr. Phil for showing me and everyone else that just because you get dirty at work and don't date a whole lot doesn't mean you're gay or a man hater. I love men that's part of the reason I chose my  job.

Chris,  I want to thank you for all the sacrifices you and your cohorts have made for our country.   My brother was a Naval Aviator (Marine....flew CH-53Ds (Sikorsky) known as “Sea Stallions” and AH1-J Cobrasm so I get it! 

  

             Now, about being a strong woman, intelligent woman.  My youngest daughter is 6 ft 1 in.  Extremely intelligent, brought up to be very independent,  speaks 4 languages and is brilliant with computers.  Was trying to get into Microsoft, when she met her, now, husband.   I was telling my son-in-law that I was so happy that she married a real man, cause it takes a 'real man' to deal with a strong woman.  He looked surprised and said this, "I don't want a wimp, for the mother of my children." 

  

Point being, there are strong men out there, who are smart enough to know that  a strong, intelligent mother is best for the children.  As Dr. Phil says, " you can't give what you don't have."  So take care of yourself, be yourself, be proud of your accomplishments, and the right man will show up.  Look at Dr. Phil and Robin.  What a great example!   Dr. Phil is strong, intelligent, independent and clearly has wanted the same in his wife.  Robin is NO wimp!  I loved what he said this week about not needing her.....but wanting her. 

  

Thanks again, Chris. 

Stay safe,   

Pat Walker 

 
January 6, 2006, 2:08 pm CST

Women who don't need men

I can really relate to Chris' problems with men.  I guess hers were twofold, one being her telling herself it was OK to be multifaceted.  I went through a brief period of that when I was young myself, and I know you feel you're betraying an ethic or something.  But it's freeing once you get past that and realize you're multifaceted and can keep changing.   

  

But the part I can relate to is her problems with men backing away from her because she is independent and competent and doesn't need them.  This is a very real problem.  It was a problem for me, and I did dress up sexy and stuff.  I had a career that was the culmination of my dream and I'd been on my own always and made my own way.  Though there were times I wished I'd had someone to lean on, there were times when I wondered if I could ever be comfortable doing it as well and doubt I could ever give up much of my independence.  Many men were put off right away just by the fact that I was wasn't as broke as they were and felt threatened by that.  Of course, this was when none of us were all that old so a lot of people were struggling, and I was still struggling, but it was a matter of degree.   

  

But what most surprised me is when I got in a relationship with a man who was a peer by all counts, in the same business doing almost the same thing as me, with about the same degree of accomplishment.  And even HE was disillusioned because, he said, I did not NEED him.  I would explain to him in a tender moment that maybe I didn't need him in some ways, but that emotionally, I needed him, and more importantly, I WANTED him.  We talked about it a lot, but I guess unless I needed him in the classical sense, he just didn't know how to measure his manhood.  We ended upworking together eventually, and had a couple of talks during those years, after he'd married and divorced, and I asked him why it was her and not me.  And again, that thing about me not needing him came up -- that, plus he said she just kept on trying to convince him that she would be such a good wife that he finally gave in.  I said, "You mean if I'd NAGGED you, you might have married me???"  And he said, "Who knows."  She wasn't a good wife, but she had a chef certificate, and I really think that's what, in his mind, gave her the credentials he believed made her wife material.  Anyway, that's another story.   

  

So maybe if I'd called him to come get me when my car broke down, which it did often, instead of not bothering him and calling a friend closer by, he'd have thought I needed him enough to make him feel like a man.  It's hard to believe this traditional stuff is so engrained in otherwise modern men.  He and I both were part of an entertainment industry that was far from traditional, and it has been an ongoing obstacle in my life that I am who I am, and I now believe that I truly was meant to be a bachelor and follow my own path.  Maybe the new agers are right and I chose my life path before I was born, because I guess I was born at the earliest moment when that would have been possible for a woman to do on this planet.......it's something to think about.   

 
January 6, 2006, 2:09 pm CST

not always excuses

I hear what Star Jones says, and I want so desperately to have her courage and conviction, but not everyone has freinds and family for support and encouragement.  I, myself am in this situation.  I want so much to change my life physically, emotionally, financially, and mostly spiritually.  God knows I NEED to.  I feel I'm dying inside and out everyday.  Unfortunatelly,  I have  no one there for me to help, incourage, or support.   So my question is this...what do people like me, who don't have this do when they want to change their life?  Nobody can make it alone.  Nobody. 

 
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