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Topic : 01/06 No More Excuses With Star Jones

Number of Replies: 64
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Created on : Wednesday, December 28, 2005, 12:07:25 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Do you know someone who has every excuse in the book for why they can't get it together? Along with Star Jones Reynolds from The View, Dr. Phil challenges his guests to take charge of their lives. Marchelle says her life has been a rollercoaster ride for the last 18 years. She studies Dr. Phil's advice but can’t seem to get it quite right. Find out what Dr. Phil has in store for her. Then, Deann refuses to be in a relationship until she has zero debt. She says she has a lot of great qualities, but her finances are making her unattractive. Plus, Chris says her macho military look scares men away. Her daily attire is fit for the battlefield: baggy clothes, no makeup and she doesn’t do her hair. Dr. Phil uncovers what's really keeping her from dating. Talk about the show here.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

More January 2006 Show Boards.


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January 7, 2006, 2:31 am CST

Hmmm, No

Quote From: kit561

    I am so tired of seeing a pretty girl wearing sweats made over suddenly into a pretty girl wearing a skirt.  Sure, they put on some makeup, did her hair, and dressed her in feminine clothes.  So what?  She was pretty before.  There are some people, and I include myself among them, that are just plain ugly and nothing is going to help.  I'll never date again, never get remarried, and that's just life.  Shows like these seem to generate unreal expectations.   

    An ugly man can become rich or powerful and women will look past the exterior and find him attractive.  Men  don't care how honest or truthful a woman is, how kind or successful, it's all about 

the pretty face and body.  It's just the way it is.  I wish  

I was a lone father who hung around with other lone fathers: Most of us dated a lot.

I know some women who fit the definition of really ugly: Including one whose face was nearly burned off when she was a teenager. We lone fathers dated a good few of those women. One of us married the really ugly woman.

Why? Because beneath that scared face was a wonderful person. That scared woman married an NFL back. Not exactly wealthy, but doing OK. A decent man. A BIG MAN! Huge actually. He needed someone who could see around his mountanous size and see the sensitive man underneath. He needed someone who could see around 400 lbs of big with a 20 lb todler clinging to him.  She did, she could see what lay underneath.

Beauty will get a woman a first date. That is all it will get her.  There are many other ways to get a first date. Beauty is only one.
 
January 7, 2006, 5:49 am CST

I AM SORRY

Quote From: dan62301

Bluefish, 

  Thank you for your encouraging words. I dont feel appluading myself, or patting myself on the back is necessary at all. It may seem boastful... it may not... but I feel I am far more intellegent and able to do so much more than I have. My past seems to be a keeping me from becomming the man I know I was meant to be. I know my childhood has strengthened me, but has also made me cold and untrusting. Not exactly attributes of a successful person. I see this in myself and step back and look from the outside... change my thinking and open up only to find another obsticle in life restraining me, that wouldnt have been there had I had the oportunity to better myself at a younger age, had I had structure and foundation at a young age. Point being, the oportunities the average person had growing up, were not available to me and I've exausted myself trying to get passed it. What keeps me from aquiring these what I've missed out on in life now that I've grown and in control of my own life you ask? Society. Social accetance. People dont accept openly, a 30 year old man doing what he should have at 18 without judgement. 

  

Intellectually Bankrupt 

 
January 7, 2006, 7:28 am CST

thanks for seeing what i said

The daily suicide rate in the USA alone is 80.    

80 lives who feel they have no hope. 

My husband's recent suicide has left me there too.  

  

I just shake my head in dismay when people say anyone can "pull up their socks"...shake it off.  

Not everyone is in a good place in their life. You reach out & you reach out only to be pushed aside or ignored.  

My heart hurts for folks who are in so much emotional pain that they can't see any hope.  

  

Sure, there are those wonderful success stories like we see on some of the shows...but what about all the "loss & not coping well" ones??? Their path to success may have worked for them & it may work for someone else. What about the ones who are struggling & struggling with no one to care?  

  

Like I said in my first reply, there's no point in listing all the "bad" that has happened in my life. For me, that IS in the past..  But a person gets to the point of feeling they really have had enough so why bother anymore.  

I have never wanted pity. I have wanted good help. That help is elusive.  

  

  

 
January 7, 2006, 12:20 pm CST

I feel so bad for you

Quote From: reallylost

I just don't care anymore. Call it an excuse if you want.  

I am not going to run down the list of rotten things that have happened in my life.  

I just lost my husband to suicide. I have no desire to even want to try anymore.  

I am emotionally exhausted. There is no one to help and I don't care enough to help myself.  

I have reached out for help & run into brickwalls.  

If I don't care there's no reason why anyone else should. 

I too know what it's like to be just kicked and kicked again and have no time to recover.  I've had alot of "bad luck" in my life.  Sometimes I'm just on autopilot to make it through my day, because if I thought of all the weight of my situation I'd go insane. 

  

My family just lost our place to live because of my roommate.  I went to every agency I could think of but they are overwhelmed due to still helping people affected by the hurricane.  The shelters are completely full right now.  Lucky for us we found a really cheap motel room, at $700 a month.  I was really worried that we were going to end up sleeping in the park, or worse.  I was just grateful that I had some kind of money to get a room somewhere.  My husband and I aren't too afraid of having to deal with struggles, but I hate having to make my teenagers go through this.  I work two jobs just to come out in the negative every month.  I feel like I'm making reverse progress.  I have great intentions but it's always something unexpected.   

  

I have extreme anxiety about my situation, afraid that one thing will happen and I will end up losing what little I have left, but I know that if I just let that feeling pass I'll be okay. 

  

I know the frustration of really just needing a hand up and no one will come to your rescue.  I mean, you're willing to do the work but the opportunity just won't arive!  Just hang in there, okay?           

 
January 7, 2006, 12:52 pm CST

damaged doors....cracked mirror...broken spirit

Quote From: yayale

Your show on excuses really touched home with me. ..expecially the woman who wanted to move from her burned-down property because of all of the bad memories.  I am stuck in my situation trying to figure out if I should move out of my memory filled home with my 5 kids in March(that's when my lease is up).  The reason I question moving is due to the bad experience of domestic violence brought upon me from my kids father.  My home is visibly damaged due to his outburst.  Even though he's no longer here I'm stuck staring at the messed up door and mirror that he broke.(There's a huge closet custom made mirror he damaged in my diningroom).  Knowing that I allowed him to treat me crappy for 5 years and it's partly my fault doesn't help either. 

  

What really hurts is that I just gave birth 8 weeks ago to twins and we're broken up now.  I suspected him of child molestation on one of my twin daughters when I awoke one night to find her pajamas off.  Since I didn't physically see him do anything it was hard for me to accuse him.  But his behavior about it all made me believe that he did do something to her.  He became defensive and nervous even before I accused him of anything.  Then he began to say that I never even dressed her which was a complete lie.  He out of my life now because I have a restraining order against him for past physical abuse.  Still I regret putting up with him for 5 years.  I feel like a victim because I put up with him for so long.  I allowed him to do these things to me because I didn't want to go against him and cause anymore fights.  But my suspicions about him doing something to our daughter cannot be ignored.  Dr. Phil, just how do I move on from feeling like a victim due to my long history of domestic abuse?  How can I picture myself as desireable and not just damaged goods with 5 kids?  I want to be happy for once.  When I was with him, I would forgive him but then he would do the same thing to me to hurt me again and then I would remember the hurt all over again.  He said that's why he left me because I wouldn't forgive him for abusing me.  But when I would he would just abuse me more.  I'm really distressed and confused.  PLEASE HELP ME DR. PHIL! 

I couldn't help but notice your post. 

  

It's difficult to go thru and live in ABUSE. 

  

For you and your children. 

  

Moving from "that place"       (where all the Abuse occurred......the damage was done, horrible memories and bad things happened )       sounds like a good thing.....moving sounds good. 

  

Moving and moving on........sounds even better. 

  

Getting out........getting to a new place ,a fresh start........getting help to move on for both you and your children. 

  

I do hope that you have sought help and counseling for both you and your daughter.......your children will need  your help as their mom to overcome what has happened. 

  

Trust your instincts......trust yourself...........trust your own gut feeling about the situation with your twin daughter.  

  

You can move on......you can start with a clean slate........you and your children can have a good life. 

  

  

You do need to seek help......professional help.  Help for you and your children.  Its out there.....the resources are available.......a battered women's shelter can help..........the police........an attorney. 

  

I'm thankful you have a restraining order .......keep it current. 

  

I hope you have a safety plan in place. 

  

You are NOT damaged goods. 

  

You and your children can get help........and move on to a better life. 

  

  

Take care. 

  

PS............there is a support message board for those who have experienced, survived or experiencing Abuse of any kind................................here on Dr. Phi's web site..........the message board is located under Marriage.............which is located under Relationships/Sex.........Marriage........Abuse. 

  

There are folks there that will listen.......offer support........resources...........and information so that you can seek, use  outside resources and information and  begin to move on.  

  

You and your children are worth while and deserve to live a happy life. 

  

Take care.  

  

Hope you do check out the Abuse message board. 

  

  

 
January 7, 2006, 1:29 pm CST

Heather letter to Vlaanderen.

Heather. I think you are great. I use to ride a horse when I was a little boy years ago. But now I cano 

t ride a horse because I am too big and not strong at all. I think you were on Doctor Phil show once 

a year. Heather all you have to do is go to Http://WWW.DrPhil.Com or you can E-Mail from his website.  (OR DrPhi.Com@DrPhil.Com) if you have any problem also you can E-Mail me at: RBV43 

@Juno.Com. Well I had better close now. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.--------------------------- 

 
January 7, 2006, 1:35 pm CST

Thank you Star Jones Renyolds,

  

Okay, one more book to get. I truely believe that we make our own choices and excuses. Today I am making excuses. Its the first part of 2006,I need to get a plan. 

I too have had lots of tough breaks,but I have a God I trust and I need to get a plan and stick to it. 

Thats the job of the day, get a plan. 

On my goal list is to have more a better self image. It has improved,but needs work,always. 

Any way,no more excuses!!!!!! I will get a plan.I can pick wheather I am miserable or not.  

Thanks for listening. 

 
January 7, 2006, 4:27 pm CST

No relationship until debt free?

On Friday's show, Deann said that she did not believe that she should begin a relationship until her debt is paid off.  This issue was not addressed by Dr. Phil.  I would be very interested in hearing what others have to say on this subject.  I understand how she feels.  I am a single woman and have been on my own for many years.  I take pride in my independence.  The last few years have been filled with financial hard knocks for me.  I am so embarrassed to be in my financial situation.  I am dating, but do not let them know about the debt that I have.  I feel dishonest by not disclosing this information.  I would want to know if they were in the same situation.  I am working hard and doing everything possible to get out of this situation.  It will be several years before I can pay off my debt on my own.  Does this mean I shouldn't be dating? 
 
January 7, 2006, 7:13 pm CST

Who Cares

Quote From: citrisgal

While I staunchly beleive that some behaviours, become "habit", it is also my humble opinion that in most cases they do so by "choice" whether we realize it or not. 

  

I happen to have a tendency to bite my nails, which is a horrible habit and looks just as bad. I probably could stop, I've done it before, but I suppose I just don't try "hard" enough. Lets face it, we all curb certain habits or bad behaviours in public because we know them to be rude or socially unacceptable, and only seem to continue with those that society (and/or our families) have learned to accept. 

  

It is for this reason that I find it difficult to CONTINUE to show compassion for those who persist on perpetuating detrimental and questionable behaviours. 

  

This in fact has been a HUGE issue in our family where my in-laws are concerned. Hard-working people of more than modest means they have been limited in certain aspects of life, etiquette, and experiences. Trying to embrace them as part of my family, I have tried to BEFRIEND them and including them (much like I do my own family) in certain memorable (and cost-effective) experiences. 

  

My in-laws have VERY LITTLE fashion sense or savvy (always wore hand me downs) so, I've taken the liberty to ask them (at least MIL) to go shopping with me and revamp (both) our looks, have paid for upgrading her curtains, bedspread, etc. Have given her gift certificates to salons and spas (upon HER making mention of being envious of never having had the experience). I've even offered to "teach" her about certain recipes, to organize her closet, decorate her home, whatever would help her boost her self esteem, confidence etc. The answer is ALWAYS the same. That's okay, you don't have to (but I "want" to), but she insist that (at 67) she is too old to care for how she looks, how her home looks, or what she cooks for just her and her spouse, plus, it's too much work for too short of a period of time (such as decorating for the holidays, or dressing up just for dinner), and her kids love her regardless. THEN, just the other day she called "lamenting" that my husband and I spent or enjoyed spending more time with my family because my family went "all out" for the holidays (decoration, music and food  wise...all home prepared) and because (according to MIL) my mother was a better cook. When DH suggested she could do it if she tried, even if she catered and simply concentrated on making the home look and feel warm and cozy, she DISMISSED him by saying it would be too much work, she would have to fuss too much, etc., etc., etc. People like this feel sorry for themselves and I believe want others to feel sorry for themselves. It's not that they CAN'T change it's that they DON'T WANT TO and WON'T because they feel others give them sympathy and fail to realize that others are actually annoyed with them and often critcising them behind their back, and it has nothing to do with sympathy or pity, but rather with how ingratiating they are and tend to be. 

I hope that you don't judge your in laws because of apperances or styles. And I hope that you don't choose where you go on Christmas because of decorations and food. Christmas and all year long should be about loving our family and friends and supporting the decisions they make. I think that your in laws should be loved and accepted the way they are and they should not be constantly reminded that you want them to be someone else.
 
January 7, 2006, 7:35 pm CST

01/06 No More Excuses With Star Jones

Quote From: nurse_05

I know how you feel, I am 30 will be 31 at the end of the month, my mother if you wanna call her that never cared always degraded me for "her giveing birth at age 16".  I didnt ask her to get pregnent?  I used to hear things like, "I drank Paps Blue Ribbon when I was Pregnent".  Needless to say I was born premature with many problems.  She too had many...boysfriends/husbands in her life.  My father was non-existent.  I never met him, never had a father figure, grandparents were there for me a lot.  Her one man was an ex con who used to cut our phone line b 4 coming into our hse so we couldnt call the cops, we had to live with a door baracaded so he didnt breah it down, he would jump on our car wehn we were driving down the road.  Her first husband didnt like me, phys abused me, 2nd was a drunk like her, and 3rd she isnt even living with, all her kids are to different men.  She wouldnt buy me school clothes, "b/c she didnt get support for me".  Hello???  How is thios my fault, I worked at 16 to buy my classring and also had to but my own senior pics.  I have sooo much hatred to her, its not funny!!  I have trouble trusting men, was engaged 3 times to college educated great guys but i just wasnt ready or something?  I just dont want to follow her path NEVER!  I also have trouble with anger issues, which I am sure relate to her.  I put myself theu college Dean's list and all, and have one child I love to death and wouldnt dream of traeting him like that.  I think about my past/childhood almost daily, its just horrible.  I am currrently married for a little over a year and its not easy, but I am trying.  I have always had trouble with relationships, my child comes first and always .  I have so many stories that relate to urs its not funny, I would blow ur mind.  I have had trouble with nightmares last year that my MD said may be related to the childhood abuse.  I would wake up screaming.  I wish you nothing but luck, you are good very good looking also.
i also didn't have too much of a great childhood. i can't say i had the same problem that you two talk about, but my mother was quite cruel in her own way. she used to beat me for the slightest thing that would annoy her. she was always on pins and needles. every little thing would bother her. she was jealous of the relationship between me and my sister. she even went as far as to say that i wasy taking her away from my mother. yeah right, i was something like 6 at the time. when i ran away to get married 12 years ago, she told me that i was lucky i wasn't there and that she hated me and never wanted to see me again. fine with me. i doubt i will ever see her again. she hasn't seen my son and prob. won't. i am 31 years old and i could never imagine doing this to my child. congrats on putting yourself thru college and marriage
 
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