Topic : 01/06 No More Excuses With Star Jones

Dear Dr Phil and Star, 

     I saw the episode on January 6th, 2006, and could not help but wonder about the turn of events that surrounded the Battlefield Blues segment.  The make-over was wonderful for Chris and seemed to boost her spirits to get her ready for the dating scene.  The issue that has been nagging me is that she mentions that her mother is the one who seems to be pressing for her to be married and have children.  That was not addressed and I have wondered why.  I personally think that she has to want those things for herself and that she should not be expected to fufill someone else's idea of who she should be or what she should be doing with her life.  It almost seems as if she is acting on her mother's wishes more than her own desires.  I understand that families are important, but it is very important to build that on your own wants, needs, and expectations, otherwise a person may not be happy with the end result because it wasn't what they really wanted. 

I know where you are right now, I have been there and to some degree still am myself.  I won't detract from your story to tell mine, I just would like you to know you are not alone.  It is not very hard to make excuses when you feel like no one cares, remember there is more strength and hope when you learn you can help yourself (The reward is much greater) and don't depend on others to help, just be grateful when they can and do.  Please find a group online who can give you some support. I did and it is helpful, especially during the stages when I cannot bring myself to go out in public.  My group would not be one for your case, otherwise I would give you the name to mine.  I am so sorry to hear about your husband and wish you much courage to step forward positively with your life, because heaven knows you need it.  Take good care of yourself no matter how hard it is to do. 

Julie, 

     Yes, Julie, I believe you are right.  I have noticed the same thing about men, when I dress sexy I seem to attract the undesirables, and I receive unwanted attention.  No need for them!!  A little while ago there was a show ( I don't remember which) that touched on the new models that are coming out.  Ordinary women, not supermodels, are modeling now and what I found very refreshing was that a lot of the men they asked opinions of said they actually liked what they saw, and one went as far as to say something along the lines of wanting to see more women like that modeling because it is more realistic.  You don't have to be single, because there are men out there that have those same values as you and I, it's just more difficult to find them.  I do not want a man in my life who wants me around for a trophy, those men are not they type of people who have the moral fiber that I feel is required in my life and are not mate material. 

Donna