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Topic : 03/23 Nasty Custody Battles

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Created on : Friday, January 06, 2006, 01:41:19 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 01/09/06) If you’re getting a divorce, or even considering one, and you have kids, don't miss this show! Dr. Phil talks to parents who are embroiled in bitter custody battles, leaving their innocent children caught in the crossfire. Scott is tired of fighting with his ex-wife, Tiffany, over visitation of their two sons. The bickering has gotten so bad that Tiffany claims Scott spit on her during a recent encounter. Can they learn to respect each other for the sake of their kids? Plus, Angela says her ex-husband, Chris's violent past and brushes with the law have her so scared that she refuses to let him near their 7-year-old daughter. Does a man with Chris’s past deserve a second chance to be a father? Share your thoughts.

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trknmom

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January 9, 2006, 8:03 pm PST

HELP

as far as in the middle of nasty custody battle I have one for you my ex husband filed for a divorce and custody while I was gone out of stae by the time I found out about it it was to late now for the last year I have been fighting for custody of my daughter.Just recently my daughter was given a guardian atlitam. Now we have found out in his past he was arrested for kidnapping 10 year old and did time in prison for that shortly after he got out he was convicted of public masterbating in front of 4 kids in a public park pleaded to 1 count and resisting arrest and did 4 years in prison got out never did any type of counseling just relased moved to washington stae were I met him and started a new life leaving that all behind till now. but here is the irony of it all even thoght the judge gaurdian knows all of this they tell me the do not want to upset here environment but yet they have great concens and say that her living arrangement is bearly addiquite.I have tried to get an attorney though legeal aid but they tell me they can not reprosent me because of conflict of interest ..even though they are not representing my ex.Something to do with cps and them being part of the goverment affliate so now were do I go to get help I am on goverment assistance and can not afford attorney fees just leaves a person to wonder about our justice system

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zapatasred

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January 9, 2006, 8:24 pm PST

Safety Mom's first concern

I was afraid as I watched Chris and Angela that he might just go for her on the show. I never felt that with other guests. He sure had a rap sheet and I'm not sure they would allow someone even supervised visitation if they were under the influence of drugs and alcohol.I was amazed that he accepted the offer of help. The daughter was smart to take off when he stopped in the car to talk to her. She did the right thing and he should know that would terrify a kid. The assault and stabbing that paralyzed someone was scary. I don't know why he got off so easy for that one. Remember the Tina Porter case where her soon to be ex took the kids for a weekend and they were never seen again? I read that her attny advised her not to let them see him,but she didn't think he would do anything. I hope Angela puts her daughters safety first over anything that Chris asks for. I hope he stays in treatment. Amazing he's not doing time for murder by now.

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Pleasance

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January 9, 2006, 8:24 pm PST

Thank you for posting this.

Quote From: lexi777

Thank goodness for the posters who see Chris for what he is, for instance the one who suggested that Chris is a time bomb and the poster who told Angela to run, run, run. Absolutely!!

I'm all for giving people second chances and for kids having access to both parents IF the parents are stable. Can anyone who truly observed Chris's demeanour on that show and considered it against the backdrop of his violent, antisocial track record say that he should be in his child's life. I find that appalling. I'd be VERY surprised if Dr. Phil actually believes that a psychologist would sanction Chris's parental visits. Somehow I think he doesn't and rightfully so. However, Dr. Phil has to come across reasonable and fair.

Those of you who say he deserves another chance, I implore you to look up firesetting, cruelty to animals, violence, anger management issues and in my opinion pathological lying (all together) on the internet and learn what that amounts to, and then see if you can find it in your heart to say this vulnerable little girl should have any contact with this individual. Some people CANNOT be rebalitated. Some of you ask whether he would want a person like himself to have access to his little girl. I suggest he wouldn't know the answer because in my opinion he lacks empathy.

I believe I know what Chris is not because I know him personally, but I've known his type. As bad as they were, he seems MUCH worse. The fact is I found him blood chilling.

God bless that woman and her child.

Thank you for posting this........its obvious you have an understanding of Violent Domestic Abuse.

This is more than blood chilling.

I too am appalled at some of the posters and their comments on this board.

Chris and his lies, denial, minimizing, justifying...blaming......not taking responsibility for his choices......yes choices...........he knows exactly what he's doing.

I'm so sick of hearing "he's a human too" and that everyone deserves a second chance............not everyone.......some people do NOT change and will never change....... they choose the same path.....as evident by Chris' record, violence, murder of the cat,beating of his wife, and maiming of another human being.

God bless that woman and her child.

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Pleasance

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January 9, 2006, 8:41 pm PST

Violent people are not sick......

Quote From: liatsunami

I'm going to say a couple things here. First, I think parents/step-parents, no matter how nasty their relationship with each other is, they should think about what sort of behavior they are modeling for children involved in these things. Second, just because one of the parties involved is acting like a complete jerk it doesn't give the other people the right to do it. It's just plain juvenille. Be the better, kinder person. If one parent is legitimately afraid of the other parent then go back to court and get the visitation order ammended, don't break the law. If the court order says the father/mother gets visitation then he/she gets visitation so long as child support is paid. Now, that said it doesn't mean the visitiation has to be unsupervised. Insist that the visitation is done in a public place, like a park or a restuarant. Bring a freind or two and hang out in the area so that parent and child can have quality time, but other people and you are around to make sure things don't get out of hand.

I was raised with a father that was a bit like Chris. He's an alchoholic, womanizer/abuser, has gotten 11 DUIs, has smoked crack, has threatened to kill me since I was 3, I'm 24 now, and punched me in the back of the head when I was 9. He supposedly molested my mom's youngest sister and a neighbor girl. He also insisited that I be quiet all time. I wasn't allowed to make noise in the house when I was little. My dad has anger management problems, and mental issues, but I don't think it makes him a bad person. He's sick, and a lot of it has to do with the family he is from. A family full of evil hateful people. That said I wouldn't trade my dad for the world, he loves me, and has always been there when I REALLY needed him, and to me that's what matters. I would have felt HORRIBLE if I ever had to choose between either of my parents. They got divorced when I was 21, and it was NASTY, and I was constnatly in the middle of everything. But as a grown woman I could handle it. I can't imagine how I would have dealt with it if I was a kid.

I think Chris' biggest problem is that he isn't aware of all the things that are going on inside him. He doesn't really deal with emotions. It really seems like the only emotion he knows how to express is anger. For some reason he WANTS to be a father, in my oppinion it's an entitlement and control issue, but I"m not a psychologist so I can't say for sure. But I think he still has his rights, legally. But visitation should be highly supervised, and if Angela is that afraid she should go back to court and get the visitation order changed. The court will deny him visitation if they find him to be dangerous to the safety of the child even in a supervised environment.

Violent men are not sick........the violence is a choice...its intensional, it s about power and control ............they know what they are doing......they are not sick..........they are not patients................they are criminals.............its against the law!!!!!

Good people and good men don't do the things you have described.

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fferkle

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January 9, 2006, 8:53 pm PST

Objective vs. Subjective

Quote From: terri1961

HEY, I WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING AS ANGELA WITH CHRIS. AND IF THE CHILD WAS AROUND THAT ANGRY MAN, THEY DO NOT FORGET??? AND CHILDREN ARE AFRAID.

DID YOU SEE HER SHAKING ON THAT STAGE AS I DID??? GET OVER IT!!!

THERE ARE ABUSIVE SITUATIONS AND IT IS ALL ABOUT CONTROL NOT THE CHILD!!! MY DAUGHTER IS STILL AFRAID OF HER FATHER AND SHE IS 16. HE BROUGHT IT ON HIMSELF!!!

I AM SURE SOME PEOPLE CRY WOLF AND I THINK THIS IS WRONG. BUT IF YOU CHECK POLICE RECORDS THAT SHOULD TELL A STORY. DID YOU NOT HEAR THIS GUYS TRACK RECORD? ANGELA SHOULD PROTECT HER SELF AND HER CHILD AT ALL COST OF VISITATION. IF CHRIS WANTS TO REALLY CHANGE. AND ONLY THEN ,WOULD I EVEN CONSIDER VISTATION EVEN SUPERVISED. HE IS ONE REALLY ANGRY AND NOT RESPONSIBLE MAN!!!

I realize there are quite a few jerks in this world - male and female. I do not dispute that you honestly believe what you are saying and that you believe it happened that way, in your experience. I don't have enough information to know what happened in your situation, one way or the other.

It is interesting that you saw the same thing I did and came to a completely different conclusion. How we viewed this situation is, most likely, the result of our experience.

I saw no objective evidence to substantiate anything Angel said about Chris. In my view, she was manipulative, dishonest and controlling. From my point of view, Chris' behavior was not anger, it was frustration at being unfairly prevented from seeing his child.

I respect, from your point of view, given your experience, that you did not see it that way. However, it is not up to the mother or the father to dictate, based on entirely subjective data, how the other must act before they are allowed access to their children. A child is never "her child" or "his child," it is "their child." And no one person has an exclusive monopoly on doing what is best for any child. Just because, in your case, your ex was abusive, et cetera does not mean that will be true in all cases.

Moreover, my posting was a call for OBJECTIVITY in the process. In a perfect world, both parents would be entirely objective in doing what was in the child's best interest, (and I would wager that, even if this were true, it would not necessarily make everyone happy). However we do not live in a perfect world, (in a perfect world these kinds of problems would never occur, because every marriage would be perfect), so we have to rely on an imperfect system - the law. And, as Aristotle said long ago, "The law is reason, free from passion," or, at least, that is what we should strive for.

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fferkle

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January 9, 2006, 9:09 pm PST

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It is very interesting that so many people believe that they can "know" how one person or the other will act in the future, based solely on what they saw on the show.

The show focused on these people and their situations for a very short time. There is no way that what was shown and/or said could come any where near representing what is really happening in their lives. How can anyone presume to know what is really going on in someone else's life or what any one person will do in the future, based on what was shown on the show?

Thank goodness that the courts require objective evidence before the reach conclusions that impact parental rights.

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Pleasance

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January 9, 2006, 9:19 pm PST

A violent time bomb

Quote From: dadwatches

Anyone with a heart and a non-biased view on the topic of custody battles would clearly see that Angela is scared and Chris is not in any position to be left alone with a seven year old girl (whether his daughter or not). As far as the little girl being scared and filled with anxiety when Chris comes around: I was scared and filled with anxiety watching him twitch and fidget not knowing if he suddenly strike his ex-wife! If I was in her shoes, I would not let my daughter near him supervised or not - he paralyzed someone from "three stab wounds to the back" made in "self defense"! Get real - he is a time bomb! Tic-Toc-Tic . . .

Thank you for posting this.

Thank you.

There is hope.........that some folks actually saw the same show I did.

Thank you.

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ranger9

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January 9, 2006, 9:22 pm PST

Chris & Angela

Chris gave me the absolute CREEPS !

I commend him for the steps he has already taken. They are a beginning.

If she were my daughter, he would never see her again.

Angela married Chris even though she knew all about him ! "What was she thinking?" She was shaking in fright right there on the stage! Angela, start running and don't look back!

Angela & Chris created this frightful, outrageous mess. As parents, in my hunble opinion, it is their responsibility to clean it up; whatever that turns out to mean.

I commend Dr. Phil for "keeping his cool."

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wrenn13

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January 9, 2006, 9:57 pm PST

Thank goodness I had a choice

When I was 10 years old my parents got divorced...thank god! I was never forced to see my dad and then at the age of 14 my mom decided to "put the family back together". I was totally against it. You see my father was a child molesting violent piece of crap! I knew about it at age 10 that he had molested my older sister(his step daughter) and had seen him hit my mom on multiple occasions. Then he told her he had got help and was recovered!!!Give me a break! There is no such thing!Still my mom remarried him and then re-divorced him when I was 16. That was the last time I ever saw him. I'm now 34 and if the courts had not given me the CHOICE to see him or not when I was 10 yrs. old.....who knows, maybe I'd be typing this on the Victims of Child Sexual Abuse board. The courts suck big time and in no way care in the least about the kids feelings or thoughts in these matters.

Oh and my dad????.............................He died a horrible death due to bone cancer I heard. But, I'm sure not before he messed with more kids. Unfortunately he was never convicted of any of his crimes. All I can hope is that he's burning in "you know where" ...heheh...hahahahaha

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Pleasance

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January 9, 2006, 9:58 pm PST

Get Real !!!!!

Quote From: fferkle

It is very interesting that so many people believe that they can "know" how one person or the other will act in the future, based solely on what they saw on the show.

The show focused on these people and their situations for a very short time. There is no way that what was shown and/or said could come any where near representing what is really happening in their lives. How can anyone presume to know what is really going on in someone else's life or what any one person will do in the future, based on what was shown on the show?

Thank goodness that the courts require objective evidence before the reach conclusions that impact parental rights.

Since you seem to think you know.........partly because of your connection in your work ......that which you're retired from................then you have heard the term "profile."

How is it you worked with abused kids...........as there doesn't seem to be any understanding of ABUSE.

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