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Topic : 03/23 Nasty Custody Battles

Number of Replies: 811
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Created on : Friday, January 06, 2006, 01:41:19 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 01/09/06) If you’re getting a divorce, or even considering one, and you have kids, don't miss this show! Dr. Phil talks to parents who are embroiled in bitter custody battles, leaving their innocent children caught in the crossfire. Scott is tired of fighting with his ex-wife, Tiffany, over visitation of their two sons. The bickering has gotten so bad that Tiffany claims Scott spit on her during a recent encounter. Can they learn to respect each other for the sake of their kids? Plus, Angela says her ex-husband, Chris's violent past and brushes with the law have her so scared that she refuses to let him near their 7-year-old daughter. Does a man with Chris’s past deserve a second chance to be a father? Share your thoughts.

 

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January 9, 2006, 7:05 am CST

not true

Quote From: catsagdn

Fathers are extremly important to a childs well being. Fathers according to much scientific research are far more important then mothers, contuary to popular belief, mothers are responsible for 70% of child murders and 80% of all child abuse cases, we should go back to the 1800's and demand that children belong to the father not the mother. who is with me?

Please don't create more trouble by saying such things... 

The stats are obviously skewed considering in most American households Moms are  

with their kids more.... 

  

Don't get sucked in by foolish studies....look at the families you know or a part of...is Mom less important than Dad?  No way!! 

  

Kids benefit greatly by having loving parents...male or female! 

 
January 9, 2006, 7:06 am CST

not all will listen to reason

My fiance right now at this very moment is in Kentucky fighting for full custody of his daughter. We moved to Maine where my family is. My fiance had custodial rights and changed them prior to moving because she would not let him move her to Maine. His ex got custodial rights and moved her in under her roof with the man that she was living with. One(1) month later we got a call from his ex and she stated "don't get mad, Lee( the man) is a registered sex offender". it was a Saturday that we got the call. We fought with her about this. His ex stated that their daughter was in school at the moment. Later we found out from the ex wife that when their daughter got home she told her all about what was going on and went into detail what her boyfriend was supposedly done. To our disgust this was devistating news. We know for a fact that my Fiances ex is bad mouthing her dad to the most extreem. Whats worse is the she has been living with this man for two(2) years and had weekend visits and several weeks in the summer under that same roof. There is a trial date set for february 14th. She has moved out from under that roof but is now renting from his custodian. He was arrested in MN. Spent 8 months in jail. He is on parol for 25 yrs. And they claim he was framed. Everytime we show up to court The sex offenders Mother is with her and doesn't want anyone to start any "rumors" about her son. How is that for a custody battle. His name is Malcom L. Massie and is in the sex offender registry in Kentucky in Christian County. If anyone wants to take a peek at him. The ex purposefully did not say anything the entire two(2) yrs. And she knew about him when she moved in. Premeditated? hmm. You tell me. The daughter is 10 yrs old. Not one mention as of yet has been  said anything about her not saying anything for 2 yrs. She only said anything because DHHS got word of it and was going to contact my fiance.  Everything is being said that she is "doing what she is asked". But what happens if DHHS stops being involved and she runs right back to him with her daughter. That is what we are affraid of. Of course there is more to the story. But this is long enough.   

  

Ps. We have a 19 month old son together 

                                                Concerned in Maine 

 
January 9, 2006, 7:09 am CST

Custody battles!!

I'm a mom of 2 girls and my husband left me while I was 2 months pregnant with our 2nd baby.   He left us for a women from his work and he had the life of running around and partying, now he got her pregnant and now he wants to be a dad.  After 2 years of running around partying he thinks that our girls just want to go with him.  I'm very bitter, since we had this wonderful family well at least I thought it was.  I live far away from family, so I don't have any family support, all I have are our girls.  My X see's the girls when he wants are when he shows up, we meet at a local store were we can be seen.  He calls and cancels alot, I feel that dads should be a part of there life, but not to upset, hurt and make them sick...   My feeling are that he left and he choose to leave, so our children should not have to suffer there life because of it. 

 
January 9, 2006, 7:19 am CST

IT all depends on the person!!

I believe that it all depends on the person on whether or not they get custody of a child or children. I have sole custody of my son and in the beginning he told me that he wouldn't try and take custody but he did try. He got visitation in which i always said he could see him anytime he wanted and he didn't show up on numerous occasions. letting his son down. My son is now 5 and his dad just took him for 4 days and 3 nights for the very first time. The most he ever took him was 8 pm Fri night to 6 Sunday, sooner if i wasn't working. he would call when he had him and want to bring him home because my son was sick. I finally told him that he was the other parent and i deal with it when i have him so he could so the same. I only receive $192.00 a month for child support. and he believe that this is enough to raise a child. It works out to be $2304 a year. And thats only if he pays every month.  I live in a 2 story, 4 bedroom, 2 bath house in a nice area of town. He live in a very very old trailer that needs major work and he makes more then me. he has lived in nicer places but they wanted to make him pay more in child support thats when he move in the trailer and worked less so he didn't have to give his son more money.  So I believe that whom ever is the best for the children is who should be the primary care giver.
 
January 9, 2006, 7:31 am CST

Totally disagree

I totally disagree with Dr. Phil saying that the step parent has no say in the dicipline of the step-children.  The children do spend time in her home and with her daughter and she has a right to co-parent!!  We are a blended family and the key is exactly as mentioned below.. it is all about the children.  My husband's ex-wife and I get along great.. not at first.. but we HAD to in order to put the children first.  We have discussed parenting issues and made common decisions.  When a big issue comes along, ALL parents -- 2 parents and 2 step parents have come together to discuss the issues with our children together as a united front.  Each home has their own rules on "the small stuff".. bed times, chores etc.. but our common core values are the same.  If you dump all the old baggage of your relationships, you can be good co-parents.. even good friends.  We spend all the birthdays together, Easter together and Christmas together.. even with the extended families.  You have to realize you are always going to be a part of each others lives!  5 kids, 6 parents, 8 grandparents and numerous aunts, uncles and cousins...  sounds odd, but it works for us.
 
January 9, 2006, 7:38 am CST

Coping with the other woman

Hey,  

  

I am a separated woman with one child who is 10. Her Father and I was married for 12 years. We live in NC so it takes a year and 30 days to get a divorce. My soon to be ex will have a new baby with his girl friend before we are divorced. She has a child by her soon to be ex. she does not have custody of her daughter. but the new baby will be born before she is divorced also. And yes I am still jealous of her. I feel that they can give my daughter a proper family. I can not have any more children. My ex was/is a lier and a cheater. He cheated on me time and time again. But I loved him and took him back. I am Jealous that he has a new life and is happy with a new baby on the way. and I have nothing or no one in my life. I feel that when our daughter goes with him he is taking her away too. I hate with she goes to her dads. I get really depressed and then I get mad. I want to stop this because I know it is not hurting him. it is hurting her. Dr. Phil how can I get on with my life with the Man I loved so much and supported in everything hurt me so bad. Please help. I am so desperate that I would send my child to live with him just to get him out of my life.  

  

big_blue 

 
January 9, 2006, 7:56 am CST

Character (Integrity)

I am surprised that Dr. Phil did not call Tiffany (first couple-exwife) out on her lying about the son being there when the dad came. It was obvious to me that if she lied about something that simple, she lies often or exagerates other things. I agree with the new wife stepping out and the biological parents parenting.  

  

The second couple with the "angry" ex-husband and the mother not allowing him visitation with their 7 year old daughter. I wanted the fact that she knew he was angry, in and out of prison, using methamphetamines, drinking, had abusive behavior towards her, and was unstable prior to marrying him and getting pregnany, but she united with him anyway. That speaks volumes about her to me and if she has not dealt with what's lacking in her she'll choose another man like Chris. She spoke all about the bad he'd done, but accepted no responsibility for choosing to marry him knowing how he was or what his potential was. I'm sorry, but in dealing with children in abusive homes and finding one parent using meth, it's more likely than not that the other is indulging or has indulged. She was shaking and stated she was afraid, but yet she was constantly attacking the man over and over again. I admit there should be no unsupervised visitation between he and the 7 year old daughter, but the mother needs to undergo therapy herself, as to assist her in choosing a better man from here on out. 

 
January 9, 2006, 8:03 am CST

don't be stupid

 i am so tried about  hearing i got married young, i was married at 16 had 2 babies by the time i was 17, divorce by the time i was 18. my ex and i never discussed the children in front of them, never ever called each other names, either in front of or behind them to other people the thing that parents don't understand is that they pick each other to be parents , the children didn't  pick you. 
i was then remarried at 27 for 17 years i have 2 wonderfull step daughters, that i love very much i have been divored from thier father now for about 10 years, his ex gave us a propblem with visition it was hard but we never called her any names never  fought in front of the children sometimes it takes a grownup to swallow hard,, by swallowing hard my step daughters have now stood up to their mother when she gets involved with fathers seeing their children my daughters have learn that the way i handled it was the best i have happy happy girls
 
January 9, 2006, 8:12 am CST

Who does she think she's fooling?

Hey guys, let's look at what we saw of Angela on the show. She has given off the appearance of a mother who is scared to death of a man who only wants what is right. Did any one notice the shaking that Dr. Phil noted towards the end of the show? This shaking went to all the way to her head. I can tell the difference between actual fear and self-induced tremors. Why should she be afraid on national television? She has an audience (like Chris noted), guards all around the set and a number of other people there to protect her. His statement of her "always having an audience" makes me think that he was always subject to public humiliation. It doesn't matter who you are, you can only take so much of it. 

  

On the other hand, Chris does appear to have an anger management problem. As she has always had people in the background on the phone saying things in her behaqlf (whether they be right or wrong), it appears to me that the cards have been stacked against him for quite some time. I think that alone would give even the most calm type person an anger issue. I can't condone any unprovoked or even some provoked physical domestic violence in any shape or form, so let's get that straight. If one can walk away from a potential violent confrontation, I think that he or she should do so. During my own personal ordeal, my estranged wife had a man moved in and I know that he carried an assortment of knives and other weaponry on his person. I was able to walk away from a potential physical altercation and call the local authorities. It didn't do much good but I was able to avoid a potential violent confrontation. 

  

Otherwise, I have to agree with Dr. Phil's assessment. I think that Chris should stay in anger management counseling while at the same time having supervised visitatons. I also agree that Chris (once the counselor, in his(her) professional opinion thinks it is safe) should eventually have unsupervised visitations. 

  

Finally, I think it would be for the best that Chris and Angela should avoid any unncecessary contact. They should only communicate when it concerns the child. it falls back on my belief "if you can't get along - tolerate but if you can't tolerate - stay clear." 

  

I come from a similar situaton and I am the single parent in this one so I think I can speak from a bit of experience. 

  

That's just my two cents worth. 

 
January 9, 2006, 8:17 am CST

Family that ignores own son and child and talks with ex wife

My fiance of 3+ years in being left out of his family life because his own family has chosen his ex wife over him and our 2 year old son. She and my fiance's family talk constantly and leave him out. The ex wife has a son that is 2 months older that our son and my fiance's family accepts him more than our child. My fiance's family has never once offered to babysit our child but they have watched the ex's kid, who is no relation and the father of this one left her also. Mostly the same reasons that my fiance left her for and another women is not the reason. 

We have to find out things about the 7 year old they share from his mother because there is a lack of communication. This is because any time you try to talk to her (the ex) she gets completely defensive. You can not ask her anything about their son that is seven. For example, the child is obese; 110lbs and 53 in; she thinks this is OK that the child has gained 30 lbs in a year and only grown 2 in; this weight problem will build character for him when he gets picked on. we have spoken to a family based service in our community to have a meeting with her and us and a mediator to try to come to some median; the ex wife refuses because she might see some of her co-workers. Oh I forgot to mention. She is a paraprofessional that deals with kids that need day treatment for behavior and other problems and is going to school on line to get a degree in human services. 

The child has come off saying things that 7 year old normally don't say. Such as, "my mom said that I don't need to play with my brother here since I have a brother all the time at her house." When the 7 yr old was 4; time when the split happened, he told my fiance (dad),"Dad, if you don't come home by me you are not my daddy anymore."  

He has also been told the he is not like other children and that he is more sensitive than other 7 yr olds. This is why using a stern voice with will result in a cry fest and sobbing. so using a baby voice is the only way according to his mother that you can talk to him. He does not get screamed at but a stern authoritative voice is used. 

We are stuck at what would make the child happy, how we can get my fiance's family to realize what they are doing and how much it is hurting their own son. Tried telling them and they change the subject. What else can we try? 

 
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