Topic : 03/23 Nasty Custody Battles

I know that no one has "said" that the daughter became pregnant on purpose.. she however: 

was in a tenous relationship 

that she wanted to be more 

was having unprotected sex with a college student ( see also: probably has a future) 

His mom is outraged 

He says: it is not his 

she wants a cheque.. ( what a suprise) 

she wants him to take part ( she wants to change his life too) 

so.. it walks and talks like a duck 

The fact that you are a lawyer means your a part of the "fraternity" and all aspects of that groups earning ability are worthy of your protection. Just because you do real estate does not mean you dont view the billable hours created by other lawyers as worth of your protection and respect. 

Further the only time you have tried to distance yourself from providing an opinion on family law issues here.. is right now when you "think" you have made some minor point... try harder counsellor 

After watching this show I felt compelled to let you know of my situation.  I was in an abusive marriage and went through divorce.  At the time of my separation from my husband my kids were  6 mos and 6 years old.  Over the next 10  years it was basically hell.  My ex is an alcoholic.  It wasn't until he spent 2 years in prison that everything changed for the good. But while he was in prision I sought after full custody and was awarded it, (which I did without a lawyer).  When he was released from prison the only way he could see our children was through the Salvation Army supervised visitation program, which was what the court ordered when I was awared full custody.  Since he has been released he has done what the court has asked him to do, he has proven to me and our children that he has changed, and is rehabilitated,  and it has been so positive for our children to have their dad back.   

So I guess what I have to offer is that if your ex is in prision seek after all the help you can receive while he is locked up and when he gets out, hopefully you will have all your ducks in a row, to prevent him from causing any harm.  If he is changed, he will have to prove it.  

Yes he secretely won support and I have showed proof in court to this matter.  His proof of service was mailing court documents through regular post. As well lied on Affidavits to the court on his income and mine, without showing proof.  Believe you me I have talked with lawyers about this.  He lied to the courts and said he too was staying at his ex g/f's with the children.  He if you read is not paying for their food clothing and shelter since he has managed to make himself and our children homeless.  And as for keeping them and registering them in school I made this decision based on talking with two lawyers and a children's aid social worker as well as a temporary order that says I am to return the children back to him and not his ex g/f.  You didn't read this very well.  Had I just up and decided not to return the children because I wanted to stick it to him then yes I would be at fault.  As it was a breach in a court order the children would not be returning to him I was actually within my full rights.  You also stated he pays for perscription glasses/drugs etc... Last I check that bill too was coming out of my pocket as well.  Not that I complain if the children need they get.  As well the last time I looked at my daughter she was  not wearing glasses because and I quote from her "dad is too lazy to pay 2 dollars to have the nose piece fixed"   As well there have been numerous times I have sent home special treats for the children that they have not been able to enjoy because him and his ex g/f had taken and eaten.  I have been on the man's part of the situation for years I know exactly what they go through and I sympathize.  it has cost me thousands in lawyers fee's numerous visits to the court house and even a few jobs due to time loss.  And last I checked if a child does not live with you, you are not entitled to the tax credits at least in canada.  If that were the case then he wouldn't have been fined by our government for claiming on a child that did not live with him.   

It all sort of makes me wonder why there is such a hold up with the "male" birth control pill.  That would take care of alot wouldn't it?   

It is such a shame that there are so many women that make decent women look bad!   

And people wonder why it is "so hard to find a nice guy"!   

It all boils down to the children suffering though.  I wish more people would put them first since they never asked for any of it. 

I haven't read all of the posts, I will admit to that.  The majority I have read, however, sound like excuses for being rubes! 

Point is, the non-custodial parent is more than a checkbook and donor.  There are children involved and your feelings about your ex mean squat!  If the "other" parent is being abusive to the children that is one thing.  If the other parent is being abusive to you, well then too bad.  Suck it up and live with it.  That other person doesn't have to like you or like how you raise their children.  And yes, they are that other persons children.  Can I suggest that maybe you can get over yourself and get some self-esteem? 

I have been living with all of this for 13 years (being the custodial parent)!  Recently, I will admit, I have become the stepparent and have been experiencing the other side of the story for 7 years!  It is not pretty on either side and it sucks.  I have been through lawyers on both sides (and $25,000.00 later)!  I have been called daddy’s whore by his 7-year-old daughter; I have been told I do nothing by my ex's girlfriend.  It all hurts but I consider the source.  My I suggest you all do the same.  Like Dr. Phil said, how you poison your children may be sweet now but they will grow to resent you!

May I add that we don’t have room in jail for the real criminals, but we have room for “deadbeats”?  I have read that 75% of the “deadbeats” in jail have lost their jobs for one reason or another.  According to the courts, the reasons aren’t good enough.  I love how in this country the bad apples ruin it for everyone else.

One more gripe, please Dr. Phil, stop assuming the woman is always telling the truth.  It seems that you are always speaking down to the fathers for wanting to see their children or wanting to be part of their lives.  Please keep in mind that a scorned woman can be hell on earth (thank god there are pills for that!)  Also, please don't assume that all fathers want to be fathers.  Men do get tricked into fatherhood and so do women.  I want to keep this guy because he is wonderful and my ticket to a better life!  Well, welcome to 2006, thank god women can go to school and get and education and support themselves and also choose to go on birth control or insist on condoms.   

The Child will react to discipline from Natural Parents.. 

As far as Love, and everything else, that does not change.. 

Tc  John  

Take away their kids.  Let me tell you what happens when the kids don't go to the mother.  It is a horrible thing.  It's like a kid in walmart wanting a toy they can't have!  God forbid the kids are doing well with their father.  Let him get involved with someone else and see what happens. 

It does not look good for the mother when she does not have custody.  People view her as having something wrong with her (even though that is the case).  They will dig and dig at the old wound until it becomes infected and oozing.  They will eventually win the kids back because that is how it works and you and your new life will be destroyed because revenge is sweet! 

If my ex was better for my daughter than me that is where she would be.  He is not however but I would never think to stop her from having a relationship with him.  She is at the age where she can decide for herself and she is choosing not to go because he and his family make her feel bad for loving me and they make her feel as if she is a second class citizen.  Her "nanna" makes her call her nanna because she is ashamed of her.  All of her other grandchildren call her grandma.  They will let her know all about it and yet all of this is still all my fault. 

I am just glad that we were civil enough towards on another when we split to have all of this ironed out before it was too late.  I can see where it could have got vindictive but it didn't, well at least until now. 

Like I said before, a lot of my fellow gender makes me embarrassed to be a woman.  They should all be ashamed of themselves, but please do not forget that there are good women out there that would not behave like that and find it appalling!