Topic : 03/23 Nasty Custody Battles

The second mom who said she was scared and blah blah blah,,,,,,,,,,,, i believe she was acting and her fear was manufactored. I believe she has made her child hysterical and fearful, not the father. The father has anger issues because she has kept him from years. Mom shaking? give me a break! I saw right thru her and Im a mom! I think a man can be appropiately angry when he has been denied visitiation for years and has put up with lies and drama.

I honestly don't think Chris should even get supervised visitation until some psychologist has determined that there is ANY hope that he will ever be rehabilitated.  And here's why.  That little girl should not be placed in a position to build trust with a man who is volatile and probably will never be a suitable parent.  She should not be exposed to such a person, because as most anyone who watches Phil's show must have gathered, she will likely model the men she gets involved with further down the road from him.  If she is taught to love and get along with a violent, volatile alcoholic who will likely end up back in prison, how is this doing her any good?  She, like most other kids, will accept this as the norm and spend the rest of her life picking bad men to rationalize her love for her father, and trying in vain to fix them, probably exactly as her mother has done, who made some very, very bad decisions from the beginning.  I only hope she has changed and won't repeat the pattern by bringing another similar man into the house, as we all know often happens.   

  

Scott is, unfortunately, representative of many divorced fathers who weren't involved with the rearing of the children while they were married but now, mostly for revenge, want their "rights" as a father enforced and make as much trouble for the mom as possible in order to exercise control over her.  I see child custody and child support depositions and hearings on a regular basis, and it is like a broken record over and over and over.  You couldn't get them involved with the children if you begged while they were married, except to do things they wanted with them.  And ALL of the child-custody battles I've seen and the child-support hearings, the thing that invariably sets the man off is when the woman, regardless of who divorced who, starts seeing other men.  Up to this point, many men do not care that much about the custody and may be paying child support, but once it dawns on them that their ex might actually have the audacity to see other men, they just go ballistic and stop cooperating with everything.  What I find to be the scariest thing about it is that THEY FEEL TOTALLY JUSTIFIED in cutting off child support and/or starting a big custody battle, so justified that they almost ALWAYS indignantly whine loudly to the Court in an accusing manner about their ex seeing other men and say why should THEY pay child support if she's going to see other men.  They really feel this woman and those kids are their property and once another man is involved, however incidentally, they are outraged and retaliate any way they can, usually to the detriment of the children.   

  

       I tell you, I have lost a LOT of respect for the male gender since having these cases go by my desk and seeing such consistently selfish narcissistic behavior with no regard for the children.  I have to say I am to the point where I would never give one the benefit of the doubt  in my mind without plenty of proof and witnesses to back it up, because they will do absolutely anything to regain that power over the woman, including sacrifice the kids for it.  And these are just men you see on the street every day.  You get one like Chris, and it's beyond frightening.  

Hubby and I have been married for 2 years now and it absolutely kills me to have him so upset because his ex comes up with everyexcuse in the book to not give him the kids when he is entitled to have them.  His 2 kids live out of state and she has them so involved in sports that they barely have time to breathe let alone drive 5 hours to see their dad on the weekends we request them.  We usually do meet half way which makes it a 2 1/2 hr trip for her.  For the past 3 years she has refused to let him have them on the holidays--Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.  We did get them for most of the summer this past year but that is only because she had to have major surgery so it was convenient for her.  We have decided to use our tax refund this year to get the terms of visitation restated since she lives so far away and refuses to let him have them on his weekends off.  It has gotten so bad that at one point he considered giving her full custody and signing away his parental rights because he never got to see them.  Thankfully I talked some sense into him and talked him into getting a good attorney that believes in father's rights.   

  

We are very lucky that we only have one ex that acts like this to deal with.  My ex and I get along great for the kids sake.  We believe that we put their thoughts and feelings above our own.  I guess for this reason I just cant fathom a mother acting this way and refusing to let a child spend time with his/her father or vice versa. 

Please Dr. Phil  

We apperciate and hope that your help for thisman  will be effective for the sake of the child, but please please  we  are very afraid he will  snap and harm his ex-wife and/or daughter . We feel an alarm system or some type of personal protection is need for this woman and her daughter through this transsions period....  Please we are very afraid for her saftey  

Thankyou  

YOur loyal viewers, 

With much respect, 

Karen Muir and Kathy Clyne 

I watched that women up there with her ex-husband and his new wife and I just thought "unbelievable".  You would be surprised at what lengths the women will go to to get back at there ex's and at the child's expense.  It sickens me. 

  

My husband's ex-wife awards my stepson with toys for returning home from our house.  My husband and I have two children together and she becomes enraged when he calls them his brothers.  Just like that other lady, she will call to switch weekends because of something the seven year old wants to do so we say okay.  Then when we go to pick him up for our "verbal" agreed time she then says, "It is not your weekend".  We then have no leg to stand on and then later find out that he didn't even have an event.  We have figured a way around it by telling her we will bring him instead but, she somehow makes my stepson feel guilty. 

  

My stepson also cries because if he tells his mom that he had a good time at our house she puts so much guilt on him.  HE IS ONLY SEVEN!!!  We are starting to see some horrible affects that he is experiencing because of all the hurt. 

  

Of course this is just a taste of what children of divorce have to go through but, my husband and I will not allow him to feel anyguilt or shame here at our home.  He can laugh, talk about anything, and , what they did for the week.  We will NEVER talk about any of this craziness in front of him or argue with her in front of him.  We will just love him and raise him the best way we feel.(Carefree, loving, supportive, encouraging, and most of all listen to him).  We want our house to be a great place to fall and play, and of course, with a little of guidance and discipline. 

  

I just wish dad's had a better chance with custody.  The mom is not always the best,unlike how it is down here.  It is so pro mom here, that a dad never has a chance.  It is time, that changes. 

WHAT TO DO?  

  

Stefanie  

Lumberton, Texas 

On behalf of many abuse women and mothers I can not believe your position on this ...... 

We are pleased that you yourself have never had to experience violence in your own home  and god bless you but if you had you would recognise the look of sheer anger and hatred eminating from this mans eyes....   Surley if you could see her shaking in fear you could see him shaking in total and physical combusiton of anger...... 

This look in a mans eyes and add his track record   has proved  in my personal experence to be a recipe for disaster and nothing else. Under these circustances we think that at least one year criminal charge free should not be an unresonable expectation for any mother to leave child in this mans care .....!!!!!!!!!!! 

PERSONAL SECRUITY IS NEEDED IN THIS HOME....... 

  

You can't let jealousy stand in the way of your daughters best interest. You said that you have nothing and no one in your life but that isn't true. You have your daughter and she should be the most important one. Just because he has a new family doesn't mean that he is taking your child away. Even if they can give her a family to be part of it can never compare to the bond between mother and daughter. I hope things work out for you. Good luck. 

 Being 15 and having my parents divorce at the age of 11, I know exactly how these children must feel. I suppose it is a little different for each child considering no child thinks the same, yet I don't know if parents understand how much it can affect a child.

I remember having both of my parents constantly telling me that 'it was between them and it had something to do with me'. I felt helpless in such a vulnerable position. I felt I had to please my mother listening to her badmouth my stepmom while my father and stepmom spent time together while visiting them.

Obviously they could have handled it better on their part, but I just don't understand how parents continually think children have nothing to do with a divorce. Children, I think, are affected most during these times. They have to deal with a parent moving out, the feelings of both parents, and then try to live up to both parents expectations separately.

I just want parents to realize that children have just as much as a part in a divorce as the children do. Make sure that you keep telling your children it wasn't because of them, because regardless of the circumstances, a child will always begin to think that.

My husband and I have the same situation.  I don't think people think there are a lot of good dad's out there.  My husband also thought about giving up his visitation just so his son would not suffer and she would not put the little one through this any more.  of course, he came around. 

  

It just stinks that women that call themselves mothers, would do this to their children.  I am just glad that my husband is not alone.  They should form a dad's group and form a united front. 

  

Thanks, 

Stefanie 

Lumberton,Tx  

As I watched Angela speak of her fear of Kenny, I so felt for her.  While my situation is not identical to hers it is somewhat parallel.  I have been divorced for one year, after 20 years of marriage.  Thankfully our girls are grown.  What bothered me so was watching Kenny sit there and say "Show me the papers, show me the proof".  My ex and I were in counseling and since the best predictor of future history is past history (lol) I suspected he was drinking again but had not caught him in the act.  In a counseling session I asked him directly if he had drank in the past week, and of course he said "absolutely not".  So I emptied my purse and the booze bottles I found in the trash and before I could say anything he blurted out "so you're going to base our relationship on one slip" and that was it for me, well that and the fact that this therapist said "you really shouldn't have lied to her because now you're going to have to jump through some hoops that you might not have had to."  As I watched Kenny admit to drinking and yet say it was due to frustration  and make excuses for his behavior I became so angry as I know how she feels, like you're banging your head against a brick wall.  I'm so glad Dr. Phil told her to keep her daughter away from him.  Until Kenny accepts his conditons things will never change,  You can admit your problems all day long but until you accept them and change them it's a waste of time