Topic : 03/23 Nasty Custody Battles

I am glad Dr. Phil offered to assist Chris in his efforts to gain access to his daughter. It seemed as though everyone was stacking up against him until the end. It's easy to state the obvious and condemn him for his past, but it does take a lot of courage and dicipline to come to the table and ask for forgiveness and also be open enough to wilfully accept the assistance available to him. 

  

Chris, if you read this, dig deep and stay focused. Each small step you take will get you to a much more happy and rewarding place in your life. Maybe donate some time to a youth group where you can get some good credibility with the folks there...coupled with some good positive reinforcemant and encouragement from Dr. Phil's colleagues, you will earn the right to be in you daughter's life. 

  

Try and forget the past relationship with your ex.  As you know, she will continue to be defensive and perhaps dramatic in the attempt to keep you away from your daughter. Maybe accept that it will not change and let your actions and attitudes continue to work in your favor. 

  

Please take up a physical activity like martial arts. I know it may sound bad to some readers, because he has had some issues with violence. This type of training can give you a controlled access to physical output, mental focus, spiritual strengthening and a good sense of community. 

  

I guarantee that you will find a new and balanced approach to your emotional responses and the last one you will engage will be anything violent. You will find many different types of people who train there and yes, you may find a few guys like yourself. You will also find an understanding group who will encourage you to to remain drink and drug free. You will find a great avenue for growth and respect there and in the community. 

  

I wish you the best. 

  

Mike 

When My Ex got re- married, I told my kids you have 3 parents now. 

  

The person, does have to go to counseling for his anger, But 2 yrs sober.Gone...  My ex-g/f was an addict and alki.  but the family was sicker than  the addict.  sado-masochism.  The whole family needs counseling.. 

  

Dr. Phil Please read my letter I sent thru regular mail.. Also do random lie detector test on guests when they e-mail you, write.     No games,  and put a little fear. With the fakes. 

Take care.  Mr. and Mrs. Phil Mcgraw..  

Thank you for your posting! 

  

It is unbiased and logical. I wonder how many women will read it, take it as good advice and execute all of these points without delay! 

  

Women tend to be purely emotional and vindictive and run their lives based on some notion of entitlement..will any of them concede to something so reasonable? 

  

I hope so. 

  

Mike 

Today on the show, Dr. Phil did advise the Step Mother that she is not the Disciplinarian and she needs to stay out of that part of the relationship.  I am looking for some assistance in this area where my daughters step father is concerned. 

  

I am a divorced women with a 6 year old daughter, and I am remarried to a man who has no children.   

  

I am really searching for examples, ideas, support, information, whatever I can find to help me deal with my new husbands needs to be the "Man" of the house setting rules, giving out the punishments etc, and he has great difficulty accepting my parenting style.   

  

I love my husband very very much, but when my daughter gets back from her week with her father, my husband can't wait to begin the control battle with my daughter and I.  Making sure we all know who is in charge and that his way is the most logical and right way to raise a 6 year old girl. 

  

Good intentioned yes, but not the best approach.  I really need some help and because this man is extremely Analytical/Anal, needing facts and studies to support them, I need to find such information to present to him in support of my explanations on the best way to raise MY daughter. 

  

I know that he needs to accept the fact that he is not the main disciplinarian, and that will be a challenge and not sure the best way to appraoch it. 

  

desperately seaking support. 

  

K 

My husband has been fighting with his ex from the time they found out she was pregnant. She of course pulled out all the stops, like well she's not really yours I was cheating on you. Now shes married and forces her daughter to call him  dad, even though her REAL father is in her life and talks to her every day. It is a battle just to take her to diner with us. I feel for my husband, but one thing I can say for my husband as well as yours is they are REAL TRUE fathers they willnever give up on their kids.

I am sitting here watching this show and thinking that my fiancee, his ex, and myself should be sitting on that stage.  The biggest difference is that I think I'm the biggest fan of the children.  Father is trying to just work and pay The large child support he owes her and is now taking her back to court for more time..... He has his faults, but I just don't understand the mother.  She just got re married and refuses to talk with either of us, she refused to make any changes in a scheduled meditation session last week and has started alienating the children from us.   

I wish I could take her on this show..... She is one of those people who will put on a show to make herself look helpless and poor.  The truth is she is the Disney Land mom.  She bribes the kids and tells them stuff about us that just isn't true.  We have NEVER said a bad word about their mother in front of them.  I wish she would see what she is doing to the kids.  The oldest boy has started to get stomach aches and vomit when he gets stressed out about going home.  It is so sad to me.  I hate having to take them home to her.  We know she drills them for information and they go as far as telling her lies so that she feels justified and will leave them alone.  Sad and pathetic if you ask me. 

  

 I would like others to know what happens when ex's fight over there childern. I know because this is what has happened to me, I'm living this still after 6 years of being divorced.  I haven't seen my 12 year old daughter since she was 8 years old, that's right 4 years.  I stopped seeing her, gave up my custody of her 4 years ago.  Why? you might ask, because my ex-husband and his new wife convinced my 8 year old a daughter that she should lie about me, so he could win a custody  battle.  We were in this custody battle for 2 and half years, all the while athen 6 year old child was being ripped apart, because of the contant fighting between him and myself.  I admit I did things wrong, but, when I seen my child on the verge of a nervous breakdown, I knew it was time to stop.  I knew if I saw her things wouldn't change, as my ex is such a control freak, I knew he would make her life hard, as she isn't allowed to love me, this is what she told me.  I explained to her the best I could that I just wouldn't see her anymore, and gave up my custody of my 8 year old daughter.    

  

I love my child, but not enough to hurt her.  My ex has stopped my parents from seeing my daughter as well.  Resently, with a lot of  convincing from my boyfriend and parents, I have started the process of seeing her again.  My ex did everything her could to torment me in the last 4 years. I had to change my phone number, as he or his wife would call at the early morning hours, like say 3 am just hold the line, just to screw with me. He and his wife still drive past my house, just to see what's going on in my life, so I not looking forward to having to deal with them again, but my lawyer assures me that this will not happen.  We are going through a counseler (my daughter and myself) to get our relationship back on track.  My ex fought me getting any visitation for 10 months, but we now do have a court order, in place, and will soon get started with a counseler to hopefully get back the relationship we once had.   

  

To all of you who are fighting with your ex's, remember your childern are being hurt very much.  I am praying that my daughter will understand why I had to step out of her life for 4 yrs.  I did it because I love her, and wouldn't  rip her in half, just to WIN.  My ex wanted to win so much, that he lost sight of what we were fighting about, it wasn't about her, it was about winnning. 

I am the mother of 2.  I have been divorced for 2 years and in my divorce decree my ex husband agreed that the woman he had gotten involved with while we were still married would not be allowed around my children until we both agreed to it.  Now, to give a little background, the woman to my knowledge through my exhusband has tried to committ suicide 4 times (once while pregnant with their child).  The first two times were prior to our divorce being final but in the time they were together and I felt it was in my kids best interest not to around her.  He agreed at that time and signed the papers without any sort of resistance.  Now since the divorce, she has tried two more times, and again I have this information since he tells me.  Ours is a very confusing story and there is not enough space to begin to tell my story.  But I do worry about the kids not seeing their father as much as they should.  He use to come to my house to be with them or he would take them to his mom's house but now he lives at his mom's with the girlfriend so I am allowing the kids there unless she leaves.  Which hasnt been happening.  He has assured me nothing would ever happen to the kids while he is around and that he would never leave them alone with her.  To me it sounds as if he doesnt trust her either.  He has done nothing to reverse the decision the courts agreed to for 2 years.  Seeing this show today and hearing Dr Phil say over and over how it is about the kids really hurt me and I have questioned my decision on many occasion, but even more after watching that show.  I just feel is still dangerous to herself, to her own child and to my children and thought I was putting them first and above everything else.  My ex has an open invitation to get his kids anytime he wants and he chooses not to at this time because I wont agree to let them around her.  Please give me your feedback and what you would do.....I know many details have been left out and I can answer anything if it would help anyone give me their opinion/suggestions.

I was quite upset with this part of the show, this guy still has some big time anger issues, if he can show this much anger on tv , how madder will he get off the show. He needs to deal with his own issues before he drags his little girl into it. Nobody was ganging up on him, everyone just saw him for what he is, my Lord he even killed the cat for crying out loud. I think Dr Phill told them the right thing, he can see her with supervized visitations and let her get to know him, and he her before she gets into his life. 

I have 2 Grandsons that have been through way too much with their Dad, hes in and out of their lives and they are so messed up, one of them cries all of the time and the other one picks his fingers until they bleed, they are 4 and 6 years old.I worry about them 24/7. So please the only person that needs to be protected is this little girl and thats at all costs. If Chris truely loves this little girl he will go slowly, get the help he needs and then hopfully he will have a future with his daughter.  

Thanks for letting me vent..........Linda R 

how can you say that Kim should not be a disciplinarian with the children that she needs to step out should she wait for hours till there father gets off work so he can take care of it you your self said that children don't remember things for very long so here one kid gets in trouble at 9 am and dad has already left for work and he doesn't get home till 5 how is that child supposed to remember what he did after 8 hours?  step parents need to be there and play a big role in the children's life or they will have no respect for the the step mom and in Kim's case she has a little girl who is very impressionable she the step mom just do nothing and let the little girl think its ok to act like that   very confused