Topic : 03/23 Nasty Custody Battles

Your husband heard correctly.  Dr. Phil told Kimmy from the show "to butt out of the discipline."  He even said he wasn't specifically speaking to Kimmy about it, but that his position on stepparents are to not discipline the children because the children won't be ok with it, and neither would the bioloical parents.  Dr. Phil did not really clarify what he meant by that.  So, as far as a lot of people  are concerned, DR. PHIL NEEDS TO CLARIFY WHAT HE MEANS BY SAYING STEPPARENTS NEED TO STAY OUT OF DISCIPLINING THE STEPCHILDREN.  The mother on the show gave a little applause when Dr. Phil told Kimmy that, and I fear what life is going to be like for those boys when they go to their dad's house.  I can see that mother going back and telling her boys that they do not need to listen to their stepmom anymore.  I know a lot of people are outraged that Dr. Phil would say such a thing.  What ever happened to "it takes a village"??? 

I am so tired of people generalizing that Dad's do not want to be in their kids' lives, and if they do try.. they get deemed to be doing it only to get out of paying child support.  You just don't hear about the good dad's that visit their kids regularly, take an active role in their lives, and pay their child support because nobody is complaining about those dads.  I think there are a lot of moms out there that keep their kids from visiting their dads more often so they can get as much child support as they possibly can.  I am a mom, and I hear moms at the park and gym openly talking about this, so I know it is true!!  I just sit there and listen to women giving each other advice on how to get more child support!  It's just sick and wrong, the same as any dad's trying to get out of paying it.  But if there are going to be complaints, then the whole story should be told!

Read my "story" on the message board and you'll see why I have these opinions. 

My father is one of those males that has been "trashed" for no reason. 

  

Although it seems like it won't end and from experience it sometimes doesn't, but in time it will get better. 

All we need is to have somebody who has enough "balls" to put this in the public eye and actually show the world that this is an issue that is not just going to get worse but never stop if people don't start changing things. 

We need to end the blame of eachother (Woman and Man) and start taking responsibility for these children and our actions. 

  

Being on both sides of custody and child support, I have seen alot. 

Engaged to a man who is getting "raped" by the system and being the ex.   

It all leaves a very bitter taste in my mouth.  My ex and I always kept a close relationship for our daughter, it was always what was best for her.  He doesn't even see her anymore even though I provide open access.  Now he doesn't pay his child support, he just stopped.  He expects me to be the only provider for her, oh and my finance who is paying $1050.00 a month to his ex.   

I just don't get it.  The kids are hurting!  As parents, their happines should be of the upmost importance.  

When parents split, it is hard on everyone.  The trasition for the kids should be made as smooth as possible.  While not an easy task, it should still be attempted.   

We wonder what is wrong with the world today.  I think this is it.  We have let the government into our lives too much and this is the result.  We can not act like adults, so we are treated like children.  We award custody based on gender not on what is best for the children.  Who pays the price?   

  

I just got a book for my fiance that I would like to share with all of you.  We have researched many, many, many, law books (the laws in the books, however, never really seemed to exist according to several judges in my area) and after reading this book, know why the laws don't apply or make any kind of rational sense what so ever!

  

 

 

  

 

The Father's Emergency Guide to Divorce-Custody Battle: A Tour Through the Predatory World of Judges, Lawyers, Psychologists & Social Workers, in the Subculture of Divorce

  

 

 

  

 

Then to tickle your fancy, maybe you can move on to this one.

  

 

 

  

 

What Every Woman Should Know About Divorce and Custody : Judges, Lawyers, and Therapists Share Winning Strategies On How to Keep the Kids, the Cash, and Your Sanity

  

 

 

  

 

I am sorry, does this not insult you???? LOL

  

 

 

  

 

I just found that one browsing one day!!!!  

  

"The ones who is suffering the most is the children"  I am so tired of hearing people say this, in my case and in others I personally know of, IF the father were given custody in all divorces, in the first place (they are much more financially able to support the children, and much more open to visitation than spiteful females) plus, there would be little if NO divorce.  Fathers are ALWAYS portrayed as the villain (abusive, angry, uncaring, lazy, I've heard them all) but the good ones pay their support, shut up, and sit down, and take it like a man.  Its some wonder men try so hard to get out of paying support! 

  

I know much of the society in general, and all of the courts, do not believe in Biblical examples; (except in the case of murder or thievery) but Biblically, the children were always given to the father who could support them.  Antiquated though it seem , if we followed this example, women will not give up their kids for such trivial matters as "he's just not romantic enough" or "he's not the man I married".  But the court systems in our country have a vested interest in keeping children on welfare, WIC, child support (many states collect and dole out support through garnishment now, interest free too, and its usually given to the ex late), school funding, etc.  So do you really think a government agency wants to stop getting tax and income from big brother by abusing suffering kids?  Kids will always suffer!  Period!  Especially when TV personalities continue administrating pablum and anesthesia to the public to continue this shameful trend. 

Actually, if you had read my original message, you would have seen that HE wanted the divorce and that I came along AFTER he had already left.  And -- just for the record -- I DID tell him to go and make sure a divorce WAS what he really wanted.  2 months later, he came back.  "Yes" he said, he was sure. 

  

You are obviously bitter as well.  Is there another man living YOUR life?  Is that the reason for your unwarranted animosity? 

  

Thanks for your opinion....but you  know what they say about opinions, right............................ 

  Yes, It does take a village to raise a child!  Totally agree!  However, just as I suspected, I also heard that stepparents should "butt out of the discipline". I could scream! You are so right, when you say that you fear for what life will be for the boys at their Dads house. I live that life, and you are 100% correct. Reinforces to everyone, that the stepmom is simply the woman who married the kids' father. (does that make sense?) 

  Tiffany seems to be, what I consider, the typical miserable ex-wife. Controlling, holier-than-thou, scratch-your-eyes-out-if-you-so-much-as-look-at-my-kids-crooked, kind of person. When I watched the clip of when Scott went to pick up the kids, I could have puked! Let the poor kids go see their Dad for heaven's sake! What does she have to gain by keeping the kids to the strict "it's not your weekend" plan??  She needs to get over herself, stop the jealousy and allow her children to enjoy their father, too. Dr. Phil did say 1 thing right...If she keeps her kids away from the Dad, it will come back to bite her in the butt.  It will be a sweet day when it comes, and it will come.....I bet she is so insecure in her role as a Mom, she is afraid to loosen up for fear the boys will see a better world?! 

  On the other hand, however, Kimmy really should back off a bit. As much as I was angry at Tiffany, I did feel she had put her defenses up, as Kimmy  put a lot of emphasis on how much better of a Mom she is. Well, that's neither here nor there. I truly believe, that she should not compare herself to the ex. No way. It doesn't matter if you are better, worse, more loving, a better cook....The point is moot. They have a mom...good, bad or indifferent. Just be the Mom role model when they are with you...LOL...this is if Tiffany can ever let the leashes off her boys and let them out. 

   

   

I WATCHED IN HORROR THE PARENTS FIGHTING OVER WHO GETS THE KIDS WHEN...WHO'S  RESPONSIBLE FOR DISCIPLINE.    MAYBE I'M CRAZY BUT MY EX AND I SHARE CUSTODY.....NO FIGHTING..WHY?  BECAUSE I LOVE MY CHILDREN MORE THAN I COULD  EVER HATE HIM.    CHILDREN DO NOT CHOOSE TO BE HERE AND IF YOU SAY YOU LOVE YOUR KIDS..PUT YOUR HEART WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS.   YOU CANNOT LOVE YOUR CHILD AND DENY THEM ALL THEY NEED TO BE HEALTHY, HAPPY AND INDEPENDENT.   PARENTS SAY I'D DO ANYTHING TO CARE FOR MY CHILD...STEAL FOOD..WALK 100 MILES TO SEE THEM....WORK 2 JOBS...BUT WHEN IT COMES TO THE MOST IMPORTANT GIFT YOU'LL EVER GIVE YOUR CHILD YOU SAY..HE SAID  SHE DID BLAH BLAH BLAH.....THE RELATIONSHIP YOUR CHILD HAS WITH THE OTHER PARENT  IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.   CALLING YOUR EX UGLY NAMES TELLS YOUR CHILD THEY ARE TOO...THEY ARE A PART OF THE PERSON YOU DEMEAN AND THEY'LL THINK...IF MOMS A B**CH...THEN I AM TOO.  IF DADS AN IDIOT I AM TOO.   KIDS CANNOT SEPERATE ADULT  NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR FROM POSITIVE.  THEY HEAR AND SEE EVERYTHING YOU DO.  IF YOU BELIEVE FOR ONE SECOND THEY DON'T KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THE OTHER PARENT YOU ARE DEAD WRONG.       DR.PHIL...I AGREE A STEP PARENT SHOULD NOT SET RULES BUT SHOULD MAINTAIN THOSE RULES IN THE ABSENCE OF THE PARENT.,  CHILDREN NEED CONSISTANT EXPECTATIONS AND RESULTS...