Topic : 06/19 Pressured Into Marriage

Neither one of these marriages stand a chance--I was happy to see you attempt to save them, but when someone expresses the sentiment that they would not have this person in their life if they could turn the clock back--welllllll,  There is no more to be said.  Leave-- the children will be better off.  I knew when I got married the first time I made a hugh mistake, (18)  and I wished everyday I could leave unfortunately by the time I did leave I had two small children.  Luckly that was many years ago.  Life is too short to be miserable. 

I was pressured into marrying a man who I knew down deep I shouldn't marry. We cancelled the wedding 2 times. But in the end he convinced me that he loved me, would be faithful and we would have a great life. He set up a wedding with my two children (6 and 10) and no one else knew. Later I found out he was afraid someone would convince me not to go through it.  I was married 18 years. All 18 years it was so hard. He was unfaithful, he was rude, he was distant. He did not participate in parenting unless forced. We are now divorced. I would have tried and did try to work it out. But he never stepped up to the plate to try to make it right.  I now having gone through a horrible divorce realize how hard each day was. I should have forced the issue to try to fix it or gotten out much earlier.   

If you get that gut instinct to not get married.       DON'T DO IT!  

However, if both people are willing to go to bat and try to make it right, do try! If you don't you will always wonder "what if".  

I just watched your show on pressured into marriage.  I too felt I had to marry.  I was 19 he was 28.  My parents said he was the best one to come around.  Or the only one.  So I married him not wanting to walk down the aisle.  I did.  Then I married him a second time after a divorce.  What was wrong with me.  I was told he will make sure your secure for life.   

I just found Mr Right in a different country where man treat woman the way they should.  It doesn't matter what is on the outside but what you share on the inside. Because they don't have what others have had their entire life they appreciate everything they have.  They love like love should be and they have respect and they teach respect and appreciation to their children at a very young age.  I certainly was not pressured into this marriage but it's the one that I would walk down the aisle over and over again.   

After watching this show I got the impression that Heather had already made up her mind about this marriage. On one hand she said that she was willing to give it a try wheras on the other hand she said she hated her husband.  According to her own words, "she felt guilty after having sex and they decided they needed to get married."  She also said, "that she wanted children".  She also said that she "tended to be impulsive and make impulsive decisions."  This seems to me where the problem lies.  People grow up with this fairy tale belief that the man will sweep them off their feet and take care of them forever.  No where in this fairy tale does it say that a wife is to honor, encourage and respect her husband.  I'm not sticking up for Jeff who had not lived up to his committments either, but the way that they have described their home life and Heather has agreed, is that she has emotionally checked out of the marriage.  Therefore, Jeff see no hope in a future for his family.  No wonder he is not motivated to finish the house? Why bother when there will be no one to live in it! Duh!!  I think Heather needs to "grow up" and stop having a temper tantrum.  She doesn't say if she works or if she is a homemaker.  Is she helping Jeff finish the house.  There are plenty of shows on TV to show women and men how to do home repairs.  I think that if Heather would "check bak in" to the marriage, it would give Jeff renewed hope in a future and he would recognize this as a second chance to do better.  It's all about seeing where each person can be a better person to the other person.  Heather needs to find something to do to feel good about herself.  Jeff needs to grow up and seek a male mentor to help him learn how to lead a family.  Hopefully this male mentor will be someone of good character, integrity and spirituality.  May God bless them both.