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Topic : 06/19 Pressured Into Marriage

Number of Replies: 234
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Created on : Friday, January 06, 2006, 01:42:38 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 01/10/06) Whether from personal guilt or family pressure, many couples rush to the altar – and regret it later. Heather and Jeff were virgins when they started dating. After their relationship started heating up and the two became intimate, Heather feared judgment from her minister father and ran down the aisle. Now their house is filled with resentment. Why is she disappointed with Jeff, and is there hope for their future? Next, Michelle said she had doubts about marrying Steve during her walk down the aisle. Now, nine years later, what is behind the overwhelming conflict in their marriage? Plus, meet two best friends who are plotting to make sure their kids get married. What do the teens think? Whether you're planning a black-tie affair or eloping to Sin City, don't miss what Dr. Phil says you need to know, consider and plan for when making a lifetime commitment. Join the discussion.

 

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July 24, 2006, 11:48 pm CDT

close to my case!

I too felt pressured to marry at the age of 19!  I had a Muslim boyfriend from Egypt, and as you can guess..shortly after starting to date, we had to marry before we committed a sin.  I thought I loved him then, but I wasnt ready to give up all my hopes and dreams for one man!  Now, my love for him has become more like a guilty love than anything, and althoug I dont know about what I want in this relationship, I dont have the courage or heart to leave him.  I can tell he loves me alot, but I think its with the muslim woman he wants me to become now, and sadly I am...
 
May 25, 2007, 6:28 pm CDT

WOW

Quote From: alteaon

Pegtohl, 

  

  

I apologize for offending you.  Please realize that on an internet message board, including this one, opinions are the majority of what you're going to read/hear. As a guest on the show, you can't expect to be free from that. If you read posts from shows past, so many posts are about the guest. If I had something that your perceived as being positive, you would never have replied to anything I have to say. 

  

In my original post, I do not believe that I said anything about you personally, it just reminded me of all the people who feel that women should have children asap. I know now that it's just a cute game that you play with your son and your friend's daughter, I know that although you would be over joyed if they were to date you'll love them both no matter what they decide.  The show just struck a nerve in me. During the original airing time, so many people, most that I didn't know lectured me on my choices ( mostly negative ). So, I can easily see now why you became so fired up..similar to how I got so fired up when Abbydabby said something to the effec that since I've been with my husband for 8 yrs that we should be having kids because "that's what people do". 

  

As I do my best to see things from your perspective, I do sincerely apologize. You can take my apology for what ever you want, but realize that  have no hostile feelings towards you, but my hostility is more towards the subject. Looking back on what I wrote, for some of it I do not fault you at all for being upset with me. Please accept my apology. 

I was really surprised to see this reply. I do accept your apology whole hearted. I live in a small town and while most were supportive and realized it was a fun little joke that we have had with the two kids for a very long time. There were others that felt the need to judge. Which upset my son. He and Shelbi had a blast, we got to spend Halloween in LA right on the walk of fame. We had a limo driver take us on a tour of the stars homes. It was just so much fun. To this day Trevor and Shelbi still will introduce each other as the others fiance'. They are happy and healthy teenagers. What upsets teenagers is to have their mothers parenting questioned (when they know they have good mothers) that is what upset me most was people judging me for taking Trevor on "Dr. Phil" and "Traumatizing" him. So when I read the message boards I was still a little raw. I think it takes a very big person to apologize and I admire you for it. I think we both learned a lesson here and that is what really matters, that we take the time to learn the lessons each day has in store for us. You  could have went on with your life and never gave it another thought .. but you didn't you took the time to explain and apologize, that is really rare... Wouldn't it be great if more people were like you? Thanks again. Have a great life as I know someone like you, has to have a good life your to smart to do otherwise.

 

       Peggy Tohl

 
May 25, 2007, 6:56 pm CDT

I do let them Live and learn

Quote From: cooljag

It was always my dream to go to college.  I would become a successful journalist, fall in love, marry, have children and live a happy life.  Things changed, people changed and the dream-killers came after me.  I was to naive to run because I thought they loved me and wanted me to be happy.  They changed my story.  I was pressured into a marriage that should have never been and wasn't after only two years.  I was broken and didn't know how to fix myself.  Someone took me under their wing.  I've come full circle, I'm like a forty-year-old in a twenty-year-old body, starting over.  Let the young people have their dreams, support them as much as you can then let go.  Don't push them out into a world that their not ready for and cause them to fail.  Trust them, believe in them and watch them evolve into something beautiful.

If you had been listening you would have heard, THIS IS A JOKE, WE ARE TEASING THEM, WE PRETEND THEY ARE AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE. Still to this day they have fun with this. introducing each other as the others fiance' So don't get so serious onme and you need to realize just because your parents wer not supporticve of you and pressured you into something you were not ready for, don't put that on me. I love my Son and I love shelbi, they are both really good kids and will make their own decisions in life. That includes who they decide to marry. Take care of yours, I'll take care of mine.

                                   Mother of the Boy

 
May 25, 2007, 7:11 pm CDT

Get a Grip

Quote From: eileen620

  

To the parents who want to "fix their kids up":  Don't do it.  It's hard enough to be married to someone you love, much less to live in an arranged marriage.  Both individuals may be looking for qualities in each other that you're not even aware of.  I think the meddling parents should devote their time to "fixing up" all the relationships in their lives before they get involved in their kids relationships.  Furthermore, if this relationship plan doesn't work, perhaps there will be a strain on the parents of these two young people. Thus, a close relationship lost!!! 

I am amazed at how many people watched this show and still didn't get it. IT'S A JOKE, WE ARE TEASING THEM, ITS A ARRANGED MARRIAGE THAT ISN'T REALLY ARRANGED AT ALL.

Come on lady get a grip. I love my son and Marcy loves her daughter and this is just a joke. These kids are very close and very good friends, they are more like Brother and Sister than anything else. We all know that in reality they are both going to pick mates on their own in their own time frame.

I can not believe intelligent adults after watching the show would actually think we are doing any damage to our children. My son spent Halloween in Hollywood on the walk of fame. We all got to go on a private tour of the stars homes in a limo. we were treated well and had an awesome time. The kids couldn't believe we got this great all expense paid trip just because their mothers tease them about an arranged marriage that will never happen. Still think there was any harm done? Oh and did I mention they were both the most popular kids in each of their schools for the next couple  of months

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