Topic : 06/19 Pressured Into Marriage

Quote From: jettav

I was 29 when I married. why older? Because before my hubby came along, no one else was good enough! He won my heart in ways that no other ever could and 13 years later, he still wins my heart.................I kept my self honest and pure and accepted myself for who I was and appreciated the fact that I was/am my own individual and when one does this, their self image is a good one and believe me, waiting til the right one comes and knowing without a doubt that they are the one and understanding the real truth that marriage is a life time committement and takes two loving and supportive people to make it happy and successful, no regrets here on waiting and becasue of the fact that I waited, I am happily married and fullfilled with two beautiful little girls............I would encourage every one to follow your hearts and do what is right, know that you are in love with each other and are willing to work together and honest and true, marriage is awesome for those who are in it for the right reasons, the wait can be well worth it.

Quote From: rajkalra

now a days we are lost..in the maze of modernism...and modern women...in olden days  love use to blossom after marriage...............there use to be that element  of surprise  curiostiy  anticipation ..but now adays    the feelings of  lust, teenage infatuation and peer pressure to be in love or to be in a relationship  pushes man and women to make  wrong choices..... 

 

We in india were  use to have arranged marriages  ..yet our culture was very sexually active...  We gave world  kamasutra..... becuase then expression of and talking sex was not tabooed....but was encouraged..now boys and girls attain puberty without knowing  what is it and how to react....the age old practice of getting married on puberty ...was safe and sound practice.....thats why till today in many culture  attaianing puberty for a girl is celebrated in a big way..... 

in modern society  we dont let our children   marry at the tender age of 14-18  when the biological clock  is ready sexually.....and moreover we expect them to remain virgin..till they get married.....sometime which is  for next 10-15 years... 

the thing is we have to understand...even though human brain has developd and we have reached the moon...basicaly we are also  part of the animal kingdon..and we still have the same animal instinct...as  any other animal....and no mater how much we try to confine ourself to the so called law of the society.....our animal instinct and beahaviour takes over...we are no different  from any lion tiger or a bison  we still have the same desires....and we still fight for our mate and at times competion gets  violent... 

 

modern women needs to understand  ..for man it is very difficult to remain faithfull and pure  in body and in mind......what the women expects now days it is against mans nature..it is like training the lion to eat grass  thats  what society is doing  taming a wild animal.. 

i am sure  the most faithful man in the world also looks at passing womens  ooozing breast...bulging  back side...and thinks wow what a sight.... ....if only i can have sex with her once...... because for men sex is a phycsical requirement....but for a women it is emotional..men canstill ove his wife very much and still have sex wiht another women....and not feel guilty....it is in his genes.....i mean no disrespect to women....but  thats how we are made..where as women needs to be emotionally involved  to have sex with a man... 

 

 

Quote From: jim1970

That's great for you.  However, people have bought into the "have fun by having sex with the phonebook now and find a mate later." 

Quote From: jettav

Well, in my opinion, those type of people are absolutely clueless when it comes to love and respect and not just forothers but for themselves as well..........I think the first step in loving some one else and able to respect another is to love and respect self, to accept oneself as we are and know what we are and who we are and striving to be the best that we can possibly be.....Ipersonally have had my share of ups and downs in this life including being a part of an abusive family life growing up but thankfully I did have a few good role models and some one to help lead me and I was able to get the help that I needed and the first step for me was trusting and believing in the God that I serve, my whole focus in life was to discover ME and to follow the will of God, not always easy but certainly worth it and today, I have no regrets............Marriage is a lifetime committment and needs to be put on hold until two people are serious about their love and role as spouses and at the same time understand that each one is an individual and must be respected and again, the first step is to love and respect one self................

Quote From: jettav

Well, in my opinion, those type of people are absolutely clueless when it comes to love and respect and not just forothers but for themselves as well..........I think the first step in loving some one else and able to respect another is to love and respect self, to accept oneself as we are and know what we are and who we are and striving to be the best that we can possibly be.....Ipersonally have had my share of ups and downs in this life including being a part of an abusive family life growing up but thankfully I did have a few good role models and some one to help lead me and I was able to get the help that I needed and the first step for me was trusting and believing in the God that I serve, my whole focus in life was to discover ME and to follow the will of God, not always easy but certainly worth it and today, I have no regrets............Marriage is a lifetime committment and needs to be put on hold until two people are serious about their love and role as spouses and at the same time understand that each one is an individual and must be respected and again, the first step is to love and respect one self................

Quote From: tari_777

Hi everyone!  I did watch the show today and I am wondering if I am being selfish in 'pressuring' my boyfriend of three years into marring me.  We are both very religious and devout Christians with undergrad degrees.  He in on the verge of launching his internet business and I will be attending Grad school.   The thing is, I am 27 and he is 24.  The age difference is killing me in that I am ready to make the next step because I am getting older and older.  He isn’t because he thinks he is too young, inexperienced (this is his first serious relationship – my second).  He wants us to be able to communicate better with each other and be somewhat financially set (and I agree) and he does not want to make the mistake of jumping into it too soon (his parents got married young but they are still together enjoying and supporting each other).  His knowledge of marriage from his youth is positive, soI don’t know what the problem is.  He has told me a couple of times that he will marry me some time in the future.  But when?  ...nobody knows!!!  I make many statements like..."Yeah in 10 years when I'm almost 40" ... and that ticks him off every time.  I remind him that women stand a risk of having children with birth defects when trying to have kids from age 35 and older.  He comes back at me with..."Where is your faith in believing that God will see us through any difficulty we face; as long as we stay by each others side."  I mean I am tired of putting my desires on the side.  I am being impatient with God but I think we will be fine if we were to go on ahead and get married.

  

 

  

 

 I tell him about my ultimate desire to have a happy family of my own (which  he also would like inthe distant future) and of my concerns of taking that next step, but he keeps saying that he needs some assurance from God in order to do that.  I agree since we are strong believers in the guidance of God in our lives; but I am beginning to feel that he is just hiding behind that to avoid such prolonged discussion.   For the Christians out there, I do believe that when the time is right, we will know through His (God's) guidance in our life development...like having a solid relationship with God to begin with...then with each other...some financial security...trust...honesty...open communication...respect....and most of all, the solid understanding that once we make our minds up to get married we are in this for the long haul...100% willing to work on keeping our relationship firm.  And this we must do all the time so that we can work things out and still value each other at the end of the day.  Also, I feel that I cannot express my complete love for him because we are celibate and choose not to make love until we are married.  (And that Is killing me!!!)

  

 

  

 

Well, as it stands, I find that for the past 3 or 4 months I do not relate to him like I sued to because of my disappointment in our slow moving relationship.  I am not as open, loving, compassionate, or engaging as I used to be.  It seem as if the spark in our relationship is gone.  (And we are not even married yet!!!)   There is an obvious wedge between us since we could be in the same room and not even say much to each other.  I guess I have been giving him the silent treatment almost every day (like I sometimes do when I am mad at him.  Probably because I don’t like the fact that he is not doing what I want him to do.  He usually lets me have my own way in other matters if I beg him long enough.  But with this he is firm.  He is very extreme when it comes to being prudent.  He really takes the cake.  It took him seven months before he could say “I live you” because he wanted to be sure of his feelings for me before just saying it without truly meaning it.  If that took him so long, how long will it take him to say “I do”?  (Sorry for posting such a long one!)

Quote From: jim1970

Why don't more American women think like you?  I agree with everything you have said except for the spiritual aspect.   

  

Christianity made me suicidal and my heavy metal albums (namely everything from Kiss, Black Sabbath, Ozzy and Dio) kept me alive. 

  

In fact, it was girls from my Christian school who first showed me not to trust females when they teased me.  They first said they wanted me as a boyfriend and then said they were just kidding.  As you might guess, this has stayed with me, and I find I can't fully trust women. 

  

Here's the funny part: while my parents' pastor told my mother he had no time to talk to me, Gene Simmons of Kiss took twenty minutes of his time to speak with me about the hard times I went through 20 to 25 years ago. 

  

Pretty sad, huh? 

Quote From: jettav

I basically went throught he exact same thing as you. I am 3 years older then my hubby as well, he was 26 and I was 29 when we married. I know exactly how you feel...........I knew in a short time of dating that this was the man I was goingt o marry and be with for the rest of my life, he knew it as well but tooka little elonger to figure it out,LOL...........We too are Christians and did have sexual realaionship til we were married and though we wanted to be togehter in that way, we knew it would be sin for we are 100% into trying to do things God's way of course, this isn't always easy when those strong feelings are ther and you truly love each other it s a natural and normal feeling and absolutely nothing wrong with them.........My now hubby wasn't in too much of arush at time tog et married but it came to the point where I realized that we needed to get married or call it quits...........I came to the place of talking with him and we talked about goals and committment and we even talked about our fears and whatever else we could think of and as we were talking and being honest with one another, I had to tell him that the feelings that I had for him were really strong and if we could not at least start making plans then we would have to split up for I wanted to do things right..........Now, I wasn't asking to get married tomorrow but to start making plans and working towards the goal of marriage, with doing that, it would give me the stability that I needed in lnowing that he WANTED to take the step of marriage and that he wanted to be with me...........Well, long story short, we split up cause I told him he needed to figure out what it was that he wanted and needed in a marriage relationship and that it wasn't fair to put us into a position where we felt the urge to be together but because we wanted to do things right, we were making ourselves miserable and I didn't like that.........Of course he didn't like the idea of splitting up but he did understand what I was saying so he agreed to it, I told him that I would not be the one to approach him casue I already knew what I wanted, it was he that needed the time to think and it was he who needed to approach me when he sorted things out............The split was short but it seemed like eternity. During this process, Iw as able to think through what It was that I needed and wanted and to also sort out some goals and thoughts, I was a little scared that it wouldn't work out but I was preparing myself the best that I could..............When he did approach me, we talked and he was able to share some thoughts and one of those thoughts was the fact that becasue his mom died when he was only 8, he had fears that we would bring kids into the world and he or I would be a single parent, well, Of course I realize that it could happen but I made it clear that we can't live in fear...............your fiancee might be having thoughts that you are not a ware of and remember males and females are so different when it comes to the thought processs, we think differnetly ad we do things differently, the key is communication and trust, being open and honest and respecting one another..............Myhusband and I were engaged the night we got back togehrter and were married a year later and after over 13 years of marriage, we are still happily married with no regrets............................As far as kids go, if it is meant to be, it will happen. I had my first at 37 and my youngest at 39 and they are healthy and happy little ones, I had the perfect pregnancy with my oldest, and though the delivery was a little complicated, it had nothing to do with my age, it had to do with the cord being tied in a knot and around her neck, My little one was breeze.....As a Christian, I say pray and trust God and allow Him to lead you and at the same time, stand up for your self and do not allow yourself to be in a position that will cause you to do something that you are against, Communicate and trust one another, try to come up with a compromise, for me, just knowing that he WANTED to marry me was a plus and helped me through that year..................Follow your heart and pray for God's will, not yours.