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Topic : 03/22 Living on the Edge

Number of Replies: 420
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, January 06, 2006, 01:45:12 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 01/11/06) She used to have it all: A husband, a beautiful home, a great job and many friends. But a crippling alcohol addiction for the past 10 years has turned Lisa’s dream life into a nightmare. One step away from being homeless, Lisa trades sexual favors for alcohol just to get through the day. Joani, a recovering addict who's been trying to help, records Lisa's debilitating addiction and the disturbing symptoms of withdrawal when she tries to go without a drink. Lisa has failed in rehab three times and is ready to give up on life. Can Dr. Phil convince her to give it one more try? Talk about the show here.

 

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January 11, 2006, 1:11 pm CST

Living with an alcoholic

On Jan. 1 of this month I asked my husband to move out.  He did not drink new years but I knew that he was acting on his ism's, everything I did was wrong, I was even accused of fooling around with his cousin.  I found out that when he was away at work for the 3 wks previous to Christmas he was drinking though.  And he did drink right after leaving.   

He knows that he is an alcoholic but has gone back into denial.  One day he will be clear and the next not.  Example: 2 nights ago he telephoned and took full responsibility for his behavior and his drinking, last night was back to accusing and blaming.   

He said that if I really loved him that he would still be here.  I told him the fact that I really love him is why I had to let him go.  That I do not want to watch him kill himself and continue to destroy our family and that I choose to let him go to find himself and that I know that is a risk but at the same time can not continue to live in an unhealthy lifestyle.   

I came from an alcoholic home and my mother committed suicide in 2001 (drunk).  My father-in-law died in 2003 due to complications from a surgery due to alcoholism. 

I realize that chances are at 47 years old he may never find his sobriety and there may not be a bottom low enough for him.  All I can do is pray for him and hope that his higher power and him can work things out.  Also pray for myself and my children that no matter what happens that we live the best life we can whether he chooses to find sobriety and a healthy way of life and join us or not. 

One friend of mine has suggested that perhaps he is bi-polar and that alcoholism often masks this.  I do know that his Dr. has previously put him on anti-depressants which he will take for a few days then stop because they make him too tired.  In reality though everything makes him too tired.   

He knows that to continue to drink is to die.  He has been in treatment numerous times, lost an entire family previous to us but nothing seems to change things.  Majority of his family drink or have other addictions and that is where he has chosen to go live.  Staying in an unhealthy environment will only perpetuate and enable the drinking. 

Anyway I'm rambling.  The bottom line is that living with alcoholism is not easy.  Sometimes you have to be able to say when enough is enough and stand strong.  I know allowing him back right away that we will just go in a circle, this has gone on for 5 yrs already.  I hope and pray that he decides he wants to be well and that someday we can be a family again.  In the meantime I will continue to look after myself as best I can. 

 
January 11, 2006, 1:17 pm CST

Shelly, not Lisa, Lisa was in the audience..

Hold on, like Mike Frey   Says , Shelly 

 
January 11, 2006, 1:18 pm CST

01/11 Living on the Edge

Quote From: rptl530

I'm a 41 year old man who is very addicted to alcohol.  For me, it's beer.  I can easily drink 15-20 beers a day when I'm feeling good and have been lucky so far in so much that my life isn't 'ruined'.  I have a great wife and many great friends, but the only thing that makes me truly happy is beer.  I know I should stop, and the intellectual in me tells me I should, but I'm afraid because I don't know if I can.  Everyday I ache for beer and it's so easy to feed the addiction that it somehow seems silly to not have it since it makes me so happy.   

  

This letter probably dosen't mean anything to you and I know that there is nothing I can say to help you, but I just want you to know that I saw you on the show today and I was really moved.  I wish you the very best and I'll be thinking of you. 

  

Good luck, Lisa and keep your head up.  You are certainly not alone. 

  

--Mike     

I have a mother in-law that was recently diagnosed with dementia (shrinking of the brain) brought on by her long term use of alcohol.  This dementia is much like alzheimers and is a nasty thing for everyone involved.  For your own sake as well as the sake of your friends and family please quit drinking before something like this happens to you.  You might not be the one that has to deal with the consequences of your drinking in the long run.  It may be your family.
 
January 11, 2006, 1:19 pm CST

01/11 Living on the Edge

Quote From: rptl530

I'm a 41 year old man who is very addicted to alcohol.  For me, it's beer.  I can easily drink 15-20 beers a day when I'm feeling good and have been lucky so far in so much that my life isn't 'ruined'.  I have a great wife and many great friends, but the only thing that makes me truly happy is beer.  I know I should stop, and the intellectual in me tells me I should, but I'm afraid because I don't know if I can.  Everyday I ache for beer and it's so easy to feed the addiction that it somehow seems silly to not have it since it makes me so happy.   

  

This letter probably dosen't mean anything to you and I know that there is nothing I can say to help you, but I just want you to know that I saw you on the show today and I was really moved.  I wish you the very best and I'll be thinking of you. 

  

Good luck, Lisa and keep your head up.  You are certainly not alone. 

  

--Mike     

Mike 

  

I read your email.. I also love and drink beer.  I a feeling it is becoing a problem.  I saw alot of myself in lisa.  Not all of her but for sure the destructive part.  Thanks for you message. 

  

JCH 

 
January 11, 2006, 1:27 pm CST

Alcohlic

Dear Dr.Phil, Everytime I hear stories of people who drink from the time the get up to pass out stage or bedtime it makes me sad but angry as hell.When I was around 8 years old when I was put in foster care because my bio. mother drunk and that's all she cared about. Of course I didn't understand it all when I was that small but learned as I grew up. I was in foster care from age 8 to about 19 years old. I was in different foster homes and group homes. Never like talking about this when I was growing  up as a child..One day I saw Dave Pelzer on Oparah and was hooked to his stories because I have been through some of them thing's.. I went to Walmart and bought all his books and read them when my boy's were not home because I didn't know how I was gonna take reading it. It took about 2-3 years after my wedding day to tell my hubby everything. My children don't know the whole story about there "grandmother."They have met her and they also know she loves to drink.. I went to her every time she needed help but one day I snapped because she went off infront of our children drunk and haven't really talked to her since.I don't think it's mean that I keep my boy's away from her.. My children will not grow up around or like I did.When our"real"mother drunk,she would get loud and hit us over stupid things.. Some thing's I don't remember about my childhood. Don't know if that's good or bad.So I don't feel  sad when I hear stories about Lisa on your show today because nobody can help her unless she wants to help herself!!!!! So good luck with helping her.Alcohlic will kill her if she don't stop. On top of my childhood ,I grew up without a father because he was killed by someone drinking and driving.
 
January 11, 2006, 1:33 pm CST

Parents Role in Addiction

I have only seen the beginning of this show but it is a subject that has come up in my own family. 

  

I disagree with Dr. Phil's even questioning Lisa's mother about what she might have done in Lisa's childhood at this point. 

  

A user is full of anger and resentment (see AA big book).  Their disease is progressive.  They get more angry and resentful as they continue to use.  I have seen this get rather insane.  The user needs to be clean and sober before they comment on their parents role.  They need clarity concerning that role.  Out of the fog of using and all it's surrounding dishonesty is not the time to have them describe their parents. 

  

Kate

Mother of.... 

Double Adult Child of.... 

Sister of...Alcoholics 

 

 
January 11, 2006, 1:35 pm CST

My Best friends drunk husband

Lisa you need to get help before the alcohol gets the best of you. Don't let it win. I recently moved back to my hometown in Michigan where I grew up ,I was in the military and in Va for five years. I have seen what drinking can do to sa family. My best friend in Va was married to a man for 15 years and he didn't used to drink that much but he drank. He had been drinking since he was 13. My best friend and he have 3 kids together and he has 2 from a previous marriage. All under the age of 13. In august 2005 she had gotten tired of his drinking cause over the years of being with him it had gotten progressively worse so she decided to tell him he needed to leave and not to return home until he had gotten the help he needed. He drank so much that he even figured out how to drink while he was working, at the bar across the street. The night he moved out of the house he and his wife had he had been drinking all day from being depressed. That night he had taken half a bottle of pills for gout (foot fungus) that weren't his, drank a 1/2 bottle of crown royal by himself and slit his wrists with a pocket knife. He didn't die that nigfht though. we had called the ambulance and he went to the hospital. they had released him 14 hours later and we brought him home. I kept telling my friend he didn't look right his face was really pale and he looked like he was still drunk, even after 14 hours. But we brought him home anyways. He had slept on the couch that night, the next morning he rolled over at about 8am and said good morning to his dad then went back to sleep. About a couple hours later his daughter and I were sitting on the floor next to the couch he was laying on and he didn't look like he had moved in a while. So my boyfriend at the time came in and checked his pulse and he was ice cold. I had noticed his lips and arms were turning purple already. He was laying on the couch dead for about 2 hours before anyone noticed. He had died from a combination of taking too many pills and still being drunk when he took them. He had been drinking since the age of 13. For him to drink a case of beer a day was nothing. He was only 35 whenhe passed away and the doctor said his liver was so bad they were surprised he lived that long. So all I'm telling you is take a step back and look at what ypu can make of your life you only get one chance to live it. Now his 5, 8, and 13 year old kids that lived with him are growing up without him. All because his drink was more important to him than them. You can do this but you have to want to do it and you have to want to do it for you.. Good Luck. I know you can do it.
 
January 11, 2006, 1:38 pm CST

Get a grip

Watching the clip of you talking at your mom made me wince.  Whatever problems were in the past...get over it.  All I heard was "Wahh...wahhh... wahhh.  Poor me!  I don't get my way, so I'll show you...I'll drink myself to death."  Your mom is not responsible for your future.  You are.  I am the only non-alcoholic in my family.  I was surrounded by it.  I love my family, but I grew up the same way they did.  Don't tell me life is too tough to face sober.  You have to take responsibility for your own happiness.  It's a choice and a journey.  It's not something that happens to you.  It's not something that someone makes you.  Get a grip.
 
January 11, 2006, 1:38 pm CST

Get help while you still can

Quote From: rptl530

I'm a 41 year old man who is very addicted to alcohol.  For me, it's beer.  I can easily drink 15-20 beers a day when I'm feeling good and have been lucky so far in so much that my life isn't 'ruined'.  I have a great wife and many great friends, but the only thing that makes me truly happy is beer.  I know I should stop, and the intellectual in me tells me I should, but I'm afraid because I don't know if I can.  Everyday I ache for beer and it's so easy to feed the addiction that it somehow seems silly to not have it since it makes me so happy.   

  

This letter probably dosen't mean anything to you and I know that there is nothing I can say to help you, but I just want you to know that I saw you on the show today and I was really moved.  I wish you the very best and I'll be thinking of you. 

  

Good luck, Lisa and keep your head up.  You are certainly not alone. 

  

--Mike     

Mike 

  

If you see you are starting to have a serious problem with drinking don't be afraid to ask for help. In the long run it will help you. You can stop drinking you just have to want to bad enough. I believe you can do anything you put your mind to. Don't let this get the better of you. Good luck in trying to quit you can do it. 

  

  

Redhead 

 
January 11, 2006, 1:48 pm CST

01/11 Living on the Edge

Quote From: jhan640678

Lisa - Go and get cured of your problem.  You have much to look forward to. 

  

You are very attractive.  In fact, if you can get cured I would be interested in a date with you. 

Well, if ever there was a reason to sober up....
 
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