Topic : 03/22 Living on the Edge

Thanks for talking.  I know she is just my cousin, but I guess I didn't give enough information.  She is actually like a sister to me.  Her and I are the same age, and our Mom's are one year apart.  We grew up together, and attended school together every year until she ran away from home when we were 17.  She ended up getting pregnant, and then married the guy that got her pregnant.  That is when she left to Texas.  Up until about three years ago she was living a pretty decent life, raising her boys while her husband was gone a lot with his Military job.   But, now her Husband encourages her drinking, and has affairs on her, plus he has physically beaten her.  As I mentioned she is also anorexic, and bellimic.  Her Mother lives near me in Denver, and her and I are saving money right now to try to bring the younger boy to stay with us over this next summer.  The 17 year old boy is just waiting to graduate and move on to college.  He currently works two jobs just to stay out of the house, and cannot wait to leave for college.  Anyway, I pray for them everyday.  I know there isn't anything I can do for my cousin as she has to make those decisions.  I just pray that her kids can get out of there before they have to witness anything fatal....  It just hurts so much to hear her son ask if he can come and live with me, and I feel like my hands are tied.   

The reason, we have Indentity Crisis.    Women take birth control Pills,  The longer in the family tree,   Like 7 generations.  That is why.  Hormones in milk, eggs, Meat..  I am a  100 %male.. 

  

I do not want you to learn to much..   What Chromosomes are they..  Rna..Dna  3, 29? 

  

Empathy.. 

  

You do not want to lick a birth control pill on the 3 day..  87% Better chance of having a girl.. 

  

Take care, Love  John  

Please read..... Requests. Many I have sent. 

  

I would like to go on the Love Boat, have fun.. Dances... etc. 

  

How about Proteges, Internships..  International TV.. Brazil,  Doctor to Population  1 in 85 

  

Take care.  John 

 I'm sorry, but Lisa's crocodile tears did not impress me. I don't think that Lisa has truly hit her "bottom" and is not ready to quit drinking. Lisa is still in denial and blaming others for her drinking, especially her mother.

Until Lisa hits her "bottom" and quits blaming others for her problems, she won't be ready to quit drinking. I know this because I was there 15 years ago and thank God daily for allowing me to hit my "bottom" before I had lost everything.

I have no doubt that this will piss someone off, and please dont take personal offense to what I have to say, but here is what I THINK:  

I think anyone who watched this show, saw themselves in Lisa, or someone they knew.   I personally, saw myself AND my dad.  I can't, nor will I speak for my dad, but as for me, I was sick to my stomach to listen to Lisa.  I have some empathy for her, but she is reaping what she has sowen.  I dont have any doubts that she is wanting help, but, I am a firm believer that you have to help yourself before anyone else can help you.  When it came to my drinking or drugging, my mother was a terrible enabler.   She wanted to save me, she wanted me to see the errors of my way, through HER eyes.  It wasn't until I, ME, MYSELF realized that I, ME, MYSELF had a problem.  MY problem effected everyone around me. When I begged and pleaded with my mom to "let me go", to let me make my own mistakes, she told me it was going to be hard.  I begged her to not be there for me.  I told her as long as I knew that she was going to be my safety net, I wasn't going to get better, only worse.  I know, as a mother myself, how hard that would be, but no one can fix my problems but me. 

 When Lisa made the comment about she wanted help cause she "had nothing left to loose"......she was wrong, she has her life to loose.  She still has her life, as much as it is out of control, she still is breathing, and THAT should be reason enough to want to make HERSELF better.  Dr. Phil (God bless him), Dr. "You Who", or and Dr. can hand Lisa the solutions on a silver platter with a cloth over their arm, but until she TRUELY and HONOSTLY wants to get sober, there is nothing anyone can do.  I really would hate to see Dr, Phil spend an enormous amount of money of a rehab and then turn around and spit in Dr. Phil's face should she go back out and use again.  I firmly believe as well, that it's a CHOICE.  Life is nothing but a CHOICE.  I do wish Lisa all the best, and I wish her all the strength she can muster up.   

I have to say that your story really made me cry.  It made me so sad to see the pain and the hopelessness you are feeling.  It brought back memories to me, as I am an adult child of an alcoholic, and because I saw firsthand what alcohol does to a person and to a family, I can empathize with your situation.  My stepmother was a functional alcoholic (if there is such a thing), yet the only reason she didn't end up in your situation was because she had a husband (my dad) who enabled her and allowed her to keep drinking.   There were many times we cried ourselves to sleep, listening to them fight, to her screaming and incoherently trying to pick fights about anything.  She was so angry when she was drunk, it was like she was a Jekyll and Hyde.  That was the only way I could deal with it as a child, thinking of her as two different people.  We were truly afraid when she was drinking.   Since I have become an adult, I have realized that the thing that separates someone who becomes an alcoholic from someone who doesn't, is that the alcoholic has a different pattern of thinking, they are destructive towards themselves maybe in a punishment for something they don't like about themselves.  They are not able to cope with their problems, the way other people do.  They lack self esteem, and they usually have some deep hidden pain that they just can't face.  I don't know why my stepmother drank, but I forgive her, I love her and I still pray for her.  I don't see alcoholism like a 'disease' in the sense that the alcoholic is responsible for getting to the point of addiction-- it is a choice.   The reality is that her drinking affected everyone around her.  I heard her say once that she was slowly killing herself, and she was.  She was also killing us in the process, though.  We felt isolated, not being able to talk about it with others, not being able to have friends over, making excuses for her, etc. etc.  She made us children feel like it was our fault, if we were better somehow she wouldn't drink.  Growing up in this environment affects the rest of your life.  I feel I turned out well despite my childhood but I have never forgotten, even though I have forgiven.   My stepmother is still alive at age 78 after a life time of hard drinking.  I don't know how she has managed to stay alive so long, but my dad is still with her, and he has told me she doesn't drink any longer although she never went through treatment.  She does have a lot of health problems but is surprisingly sharp for a woman her age and what she's done to herself.  I would like to think my prayers helped her somewhat, although I may never know.  I have a good relationship with her, we never talk of the past and her drinking-- it still is swept under the rug in our family but we all seem to have come to grips in our own ways.   

  

Lisa, I will pray for you everyday, that you are able to get the help you need and learn how to live your life sober and free from the pain you are currently experiencing.   I hope that someday, I will turn on the TV and see you sitting where your friend is now, helping someone else the same way.  You have some very loving people to help you get better and learn a different way-- you are still young and could have so many possibilities to look forward to in your life.  My prayers join with all the others for you, I truly hope you read this and know there are some people out there thinking of you and we do care about you. 

Wow-I'm flattered!  I hope your life continues to improve :)

Lisa,  I wish you the best  of luck in your recovery.  Please don't hate your mom, she loves you and wants her daughter back. 

  

Keep the faith in god, he will help get you thourgh this. 

  

3 years ago I watched Dr Phil announce on his show that in a marriage alcohol is an automatic deal breaker.....That week I had another drunken argument with my husband who has been suffering from the effects of alcoholism his whole life.  I went to Alanon to fix him.....I mean I knew I drank but he was the one who needed to change right?......   I walked into Alanon sat down and proceeded to cry my eyes out.  I was so angry, so broken, so sick of living my life around alcohol and everything that went along with it.  This continued for at least 6 months.  I couldn't go to a meeting  and read a sentence without it slapping me dead in my face The greiving process had begun and to my complete and utter amazement the issues surrounding this disease began to surface my childhood was brought before my eyes in the most spiritual way....through other people telling their stories of courage, gaining integrity, self controll, boundries, forgiveness, honesty and the ability to love myself began to happen.   Now for the hard part....... 

  

I had to come to the conclusion that I Lisa was an alcoholic.  I began drinking at 21 right on Target.  Alcohol had lead me down the same road at 21 that you, Lisa find yourself today.  I slept with many men in that first 2 to 3 years to be able to be assured the poision of choice.  I finally hit my bottom when my boyfriend at the time was arrested for armed robbery and I was probably as addicted to him as I was the booze.   Crawling home to Mom and Dad was torture because the alcoholisim stems from both sides of my family....even though they did'nt drink , all the other behaviors were there and I was not equipped to deal with any part of my past at the time.  At one point at the tender age of 22 my blood pressure was 150 over 100 and I was having halucinations from drinking so much Vodka (1quart) per day during one 3 week binge.  Sobriety came after the boyfriend went to prison  and I thought I was okay.  I stopped drinking started going to church and for a few years I was physically sober.........but I did'nt do the real work yet. And over the years I began to drink again....today I am 42.  I could easily drink an 18 pack per night .....and I did right up until 3 years ago when I walked into Alanon and not only have I not had a drink since.....this time I am emotionally sober that has never happened before so what ever program you get into stay in it.  I go to meetings for my sanity, for my sobriety, my spirituality and to be of service to the next "Lisa" who walks through the door.  I am learning to really love myself and I am not my mistakes but rather my possibilities and so are you.   Take Care of Yourself and it will all fall into place..... all the best , Lisa