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Topic : 01/12 Racism Experiment

Number of Replies: 226
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Created on : Friday, January 06, 2006, 01:48:12 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Charlie, a self-described racist, struggled with the fact that his daughter was going to have a biracial baby. His insensitive, hate-based thinking tore apart his family. After speaking with Dr. Phil, he agreed to spend some time learning about African-American culture. How did he do when Dr. Phil set him up to live with a black family for two days? And, Dave grew up believing he was white, but found out the family secret when he was 26 - that he was actually biracial. In an effort to heal the pain of being deceived his whole childhood, Dave went public with his story, with disastrous consequences. How can he heal and move on? Plus, Cene is biracial and says her mother accuses her of acting "too white." Should Cene have to choose a race? Share your thoughts.


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January 12, 2006, 8:09 am CST

MOTHER OF FOUR

  

  

            I wanted to state two things.  First about being bi-racial and the second about personalities. 

  

  This seems more like the mother has resentment towards her daughters father.  

 She is going to pull away from someone if they are attacking a part of her.   This does not seem that she is pulling away from being black its pulling away from someone who is hurting her.  Sometimes what we fear ,we create, without knowing it.  

  

  Second and final.  Her personality seems quiet.  If she does not feel comfortable in a black church maybe its due more to her personality.  I have four children that has been raised in the black church.  One of my children sing and dance (louder than the choir  sometimes.)  the other sits in embarrassment and would rather hide in the library to read a book.   

  

                                    Something to consider,  

                                         respectfully, 

 
January 12, 2006, 8:48 am CST

Differences and similarities

If you take an average european it will be more likely that his or hers genes are more similar to an average african person, than to another european to whom this average european is not related.  The reason is of course that we all came out of Africa. It just shows how misplaced conceptions of race is. It will be a lot more productive to talk about social groups, and why  some social groups not get their spot of sunshine. 

 
January 12, 2006, 8:48 am CST

01/12 Racism Experiment

Quote From: dterenzi

Does it make me a bad person when I can not except the fact that my 24 yr old daughter is living with a black man?  My Daughter and Granddaughter are living with a black man.  Do I object to this? ABSOLUTELY with out a doubt.  I do not dis like blacks I just don't believe that whites and blacks should mix.  A year ago my daughter was living with me and became pregnant by a black guy, needless to say she had to move out, I made it clear that there would be no way that I would ever except that child as my grand child, My daughter terminated the pregnancy, and the black guy was out of the picture, he actually wanted the pregnancy terminated but wanted me to pay for it, I refused, it wasn't my problem.  My daughter has since moved on and now is living with another black guy.  My family and I have pretty much cut her out of our lives, she can come visit but the guy is not allowed to come to our home, And they are not included in any family functions, She chose to spend Christmas with him instead of her family.  He may be a nice guy, but I just can not except the fact that he is black and that they have some sort of a relationship whatever that may be.    The worst thought that crosses my mind is the fact that my granddaughter could end up calling this man DAD,  the fear is that kids are cruel and what will happen when she goes to school and the other kids discover that she calls a black guy DAD?    I just don't know... I have told my husband over and over again that I feel guilty for the way that I feel, but I just can not get past it. 
No, it doesn't make you a bad person, people are entitled to their own opinions.  But I think what you have to realize is that your daughter is in a relationship with a black guy and you can either deal with it or put her out of your life forever.  I for one, would not care who my daughter dated as long as she was treated with respect and loved.  You said she spent time with his family for Christmas?  I wonder why.  You told her that he was not allowed in your house.  So of course she will go to his because there will not be any tension there.  What you really need to ask yourself is," Is this worth losing my daughter?"  All of those years you raised her and you want to drop her just because she is dating a black man?  Sounds very selfish.  If she is happy then let her be happy.  And what if her daughter calls that man her father?  I'm sure there are worse things that could happen.  And about the kids at school, they only learn what they see, so by you acting like that isn't going to help and isn't going to make your granddaughter feel like she is a good person and if you keep acting like this she may never want to be with you or have you as her grandmother.  No child wants to feel unloved by their own family.  So I suggest you suck it up because it is not worth losing your family.  Try spending some time with all of them.  Maybe you will understand why your daughter is with this man.
 
January 12, 2006, 8:56 am CST

Racism January 12 show

I, white, was married for 15+ yrs to a black man & had 2 biracial children - they are adults now & my husband has passed.  Now I again have 2 teens, also biracial - neither has experienced any undue or difficult problems as a result of being biracial.  

My ex-family has never met  any of my children or grandchildren & have never expressed any desire to do so.  I believe I have done my part & have sent notes/pictures over the years, to no avail, they simply do not wish to have a relationship.  Their excuse was 'father raised in Virginia'.  Well, my husband was raised in southern Mississippi - so!  I am still very upset about it, but it seems my hands are tied.  So I simply have given up.  I do enjoy a lovely relationship with my 1 sister (note: I had 5 siblings! & only am in contact with one). 

My children generally are raised as black, however, they are being raised now solely by me.  So they may not experience a lot of 'black' cultures; but we do attend a multi-culteral church & they are schooled in the 'inner city' (for now). 

We are all in this world together & it's sad that certain people feel they have a right to omit parts of their family solely for this reason.  I hope & pray that I am raising my children to a higher standard. 

  

I often think it's funny, that one day, a great great grandchild will see a picture in a picture book of their 'white grandma' (note: I already have 4 grandchildren - all black w/beautiful skin tone, by the way :)) .......................I don't care who my children marry as long as they are respectful, righteousness & responsbile, caring people.   

Just my 2 cents worth - have a lovely day - Dr. Phil, I love your show! 

 
January 12, 2006, 9:18 am CST

I take offense

Quote From: kendellsma

i am 21 years old and i have a 1 years old son that is mixed woth black and white.  i the mother is white.  i live in alabama which is known or said to be on of the most racist states.   i love my son and i also love his father but i am worried that biracial children have it hard growing up, to even filing out paperwork when they get old enough.   So is it really that hard for a biracial child?  i think ithe hardest will be for a black/white child and i say this because my aunt is married to a spanish man and so her sons are spanish/white, but yet my grandparents(her parents) disowned me because my child is black.  do i care?  no.  my child is the most precious thing ever.  but like i said i would like  different viewpoints on this subject.

I am a native of Mobile AL and I dont think my home state is any more racist than any other.  Shortly before I started school my Dad was severly injured in an industrial accident.  My Mom went to work to support the family while my Dad was down.  My Mom worked with a black lady and she knew Mama was having a very hard time, and that we absolutely had  no money for school clothes. 

This nice lady, of her own accord, gave my Mama several new dresses that her in laws had bought for her daughter so I didn't have to go to school looking like "second hand Rose". 

My Mom and this lady remain friends to this day, 30 years later. 

I feel that most of the "racism" you think you are experiencing is a figment of your imagination.  People like you just keep perpetuating the myth that the south is still full of  biggots and hate mongers. 

For the record I was born in the south and resided here my whole life and we are no different than anyone else period. 

 
January 12, 2006, 9:21 am CST

Pride

Quote From: 2btara

I think the mother of the bi-racial daughter is feeling that her daughter is ashamed to be black even though she says that she is proud of being both black and white but I think that the mother doesn't want to say that because it would be even more hurtful.  I am black and agree that she is "acting" more white than she is black, and if there wasn't a difference we wouldn't even have to have this show.  Let's not pretend that there isn't a difference between the way our cultures behave.  We behave much differently than our white counterparts and there is nothing wrong with that.  Why are we trying not to say that on this show.  The daughter "acts" more white than she does black and her mother notices it and so did I.  I can't understand why you, being the psycologist, didn't see and/or acknowledge that.  As you pointed out with that gentleman who went to George's house, we have very different ways of interacting and behaving and again I say there is nothing wrong with that, and Oh by the way, I LOVE YOU AND YOUR SHOW.  :-) 

  

I agree with the quote regarding the biracial daughter appearing to be ashamed of her blackness.  We all have to define who we are in order to feel pride and self worth.  We live in a society that still attempts to brainwash us into thinking that the more white we look and sound the further we'll get.  Telling someone that their racial heritage should be ignored is the same as telling them that  they should'nt care about their family or themselves.  I use to get so upset and cry when white kids would spit on me or call me names in school.  College was even worse.  Now that I'm working I'm still dealing with whites who watch the news in hopes of seeing an African American who has broken the law, just so they can come to work and talk about it all day, in an insane attempt to feel superior and validate their racism.  I've complained to Human Resources, but ofcourse, they try to make me feel that I should just be happy to have a job.  

  

I no longer get upset or cry about these situations.  I confided in an elderly family friend about what was happening to me and she educated me about my rich beautiful cultural and racial heritage.  She gave me books to read and videos containing information about my people that I had never en heard about.  She taught me about the Africans who built nations and traveled the world educating other people about every subject known to man.  But most of all I learned about the courage of a people who could not be stopped.  This country in soaked with the blood of my ancestors who gave their lives for those who had not even been born yet.  The more I learned about my history, the stronger and prouder I became.  I feel nothing less than blessed that God chose to make me black.  I have no problem with other races being proud of who they are, cause I am so proud of who I am.  People of different races do have many differences that are unique to their  particular culture and heritage - Thats what makes us special!!  Being African American is'nt just a color, its a way of life.  People who are insecure about their color, tend to imitate other races.  Biracial represents a person whose biological parents are different races,  every biracial person I know (and I know quite a few) Identifies more with one race than the other.  I even know people who are half black and half white who hate white people as well as one's who hate black people.  Unity will never be a possibility in any great measure until we first achieve equality.    I think that fact has been proven over and over again......LOVE YOUR SHOW DR. PHIL....   

 
January 12, 2006, 9:47 am CST

Poor Dave

Hi Dave,

I'm so sorry you were raised by such foolish parents. And the fact that they're now mad at you is what really takes the cake. So, I suggest you get on with your life and let them come around.

Just curious though, did your mother have an affair? Is that why they're mad, just because you exposed the reality of her affair??? That's HER problem, not yours. What a fool she is.
 
January 12, 2006, 9:47 am CST

Get ready message boarders.....

These sort of shows will invoke hundreds of angry posts! The show hasn't aired yet in my area, and I am not sure I will watch. It is terrible to see ppl who are like this, but there are always going to be those who are like that.
 
January 12, 2006, 9:52 am CST

President

 
January 12, 2006, 9:54 am CST

Dr.Phil..

In Brazil..There is One Dr. to Seven People..    Indescretions,,What are there Salary and there Tax.  There..  Do you know? 

  

I might move there, and do some    internship. 

 
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