Message Boards

Topic : 01/12 Racism Experiment

Number of Replies: 226
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, January 06, 2006, 01:48:12 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Charlie, a self-described racist, struggled with the fact that his daughter was going to have a biracial baby. His insensitive, hate-based thinking tore apart his family. After speaking with Dr. Phil, he agreed to spend some time learning about African-American culture. How did he do when Dr. Phil set him up to live with a black family for two days? And, Dave grew up believing he was white, but found out the family secret when he was 26 - that he was actually biracial. In an effort to heal the pain of being deceived his whole childhood, Dave went public with his story, with disastrous consequences. How can he heal and move on? Plus, Cene is biracial and says her mother accuses her of acting "too white." Should Cene have to choose a race? Share your thoughts.


Find out what happened on the show.

 

More January 2006 Show Boards.


As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

January 12, 2006, 12:48 pm CST

01/12 Racism Experiment

Quote From: dterenzi

Does it make me a bad person when I can not except the fact that my 24 yr old daughter is living with a black man?  My Daughter and Granddaughter are living with a black man.  Do I object to this? ABSOLUTELY with out a doubt.  I do not dis like blacks I just don't believe that whites and blacks should mix.  A year ago my daughter was living with me and became pregnant by a black guy, needless to say she had to move out, I made it clear that there would be no way that I would ever except that child as my grand child, My daughter terminated the pregnancy, and the black guy was out of the picture, he actually wanted the pregnancy terminated but wanted me to pay for it, I refused, it wasn't my problem.  My daughter has since moved on and now is living with another black guy.  My family and I have pretty much cut her out of our lives, she can come visit but the guy is not allowed to come to our home, And they are not included in any family functions, She chose to spend Christmas with him instead of her family.  He may be a nice guy, but I just can not except the fact that he is black and that they have some sort of a relationship whatever that may be.    The worst thought that crosses my mind is the fact that my granddaughter could end up calling this man DAD,  the fear is that kids are cruel and what will happen when she goes to school and the other kids discover that she calls a black guy DAD?    I just don't know... I have told my husband over and over again that I feel guilty for the way that I feel, but I just can not get past it. 

It seems to me that perhaps you feel guilty for the way you feel because you know it's not healthy.  What is the worst thing that can happen if you were to sit down and have a conversation with this man?  You may find you share the same values, goals in life, fears, concerns and love for your daughter and granddaughter but they are just wrapped in different packages, one being white and one black. 

  

I once read of an experiment a woman did with her daughter....she cracked open a white egg and spilled it into a cup, then a brown egg and spilled it into another cup.  She asked her daughter if there was any difference between the two, to which she replied "no".  It's the same with people of different races....we may look different on the outside, but inside we are all the same, our lives began from cell to fetus exactly the same way. 

  

Our differences in colour and culture should make us more interesting to each other, not make us shy away in fear or disgust.   

  

I truly hope you can take a small step simply to have a conversation with your daughter's partner, find out who he is and what he's all about.  Even if you still don't agree with the colour issue, at least you'll know what type of man she is involved with and exposing your granddaughter to.  After all, shouldn't that be the most important concern? 

  

Best wishes! 

 
January 12, 2006, 12:49 pm CST

Here we go again

     Let's see: Cene acts too "white" for her mother's liking, so her mother treats her like some kind of traitor. I wonder what would happen if Cene falls in love with and plans to marry--gasp!--a white man. I have one piece of advice for Mother: GET OVER YOURSELF, LADY! She's an adult, for crying out loud! If that's your only problem with her, you should be doing the happy shuffle; she could be into drugs or pregnant and unwed. Cene didn't choose her ethnicity, but she CAN choose how to live her life. It's bad enough when your peers look down on you for not being "one of them," but when your own family gives you the same treatment, it's not unlike ushering them towards the exit. Sometimes, once that door closes, it never reopens.
 
January 12, 2006, 12:59 pm CST

I'm not goint to call you a racist

Quote From: illneptune

It still amazes me when I see and hear so many people who don't realize the sort of world we are living in today.

We are still bleating on and whining about supposed "racism"? The father on the show has every right to be angry and furious with his daughter and it has nothing to do with hating other people. Maybe he's angry that his daughter just threw away her heritage and culture thereby effectively discontinuing one "branch" of his family. Perhaps he's also upset over the fact that his daughter's selfish behaviour just robbed a child of its identity. It is neither Black or White and one can't be both.  Listen to the story of the man who just found out he's "biracial." Children such as this are often forced to choose a "side" and they still aren't fully accepted. Why bring a child into such suffering?

So here is a man who is branded a racist, because he wants to preserve his culture and heritage. He wants his family to look like he does! God forbid he desire a perfectly natural thing like that! How hateful of him to be angry with his daughter, who just threw away how many thousands of years of evolution? Even though the father and the daughter are ordinary people, they still have the blood of the people who built the modern world. White people should remember that. We have a fantastic heritage and we shouldn't throw it away on the sick fad of multiculturalism.

I fully expect to be called a "racist" here. It doesn't matter because it's nothing more than an attack word for people who have no argument? Why? Because the word can't be defined. It's too general. What may be a "racist" thought, word or action to one person...may not be "racist" at all to another person. So have at it.


I think I understand what you are saying, but what is done is done. You speak of the importance of "thousands of years of evolution" and I am so struck by this. Those "thousands of years" are over- we live here and now. Our families and our children are all we have. This life is all we have. It is so incredibly foolish to waste your life holding grudges and being miserable. Btw, this evolution you speak of is not exclusive to whites, and I don't really understand that way of thinking. I know how important it is for your family to look like you, but his daughter has the right to live her life the way she chooses. Culture and heritage aren't always about and don't have to be just about race. What is wrong with merging two cultures? I think you really ought to explore your personal feelings and why you feel this way because to call multiculturism a "sick fad" is really disturbing. My best friend's kids are biracial and they aren't confused, suffering or being made to pick sides. They are confident and feel proud that they are the best of 2 races. I can't and won't make the judgement whether or not you are racist- this is not my place- but I do think you are angry, resistant to our changing society, and need to see that a person is not defined by thier race.      Karen
 
January 12, 2006, 12:59 pm CST

01/12 Racism Experiment

 I relate to Cene a lot; I'm multi-ethnic, myself, and was supposed to tell people that I was "White Hispanic". There isn't a drop of White blood in my body, mind you. I started questioning at a young age, and it wasn't until high school before I accepted that I was mixed race. As an adult, I'm proud of my mixed heritage, but my parents still don't know that I'm telling people the truth about it or that I'm proud of my heritage. I'm still being pressured to become "more [father's ethnicity]" and basically deny my mother's half of the family (most of whom don't even know I exist). I simply don't understand why parents would force their children to identify with one ethnicity over an other when two (or more) ethnicities are significantly represented in them. It really bugs me when I meet a mixed person who essentially lies about their heritage by only claiming one half of their parentage. Trust me, it doesn't stop bigots from making nasty remarks or racist people from pulling their kids away from you like you're going to corrupt them.The answer is: Everyone ought to be allowed to be proud of who they are. When we attach negative emotions like shame or guilt to certan ethnicities (or mixes of them), that's when problems occur. I applaud Cene for accepting her ethnic mix, even despite her family's disapproval.
 
January 12, 2006, 1:04 pm CST

Oh Wow

 Okay so I told myself when I logged on to read the posts that I was going to just read and keep my mouth shut.  Well that is not happening.  I have a few things to say and I know that there will be those that agree and those who I tick off with some of my veiws.  Great thing about this big melting pot we live in........we all have a right to our own opinions and we get to voice them.
To those parents disowning their daughters because of their interracial relationship.  SHAME ON YOU.  One of the first feelings as parents that we all usually experience is that overwhelming unconditional love.  Our job as parents is to love and support our children no matter what their racial religious or sexual prefference.  And remember we raise them to be what they are. 
To those who want to keep their race pure, well you are a little late and in the wrong country.  This untire country was founded by a mix of all races each putting their strengths and weaknesses into the pot.  No one is really just this or just that anymore.  Trace your ancestors someone somewhere was the odd ball that gave you that very jewish nose to go with the blue eyes and blond hair. 
To everyone life is a learning experience.  Everday we all learn something new, wether it is that yes a two year old can fit in that little spot or why the sky is blue we all learn something and it is our jobs to share that knowledge with the rest of the world. 
I am not going to say lets just all get along because guess what personalities clash but I do say learn from our mistakes and work not to repeat them,
Enough of my loud mouth.  i hope that even if I made you mad I made you THINK.
 
January 12, 2006, 1:07 pm CST

I sympathize with Cene

My mother is white and my dad is black. My mother raised me by herself. As  a child she would always make comments like "stop acting black, stop talking black, I raised you not your father." She would get mad if I asked questions about my dad or his side of the family. She wouldn't speak to me for 4 months because I went to his funeral.
 
January 12, 2006, 1:12 pm CST

GEROGE WALLACE . . .

If I could ask George one question, it would be "what was his parents thinking when they named him George Wallace"???  He handles it well, I must say.  For those who do not know who George Wallace, do a google search on him.
 
January 12, 2006, 1:16 pm CST

bi racial daughter that "acts white"

I love the fact that Dr. Phil asked what exactly acting white means. She said that her daughter wont stand up for herself. Later Dr. Phil said that she's not racist, she just wants her daughter to "embrace her culture".  

So white people dont stand up for themselves while black people do. 

This is exactly the stereotype people create and then for Dr. Phil to say its not racist is just insane. Why is is not racist? It's a generalized statement against black people. So I've got a big mouth and I'll tell you like it is (sometimes harsher than Dr. Phil) 

Am I acting black. 

  

This acting black or white is just stupid and a waste of time. 

 
January 12, 2006, 1:21 pm CST

01/12 Racism Experiment

Quote From: moteasuh

If I could ask George one question, it would be "what was his parents thinking when they named him George Wallace"???  He handles it well, I must say.  For those who do not know who George Wallace, do a google search on him.
I guess they either didn't know, or perhaps George was a family name, and it was more important to them to have that name. Interesting though...
 
January 12, 2006, 1:22 pm CST

01/12 Racism Experiment

Quote From: my_2angels

If what you say is true, and no biracial child can have an identity, what about children who are part italian/irish? Or scottish/irish? Or british/african? (African does not equal black, remember.) Or how about kids whose parents come from Australia and Ireland? Should seperate ethnicities stay away from one another, too? People from different countries? After all, we all have different cultures and heritages. Should there be no mixing at all? 

  

Should I divorce my husband because my ancestors are Italian and his are German? Should my children not exsist because they will have no identity? Please, give me a break. A person's identity is not solely dependent upon their race. Just as it's not solely dependent upon their upbringing, social status, education, temperment, intelligence, etc. Biracial children are blessed because they get to experience two cultures. Two heritages. They are not forced into one. They get to see the world through multicolored lenses (no pun intended) and they get to view two different styles of family. They will see Caucasion values, as well as African American values. Two sets of values, two sets of morals, two sets of culture and two sets of heritage! 

  

Your attempt to call racism by another name is nothing more then sad. I'm not going to call you a racist. You are a seperatist. There is a difference, one that is very important to note. The man on the show started by calling blacks horrible, disgusting names (racist) and saying that they should be seperate from whites because they aren't as good. You seem to be saying that races should be seperate because they cannot share the same values, beliefs, etc. (seperatist). 

  

Open your eyes. The world around you is not black and white. Biracial children, on a individual level, suffer through no more teasing, no more hardship, then other children. They are not robbed of their identity, of their culture, and heritage. They are given the blessing of seeing the world through two different kinds of family. Different sets of tradition. 

  

The world is not black and white. And the people in it are all people. Whether you want to believe so or not. 

 I totally agree. I'm multi-ethnic (and in an interracial soon-to-be-marriage, as well!), and I do have an identity. I am very proud of being who I am, and I only wish that society as a whole would be more accepting of multi-ethnic people. People who don't understand simply assume that we're all struggling to find our identities or suffer unneccesarily because we don't fit neatly into any category. Multi-ethnic people DO have a lot of issues that are unique, but a lot of it has to do with the lack of acceptance or understanding of multiculturalism or multiethnicity. We can't fill out forms that ask about our ethnicity without being confused or knowing that we'll be checking off a box that means "you don't count". It's either "choose one" or "you don't matter to us". It's no huge surprise why some multi-ethnic people are coaxed into denying all but one part of their backgrounds, and that's both annoying and sad.

It'd make my day if everyone woke up one morning and was able to be proud of who they are AND not marginalize other people based on their ethnic backgrounds. But that's impossible for some, maybe even for most.
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Next | Last