Topic : 01/16 Honeymoon's Over Follow-up

Hello , I am a 50 year old woman and was just  married Oct.1/05 I have been with my husband for 2 years . I am very worried if we will stay together . I am crazy in love with him and have eyes for know one else and the thought of ever being with another man is just out of the question . Our problem has always been sex . I want it all the time and he doesn't . We didn't even make love on our wedding night . I must say that was not his fault it was mine . I was wore out from the day . Which it really didn't matter because he never does approach me anyway . I am the one that always has to be the passionate one . And believe me when we do make love it's very passionate and satisfying . 

But we seldom make love and it's always been like that . I don't understand why he never has the desire to make love and why he never touches me . We have been to see the doctor and he had given us the little magic pills for him and they work if he takes them . But he always complains of a headache after taking them and they bother his vision. and most of the time he will take the pill and not tell me . I guess he expects me to be a mind reader . He never touches  me intimately  it's always me that has to start the relationship . I don't feel that it's fair to me . That I am always the one to have to start it.  . Two weeks after we were married My back went out and I was in bed for three weeks because I could not walk . My sciatic nerve is being pinched from my disk in my back . I have been to pain management and to a neurosurgeon I have been told I need surgery by two doctors and my next step is I'm having a block injection in my spine to my nerve after that . If it does not help I will have the surgery I am feeling better since I had the other two shots . I am at least able to walk now . But I still have the desire to make love to my husband and I swear he always has a excuse . We have made love 4 times since we were married . Our love making has always been about once a month and believe me I have bought all the toys and have used them on him and my self and he loved it . But we always end up in a fight when I want to make love . it's always an excuse . I'm tired I have a headache and now he has started on blood presser medicine so now it's giving him a tummy ache . How do I win ? He works very hard and I don't even try to get him to make love during the week because I know he is to tired he's a sleep by 7 pm every night and I always go to bed with him and I sit up and watch TV until I fall a sleep . I know he loves me  , we spend every moment together when he is not working and we go every where together . I love that part him that we are so close in that way. And he is even 5 years younger than I am . I am under a lot of stress between my husband not ever wanting to make love and my back and now this past week I found out my 29 year old son has cancer in the colon and a spot on his liver and two spots on his limp  node. I am almost ready to lose my mine . It's almost  more than a person can take and I need help. I love my husband and I want my husband forever . I just want him to want to make love to me .  And all I do is cry and pray to god day and night to help my son get over this cancer . I really don't know how I am going to cope I am almost off my rocker  . I know my husband is under a lot of stress with me not being able to work , trying to live on one pay check to pay the bills plus all of the doctors copays and medicine we are broke and it is putting stress on him and my self . PLEASE HELP ME AND PLEASE PRAY FOR MY SON  

I have never commented on these things but after watching her and him today I was appalled at how very sad and frustrated he seemed during the interview and after the show was over.  I disagree with Dr. Phil that this marriage will work and 80-90% of the blame should be placed on her.  She needs a reality check and I dont think Dr. Phil set her in her place as much as he should have.  Good Luck to both of them and the children involved. 

Michelle is far more understanding than me.  I have been with my husband for 3 years married for one and a half and neither of us have freinds that the other hasn't met period. 

I would INSIST on meeting these "freinds" or I would talk to a divorce attorney.  Now is the time for action, before children are involved 

Doctor Phil. Did I see this last time? I donot remember at all. But I do remember you and Robin from last week. I hope that it will go smoothly today.  I will see you today at 03:00 to 04:00 P.M.-- 

In the Afternoon. Well Ihad better close now. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.------------------- 

Just a friend???? Then why can't your spouse/significant other meet them?  What if the friend is the ex-wife who according to the ex-husband will always be a very good friend?  I feel Dr. Phils advise that the man should insist on the friend meeting the person in his life.  He should want the friend to meet his spouse.  If they are just friends than it should not upset her.  If she is upset with that situation then she should find someone else to "get her advice" from or "spill her feelings" to.  Men please tell my how and why having your friends meet your wife is so uncomfortable or out of the picture???     

I think that Michelle shoulod lighten up a little.  He has women friends, so what.  She has a right to lnow what and who his friends are.  If they start calling and demanding to things that aren't there concern, they have crossed the lines.   He should bring them all home and meet his wife, and if he doesn't he's hiding something. 

My Husband and I have been together for over 7 yrs. and married for 5 yrs.  He is also 24 yrs. older and has many female friends.  I'm not jealous or distraugt over this, because he always comes home to me and he is totally faithful to me. 

I normally just watch the show and make my own comments at home.  But folks, is it me but Shamika's posture in general was "Ms. Thing" I need, I want, I, I, I.  I know perhaps her husband talking about he wanted to cry was a tad dramatic, but nothing seemed to make her happy.  

Sometimes it's the small things and the idea of her taking a job a night when he's at home makes no sense to me.  Where is the time to cultivate and work on a marriage if neither party is available.  What a 1/2 hour before he goes to work in the morning? 

She was so gun ho on what was wrong or what she didn't get it seemed like a struggle to come up with the good stuff.   

I agree about the checking account.  I  when I was married we had a household account but my checking account was strictly for personal items.  Interesting enough we communicated that we would set up this type of an account way before we even got married simply because I knew he like to spend. 

Overall, I see a lack of communication where she in particular thinks her husband is to be a mind-reader.  I wish them luck and lots of prayer... 

I agree with socermom; Ive never commented on these types of shows myself, and intentionally registered simply to comment on how this particular segment of the show. I think Shamika is a very self centered person, and wants too much from Marlon, when she isnt putting out the same effort that he is. I heard him say all the things he had done to change the marriage, but never heard anything that SHE had done for him. 

Something he told her (and by reading the responses to this show should be proof) is that if she doesnt like the type of man he is, someone else WILL come along that does appreciate him, and want to validate him as a man. I am a very single woman and cannot find a good man to save my life; and here HE is, working, providing, helping around the house, making changes for the both of them and she is just not happy with him. What more do u expect??? I know many women that would love to be in her shoes. Read the responses....... 

Marlon, if you get this, you are doing a great job, I hope things work out however you would like them to, but in the same token that you do not settle for less than you deserve.