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Topic : 01/16 Honeymoon's Over Follow-up

Number of Replies: 191
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Created on : Friday, January 13, 2006, 02:16:30 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

They’re newlyweds, married only a short time, and already they're headed for divorce court. First, Michelle says she's not the only woman in her marriage. Her husband, Matthew, has many female friends whom she has never met. Should he give them up or did she make a promise she can't keep? Then, when Marlon and Shamika first appeared on the show, they were eight months newly wed and were on the verge of becoming newly divorced because of their constant fighting. Did they put Dr. Phil's advice to work and have things changed? Share your thoughts.


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January 16, 2006, 1:58 pm CST

Shamika

I have never been compelled to register for a site related to a tv show to respond to content, but today I was furous watching this segment.  I am recently home often and have seen this show a few times recently... I quite enjoy it and have to admit I am a new viewer.   

  

When Dr. Phil asked Shamika what he was doing right?  Sounds like she married this man for money and child support.  They didn't take the time to get to know each other before getting married, so if they are having problems it is both of their faults for not being responsible.  He seems like a great guy, but what was he thinking?  I was glued to the tv like watching a train wreck today and I am embarrassed to say that this was the better part of an hour in my life I am never getting back.  If this couples survives, I sure hope Dr. Phil was able to teach them a few life lessons beyond this marriage. 

 
January 16, 2006, 1:59 pm CST

Michelle- there may be more to this...

The story about Mathew and Michelle really hit home- and I think that Dr. Phil didn't really address the issue. I of course don't know with 100% certainty, but there are red flags that indicate something more than "friendship" is going on here. When I was younger I carried on a clandestine relationship with a man that was in a long-term relationship. We hung out under the guise of an innocent friendship, and he at one point wanted us to all hang out together, so she would not view me as a threat and we could subsequently "get together" more. I couldn't do it, and would never acknowledge her in any way. The fact that these woman have nothing to do with Michelle is very telling- and the fact that Matthew accepts this is too. I am NOT proud of what I did in the past- I am now married ( he is too to that woman ) we are both happy, and it's ok- we arent bad ppl, just made some selfish choices and both still have much remorse for what we did. I have some male friends and my husband has some female friends too, but we all know each other and the friendships are appropriate. It is SO out of line for Matthew to talk to these woman everyday like that. His wife should be his #1 priority and he shouldn't even want to be so involved with other ppl's lives- male or female. Dr. Phil suggests having a party?  Matthew should stop all this selfish childish behavior. He is acting like this because he can- he knows his wife has low self-esteem and will put up with it. Michelle-  there really may be something else going on here, and if it were me, I would find out for sure. 

 
January 16, 2006, 2:04 pm CST

That's exactly what I thought...

Quote From: lala2254

Marlon is trying so hard and Shamika just sits there like a cold fish on a throne.  I see no affection from her AT ALL.  She acts like he should be her emotional slave.  She needs to get the fact that SHE plays a huge roll in this too.  I am thinking she will never be pleased.  Sorry Shamika, but that is how you came across.  Like you are a princess and he is the pea under your mattress. 
Marlon could never do enough for Shamika- she is too caught up in wanting a fancy lifestyle. Shamika, you have a good man, nice children and a good life. Don't blow it because you somehow feel entitled to more material things. Those things will come in time, but if you ruin your marriage it will never recover. We all want nice things, but you gotta work for those things. Take a look at what's really important in life, and you can be truly happy. I think Shamika is a good person- she will hopefully see the way! Good luck to her and her family!
 
January 16, 2006, 2:04 pm CST

Spoiled Rotten

If you look up spoiled in the dictionary, there will be a big portrait of Shamika.  Get real, girl!  I know what it's like to be a single mom and it's no fun.  So when I got married, I was ecstatic about there being a man around.  Shamika should also be ecstatic instead she is apprehensive.  Please let Marlon be the man of the house.  One question though, if he's such a good provider for her and the family, why is she working nights?  Ask her about THAT Dr. Phil!  The very time you wanted him to be home is now being used for you to have time to yourself.  Do you really want to be married Shamika; if so, go home at night and be with your husband!!!  If not, there are women who saw him on the show who just might be waiting for you to mess up...since it seems like its headed that way anyway.  WAKE UP GIRL!!!  You got a good man-why don't you keep this one? 

 
January 16, 2006, 2:08 pm CST

In Disbelief!!

With all the single women in the Metropolitan Detroit area (and across the nation) I cannot believe that this SPOILED self-centered woman could be so cold to a man who seems to be doing all that he could do to make her happy and has a willing spirit that welcomes improving himself to make his marriage work. The problem that I saw is that as hard as this young man tries to make his wife happy, a person has to be happy with themselves - no one can add to your happiness if you're miserable and she seemed to be a cold fish...I noticed that Marlon tried to focus on his wife and turned his body to her direction to show that he was willing to make a change but Shamika seem hard as a rock and unyeilding. It appeared that she couldn't/wouldn't even reach out to Marlon when he was explaining all that he had been trying to do to "make her happy!" 

  

MARRIAGE IS A JOURNEY!! As a wife and mother of almost 9 years, I can say that it hasn't always been easy for my husband and I BUT we're in love and willing to adapt our selves for the betterment of our marriage. You must be willing to evolve! If she can simply quit being spoiled and thinking so much about WHAT SHE NEEDS and try to concentrate on what they need as a family I'm sure they'll be fine. If not, Marlon I know a very bright, educated, beautiful young woman with NO CHILDREN at my church that might enjoy going out with you... 

 
January 16, 2006, 2:09 pm CST

01/16 Honeymoon's Over Follow-up

Quote From: mindnsoul6

I normally just watch the show and make my own comments at home.  But folks, is it me but Shamika's posture in general was "Ms. Thing" I need, I want, I, I, I.  I know perhaps her husband talking about he wanted to cry was a tad dramatic, but nothing seemed to make her happy.  

  

Sometimes it's the small things and the idea of her taking a job a night when he's at home makes no sense to me.  Where is the time to cultivate and work on a marriage if neither party is available.  What a 1/2 hour before he goes to work in the morning? 

  

She was so gun ho on what was wrong or what she didn't get it seemed like a struggle to come up with the good stuff.   

  

I agree about the checking account.  I  when I was married we had a household account but my checking account was strictly for personal items.  Interesting enough we communicated that we would set up this type of an account way before we even got married simply because I knew he like to spend. 

  

Overall, I see a lack of communication where she in particular thinks her husband is to be a mind-reader.  I wish them luck and lots of prayer... 

  

I agree, Shamika is all about herself. I think he should tell her goodbye really. I don't know why she has talking a job at night. She's not even all that to be acting like that. I mean, she has a long way to go before she can act like that. I'm going to pray for him. 

  

  

 
January 16, 2006, 2:11 pm CST

Another view?

Don't jump me for this but I do have another view.  Marlon said he's trying to open up the crowd to help her through, admittedly he's trying to make her feel like a princess.  Is that just in a crowd?  I am blessed to have much of the same situation.  But she was asked what can he do to make her happy?, let's go to what I would have said.  When my "Marlon" spends time with friends, he lights up, he laughs, he entertains... at home lately, he holds a remote.  I want him to want to spend time with me, you know ... like when we were dating (17 years ago).  Sing, smile, hold my hand.  I do agree they should look at the good, not try to change things.  Good luck and thanks for listening.   
 
January 16, 2006, 2:20 pm CST

I WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE...SERIOUSLY

I AM TRULY OFFENDED BY A FEW THINGS: DR. PHIL WAS DRIVING ME CRAZY BECAUSE HE WOULD NOT JUST TELL HER THAT SHE NEEDED TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HER ROLE IN THE RELATIONSHIP AN DTHAT SHE NEEDED TO GIVE SOMETIMES TOO! 

1. That Shamika is on national television and is in someways a spokesperson for African American Women 

2. That she actually found an African American man who is not in jail, not on drugs, does not have children everywhere that he is not taking care of and is employed and she does not appreciate it. 

3. That she is not in touch with her emotions...Seriously lady you are toooo toooo old to be whining about not having your way. In the real world, not the fantasy place you live in Shamika, everything is not handed to you because you want it. QUITE FRANKLY SHE WOULD HAVE WALKED OR KEPT THE HOOPTY CAR. SHE DOES NOT DESERVE A VAN.  

4. She complained about him spending long hours working to bring a business to life. She must not realize that she is supposed to let him work the hours because in the end she reaps the benefits. I JUST THINK THAT IT IS UNFAIR THAT SHE IS SO SELF CENTERED. IT IS TRULY DISCRACEFUL FOR THE WOMEN WHO REALLY ARE INDEPENDENT. IF SHE WAS A HARD WORKING SINGLE MOM, SHE SHOULD ENJOY THIS TIME WHERE SHE GETS TO SIT BACK AND RELAX FOR A MINUTE. 

5. IF I WAS DRESSED ALREADY. I WOULD GO TO THE CAR. I WOULD RUN TO THE STORE. IT'S REALLY NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL. IF THE SHOE WAS ON THE OTHER FOOT I AM SURE HE WOULD DO THE SAME FOR HER.  

I BET SHE DON'T BE WORRIED ABOUT HIM GETTING MONEY  AND WORKING WHEN SHE IS OUT SPENDING HIS MONEY GETTING HER NAILS, AND HAIR DONE, BUYING CLOTHES, OR DRIVING AROUND THAT EXPENSIVE VAN OF HERS.  IM NOT SAYING SHE SHOULD SACRIFICE HER INDEPENDENCE, BUT SHE NEEDS TO SHARE THE RELATIONSHIP. HE DIDN'T CHOOSE HER BECAUSE SHE WAS INDEPENDENT, HE CHOSE HER BECAUSE HE SEES ALL OF THE THINGS THAT ARE GREAT ABOUT HER THAT WE DONT. ( AND SHE MIGHT NOT KNOW IT, BUT THE NEXT MAN MIGHT NOT SEE THOSE THINGS IN HER EITHER) SHE SHOULD LEARN TO RESPECT HIM AND HIS NEEDS, JUST AS SHE WOULD WANT HIM TO DO FOR HER. JANNETTA W. WARREN, OH 

 
January 16, 2006, 2:23 pm CST

Well said

Quote From: bamablu2

 Him having female friends is not the problem.  The problem she has with it is the fact that none of them, for one reason or another, have ever come to her house or made an effort to meet her.  I have male friends and my husband has female friends, but they are a part of both of our lives, they aren't just "his" friends, or "my" friends.  If he had one or five female friends that wouldn't meet me, then I would be putting my foot down.  Especially if the excuse was they didn't have time, but they had time to meet with him.
This is TOTALLY the problem. Is it a coincidence that not one of this female friends could make it to their wedding? I doubt it. Matthew seems like a very nice guy, but I really think something is going on besides friendship. I am reading many posts about how Michelle needs to relax- this is the LAST thing she needs to do. All you posters need to think- if your husband was talking everyday with woman friends that would not meet you, you would feel the same way Michelle does. She needs to hire an invstigator or do her own investigation if this situation doesn't change. There is something wrong.
 
January 16, 2006, 2:25 pm CST

Female Friends

Quote From: bamablu2

 Him having female friends is not the problem.  The problem she has with it is the fact that none of them, for one reason or another, have ever come to her house or made an effort to meet her.  I have male friends and my husband has female friends, but they are a part of both of our lives, they aren't just "his" friends, or "my" friends.  If he had one or five female friends that wouldn't meet me, then I would be putting my foot down.  Especially if the excuse was they didn't have time, but they had time to meet with him.

I agree that female friends are not really the problem, and they should definitely meet Michelle--I wanted an opinion on my situation. 

  

An old girlfriend of my husband sends gifts to my daughter (9 mos old) and calls my husband's cell phone instead of our home phone.  I've asked him to ask her not to send gifts, but that's all.  I want her to not call him at all, but I don't feel that's my place.  I think I would feel differently if she called our house instead of his cell phone and at least made small talk with me.  I just feel uncomfortable and my husband thinks I should just "get over it."  Am I being unreasonable? 

 
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