Topic : 01/16 Honeymoon's Over Follow-up

Shanika really cannot be happy for too long until she catches on to the fact that appreciating her husband takes nothing away from her and her abilities. As a matter of fact, as she understands about appreciating him, it equally says a lot about her choices.  

Submission is hard for her because she constantly has to affirm to herself that she can do things without the help of a man. She doesn't understand that submission is not a nasty word but is one of the most freeing things in a marriage. Submission does not equal weak.  Just in case Shamika might happen to read this message, a super book written by a woman (Bunny Wilson) in California on submission is called Liberated through Submission. It definitely keeps us secure as wives and adds to our strength.  

Marlon also has to know that he cannot be all that makes Shamika happy. Yes, by all means be the best husband and continue to give the 100% but Shamika's happiness is not rolled into one ball called Marlon. That's why the rules keep changing on what makes her happy about him. 

I originally had no intentions of getting on this message board, but like some other people, I couldn't stay silent.  This was an insightful show.  It reminds us that we need to take others feelings into consideration.  We cannot just expect people to make us happy.   

The one thing I did not see in any of the postings is the possiblity that Shamika my not actually love Marlon.  This may be because she difficulty loving herself.  Does this excuse her from her actions?  Definitely not, but it does give us all a chance to look carefully at ourselves.  This way if we have a little bit of Shamika's mentality, we need to correct it in ourselves.   

Michelle does have cause to be concerned, if Matthew doesn't.  It is easy to get pulled into something you had not counted on because you "resolve" has been worn away by kindness.  Anyone, male or female, has to be careful how his/her needs (primarily emotional) are being met.  If it is by someone other than your spouse, or the person you are currently dating, you are setting yourself up for trouble. 

Thanks for today's show and this forum Dr. McGraw 

Well I agree with the majority of the board about Shameeka. 
 

When Marlon said something about feeling like crying and people in the audience laughed, I wanted to cry myself.   

Everyone has already said it all.  I am a 47 year old woman, married for 27 years with three daughters and believe me I would let my daughters know if they were/are treating a mad badly, just ask my daughters.... ha ha.  Equally I would let them know if I thought they needed to stand up for themselves a little more (actually I would probably say something to the guy too!) 

I understand wanting to be equal and liberated and strong and all that, but c'mon Shameeka, you don't want to give at all.  I didn't quite understand the thing about the car, but from reading other posts, Shameeka didn't want to go get something he asked her for out of the car?  Okay, then do NOT expect him to do the same for you.  She doesn't want a KING, she wants a slave. 

Marriage is give and take and sometimes you give more than you take.   

I hope Marlon and Shameeka are reading these boards.  Shameeka WAKE UP!  Marlon, hang in there, hopefully she will get it.  Be careful not to take advantage when she does, but be grateful and stay the changed loving man you appear to be.    Only then can you two truly have a great marriage.  Be grateful and respect each other. 

 When Marlon said that "she was thugged out" he hit the nail on the wall.  You can take the girl out of the ghetto, but you can't take the ghetto out of the girl.  Shamika is all about herself. Eventually Marlon will have nothing else to give because she will have sucked him dry emotionally and physically! I am no expert on marriage counseling, but these two should have never gotten married. It's obvious. Well Marlon should not have married Shamika. He deserves so much better.  Marlon!! when you get tired of Shamika!! and I'm sure you will, give me a call (contact Dr. Phil to get my info)! I'm serious, Marlon is a handsome man. I will treat you like you are supposed to be treated :-) Never let anyone strip you of who you are and make you feel like you are less than.  I'm referring to when Marlon said he felt like the woman in the relationship.  He is a man and should stand up to Ms. Thang.  She couldn't say one thing when Dr. Phil asked her "what does Marlon do right"  I was so angry at her. Shamika get to steppin and let a real woman take of that man!  

I have lurked long enough and need to join this fray because I beleive we need to be careful about jumping on the "Shamika doesn't know what she gots and doesn't love him anyway" bandwagon. 

Dr. Phil is correct.  They married, their are children involved, and they can make it work.  Besides the normal miscommunication and misunderstanding of married life, these two do not understand the way each is expressing themselves or to each other. 

Shamika is a truly dominant person in all aspects of her life, except maybe the way she desires to be with her husband.  Her husband is naturally submissive in his approach to her.  He is dominant in his business and in providing for his family; but that is where the buck stops, literally and figuratively.  His love is expressed strickly in submissive and in a self sacrificing way.  Shamika either does not recognize this submissive form of expression, or doesn't understand her own dominance.   This is typical role reversal in which both parties have not understand their natural's selves.   If they discuss and analize who they truly are and what they want from each other, they can build from the original attraction and make it work.  Besides they got Dr. Phil helping them! 

Ok, seems like almost everyone agrees that Shemika needs a reality check, and I'm surprised Dr. Phil didn't open her eyes a bit more. Talk about high maintenance! phew! I want to know what Dr. Phil has them doing for the next 2 weeks. What is the exercise?