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Topic : 01/16 Honeymoon's Over Follow-up

Number of Replies: 191

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Created on : Friday, January 13, 2006, 02:16:30 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

They’re newlyweds, married only a short time, and already they're headed for divorce court. First, Michelle says she's not the only woman in her marriage. Her husband, Matthew, has many female friends whom she has never met. Should he give them up or did she make a promise she can't keep? Then, when Marlon and Shamika first appeared on the show, they were eight months newly wed and were on the verge of becoming newly divorced because of their constant fighting. Did they put Dr. Phil's advice to work and have things changed? Share your thoughts.

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kevans74

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January 16, 2006, 3:58 pm PST

appauled

I have just registered to post on this board--never posted on any board ever!! Shamika however has inspired me to speak out.

I can't believe that Dr. Phil didn't call Shamika out on how incredibly spoiled and self centered she was. Unbelieveable! I know I'm no therapist, but I think that Marlon needs some coaching on not being subserviant to this woman. Did Dr. Phil spend more than 30 seconds on what she is/isn't doing? It is apparent that Marlon is attractive, kind, and funny. He deserves better. I know about 20 women that would be grateful for a man like that!

disturbed in oregon

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drphan

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January 16, 2006, 4:07 pm PST

give me a break!

Quote From: zimwill

I think that Michelle shoulod lighten up a little. He has women friends, so what. She has a right to lnow what and who his friends are. If they start calling and demanding to things that aren't there concern, they have crossed the lines. He should bring them all home and meet his wife, and if he doesn't he's hiding something.

My Husband and I have been together for over 7 yrs. and married for 5 yrs. He is also 24 yrs. older and has many female friends. I'm not jealous or distraugt over this, because he always comes home to me and he is totally faithful to me.

Michelle needs to get some self esteem, but that doesn't mean her concerns about her husband having female friends is foolish. A female friend of mine had a friendship with a couple where the husband felt sorry for her and would bring his wife with him to her house with the excuse she needed help. He would do lots of things for her like repairing her house, help with her kids, etc. The wife would come too, but he later dumped his wife and moved in with my friend. Eventually they broke up. BUT, this happened again with another couple and the husband left his wife and married my friend. Men do not need women friends outside of the marriage! He should always have his wife with him if he is visiting another woman who is an alleged friend. My own former husband had female friends. That is why he is my former husband. He got too close with his "female friends." Emotional feelings can develop between "friends" which can lead to adultery. Even if it doesn't lead to actual physical adultery, it still feels like it to a woman. I'm surprised Dr. Phil didn't mention that since he has mentioned it on previous shows. He usually has good advice, but I was hot today that he thinks these so-called female friends are ok in a marriage.

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renee_ross

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January 16, 2006, 4:15 pm PST

01/16 Honeymoon's Over Follow-up

Quote From: vlcabqvt

I was in the same situation as they were, when they first came on the Dr. Phil show. Now their back and if my ex would do what Marlon does now and the effort he did to change, I would please my man to the gills and he would romance me for that. So Shakisha, you are the one that should be showing romance to your man to get romance in return and appreciating life more because it is short. You do nothing allday but get the kids to school then go home and sleep. You need wife lessons. You are too baby dollish.

Reply to Misty,

I don't agree because I don't know all my husbands friends and I don't want to. Those are his friends and I have mine. I guess I'm not insecure about who he talks to. I don't see it any different than being with a female friend. Oh well, I guess everyone is not the same.

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melladella

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January 16, 2006, 4:22 pm PST

Inventory

Shamika should take a self inventory. There needs to be an act of selflessness instead of selfishness. It seems that Shamika is not happy with herself. One thing I know is that you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else because other people can only be a part of your happiness. They can not make you happy. My advice to Shamika is : Respect and reference your husband, notice him, regard him, honor him, prefer him, venerate him, and esteem him. Defer to him, praise him, love and admire him exceedingly Ephesians 5:33. Encourage your man and build him up. Do these things every day in some form of fashion. Even if you don't feel like it. It's called agape love this is when you love regardless of the circumstances. Remember the childern are watching and learning from you. They need to see Mom and Dad embracing one another and showing love toward each other. Put God in your marriage and I guarantee the honeymoon will never be over. Love is patient; Are you patient?

Love is kind; Are you kind?

Love does not envy; Do you envy?

Love does not boast,it is not proud,

Do you boast, are you proud?

Love is not rude, self seeking, or easily angered,

it keeps no record of wrongs.

Are you rude, self -seeking, or easily angered,

Do you keep records of wrong?

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth.

Do you delight in evil ?

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes,

always perseveres.

Love never fails.

I Cor. 13: 1-8

Advice to Marlon Love never fails keep on loving,

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kluca1006

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January 16, 2006, 4:24 pm PST

01/16 Honeymoon's Over Follow-up

Quote From: reina3000

These couples definitely need the continuing help from Dr. Phil. First, Shamika seems to be a nit picker...someone who despite any good she sees she must pick out the bad regardless of how minimal it is. Shame on her...Marlon seems willing and able to work things out but she seems stubborn...also there is nothing wrong with a woman having a sense of independence but you can not believe to remain independent 100% if you are married. Marriage is the union of two people and their lives. Wake up Shamika before Marlon does and moves on to a more understanding woman.

As for Michelle and Mathew...Mathew has a lot of nerve keeping in touch with these so called friends despite his wife's wishes. If these ladies were really just friends then they would have all attended their so called friends wedding day. How convenient was that for all of them to miss it? I wouldn't trust him as far as I could see him with these women. He is hiding something definitely.

Michelle needs to grow up and get on with life. Dr. Phil may not know any wives who would put up with this situation, but I do. M E !!! Dr. Phil is dead wrong. My husband has a number of female friends. He has taken them riding on his motorcycle, left the house on the weekend to go help them with car trouble, asked me to make them a cake or pie for their birthday or when they were upset, met them when he was staying in Daytona for bike events, etc. I have met some of them, but am only friends with one. They have come to our home when I was at work. It doesn't bother me at all. I have men who I work with that my husband has never met. They call me after work and on weekends to talk about work, etc.. He would never answer my cell phone and I don't answer his. I trust him to tell me if there is something going on that I need to know about. He trusts me to tell him. He tells me if they come by the house, so I don't hear about it from the neighbors, or if I do, I already know. It is all about trust. Either you love your spouse and trust them or you don't. It all sounds like a lot of insecurity to me.

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freethinka

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January 16, 2006, 4:25 pm PST

that's not the issue

Quote From: renee_ross

Reply to Misty,

The issue is not that this guy has female friends, but rather that he is conducting himself in a way with these friends that is making his wife uncomfortable. He should care about his wife's feelings and should have rectified the situation by having his wife meet these friends way before it caused her such stress. The fact that these so-called friends aren't interested in meeting his wife really indicates something is going on. Not one of these friends made it to thier wedding. That is really suspisious. I don' meet every friend of my husband's either- male or female, but he isn't talking on the phone and going out to lunch with them all the time either. When you get married it's no long all about you. Of course we all need friends, but there is a balance that most ppl have and common sense tells you where that balance is.

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tweetycew

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January 16, 2006, 4:28 pm PST

Selfish Shamika

I wanted to cry looking at how beat down Marlon was. There is nothing that Marlon will ever be able to do to please Shamika. After the first show he started doing everything that was on her list of gripes about him. He even bought her a nicer car and is driving the beat up one. Shamika created all of the new problems that she has now listed by going to work. Many affairs are started in the work place and Shamika is on the road to disaster. The clue is she said Marlon does not make her feel "special". Shamika is looking for someone to make her feel that way and going to work is a way to find someone. I think it is appalling that Shamika took a job where she has to put her baby girl in the hands of strangers during the day just so she can sleep. She did not have to go to work and her baby needs to be raised by her. She has the means to do the raising because Marlon by her own definition is a good provider. Daycare is an added expense and a very unneccessary one. That is very selfish, not only of the time Shamika now robs Marlon of but of the time she robs her children of.

Dr. Phil missed the boat here and should have told Shamika to stop being selfish and that she was the one who created all of the new problems. Marlon has done everything she wanted and it was not enough nor will it ever be enough. Men don't want to romance a woman who shoots them down and is not appreciative of his efforts. What does Shamika do to make Marlon feel "speical" and appreciated? Not much from what I saw. If Shamika is not careful she will lose a man who has stepped up to take care of her and her children and seems to want to bend over backward to make her happy. This is a lesson to everyone, not to marry people you don't know anything about. If Marlon would have taken a little time he would have found out that Shamika was a selfish person behind that pretty face. It's all about Shamika and nothing no else not even the what is best for her children.

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franno

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January 16, 2006, 4:28 pm PST

Happines comes from within

I think Shamika is doing what a lot of us women do. We expect from men only what God can give us. Happiness has to come from within or else no matter what her husband does, she will never be satisfied. This is why you need God in our relationships. And the first thing God does when one starts asking Him to change the spouse... is to change us first and that's usually hard to swallow. Seek happiness from within first! If you expect your husband to be perfect, just take a look in the mirror, when u see a reflection of a perfect person coming back at you, then u have all right to expect perfection from him. And last... girl... taking a job at those hours is recipie for desaster... you both need to be home at the same time to have quality time with the kids and with each other. How important is your marriage to you???

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aprileaton

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January 16, 2006, 4:34 pm PST

No more Selfish love!!!

I've been married for almost two years, and I have to say that it has been the best two years of my life. I think the way to a successful marriage is not to be selfish. If you always think about the other person, and they always are thinking of you and how to make you happy, then no one is ever left out. This couple really needs to be less selfish, marriage isnt about what you can get out of it, its about what you can give.

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msolga00

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January 16, 2006, 4:43 pm PST

Shamika is a HOT MESS!

I couldn't even finish the show without registering to your website Dr. Phil for this heffa here. She complained about him not being home then gets a night job(smart). She works nights, get home early in the mornings and then expects him to do it all by himself, so she can sleep instead of doing it TOGETHER. He shouldn't feel like the female either. Anytime a man feels belittled in his house things aren't going to go right and he isn't going to make you feel like a prissy princess either. Give him his man hood and let him be the man of the house and love and care for you like you should be loved and cared for. He wants to do it, so care, love and condition him so you can be loved the way you want. If you don't have to work then don't. If you want to work then work in the mornings so you both can be home and began nurturing your relationship. He could be beating your tail instead of loving you. "A dog will take so much from his master till he gets tired and bite the hand that feeds him". Take heed sweetheart you act like your not in love with him and he has to pay for it. Not so. He can leave you and take the kids and you will be the one looking like a fool, with your man with another woman taking care of him and your kids. That will hurt worst than anything.

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