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Topic : 01/26 Shopping Intervention: The Aftermath

Number of Replies: 132
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, January 20, 2006, 03:12:25 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

You've heard the saying "When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping." But what happens when you're $80,000 in debt and still spending $7,000 a week? When Michael and Bridgette were last on the show, her shopping was an addiction that was destroying their family. Dr. Phil discovered that her excessive spending was just a symptom of a serious problem. Bridgette confessed that she was in a loveless, sexless marriage with a rage-a-holic whose anger affected the entire family. Can Michael get his rage under control and stop passing his anger onto their three children? And can this family in crisis be saved? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

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January 26, 2006, 1:38 pm CST

why do they stay?

Quote From: bobbi1977

I don't understand why women stay with abusive men either - especially when there are children involved.  I also don't understand why some men feel the need to be this way.  I say get some help and separate until you can get yourself (Michael) under control.  There is always hope, but you should never leave your children or yourself in danger!

The question of why do they stay has a complex answer. To be very succinct, everyone must stop asking that question. It puts more blame on the abused-something they dont need. When a women has been sytematically brainwashed for years, they become helpless. That is what abusers do- they torture the women into submission. Some women are more vulnerable to theis than others. More than often, it is not the first time they have been abused. Usually they have endured abuse as a child, either sexually, physically or emotionally, or all three. The women are in need of help too. but an entirely different type of help that involves building them back up, or rather building them up to where they have never been. Michael picked his wife very very carefully- he saw her insecurities. and she fell into it because of ignorance in recognizing abuse, and because of her past . We need to be sympathetic to the women- stop blaming them for what the man is doing. Bridgette is shopping clearly, to regain power that she does not have over herself or her husband.  

 
January 26, 2006, 1:41 pm CST

01/26 Shopping Intervention: The Aftermath

Quote From: bobbi1977

I don't understand why women stay with abusive men either - especially when there are children involved.  I also don't understand why some men feel the need to be this way.  I say get some help and separate until you can get yourself (Michael) under control.  There is always hope, but you should never leave your children or yourself in danger!
Women are just as abusive, please keep that in mind. 
 
January 26, 2006, 1:52 pm CST

01/26 Shopping Intervention: The Aftermath

Quote From: lemondrop

Apparently, you have things backwards don't you? 

  

  

And lets say, you were right......which you ARE NOT. 

  

  

How does any behavior from the woman or the children justify, warrant or excuse the husband's out and out  ABUSE? 

  

THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE. 

  

  

As I said earlier, you have things backwards.   

  

  

Noticing your core beliefs toward women, gives a lot of information about YOU. 

I feel that they all feed on each other.  For one, his anger is a problem and needs to be delt with.  Apparently, he needs help.  He needs to learn how to communicate.  The wife and daughter do not help the situation because they just egg him on!  Let's go spend all of this money so he can work non stop to pay the bills and then blame him for my shopping problem because he isn't home.  I would be angry too if someone was taking advantage of me.  The son, well I sort of feel bad for him.  Sort of.  He has had it good.  Did he expect that daddy would just take care of him all of his life?  Did all of the children feel this way?  This is a man who has worked very hard for what he has only to have a mooching wife and kids.  Did his kids not learn any valuable lessons from dad?   

I believe that their family is repairable but only if each and everyone of them takes resposibity for their behavior.   

They all talk to each other with such disrespect, to blame just dad is unfair, especially when he can't help what he is doing.  Some people just can't get a grasp on their emotions and that does not automatically make them a bad person.  He is seeking help as I think they all should.    

 
January 26, 2006, 1:56 pm CST

The angry Doctor

Hi Everyone 

  

     When I saw the show on michael and bridgette. It made me wonder where Michael got a lot of his anger. I wonder if it came from the relationship Michael had with his dad. He probably got his anger from his own dad. The way Michaeals dad treated Michael would be the same way Michael wil treat his kids/family. You could bet that a lot of Michaels problems came from his childhood when he was growing up............... 

  

     You can imagine doctors are under a whole lot of stress on the job especially when there out for so many days at a time. If Michaels attaining a lot of anger/ frustration from the job. Then all he would need to do when he comes home is find  a place to aim that anger and frustration. Who else would it be. The kids, the wife or whoever is home at the time. I like to think of it as an overwhelming career. 

  

     To the KIDS.... 

  I highly agree with Dr. Phil when he said its not about you. Its about the parents and there own personal issues. The only thing they can do is Hold on and hope something for the better will come from all this.  

  

     Bridgettes shopping is alomost like a cure. Shes feeling bad inside so she uses shop as a way to medicate herself to feel better. Shoppiing is her way of dealing with the problem. It gets her away and gives her a sense of happiness and accomplishment. She turns to shopping to vent the way she feels. 

  

      Im glad to see there is the therapist in the home to hellp this family out. I hope Michael can attend. Michael is a doctor so there may be times where hes not there/home. I hope everything works for the best for this family I want to wish them all the best of luck....... 

  

Brian 

Maryland 

 
January 26, 2006, 2:11 pm CST

Coward!!!!!!

This show brought back so many bad memories.  I am a grown woman who spent years, along with my mother, being verbally and physically abused by my father.  And even on the rare occasion when we would visit friends and relatives, I always knew that any happy times would be over when we returned home.  Everyone outside our home thought he the most wonderful person, but no one knew what a horrid person he truly was.  It was a secret we kept because my mother was too ashamed to admit the life we had.  I didn't tell any family or friends because it was shameful knowing that someone who allegedly "loves" you didn't care what they did to you.  My mother and father are both gone, and it is only recently that I have told people about the abuse and battering.  It did taper off when I met my husband, and he was at our home quite a bit.  I'm sure my father knew my husband wouldn't tolerate his pathetic rages.  You see, men like that are nothing but COWARDS!  They wouldn't think of behaving in that manner in public because no one would tolerate that type of behavior.  And some might even kick their cowardly butts to the curb.  They only pick on the weaker.  Real men, aren't they?  And Bridgette, wake up!!!  You look like you are in some sort of catatonic state.  For heaven's sake, think about your children.  I asked my mother one time why she didn't leave him, and she replied that I needed a father.  Unfortunately, I never really had one.  When he passed away, I did what I had to do regarding the burial, but felt like I was burying a complete stranger.  It was just an empty feeling.  Michael, I don't think you know or even care about the harm you have done and continue to do.  Saying I love you after one of your hurtful rantings isn't worth the breath it takes to say those words.
 
January 26, 2006, 2:17 pm CST

01/26 Shopping Intervention: The Aftermath

No one can make you feel bad about yourself unless you allow them.   by Miya Angelo 

  

There are many people who have the need so "super succeed" in life, often because they feel this is a way to prove their value or their worth as a person. In essence they are saying "I'm not stupid, I'm not worthless, I'm not a failure," etc... Where did they get the ideas that they were these things...from a parent or guardian.  It is obvious that Michael had to become "good enough," a message he is sending to his children, I would suspect, in the same manner that was told to him. These kids don't have it good....who in the world thinks that. Having an educated and successful parent who earns enough to provide material things does not constitute a person having a good life. These kids a verbally, emotionally, and mentally abused. This is a far greater pain than physical abuse. These children will continue to make poor choices throughout life if they are not taught by their father that they are important, intelligent, valuable, and lovable people. They need their fathers approval. If Michael does not change the dynamics of the drama in his household, the only success that they will have is a paycheck.  For his wife, the shopping is an addiction like any other addiction. She needs to numb herself. Of course I believe she "needs" to "punish" him, as he does her, but more importantly, she is desiring not to feel. It has nothing to do with spending all his money and he has to work hard to replace it. There is an addiction to the drama and the chaos within this family, and Michael keeps it going. Feed your family with positive, loving, and kindness. Your words are the most powerful thing you have and they reflect the true you. 

 
January 26, 2006, 2:23 pm CST

This man sounds like my soon to be exhusband...

I have lived with a man who acted the same way.  I left him one time but gave him another chance for the sake of my boys.  My husband does not call me the names anymore but now my 21 year old does and his father tells him to shut up and does nothing else.  This is the icing on my cake and I am going to a lawyer on Monday...Wish me luck....I am better than this...my dog doesn't even get called the names I have been called from my husband and son....
 
January 26, 2006, 2:26 pm CST

Kids know how to stick it to their parents where it gets them

These kids are smart! They knew exactly where to stick to their high achieving  Dad - drop out of school!!! High school even!!!  The Mom is very passive but passive aggressive with spending all his money . I can see where it would be hard to give up the lifestyle for them, but if the son wants to go back to school, they should support that. I think the father should maybe get a condo or something near them and then work on his issues . That family life is poison to the spirit. They would be so peaceful without the Dad there. The Mom would then have to face her own life and try to work on it and have some fun with the kids, too. Mom couldn't be the victim anymore - she'd need to live life on her own for awhile which could be a blessed relief. I would think by now!! I saw a cute little dog run through one video in the kitchen. God, that poor little dog!!!! They are financially stable enough to be separated or divorced  and still live well. The Mom looks Sooooooooo unhappy and I really felt bad for the son. Let the kid come back home and the Dad leave.
 
January 26, 2006, 2:27 pm CST

This woman needs to WAKE UP!

I can't believe that anyone can possibly spend that much money in a week, expect their husband to work his ass off to pay for her inadequacies.  She needs to grow the hell up, get a job and see just how tiring it is to have to work to pay for the things she has.  She can’t possibly expect her husband to want to crawl in bed with her after she has spent every penny he works so hard for, she may want to take a good look at herself in the mirror.  Think about what she is doing and if she can’t see what is wrong, she needs to do him a favor and leave him.  Just because he is a doctor, doesn’t mean their finances are endless.  She has some serious problems!

  

 

  

 

Michael does have abusive issues for sure, but I think she adds fuel to the fire.  Maybe she should go to work part time, be put on a budget like the rest of the world and they would probably see a big change in their relationship. 

  

 

  

 

Her spending certainly isn’t showing her children any values either.  They are going to leave their home thinking they can just spend like their mother.  They will be in the same situation as she is if things don’t change.

  

 

  

 
January 26, 2006, 2:38 pm CST

its so easy to point a finger

  I think this is a cool way for people to say what they feel about the show.  reading some of these messages makes me wonder why people have to point fingers.  It seems in this family there are alot of people to blame.  there is not one person in this family that has not added to this snow ball of yelling and cursing. I heard the dad say many wrong things, iv heard the children talk wrong back to the dad. the wife has her own problems and needs to change them.  I don't think anyone is to blame but i do belive this is a whole family that needs help.  It takes two in this situation to creat the mess they are all in.  However no one can say what they would do if they were in there situation becasue they are not in there place, even if you have had a simular experince its stille there marrige and there children and i do belive they all wont to change this whole thing that is going on. i pray this family and many more in the same sitation can get through it and become happy some day, no matter what the out come of the marrige becomes. 
 
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