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Topic : 06/13 Trapped

Number of Replies: 197
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Created on : Friday, January 27, 2006, 02:36:31 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 01/30/06) When two people get married, they proclaim, "For better or worse," but what happens when the worse part is all there is? Chris and April got married six weeks after their first date. Three years later, Chris says he's trapped between his wife and his daughter from his first marriage. April feels trapped in a marriage with someone she didn't know well enough to begin with, who is not the parent she thought he would be. With constant fighting in front of the children and frequent separations, can they learn to find balance? Then, Lori says if she had the money she would take her kids and divorce Tom, her husband of 10 years, but since he controls all the finances, she has no money for an attorney. Lori has to ask him for money for everything -- including buying groceries and filling her car with gas. Can Tom learn to share the wealth and treat Lori like his wife, not his child? Talk about the show here.


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January 30, 2006, 10:34 am CST

A clean and amiable break

Dear Dr. Phil, 

My soon-to-be ex-husband and I are polite and very quiet around our son. Spouse's three older children live in Boston and have their own lives. He is aware of our failed marriage and does not like to "talk about it". I think he feels it will just go away or it will get better and everything will be "cool and the gang" again. This is why I like to discuss things not only with the Mister of the family but with my son so he is abreast on the goings on. I constantly reassure his father's love for him and encourage time spent together (my son needs a dad, I get that), so I do what any responsible parent does and put the child's needs before all else!  My problem lies with the "break" I would like to have a hostile-free, weep-free, I feel a heart-attack coming on-free divorce. My STB ex is not a talker, he loathes conversation or discussions of any kind, and is somewhat anti-social. When I first met him he was like this, he changed (not a 180 but significant) and now Mister anti-social is back. I do not want my son to inherit those traits (they are ugly and unbecoming of a gentleman) and need some advice on how he can steer clear of  this undesired behavior and how I can break clean and clear (in a nice way).                          Thank you, ynpmo1 

 
January 30, 2006, 11:17 am CST

Have to laugh

I know you are going to hate reading this, but you girls did this to yourselves. 

  

You married the alcholic, dope addict, schizo or other loser because he had a better car, more money or some other poor reason. 

  

Just remember that somewhere out there, the guy whose heart you crushed and embittered is laughing his head off.  He offered you the love of a lifetime, but this is what you chose. 

  

Enjoy it and quit your bellyaching!  You are not trapped.  You went willingly. 

 
January 30, 2006, 11:46 am CST

Show a little class...

Quote From: jim1970

I know you are going to hate reading this, but you girls did this to yourselves. 

  

You married the alcholic, dope addict, schizo or other loser because he had a better car, more money or some other poor reason. 

  

Just remember that somewhere out there, the guy whose heart you crushed and embittered is laughing his head off.  He offered you the love of a lifetime, but this is what you chose. 

  

Enjoy it and quit your bellyaching!  You are not trapped.  You went willingly. 

 This was such an unnecessary and insensitive post - do you think ANYONE plans on getting into a failed relationship? You've no idea how many people out there make mistakes of this magnitude and do something about it but never get past the regrets. Have you never made a bad decision? Geez, guy, posts like yours should be edited out - there's no way anyone could respect a word you say after reading the above.

- shaking my head -
 
January 30, 2006, 11:47 am CST

how rude!

Quote From: jim1970

I know you are going to hate reading this, but you girls did this to yourselves. 

  

You married the alcholic, dope addict, schizo or other loser because he had a better car, more money or some other poor reason. 

  

Just remember that somewhere out there, the guy whose heart you crushed and embittered is laughing his head off.  He offered you the love of a lifetime, but this is what you chose. 

  

Enjoy it and quit your bellyaching!  You are not trapped.  You went willingly. 

how could u say that? maybe they chose them it does not mean they deserve it or they have to live with it!!!!!! thats the rudest thing ive ever heard dont be so inconciderate 

 
January 30, 2006, 12:44 pm CST

Hate my life and my marriage.......

Dr. Phil, I hate my marriage and my life because I feel so trapped and alone. I have 2 kids ages 5 & 12 and a husband that's not worth a damn. I'm so tired of living with him and I just want out, but I don't know if I could make it on my own with out him, but I can't keep on living the way I am or I'll be dead before I'm 40. I've started to drink some just so I can forget for a while but it all comes back and it makes me worse. We don't sleep together anymore and we have different bedrooms, I actually sleep with my daughter in her room, just so I don't have to be near him. My son won't live with us because we fight so bad and we have gone as far as hit one another. My 2 kids have heard it and seen it. Can you help or what do we do? I really don't think he even cares if we get along or not, I'm at the point I don't care.
 
January 30, 2006, 12:50 pm CST

01/30 Trapped

I don't understand how people can marry so fast when they barely know each other? So what if they swept you off your feet, why get married so soon?  Now I understand I'm 19-years-old and that I haven't experianced something like that, but when and if I do, I know I would wait more then a year to ever marry anyone.  It's ridiculous.
 
January 30, 2006, 12:54 pm CST

01/30 Trapped

Quote From: jim1970

I know you are going to hate reading this, but you girls did this to yourselves. 

  

You married the alcholic, dope addict, schizo or other loser because he had a better car, more money or some other poor reason. 

  

Just remember that somewhere out there, the guy whose heart you crushed and embittered is laughing his head off.  He offered you the love of a lifetime, but this is what you chose. 

  

Enjoy it and quit your bellyaching!  You are not trapped.  You went willingly. 

You are there ugly to say all this. Maybe you should really look into what some of us women really do go throught at home. Maybe you're the one trapped think about. Men bellyache as much if not more than most women.
 
January 30, 2006, 12:55 pm CST

01/30 Trapped

Quote From: mairamom

Hi! I would like to tell you that if you want to save your marriage you should go to Marriage Builders website.  A lot of people that are going through the same thing you are will help you and understand everything you are feeling.  In the meantime do not let him move out, tell him that his kids are going to be very hurt and that you love him and want to work and make a better marriage.  Take care of your house, your kids and yourself.  Make yourself look pretty and try to  meet his needs that the other women is meeting.  Don't beg him make yourself strong even if you don't feel it.  Tell him that you would like for him to stop talking to the other women and would like to work on your marriage together.  Tell him how much he is hurting you but don't let him see you like you can not go on without him.

Hi there, 

  

I am so sorry to hear you have to go through that. My dad did the same thing at the same age with a co-worker and everything (except the whole New Years thing). Whatever you do, don't use the kids to get your husband to stay or to leave. Do you think he would try counselling? Maybe suggests that. I guess a lot of men get confused at that age and maybe you just need to figure out what is his reason behind having the affair.The affair could just be a way to bring light to problems in your marriage that he does not know how to express verbally. If you can deal with the affair and take him back you guys might have a chance to work it out.  It could also be an exit affair, which would mean he has already decided that the relationship you have is over. At this point it will be really hard to salvage. Studies have shown that men don't leave because the other woman is prettier but how the other woman makes him feel. Giving him affirmation, boosting his male ego, that sort of thing. 

  

The only thing I can suggest would be if you love him than keep showing him you love him. Try to give him affirmation about how much he is needed and wanted by the whole family, especially yourself. If he needs space don't get stuck in the "withdraw-pursue" sort of relationship but take care of yourself, find a hobby, go to counselling for yourself, (massages, chiropractic care). If you really want this relationship to work (even though it must be killing you inside) just keep loving him, serving him and affirming him in his importance. I hope and pray for you and your kids that he will come to see that the grass isn't greener on the other side. 

 
January 30, 2006, 1:02 pm CST

Grown Up!

WOW!   I thought I was alone.  Here is my story...I ws seeing a guy when i was 16, we got pregnant when I was 17 and I had our daughter at 18.  I finished school-went to college-i'm finishing my BA.in Management.  We've been together 9 years,  We now have a 3 year old too.  I'm 26 now.  He hurt himself and was on Compensation for 3 years, he went back to school for computers.  He refuses to look for a job in his feild or go back to construction.  He is working part-time for a delivery company.  Lets face it part-time is not cutting the bills.    I am working Full-Time am the main bread-winner, we are behind on bills, he doesn't care(he openly says that.)  I am working very hard, sometimes long night, he does everything but openly accuse me of cheating on him.  I was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer-had an ovary removed and had the other one tied in Summer '05.  I felt alone the day of my surgery and I still feel alone.  Our relationship is a shambles.  I admit, I carry a lot of resentment towards him.  He doesn't want to talk about my day when I come home.  His mother is an alcoholic, has a liver problem.  She is constantly on my case about being a better mother (her daughter is a stay at home mom of two-financially they can afford it)  He drinks a '24'  in two days, and claims that I drive him to smoke cigarettes more and If I go out claims he has to have beer to have a good time while I am out.  We constantly fight, I never cry...until last week.  I've broken down.  I'm tired.   I love this man with all my heart, I have offered to go to counselling-he will not go.  I try to talk about my feelings he yells saying "I always blame it on him, and brings it back  saying "...and you've never done that!"  I don't know what else to do.??  help?
 
January 30, 2006, 1:07 pm CST

can anyone answer this?

I wrote an email to Dr. Phil a few weeks ago asking or his help but received no response.  Does anyone know how long it may take to hear something?f
 
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