Topic : 06/21 "Throw It Out!"

Send Misty down to the Gulf Coast and let her see the need for the things that she is hoarding. Not only would (maybe) a light go off in her head that the things she has could be put to use in other homes, but the guilt and anxiety of letting go may not be as strong. If she saw that the things could help other people then perhaps she'd be more likely to let them go.

Oh, My goodness.  This topic gave me so much insight to my MIL and her hoarding.  Her home is "together" in the places that company can see (like the kitchen, living rooms, guest bedroom, and bath), but you can't even walk into any of the 10 walk-in closets, other 2 spare bedrooms, their bedroom, their bath, and don't even try to get through the garage.  She even made the comment a few weekends ago when we were there that "I know I need to get rid of a lot of things, but I just can't GET RID OF ALL MY MEMORIES."  I got to really thinking about what she said and I wish I would have told her, the things aren't your memories, your memories are your memories.    

  

Her mother passed away 2 1/2 years ago and her and her sisters are just now going through their mother's home.  "They just couldn't bring themselves to get rid of all the memories of her."  All I know is that when my grandfather passed away around the same time it was very difficult for my mom and her siblings to go through the things in their house, but once they did and sold the house it was like a release for them to keep living.  It allowed my mom to live for the ones that were still here.    

  

I so wish that my MIL could "let go" and get back to reality.  She hangs on to the "memories" of those that have passed away to the point to where she is missing out on so much with her granddaughters and the rest of us, too.  She has a 3 yr. old, 1 yr old, and 2 month old granddaughter from her 2 sons that should be the light of her life, but all these "things she keeps" are holding her back.    

  

I just don't get it.  They have a huge home (about 4000 sq. ft.) with a really nice 3 car garage.  There is a very narrow path to get from their back door to the garage door because stuff is packed in and everywhere.  They have a 3 car garage and park their new Mercedes and his dad's SUV out in the driveway.  What doesn't make sense to me is that my MIL keeps all kinds of clothing and crappy trinket things in the house, but baby books, photo albums, and other real keepsakes are in their garage just sitting out exposed to temperature differences, moisture, and the intense heat from our Texas summers.  I don't understand the things that she should hold on to for real memories are just sitting out in a garage and her inside closets are full of stuff that doesn't matter to anyone except here of course.  

  

I know that she won't change, but it was an answered prayer to watch the show today and get a little bit of insight into why people would do these sort of things.  All I know is that right now I'm going to go through my closet and take the things I do not need any longer to goodwill and let someone get some real use out of things that I don't need to hang on to.  I don't ever want my husband to have to live in a house that reminds him in any way of his hoarding mother.  Thank you Dr. Phil!  

  

I watched the program today about hoarders........I am the same!   However; I opened an e-bay store 2 months ago and absolutely love it!   My husband has seen a big improvement in my every-day moods.  

I date a man who lives just like these people! He blames his parents for the way he lives. His parents live the same way.  I have told him he can no longer say that his parents are responsible for the way he lives; like a pack rat. He is 42!  He has been exposed to other people who have neat homes in his adult lifetime. He was even in the military.  

  

Even though his parents lived that way and still do, I feel he is the only person responsible for the way he lives.  

  

He is also raising a son and my concern is what is his son learning by watching how his father keeps house. It also makes me think twice about marrying him because of his poor housekeeping habits. I have no desire to be his personal maid and he is offended when I say something to him about the way he lives.  

Feedback?  

" They are just things and you get new ones somehow.  "  Thank you for that, Nici.  You have been in the position of "losing everything," that some people fear so much and yet you've found that you really didn't have to have that material junk at all.  Often people are spending more money storing things than they would spend buying new. 

  

I consider Wal-Mart my storage place for things like aluminum turkey roasters or Easter baskets.  Buy cheap, buy new, throw it away -- it keeps the economy going! 

  

As for old magazines and newspapers  -- my library keeps all that stuff in apple pie order for me. 

Don't be so quick to judge these poor people!  Good for you that you don't have this problem - but there are many many people who are in this same situation who need help (me included) - Dr. Phil wouldn't humor this subject on his show if he didn't feel this this was a real problem caused by real reasons....Not once did Dr. Phil say " child services will take your kids away if you keep living like this" !!!  I personally am not going to spend my days and nights keeping my house clean just so that people like you can't judge me like you did to the people on TV - I do not want my kids to remember their childhoods as "mom always cleaning" - I want them to remember all the fun we have playing - remember all the time mom spent with them - NOT that our house was always clean -and mom was always cleaning.     

   

but i do infact see people every day with out and thear children having to wear rags, what i indeed saw from dr phils cameras would make alot of very poor families very happy, and as far as dr phil having to say anything about familey and children services i wasnt speaking about what he did or sis not say ive been thear ive had them come in my house, and even look in the cabanets to see it i had food in them they inspected my childs room, to make sure i kept it clean they looked in the drawers to see it i had clothing for my child, all i was saying was she was a very lucky woman beacouse im speaking from experance, they would have taken my child from me if my house looked like eather of the two houses on  the dr phil show this day,no passing judgement i wasnt doining, speaking the truth yes im guilty of that indeed!!!!!!!!!!

 My dad was something of a hoarder like Jim.  He decided it was our civic duty to recycle, but instead of setting up a system where we put the aluminum cans in a separate container, he chose to take the garbage into the garage and sort through it.  This stopped working very soon.  He worked long hours during the week and was too tired in the evening, and on the weekends, he'd go through a case of beer and lose all his focus.  My mother and I were never enlisted to help, it was Dad's "thing."  The whole project came to a halt when we noticed mice in the house.  They were rooting through the garbage and finding their way into the house. 

The line that divides a house full of collectibles from a house full of unsorted junk is the fact that when you are truly collecting, you are organizing as you go.  There are little "jobs" involved in collecting that go beyond merely accumulating items.  I subscribe to a lot of magazines, and they pile up if I don't set aside time every month to go through and pick out articles to save.  Then I put them into a binder.  It's a continual effort to stay disciplined and keep up this task.  Hoarders need to realize that it will get out of control if they don't do the jobs or find a way to enlist someone's help in doing them. 

I didn't get to see the entire segment with Misty, but I have a hunch that if Dr. Phil checked, he'd find that throughout her life, she's had the subtle pressure from other women in her life, such as her mother, aunts, etc., to hang onto things.  She claims it's just the way she is, but I doubt that seriously.  We women do that to each other.  We can get to feeling guilty if we don't ooh and ahh over every 25-year-old baby bootie.  We feel we're not maternal enough, not caring enough, etc.  That's what's behind her attachment to the noodle that she created a bed for!  I remember my mother cooing over the smallest piece of okra in the can, calling it "the baby," and saying she'd feel mean for eating it.  Enough of that stuff, with stress and life changes added in, and you become afraid of throwing anything out.  I'm more of a thrower-outer, but my HUSBAND would swoon if I ever dared to throw out any of the sentimental cards we give each other for birthdays, anniversary/Valentine's Day (same day!) and Christmas.  So it's a challenge to find one place to put them all in.  Thank goodness he's not sentimental about macaroni.

 I've been "flying" for a long time and agree that, although it is not for everyone and possibly not a sufficient solution for compulsive hoarders,  Flylady can be a big help for many people who need something to help them start and stay on the road to organization and clean.  However, for those who were looking and could not find it the website is flylady.net rather than .com.

For anyone who is thinking about it, look into it.  The system is FREE -- no strings or commitments at all!  You can't beat that.

she can see how much thease poor people do not have, they truley lost everything they had, and what she cant throw away wont relly be throan away it would in fact cloth a lot of childrean who have nothing but the clothes on thear back,amen  for you bringing that to every ones attention, god bless you