Topic : 06/21 "Throw It Out!"

Dr. Phil, my daughter is 11 years old and has trouble throwing things out.  She likes to collect everything she can get her hands on, even stuff we throw out in the waste basket.  She says she is really sad when she has to get rid of something.  Sometimes she even mourns over it.  She will recall specifically when we get rid of some of the things three or more years ago.  When she is reminded of it she starts crying.  Could she be like Misty?  Should we be concerned about this? 

Jean 

It is the first time that I write in this forums.  

But before starting to write it would like to introduce myself. I'm Corina, I have 17 years and I less have a boyfriend to more or the two years... From Portugal, and living there! 

I have also this problem not to thrown  nothing out! I even keep tickets of the cinema!  

It's very bad? 

I live in a one bedroom "converted into a studio because STUFF has overwhelmed me.  I am a hoarder of things like magazines, newspapers, cds, vhs tapes, records, stuff stuff stuff.  I even started a "magazine exchange table in my apt complex so I could check it several times a day and grab all the goodies there and add them to my misery"....  Very "smart of me"  YES?  I must have 20K magazines, 10K records, 40K books, etc.  I actually try to keep the kitchen and bath area "neat".  I can no longer get into the (once was a bedroom) room as it is filled to the ceiling with STUFF.  I have lost 1/3 of my apt there.  And the huge piles of stuff everywhere only leave me small aisles to walk.  I tripped over some stuff and broke my toe last month.  I can only sit on the bed and this computer chair.  I am OVERWHELMED!   What to do?  If I was a renter the owner would throw me out.  I am afraid the apt complex management will someday come in and throw me out.  Sometimes I hope a fire will just burn it all up and I can walk away (and start again?).

Thank you for the information.   I will see if I can get it to her, I dont want to insult her.  I will play it by ear and see how I can figure it into her life....

 I don't know how busy your life is but you need to allow yourself time at least once a week to go thru these papers and decide whether or not you are going to keep them or file them.  I don't know how long you should keep some of them, but one thing came to mind while reading your message.  If you have a printer with a scanner why not scan your papers into your computer?  Then back them up with a disc?  I've also found those accordian folders to be quite helpful.  I even have a "heart warming "crap" file! 

  

If you do a search of your questions on the internet you will surely learn how long you should hold on to certain items.   

  

Good Luck! 

I don't remember when it started, but I cannot throw anything away for fear that I may never be able to afford it again. As an artist, I have had several problems keeping employment. I really want to change, but do not know how. How do you let go of the fear? And how do you start? Every room I walk into has stuff all over the place. I am so discouraged I feel like I have just given up. And sometimes the only thing that makes me feel better about myself is to just relax in front of the tv or to go shopping. Neither one have helped with the problem. My self esteem has erroded away. I desperately want to get married and am now in my 40s, yet I have surrounded myself with so much stuff, no man would ever want me. How do you get out? Where do you start? I am embarressed and feel like there is no hope. I secretly even have dreamed about burning down my house just to get rid of it all, yet I cannot even get myself to bring a bag of clothes to the goodwill for fear that I will regret it later. Dr. Phil, I need some practical advice!

I am a compulsive "non" hoarder. I am a minimalist. I lost everything (and I mean every last thing) I owned when I moved out and away from my ex-husband. Since then, I found out there is very little that you can't live without. When you go to purge down your stuff, go into it with the mindset that you WILL take 3 bags to Goodwill (or wherever). It is too overwhelming to do it all at once, so start with one small area. Do one junk drawer maybe, or one countertop.  If you haven't used it or worn it in one year, get rid of it. Even if you can never afford it again, it doesn't matter because you don't use it anyway. If you start to get emotional or overwhelmed, take a break or you will keep too much. Once you get it manageable, set aside one day a week to go through all your clutter. It becomes a habit after awhile. You have to keep in mind, "It's Just Stuff." It isn't your memories. It isn't your life or your feelings. It's just stuff. If it is something very sentimental for you, take a picture of it and then get rid of it. I hope I don't sound too harsh. Just keep a positive attitude that you are doing something just for you and I know you can do it. 

  

Steph :) 

Thanks so much for the information!  I'm in Myrtle Beach and we have alot of thrift stores to donate to, but I also hated the thought of people having to pay for things I would gladly give away.  I am now  a member and will certainly spread the word to all of my friends regarding freecycle.org!!! 

  

Thanks a million! 

Rita 

Can Someone Help!!!!  

My mom (Jane) has been depresed, getting more and more obese and a pack rat since her mother my grandma died in 1987. She lives in a pig sty, every room is a desastor area, all of my brothers and sisters are adults and now it's just her and my step father and a 21yr old that's there now and then, ( that's a story in it self). My step father is never home, well now and then, some times he's to tired to drive and sleeps in the car in a parking lot and washes up when he gets to work in a sink.  He has worked 2 jobs for a long as I can remember and I'm 41 now. My mom can't clean up because she's not healthy enough to do the job. Not to mention that she has astma, and there is mold growing in the basement , which doesn't help the situation any. She has no energy and can't even go downstairs to use her dryer because of the mess and the mold, To get to the bathroom is difficult, she's out of breath and has to stop about every 5 or so feet to breeth beacause she's out of breath. Her smoking doesn't help any, but she will tell you it has noting to do with her breathing it's all astema. 

They have one son that is 21 the youngest of all of us, and is a slob, and has no respect for himself, his parents, or the house that he lives in with our parents. 

She can't begin to know where to start and how too, and for that matter niether do we (The Kids). 

 In the past years I my self have spent countless hours cleaning organizing and throughing out STUFF when my mom is not home, but no matter what I or we do it just seems to get worse and worse. My step father is NOT a handy man at all, his fix all.. is silver DUCK tape, my childeren (his grandchilderen) call him The Duck Tape King. Any ways they can't afford to fix  or replace anything, they have had no stove or oven in at least 15 years, she cookes by microwave or a BBQ grill. or take out. Her counters and cabents are comming off of the walls and theres holes in the wall, there's a dirty pathway to go from one place to another. Once in a while the living room will get picked up. But If you ask me I think that the house needs to be tourn down. And they need to start over. However, my mom is for saving everything! Her famous saying is that it good you can't throw that out.  I can't begin to try and help them, and I don't have the finacial ablity to do it either. I wish I could!  

I wish My father could quite one job, besides needs to quit one of his jobs, and start to enjoy his life, but he won't because he can't afford it. I don't understand? How can a man that has worked 2 jobs for about or for at least 34 years of his life still have financile difficulties? The excuse use to be that there were 8 mouths to feed 6 of them kids, but now there's only one at home and he's 21.  

How do I or we for that matter help them out? 

Can Someone Anyone... Please Help Me!!!!!!!! 

I recently married a wonderful man with a 6 year old son.  The son lives with his mother and we get him evey other weekend and holiday.  After several months into our relationship I discovered that the mother was a hoarder.  Not a collector - but a hoarder!  The front seat of her car is piled with newspapers she plans "someday" to recycle.  Pictures of her home show piles and piles of boxes, and sacks she may someday use.  She has a room that is just filled with "Stuff".  Other pictures show that a person cannot get to the kitchen sink or cabinets due to the sacks, old mail, etc.  There is a path from the doorway to the couch.  My stepson's room is so cluttered with toy boxes,sacks, etc that he cannnot play in the floor.   

  

The child has allergies but I am sure that the allergist is not aware of the conditions in which he regularly lives.  He is on 5 different kinds of medicine and continually comes down with bronchitis and other respiratory illnesses.   

  

There are other circumstances that concern me about his well-being and her skills and judgement as a mother but I will not elaborate as they do not pertain to this topic.   

  

I would appreciate guidance on how to help the situation for the sake of the child.  Do I turn her in to Protective Services?  She clearly needs help and would not take advice or counseling from either my husband or myself.