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Topic : 06/21 "Throw It Out!"

Number of Replies: 359
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Created on : Friday, January 27, 2006, 02:40:01 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/01/06) Do you know someone who can't seem to get rid of their clutter? They keep newspapers, magazines, old clothes, and just plain junk thinking it will come in handy one day. Dr. Phil talks to extreme hoarders, who are embarrassing their families and destroying their homes. Nancy says her husband, John, is a packrat who turned their beautiful four-bedroom home into what she calls "the black hole." The house became so overcrowded with junk that they were forced to live in a trailer, and now the trailer is nearly filled to the brim! Will John and Nancy ever be able to live in their house again? And how is John's hoarding affecting their three children? Then, Misty saves every piece of paper her kids write on, and every article of clothing they've ever worn. Her husband, Greg, can't understand why she can't just toss them out. What's behind her inability to throw things away? Share your stories, join the discussion.

 

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July 13, 2006, 11:21 am CDT

Thanks for Replying

Quote From: mench60

 Nancy has to take charge of her home!  John can load all his stuff  into one of those Pods & haul it away to his own private storage area!   Nancy-- it's your home!  Let him clutter up the trailer while you live in comfort in the house.  He has lots of therapy to do while he figures this out, but he doesn't have to ruin your life in the process!  And forcing those cats to live in moldy cat poop-- that's just WRONG!
 If he pays the bills late, then YOU pay the bills on time.  Tons of wives do the family bookkeeping.  Don't let him bring ONE THING into your home-- he has a big trailer to use. If he wants to see you, he can make a date and take you out.  That house is no longer his  to clutter.  Buy him a nice gift-- 100 small storage boxes.  He needs the clutter right now, but it can be in another location, not in the family home!  By the way,  a support group for you would help you alot.

Good luck!  You can do it!

Hi Mench.  Thanks for replying to my message.  It's nice to know someone read what I said!  Your ideas and thoughts are right on!  That's a great answer - Nancy and the kids need to live in the home themselves and not allow John to live there until he resolves his issues.  If she stands firm with NO exceptions, that could make him think more about getting help.  I don't remember if both the house and trailer are in this horrible condition, but if Nancy is going to take this stand - help will be needed to clean things up.  If I were her I'd hire people to haul stuff off and clean/disinfect the home - and make John pay for it.  Maybe Dr. Phil's truck-team could at least dump it off at the trailer.  Then, she could call out the local health department on John's place and see what they would do!  As for the pets, I hate to say it - but they should go elsewhere.  This is too much to deal with in addition to all the rest.  People should be able to manage their home and family pretty well before taking on a pet.  If pets are only going to add to the chaos, it's not good! 

  

My husband pays the bills on time, but I do the filing and record-keeping.  I guess your point is the best one - Nancy needs to take charge, take action, and never let this happen again.  Even if means living separately from John indefinately until he finally gets it! 

  

 
July 13, 2006, 7:40 pm CDT

06/21 "Throw It Out!"

hy
 
July 14, 2006, 4:25 pm CDT

Where is John now?

I'm happy John got rid of 3 tons of junk and got the house cleaned out.  Now what happened to his mind?  Did he get professional help to make sure he doesn't accumulate all of the stuff again?  Did he and his wife move back into the house and sell the trailer home?  

   

Today when you reviewed the other subjects, you told us where each of them are today, but you did not show us where John is today.  Please tell us.  

   

Thank you.  

 
July 21, 2006, 6:14 pm CDT

I desperately wanted to know how John is doing

 as well.  This story is so close to my life that I cried.  I wanted to know that John could let go and still keep his life together.  Be happy.  Be healthy.  I felt like that story was about us and the names were changed to protect the embarassed. 

My husband lost his marriage, then his mom, and then his father all one year after another.  If Dr Phil offered to help us I think our problems are so huge we could make HIM curl up in the fetal position and give up.  How does he and his staff even know where to begin?  We would have 30 tons to remove and MAYBE we could barely walk through our house then.  But it certainly would not be empty.  We lost everything in the hurricanes of 2004 but we didn't throw it out.   My husband has gone into such a deep depression and he wont get rid of a thing and he has no motivation to do much.  He can't make a single decision.  Even where to go for lunch.

How IS John doing?  Did he survive the embarrassment of this?  Did their marriage survive?  Are they in the trailer?  Are they in the house?  How did he deal with the losses?  I have to have hope for us.  Someone please tell me he is happy and healthy.
 
July 29, 2006, 7:21 am CDT

hoarding

Its so easy for someone to say "throw it out"....I have done that over and over and still have a mess.  It haunts me.
 
June 16, 2007, 8:44 pm CDT

Obsessive Hoarding / OCD

After being widowed 5 years ago I remarried in 2004.  My husband was living with his elderly parents after having his own home previously and their home seemed a bit crowded - hubby area MUCH more cluttrered than remainder of house.  I just knew that after we got married that I would be able to see to it that all areas were relatively neat. Boy was I WRONG!!

 

We have every newspaper ever delivered to our house (including the ones he dug out the bottom of the trash barrell which i had previously found in the garage),  most grocery bags, every package for clothes he ever opened, etc, etc, etc.  Our kitchen and dining rooms an non-functional as every surface is covered with his STUFF.  Our guest bedroom is a pile of  his laundry waiting to be put away (most of his drawers are empty). 

 

The garage and basement are full of boxes of junk and empty boxes.  I did clean a spot out for my car two years ago so didn't have to leave it sit out when we went on vacation and my first day back to work, he rearranged the boxed so i couldn't pull my car in - now have to step over boxes to get to the garage door from inside the house.  I had a small corner in the back basement for some workout equipment when we first moved in, he kept bringing more boxes in and moving my equipment - so i no longer have a place to work out.  His office is in the far corner of the front of the finished basement, but to get to it you must also step OVER boxes, where the path to his desk is a trail of paper and trash.  Around the corner of his desk is groceries that he HIDES.....

 

That's not the worst.part  He has been fired from six jobs in the past two years.  I believe he drives his employers crazy with his behavior at work.  He stays up until very late or never sleeps at all, goes to work LATE and got fired for sleeping at two of these jobs (one as a college professor - fell asleep during class!!). 

 

I have been working one full-time job and one part t-time job for 18 months trying to keep our bills paid.  I am 57 years old and don't know how much longer i can keep this pace up. 

 

Prior to this situation I did arobics and/or walking 3 to 4 times a week.  There is no time for this now as I work from 8am to 11pm during the week and Saturdays 9am to  6pm.  I do have Sunday's off and try to walk then.  I also have put on 50 pounds since we got married.

 

Currently he is not working.  I don't make enough money with both jobs to pay all the bills, buy gas (work 40 minutes from home) and groceries....so groceries and gas go on credit cards which i can not continue.  He mentioned that maybe i could get a third job!!!

 

I recorded a Dr. Phil show where a woman hoarded and had clutter/plies throughout her house.  We watched it with his parents one evening and he kept defending the lady - seeing nothing wrong with what she was doing.

 

Oh, yeah, my husband has a master's in divinity...but has not been in the pulpit for over 10 years.

 

I am at my wit's end...What can i do???  Pictures provided upon request. 

 

 

 

 

 
May 4, 2008, 10:21 am CDT

Hubby is a hoarder

Any suggestions on what to do with a hubby that insists that he HAS to hang on to every thing that comes in the house? You would think after 38 yrs of marriage I would be used to it but it is getting worde.  If we buy something new he has to save the old one to try and fix "someday" You can not walk into his computer room, the basement, garage or even parts of the back yard because of all the "stuff". I am afraid that someday his computer room will wind up downstairs in the front room because of the weight of things upstairs.  I keep telling him lets get rid of some of the "stuff" so the kids will not have to do it when we are gone..that would not be fair to them but he will not throw anything away. He is 77 and not getting any younger. When he finally does throw something you would think it is a momumental thing and all it is will be a couple pieces of paper that should have been throw away when it came in the house. He puts things in corners..I clean out a corner to make a room look good and next thing I know I turn around and there is stuff piled in it. I try and tell him not to put "stuff" in the front room..I would like one room to look nice when company comes but next thing I know the tables have :"stuff:" and corners are full..PLEASE somebody help me be able to say the right words so I can talk him into getting rid of "stuff"  Thanks
 
June 28, 2008, 12:36 am CDT

NEED help for my MOM

Their house has gotten so bad that my dad says she is now sleeping in a chair because her bed too if full. My dad feels so bad for her and loves her so he doesn't say anything. What can I do?

 
June 29, 2008, 10:45 pm CDT

06/21 "Throw It Out!"

Quote From: adonna

For those of you who know a hoarder, love a hoarder, live with a hoarder, ARE a hoarder...there are great support groups available to you. You'll have to Google these as I don't have the addresses committed to memory:   

For hoarders:  Messies Anonymous (they have links to great support message boards at their site), Squalor Survivors, Reclaiming Dignity 

  

For Friends and Family: Yahoo Group "Friends of Hoarders", Reclaiming Dignity 

  

For Children of : Yahoo Group "Children of Hoarders", www.childrenofhoarders.com (NOT for hoarders), Reclaiming Dignity. 

If you go to any of those places there are links upon links of support, education, the list is endless really of resources.   

  

I used to search madly for these places that would understand, hopefully this will help someone else not have to do the legwork.  

Thank you so much. Have you had someone in the family with a hording disorder and the resources helped you?
 
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