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Topic : 06/21 "Throw It Out!"

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Created on : Friday, January 27, 2006, 02:40:01 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/01/06) Do you know someone who can't seem to get rid of their clutter? They keep newspapers, magazines, old clothes, and just plain junk thinking it will come in handy one day. Dr. Phil talks to extreme hoarders, who are embarrassing their families and destroying their homes. Nancy says her husband, John, is a packrat who turned their beautiful four-bedroom home into what she calls "the black hole." The house became so overcrowded with junk that they were forced to live in a trailer, and now the trailer is nearly filled to the brim! Will John and Nancy ever be able to live in their house again? And how is John's hoarding affecting their three children? Then, Misty saves every piece of paper her kids write on, and every article of clothing they've ever worn. Her husband, Greg, can't understand why she can't just toss them out. What's behind her inability to throw things away? Share your stories, join the discussion.

 

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bubbles2u2
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February 1, 2006, 1:24 pm PST

Can't find b/f in all the mess

Me b/f for the past 1 1/2 years is terrible with  his junk. We literally devoted the week ends to 'cleaning'. I am a VERY organized and clean freak. To the point my family complains because I throw everything out. I have since gotten my b/f to rent a storage unit, but so far he has only been able to put 4-6 items in storage. Of course he had to get the in side AC and the biggest. I didn't mind, if that is what he needed to move his stuff. We will "find" the bathroom or other rooms only to have his go "shopping" as he calls it. I hate bulk pickup as he "shops" all the time. His main items are boxes, dishes, wooden boards and plastics chairs (for in case he ever desides to throw a party)...yeah right. He complains CONSTANTLY about how he can find things, his clutter, disorganization and procrastination. I have tried to convince him to just start small and not look at the entire picture. I will attempt to attach photo's of his place as I have tried to tell ppl what his place looks like and no one believed me. You literally have to walk side ways and maze through the mess. We have to eat meals on his bed as that is the only place that has some space and that is because I told him I can no sleep in the bed w/suitcases and junk on the bed.
 
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mannysmom
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February 1, 2006, 1:24 pm PST

mom's house is a pit

as i  was watching the show today it remined me of my parnets house. my mom keeps everything she never threws out anything. she has a  6 bedroom house and every single one of those rooms including living room kitchen are filled to the max you cant walk in anyone of the bedrooms. there is only a path to get to there bed. i feel so bad for my dad because he has to live with her misses. me and my sister have spent many hrs cleaning and trying to help get her organized only to go back a month later and everything is the same. her kind of cleaning is moving her piles around never throwing out anything. she keeps all the mag she gets because there might be something in there she may need someday she has so many crafts that she always says she will do them some day and she never will. i could never bring my friends over when i was in school because i did not want anyone to see how i lived and now that i have a baby i dont even want to bring him there because i just dont think it is safe with the messes she has. my dad has very hard time to he tries to clean things up and it the same so he has given up trying. up in the air with what to do to help> 
 
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proofergm
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February 1, 2006, 1:27 pm PST

Incurable Packrat

Oh, my goodness!  I saw myself today when I watched this show about packrats!  I was especially affected by Misty, although I could understand John as well.  John couldn't really "see" his problem...literally!  Misty could, as do I.  In fact, I am fully aware of the fact that I am an extreme packrat and that my hoarding behavior is affecting my family in a serious way.  When Misty's husband said that she is more attached to her stuff than she is to people, I nearly fell off the couch.  That's exactly how I feel!  That very fact gives me more guilt than I feel comfortable admitting.  Unlike Misty, however, I wasn't always like this.  I remember selling a lot of my stuff to a friend of my Mom's when I was only 12 and feeling no attachments at all.  I was more interested in the $15 I got for the stuff.  When the behavior actually began is something I cannot figure out.  By the time I was in my early to mid twenties, I had already developed a mild form of the problem.  Now I'm nearly 55 and it's become overwhelming.  I've added compulsive buying to the already established problem of compulsive hoarding.  HELP!!!  I even penned a letter to Dr. Phil over two years ago, but I didn't have the courage to actually send it.  My attempts to find support groups in NYC ended in defeat.  Is there any hope for me?
 
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heather77
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February 1, 2006, 1:29 pm PST

Tough love sweetheart!

Quote From: mrschipone

Can Someone Help!!!!  

My mom (Jane) has been depresed, getting more and more obese and a pack rat since her mother my grandma died in 1987. She lives in a pig sty, every room is a desastor area, all of my brothers and sisters are adults and now it's just her and my step father and a 21yr old that's there now and then, ( that's a story in it self). My step father is never home, well now and then, some times he's to tired to drive and sleeps in the car in a parking lot and washes up when he gets to work in a sink.  He has worked 2 jobs for a long as I can remember and I'm 41 now. My mom can't clean up because she's not healthy enough to do the job. Not to mention that she has astma, and there is mold growing in the basement , which doesn't help the situation any. She has no energy and can't even go downstairs to use her dryer because of the mess and the mold, To get to the bathroom is difficult, she's out of breath and has to stop about every 5 or so feet to breeth beacause she's out of breath. Her smoking doesn't help any, but she will tell you it has noting to do with her breathing it's all astema. 

They have one son that is 21 the youngest of all of us, and is a slob, and has no respect for himself, his parents, or the house that he lives in with our parents. 

She can't begin to know where to start and how too, and for that matter niether do we (The Kids). 

 In the past years I my self have spent countless hours cleaning organizing and throughing out STUFF when my mom is not home, but no matter what I or we do it just seems to get worse and worse. My step father is NOT a handy man at all, his fix all.. is silver DUCK tape, my childeren (his grandchilderen) call him The Duck Tape King. Any ways they can't afford to fix  or replace anything, they have had no stove or oven in at least 15 years, she cookes by microwave or a BBQ grill. or take out. Her counters and cabents are comming off of the walls and theres holes in the wall, there's a dirty pathway to go from one place to another. Once in a while the living room will get picked up. But If you ask me I think that the house needs to be tourn down. And they need to start over. However, my mom is for saving everything! Her famous saying is that it good you can't throw that out.  I can't begin to try and help them, and I don't have the finacial ablity to do it either. I wish I could!  

I wish My father could quite one job, besides needs to quit one of his jobs, and start to enjoy his life, but he won't because he can't afford it. I don't understand? How can a man that has worked 2 jobs for about or for at least 34 years of his life still have financile difficulties? The excuse use to be that there were 8 mouths to feed 6 of them kids, but now there's only one at home and he's 21.  

How do I or we for that matter help them out? 

Can Someone Anyone... Please Help Me!!!!!!!! 

       The only thing I can think of is tough love. Warn them that you will call the health department (or whatever you have in your area) and let them know the situation if your parents and (sounds like) mooching brother don't get up and clean. They also need professional help it sounds. (Financial difficulties happen when you don't spend or save money wisely.) It's a very difficult situation to be in when people are not giving you their best!  I have prayed for you. I hope evrything works out well. The main thing is that they need to do the work not you or anyone else. You said your mom is not healthy...well I think she's probably healthy enough that you or someone else (your brother) could hand her things so she can decide whether that item stays or goes in the trash or to charity or whatever. Heather77
 
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pattie623
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February 1, 2006, 1:38 pm PST

Need Help For Sister

My sister lives in another state and she is a horder. She also has some major OCD.  I want to get her the right help but she is 42 and will not admit that she has a problem.  She has been living in a rooming house for the past 2 years since our grandmother died.  She has all her stuff in storage.  The storage unit was the biggest she could get.  She is only one person and has more stuff than my family of 4 has.  Her other grandmother also died last year and she went to clean out her house.  It took her 3 months and she would not thorw anything out.  She added it to her storage unit and now cannot get in and out of the unit.  She plans on wanting to get a 2 bedroom apartment and live a normal life, but I can't see it.  She is seeing a counselor now, but the counselor is only getting my sisters side of the story and I am afraid she woun't help her the way she really needs help.  She thinks her OCP (not OCD) is mild.....she needs help!! What should I do?
 
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jill1020
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February 1, 2006, 1:45 pm PST

JUST A SYMPTOM

 For 25 years I was married to a compulsive hoarder. The situation that I lived with all those years were a much more severe example of compulsive hoarding than shown today. I watched the show with great understanding and compassion for the family of this husband and father.
My experience with a similar, almost identical, individual is that this problem is just a visible symptom of some very serious individual and family problems. Although it seems on the surface that the man on today's show is  well meaning and loving, he is in fact extremely controlling and abusive to his family, especially his wife. There may be some dark incident or death of a loved one in the past that percipitated this behavior but my experience is that there really isn't a justifiable cause for this horrid treatment of so called loved ones. Other signs of emotional, psychological, or physical abuse should be pursed. They will be there. This man's wife aluded to other issues in her letter that Dr. Phil read beginning with  "I hate you.....".  Dr Phil don't let this man get away with the facade of being just a misguided nice guy. 
 
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trailguide
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February 1, 2006, 1:45 pm PST

Hoarders I've known

I can think of 3 hoarders that I know personally.  Each of them has a similar "history" or reason for keeping everything they have ever owned.  It seems to stem from growing up poor, growing up with several children in the household, or not feeling like they had things to call their own.  If you think about it, our childhood really forms our way of thinking as adults.  It's not always obvious - but if you look deep enough, the reasons for our behavior are there.  It's difficult to change the way we think when it is so deeply rooted.  Dr. Phil certainly touches on some great subjects, doesn't he??
 
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bbbgsw
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February 1, 2006, 1:48 pm PST

Flylady

Hi: 

Have any of you heard of Flylady.net?  Her concept is amazing and can (and does) truly change lives.  Might not be enough for some of the hard core hoarders, but worth a try! 
 
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robby123
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February 1, 2006, 1:51 pm PST

02/01 "Throw It Out!"

hello 

my name is james,my wife has a problem with shopping and hoarding.she buys alot of one thing for instance now shes buying toilet paper we have a room full of the stuff i've been trying to give some of it away when i can.she knows she has a problem but she never does anything about it.she does control her money well but she keeps getting money from me all the time.its like having a child thats asking you to buy a toy .i know part of it is my fault for giving her money.i have run some of my credit cards up to the point it making me just to say NO!! speaking of toys she has two sheds full of toys i mean full everything from 100-200 radical rollin raechael dolls to 50-60 roger robots and 200 stitch figurines. and thats just starters.when she gets the building full she starts thinking time to make some more room.so she packs up my truck and away to the thrift store i go.i hate going there because i know when there is room in the shed she will start unloading the house again.when she sees more room in the house its time to start buying more and more.the marriage part just makes me feel like the only reason she's with me is for money to keep up with her habit . 

her family is not to supportive they just ignore her problem.when i met her ,her brothers were always calling her the bag lady now i know why that was. her mood changes alot too some days she is really grouchy and others she talks soft and gentle like a child.its like she has two sides to her. 

my question is could this be from something that happened to her a while back or could it be something chemical.please anyone out there with this problem 
 
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missourian
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February 1, 2006, 1:52 pm PST

Memory Blanket

I have an idea for MIsty and her kids's baby clothes. She could make a memory blanket out of them (or several if she has alot). Just take pieces of the baby clothes,baby blankets,etc...and sew them together into a quilt. And she can keep them and pass them on to her children and it will become worth even more to them. She could even do that with her and her husbands clothes too.  And as far as the artwork, I have found that if you make a scrapbook for each child then it would get rid of alot of her clutter. Trust me.....I have six kids and all budding artists......you have to keep them all!!!! A scrapbook would be the best way to keep them and not the clutter. 

  

Jennifer 
 
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