Topic : 06/21 "Throw It Out!"

I have seen where cluttering can start after a dramatic event in a person's life.  A friend of my husband started collecting stuff after her mom passed away and she got stuff from her parent's house.  Their home went from a beautiful place to a home where you could not even cook in, because the kitchen was piled high with god knows what.  She had a husband, but even he could not get her to go see a Dr. or start to throw out stuff.  Their daughter will never learn any different.

I agree clutterring in my cases is my way to hold on to memories because I have none of my childhood , also because I have never had family ties so I tie myself to things

Eclaire

     I agree in my case I have never had family ties that I could feel so I tied myself to things and also to hold on to memories since I have none of my childhood

I Have a friend who has this problem.  She can not bring herself to throw out anything, and is always buying more junk.  You can go into her home and not find a spare place to sit.  Every surface is piled with clutter, but the problem goes beyond that.  Her home is filthy and it reeks; her bathroom and kitchen are so filthy that it has affected her health, as well as her personal life.   She lost a leg ,and almost her life to infections that have exacerbated her diabetes, and put her in the hospital several times.  On several occasions, her friends have tried to help, hoping that getting the place clean would give her the momentum she needed to get control of the situation.  When she was in the hospital  the first time about six of us went over (with her permission) and spent several hours cleaning.  We filled 30 large garbage bags of clutter and trash just from her living room and kitchen. .  She was grateful to come home to a clean living room, but in a matter of days, it looked as bad as ever.  Not only did the mess return, but she called and complained about different "treasures" that we had thrown out.  When she had to go into a nursing home, and later into a smaller rental, we helped again.  It was unbelievable. There were rooms stacked to the ceiling with trash and clutter.  There was rat feces, and weeks of unwashed dishes.  We had to wear gloves and face masks (to prevent inhaling roach feces floating in the air, along with God- knows- what.)  We tried to separate what was really valuable and pack it, and throw out the rest.  We packed enough storage bins to fill a neighbor's garage.  When she moved into her new, smaller place, it quickly became a disaster and a health hazard, with the added charm of two pooping puppies.  She also calledl and asked why she could not find a certain trinket, refrigerator magnet, piece of string, etc, in the packed boxes.   

This lady has a heart of gold, and a lot of talent, but she has a lot of issues that would require professional help, which she has so far refused.   I am not Dr. Phil, but knowing what she has told us about her insecure, deprived, and abusive childhood, I can understand her need for abundance, and her need to hang onto stuff.  The sad thing is that her friends can see how her hoarding has crippled her.  She refuses to change.  She is embarrassed by her mess, but at the same time feels secure with it.  She has moved away to be closer to family, but I pray that maybe this show can help her see that she's not alone and she can still take control.   

 Hi, All!
I have the show recorded and plan to share it with my parents.  First I am anxious for a follow-up about these guests.  Especially John's situation.
My parents have surpassed John's store though.  Instead of trying to list it all, try to imagine 140 acres of beautiful land and perhaps 30 acres is unusable at this point.
When we kids lived there, we were blamed for any misplaced item and our home's constant disarray.  Now that we've grown and moved out, it's often "Someone must have stolen it..." or "...borrowed it..."
The mystery is what has caused my father to always do this and my mother to tolerate it to the point she is doing it more herself now too.
Tracy

  

Yes, I, too am very eager to hear how John and Nancy are doing. 

  

But in my book, it is time for Nancy to take control.   

She can have that nice house cleared out and cleaned out and  John can be shook up.    Nancy has been upset long enough. It is John's turn to be upset. 

Don't tell me it's like living with an alcoholic.  If you are living with an alcoholic, you don't permit him to keep a case of booze handy.    If you are living with a pack-rat, you don't let him keep junk in  your living space.   

  

OK all you fans out there in cyber-space, has John & Nancy cleared out their living space? 

  

  

  

I am sooo familar with that paranoia.  Now that there are no kids in the house to blame for missing things, it is "everyone else has done me wrong somehow-wants my stuff-stole this 15 years ago from me"-ay yi yi.  I won't do the laundry list either but I'll just say she has a 10 room house and a summer cottage, but rents an apartment as the places are too full to live in.  That's just the start of it.  

  

There is a website where you can read a bunch of anoymous stories from other children who grew up in a hoarders home-you will quickly see you are not alone.  You will have to google it as I don't want it to look like an ad and get this post removed.  You know, there are also Yahoo groups to talk to children of hoarders and friends and family of hoarders who understand and can give you suggestions on how to approach things, bounce off ideas.  It can be so complicated as there is often something else going on, like OCPD, Narcissism, ADD, etc., etc.    

  

I got the Dr. Phil tape for my mom...she really enjoyed the man John.  She brings up that his thoughts are just like hers. The second part not so much as the lady she thought made light of the situation and "giggles too much".  But still she seemed to like it and identify.   

This media attention has been really great. ...the Oprah Show (that unfortunately is only available in a transcript), Dr. Phil, CNN did a show last month you can watch online...there is another documentary on Dateline you can order from last May and another done by a daughter of a hoarder called "Packrat". All these things might help your mom to see she is not alone.  There is also a list at the Understanding OCD-Hoarding  website that lists 107 Reasons why people hoard, from hoarders themselves.  That list helped my mom too as she was able to tell me what numbers applied to her.  Previously, talking about it was TABOO! 

  

It seems that seeing all these things helped my mom release some of the shame, unfroze her from the paralysis she was in.  Finally in the last few days she has started to tackle things and even resisted a purchase at Goodwill two days in a row.  So there is hope. 

  

I hope you are able to get through to your mom. 

Donna  

HELP I am going crazy,
no you don't understand I am really going crazy.
I am going nuts so bad that I put my self in a depressing state. every time I look at my House.
MY Husband is the biggest packrat. Not as bad as the man that had to move out of his house but I think that next.
We live in a 26000 house and it is packed we have 2 storage units one with a loft that is packed to the top.
He is Turing my kids in to packrats too.
I try to throw a way school work and my kids say Mom that is going to be worth money one day we need to save all of our school work. every thing is going to be worth money
My kids are 9 and 7  What do I do????
I always close the blinds in the house so no one can see in. I think we have a garage but I cant find it.
is driving me nuts.
I am no angel but I don't keep my 501 Levi's from 1986 NO Joke!!! or the wheels and tiers from my first car from the 80's if you wish I will try to find 1 of our 10 video creamers to show you. yep that right he keeps buying things because he cant find things that we all ready have.
some times we get in to big fights for 2 to 3 days over this.
 just yesterday My Kids wanted to ride there bikes so I spent 1 hr 1/2 digging them out of the garage I think its a garage and all this stuff fell down on me I don't know where it came from. My Husband tooled me that I better clean it up. or has going to be pissed at me. I said be pissed and me then, I don't care I am not going to clean it! No Now No how. so I guess he mad at me.
Hmm I guess it going to be quite a round here. My Kids cant go get there toys out of the garage because they will get hurt or get killed. all of there friends stay 2 feet a way from the garage just in case something falls.
Help me before I go to a padded room!!!! Please please.
Lisa

I have a cousin who is a hoarder.  Her house, van and car is so full of stuff she can't hardly move around in it.  Her house is so full that you have to hold on to the wall or whatever is stable to move in her house.  Her bed is so full she can't even make her bed or sleep comfortably.  She owns stuff that she will never use and stuff she doesn't even know she has bought.  My mother even tried to offer to help her get help for her disease.  It is too the point that she has bad knees, back and complains she is tired all the time.  We know it is being caused by her living conditions because she can't move around properly.  What really is scary.  If her house was to ever catch on fire she won't be able to get out.  Nor could we let a fire crew go in because of the safety factors.  I personally feel sorry for these kind of people who think that all coupons, sales, yard sales, and 2nd hand stores are just a place to shop at least 3 to 5 times a week.  It isn't a healthy way of living menatally or physically.  

   

Last fall I rented a dumpster to clean out my garage. I filled it full, and could hardly believe it. But, even then my house is still cluttered up, as I "may need it one day".,  Help!