Topic : 06/21 "Throw It Out!"

  I guess, I'm that same way.  If I see something that is still in good condition by a dumpster or on top, I will grab it.  Everything is so expensive!My oldest daughter needed a new dresser and I found one beside the dumpster. I cleaned it up and it works just fine!  Maybe I'm just cheap but I find that furniture is so poorly made that I will look where ever I can to get something cheaper or free!  Friends have given me a bed for my middle child.  A crib was given to me for my youngest child.  Garage sales are my absolute favorite! My husband thinks that I might be a little crazy, but I'm only trying to save a buck or two!  When I'm finished with a piece of furniture, I will sell it or give it away!  My house isn't cluttered but the things that I do find,  get lots of use out of it.  My husband took a picture of me hopping out of the dumpster one day.  Someone had moved out of their townhouse and didn't take a thing with them.  I found 2 garbage bags full of wine bottles and other bottles.  That was an extra $100.00 in our pockets.  Two pairs of men's hockey skates(brand new)among other things.    

  I don't feel so embarrassed because I'm not the only one who looks for the free bargains! It's not just American that are wasteful, It's Canadians was well.  No wonder we have such a problem with to much garbage, people don't like something or it's old,dirty, needs a little TLC. They just throw it away.  Recycling was introduced for a reason!! Our planet isn't in very good shape! If only we had a few more people in our world that took the time to be a little wiser about their stuff.  

  There is no need be packrats.  After you are finished with papers,recycle them.  Trees take along time to grow!  Give your clothes, furniture, applainces, accessories to shelters, groups and other people who could use them. I do and I feel good because I may have helped someone else out and save the planet, even if it was just for a moment!  Be smart!  

There is help out there for the clutter problem!!   www.Flylady.net is a wonderful site & very helpful in dealing with the "no time", "someday", "if I cant do it right, I just won't do it", "I don't have time to finish it, so why start it" excuses.    These will be replaced with "I can do anything for 15 minutes",  "Home Blessing done imperfectly still blesses my family", "You're never behind.  Jump in where you are",  "If it isn't fun, it won't get done", "it didn't get dirty in a day and it's not going to get clean over night".  

   

This is all done by routines, healthy, easy to establish routines.   Babysteps.  

   

   

After reading your two lengthly posts it dawned on me that you are blaming your circumstances on your husband when you really need look no further than your mirror.  If, in your words, your husband was neglectful and selfish before you had the children why would it take you four kids to figure out that he wasn't going to change?  OK, I can kinda understand how you could end up with one or even two children without the luxury of birth control but not four.  Only you can prevent your own reproduction Ms Smokey Bear.  After the first two "Just Say No".....period.  All the thrift shopping in the world will not change a mean and spiteful spirit.  Nope, that's just passive/aggressive behavior on your part not hoarding.    

  

And I'm not trying to be mean here I'm just trying to understand your rationalization of your situation.  Your post is well written, correctly spelled, punctuation in all the proper spots, so clearly you are an intelligent, educated woman.  Why, oh why didn't you change your situation long ago.......pre motherhood?  And even now you mention that your children are teens and a 10-year-old.  Why haven't you gotten back into the game and earned your own way, if your financial position bothers you so much?  Staying in this abusive (your words) situation and saving "stuff" for the divorce makes absolutely no sense to me.  As well, that's a fine example you are setting for your teen girls.  Children learn what they live, especially from their same-sex parent....so says Dr. Phil.  

  

You truly do teach people how to treat you.  Stand up and be the woman I know you can be.  Take control of your own destiny.  Show your daughters what a bright, resourceful person you are by getting back in the game (so to speak) not by being the thrift queen of year.  You were once employable and I'm betting you still are.  The ball is in your court not your husband's.  Hell go work at the Thrift shop that you so enjoy, or better yet round up all that "stuff" your hoarding and start your own.  You can start small with a booth at a flea market and grow a client base from there.  The possibilities are endless.  Those socks you're buying at less than cost could be re-sold for a profit as well as the other clothing.  Your potential is only limited by your own self-pity.    

wow i totaly relay on what god gave me for memories, nothing can even come close know what it is?  my mind and when i sit and think back it helpes to keep my mind young and the memories i recall relly warm my heart, see god has a way of letting you keep all the happy memories you need to get through life, ive lost a 2 brothers a sister and my father sofar, and all i can remember are all the good times we had to share while they were here, all thear stuff they had was thears, not mine, i dont need it, never did or ever will, i keep my familey kekories alive in my heart, whear it relly counts, alot of people who have lost loved ones relly need to try this instead of depending on meteral items, as all you can see with the item is what that person did with it and not the person you love, this works for me ( it may not work for every one but its worth a try, it truley is better than trying to keep things that will only make you morn the death of a loved one, i do not see lousing a loved one as a sad ocassion, i see it as a blessing for they truley have gone to a better place, they are walking with god and getting all the ancers they never got in this life its hard to look at life this way but if you truley believe in god you know hes thear and he has your loved one in his arms whear they will never want for anything, death is truley just the begining it is not the end, if you can see life the way i see it you wont have alot of stuff to always have to find a place for, let it go you just might feel better in the long run,

Your message is beautiful. Unfortunately I hoard things now. I did not realize it until,  the stuff  made it impossible to get anything done. Don't know about other people, but it was like I was in a trance. Glad I'm coming out of it now. will use some of your advise.

The one thing I really wish he did was to show how these people are doing now. has anybody made any progress? thanks L.

I so agree with the people who keep their memories in their hearts.  I have one shoe box of photos plus one album of favorites.  I have a second shoe box of clippings, report cards, etc. and one darling  outfit my child wore as a baby.  That's it.  That's all anyone needs. 

  

I feel so sorry for John and Misty's families.  I know  neither my husband nor I could live like that.  Our garage has cars in it!  Oh yes, and one bench we keep our outdoor shoes under.  Our attic has two suitcases and a two boxes of Christmas decorations.  Our clothes closet is only about one quarter full.  We hate clutter so much that every spring we go through everything and if we haven't worn or used, or played with, something in the past year; it goes to Goodwill.   

  

Come on John -- quit making those "temporary" excuses.  Take a tranquilizer and clean that house! 

Dear Dr. Phil,    

I am writing in reference to my father. He is 81 years old and is a retired clock maker. I live in the house with him and my Mom. My Mom is now deceased so it's just me and my Dad now in the house. My biggest and most frustrating problem is his habit of hoarding. He loves to buy stuff from mail order catalogs, sign up for magazine subscriptions and get-rich-quick scam   

 sweepstakes.   

His hoarding problem all started when his former company moved from New York to Philadelphia,Pennsylvania and they had to let him semi-retire. He now works once a week for the company. He moved all of the stuff he had in the apartment that he was sharing with his former brother and sister in Philly to our house. Our house now looks like a warehouse for his old company. Our family room, guest bedroom, laundry room, master bedroom and bathroom, dining room, and kitchen are now filled with boxes of what he says are "clock parts". All the tables are full of papers and magazines. He does not use his bathroom because he has filled the shower part with boxes. We no longer hold parties at our house because of this. I get very frustrated when I see this mess. I would like to get our house back to it's normal state before he moved back in or redecorate it but everytime I see the mess I get very disgusted so I don't even bother with it....It really is a shame. I know it's his house  and he's old but is there anyway you could help me?   

It's about time that you advise some of the guests on the show to look into biochemical issues.  I've seen so many guests who appear to suffer with anxiety and are told to make choices in their lives--take control of their lives and when the synapses in the brain are firing willy-nilly it's not about making choices.

My 85 year old grandmother, who has lived with us for the past about 6 years now, is the ULTIMATE PACK RAT (although everyone who knows a pack rat probably says that!).  She keeps make-up from the 60's...if she were to actually put that make up on (which I really don't think she would ever do!), well, I don't want to think about what it would do to her skin.  She knows this, but she won't let us throw the stuff out!  She has three closets, two dressers, and countless rubbermaid containers in the attic full of old clothes and shoes that she would never again wear.  Jewelry boxes and armoirs full of pins, earrings, bracelets, necklaces.  More cat figurines that anyone should EVER possess.  OUR HOUSE HAS BEEN TAKEN OVER!!! 

this is getting really frustrating.  Our family is getting fed up...plus she's just very passive aggressive, manipulative, stubborn, and sometimes mean.  She sits in front of the tv all day, refusing to leave, go out and socialize.  She just sits there, surrounded by her possesions, never leaving except to add to the collection.  I really think her passive aggressiveness and manipulation techniques are contributing to the pack-rat habit.  It's causing so much resentment in the family...we actually just avoid talking to each other when she's around. 

I know this all probably sounds like we're awful towards her, but we have brought her to geriatric evaluations and they have determined that she has very, very minimal cognitive difficulties.  These are conscious choices she is making. 

  

please-give me some feedback...we're at the end of our ropes!