Hey I can totally understand how the shift work thing makes it next to impossible to keep a clean house! Add two, not just one, man and the work of that (even helpful men lack a womans touch or just don't get it or why it is sooooooooo important to US to have clean and pretty) and wellllllllllllllllllllllll.....................
There seems to be something innate in men that a clean surface begs, no make that requires/demands to have "set something on it". A clean house begs to be "marked like turf" by running shoes, t shirts, chip bags, school books. car keys or something. Everytime I got a surface CLEAN and clear of clutter, like metal shavings to a magnet my husband (and sometimes my girls) set something on it and just "junked it up again".
Of course, to them, the house looks "cluttered" due to MY stuff, NOT their inability to "put their own things AWAY", to include empty coke cans, chipbags, school books, work stuff, mail picked up but NOT put in the desk and shoes etc
It is the "lack of control" in having your enviroment the way that makes you feel good that is "contributing" to the problem. Shift work and small kids, and teenagers and young adults still at home, my age, minor health problems associated with that and an already too small house with no closet space, and sheer frustration at the never ending repetive task done infinite times a day only to have is disordered again that drove me outta my house looking for a "nice enviroment" at the local boutique, antique shop, or store where I could look at the "decor, items for sale, room models decorated with stuff FOR SALE and dream" what I would do if I only I COULD that offered a "refuge" of the mind from then endless cycle of "if only".
No matter how you train, ask, or face it bitch and gripe no one sees what we see that needs done, or done better (not just shoved to the corners), or the endlessness of keeping house (no matter if we work full/part time or not at all out side the home) or picked up and KEPT clean. It truly affects a woman sense of balance if her home is disordered. At least it does me. By disordered, I don't mean to perfection, but at least presentable. Sometimes a really messy house is a "cry for some help and understanding". For a while my bunch just "stepped over and around it" and missed the cry completely or just blamed ME and my stuff. Hey, they have stuff tooo!!!!! It matters not if shift work, lazy/busy/or not on the same clock husbands, or growing children, lack of funds or space , a womans home (and the state it is in) is still a reflection on the woman.
It is also like WE are being taken advantage of or insulted when our families do not understand this or "respect" the work we do to TRY and keep it that way in SPITE of all the setbacks, like shift work. The only CLEAN homes I have every really seen when dropping in unexpectedly are thos where kids are grown, NO one is home in the day or those that have pleanty of storage space or room for STUFF, or those of totally unsentimental people who throw away everything and or lock people out while they clean or from people who are never there or haven't a care. Occassionally you will find someone "together" ALL the time, with a family under threat of expulsion if they do actually occupy the "living quarters". Ok, save the hate mail. I am just trying to say it is "rare". These houses on this segment are EXTREME examples of how it totally "gets out of hand".
Without realizing it we women (and some men too) can and do start to resent, feel overwhelmed or lesser than when many factors combine to have a home enviroment that is DEPRESSING, and disordered.
It isn't about money, working or not working, or the lack of a can do spirit. When the "can do, is turned into a can't do it" by forces out of our control or that don't cooperate with our wishes, needs or whatever to have presentable home .............our spirits begin to "wither" and we can easily just become a dog chasing our tail...........or give up completely or spend all our time "out" looking for some pretty, peace or order. With all the "changes" in thinking, we DO still hold women accountable for "the state the home is in".
Often we think "buying something" for storage, or to make pretty or to "make up" for our inability to get it under control so we feel in balance ..........without totally thinking it through.......winds up just making it WORSE or is only a quick fix.
That would explain the HUGE profit retailers make by telling us we NEED this or that thing or product to make it so, don't feel like the lone ranger here. You are not alone ergo the whole industry hoping to capitalize on "our thinking" or our suseptibility to such. This issue of a "life out of balance is one of the things I was trying to convey in my "how it gets started" post, but got sidetracked. If our needs, as women are in any way advertantlt or inadvertantly or circumstantially not respected it DOES effect us emotionally and we easyily can feel disrespected when our homes reflect a disordered woman. IT oft times IS PERSONAL to us.
For years I dealt with the shift thing and small children. One thing I did until I was unable to do it as well was to work outside in the yard to gain a sense of pretty, and order. Also the yard stayed nicer LONGER, so I had the sense of accomplishment.
Also, I stopped trying to keep house, as if "someone" was going to be dropping by............as rarely did anyone I would be too ashamed to let in. Mostly those that did just drop in unexpectedly were family, so not such a big deal. I learned to have baskets with lids strategically placed so that minor clutter could be hidden pdq. Now I have an abundance of "quick storage" trunks, baskets and such so that worked for a while. I also did finally get some "good" ways to organize, took me many failed attempts and some "realistically altered" expectations to and a room addition to come closer to achieving this, not to mention kids getting older or out!.
I also started pursuing my art or something "outside" the home. It doesn't have to be for pay. And temp relief for the time being can be in your own back yard! I did develope a problem with acquirring way too much after 28 yrs married and 4 children and a lifetime of shift work interference, my family changed and it was time to "let go" of lots of stuff..
I also had to suffer much, as a result of pent up "disorder/displaced female syndrome" and still have remissions where I look to the quick fix or look, shop and buy (impulse) solutions and have to remind myself (almost daily) those items that DIDN't help the situation all that much long term.
The last time I did a big dispose, discard, and just throw it out (not trash but outgrown, served it purpose, never use it anymore, don't REALLY need it stuff) was right after Katrinia hit, and some lucky people got lots of good usable things. Unfortunately after a while the outpouring of stuff (from people just like US?) was so overwhelming that all the local charities REFUSED to take anymore of anything. That stopped me in my tracks and I still have lots to eliminate.
I also held onto my dreams of "someday"...........with some bittersweet as that day will also mean I might be alone with a perfectly clean and ordered house...........and no one to "share" the day to day with. I also reminded myself this is going to change someday, and do I really want that day to hurry. Yes and no.
(Original Air Date: 02/01/06) Do you know someone who can't seem to get rid of their clutter? They keep newspapers, magazines, old clothes, and just plain junk thinking it will come in handy one day. Dr. Phil talks to extreme hoarders, who are embarrassing their families and destroying their homes. Nancy says her husband, John, is a packrat who turned their beautiful four-bedroom home into what she calls "the black hole." The house became so overcrowded with junk that they were forced to live in a trailer, and now the trailer is nearly filled to the brim! Will John and Nancy ever be able to live in their house again? And how is John's hoarding affecting their three children? Then, Misty saves every piece of paper her kids write on, and every article of clothing they've ever worn. Her husband, Greg, can't understand why she can't just toss them out. What's behind her inability to throw things away? Share your stories, join the discussion.
